I decided to sit outside with my coffee this morning and watch the sun rise.
The whole time, I could hear my neighbor’s rooster, a thing other people here hate but I just love it.
I went out there intending to sit at the table the old owners left behind but forgot I’d heaved all the backyard chairs into the garage when we had a hurricane, DURING the hurricane. That was a relaxing time. Did I tell you guys about that? It was raining sideways and blowing so hard I thought the chairs would blow into the house, so I had no choice but to take them in. Halfway through, I noticed Edsel, squinting in the sideways rain, following me back and forth to the garage. Faithful cur.
Anyway, instead, I sat on my back steps this morning. Cement steps. It’s January.
Oh, wait! It’s now February! (Which, by the way, didn’t make the cement steps any warmer.) We get to see my NEW FEBRUARY CALENDAR PICTURE!
Nuts. Seriously? What makes calendar makers say, Oh, she’ll want to look at shades of brown all month. Because February is such a cheerful month anyway. Nuts. Of all the…
Speaking of which, I went to see a movie last night about Laurel & Hardy. Remember the scene where Oliver Hardy is in the hospital and Stan Laurel brings him hard-boiled eggs and nuts?
Why were Laurel & Hardy movies always on? Does it seem that way to you? And why aren’t there really good TV channels anymore where they show just old random movies? I guess there’s a…movie channel, isn’t there? But they make such a big proDUCtion out of old movies, and you have to sit in a room with that one guy and some other movie star like Alec Baldwin, hearing about why they loved that particular movie.
Oh my god, shut up shuttin’ up. Just show me the Werewolf or whatever.
I enjoyed the old days, when you literally had to go over and pull on the TV, then stand there like an idiot and
the channels over till you come across the first few minutes of Stella Dallas, but you don’t even know you’re watching Stella Dallas because you’re 10 and you have a bowl of Sugar Pops in front of you and you aren’t even thinking about carbs.
That’s what I miss. Because I saw some really great movies that way, without anyone telling me what I was about to see and why it was great.
Anyway, the movie last night was a movie about Laurel & Hardy after their heyday. Apparently, their manager or whoever he was really dicked them over and they didn’t make much money. Why are people such greedy assholes? So it was about Laurel & Hardy in their 60s still trying to earn a buck.
The guy who played Stan Laurel sounded exactly like him.
The damn movie theater I go to USED to be called the Carousel, and it had an unfortunate, you know, carousel theme when you walked in. But they showed really weird movies in the side rooms, and I liked it.
Then some ass bought up a bunch of property all along this part of town and he named it Midtown, which no one calls it except him, and he changed the name of my theater to Red Cinemas, and as you can see he went to town on the goddamn theme.
Also, you have to sit through 29493420230 previews and TWO–TWO!!–commercials for the theater, where you already are. AND they closed down my weird side rooms where they showed weird side movies. Well, they didn’t close them down, they turned them into rooms where kids have parties.
You can imagine how this sits with me.
When I was married, and I’m sure I’ve told you this before. But when I was married, Marvin had band practice on Sundays with his nice friend Ron who is Southern, and I remember being mad about something or other and coming into the room saying, “Fuck fuck fuck fuck” and I literally saw him flinch. I think he was not used to people like me.
Anyway, they’d have band practice and I made myself scarce so I wouldn’t be Yoko. I’d always head to the Carousel to watch one of my weird movies in one of the side rooms. Later, when I met Ned, it turns out he went to weird movies on Sundays, and often the theater would have only one or two other people, and we think that some Sundays we’d be watching a movie together without knowing each other, then I’d go home to my husband.
A friend of mine told me that her mom lived in a building right next to where her future husband lived, and it always gives her a tingle to think, “HE WAS RIGHT THERE” that whole time.
Plus also too, Marvin and I lived in the same dorm, knew all the same people, but we never met till the next year when he lived in that unsanitary pink house he lived in with 949402040202 other boys. I never peed there, not once.
The point is, how many times did we reach for the same bacon tong in the caf without knowing we’d be married one day?
I love to think about shit like that. And I have no idea how I went from sunrises to nuts to Laurel & Hardy to standing right next to someone you’ll eventually love, but you know how I am.