Fun. Dip.

I got a message from the place that’s doing Edsel’s DNA. They’re typing with someone named Geno or something, which, I guess I’m glad to get updated but just GIVE ME THE RESULTS.

GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT.

Do my movie references bug you?

Anyway, it was Valentine’s Day yesterday. FYI. I see that something fuzzy and feathery is at the bottom of this photo and what I enjoy about my own self is it could be one of 49 fuzzy and feathery things at my desk. Corporate ladder. Long ago, my coworker Griff gave me a lavender clock with kittens on it. Said clock is wrapped in ostrich feathers and it’s magnificent. I also have a baby-blue-feathered tiara. With gems.

Have I mentioned corporate ladder? Hello. I’m a serious businesswoman. Let me just set this feathered kitten clock aside and make serious business decisions.

Anyway. So, as pictured above 90 paragraphs ago, I purchased Fun Dip for people at work. As I mentioned to Alex when I gave her hers, I bring both the fun and the dip. You really can’t ask for more in a friend.

I’m the friend who turns your tongue blue. Happy V Day!

And because we live in an era where no fun is ever allowed, now our candy says this…

See what a good friend I am? I bring thoughtful portions, which are okay to enjoy if you have a balanced diet and OH MY GOD LIGHTEN UP.

Two of the guys from IT chipped in for an elaborate Valentine for me: A card that reads, “You rock” and some Chik-fil-A sauce. I don’t understand how anyone in IT can like me given how often my computer won’t do what I want it to, and they come down and, like, jiggle one key and lo and behold. But yay! They like me anyway!

When I got home last night, I walked in to this tragedy:

Chris and Lilly gave me an air fern for Christmas, inside a little yellow duck, and I’d put it in my kitchen windowsill right next to the plate of homemade wishes.

I Miss Marple-d the situation above, and (a) I blame Milhous. (2), I figure he must have leapt onto the kitchen counter, and for WHAT. Then he must have taken that plant out the duck, leapt down like a hunter asshole, and batted it around the kitchen till he was satisfied and then ripped it to shreds.

Asshole. And no, I didn’t check to see if air ferns are POIIIIIIIISON, June. I hope they are. Also, he seems no worse for the wear as he was doing this last night…

Which might explain the fur on the rim of that lamp. He has done his life-of-the-party move since he was a wee sweet thing (which he no longer is).

milsawse wee sweeeeet theng

The other day, I just happened to have a Twinkie still in its wrapper on the ottoman, and why so chubby. Milhous jumped up there, took said Twinkie in his evil cat mouth, and flounced away with it like it was prey. My point is, who hired this cat?

You did, bitz

The other thing I did yesterday, other than hand out the dip and the fun and receive glorious Chik-fil-A packets, was I went to our local bookstore, where they were having a reading of erotic scenes from books. Scenes that were very badly written.

I took a surreptitious photo right when I got there, but it became a pretty full house. And it was hilarious. Oh my god. I wish I could remember any of the passages they read, but John Updike wrote one of them, as did William Styron, but I decided to get a celebratory glass of wine, and do you remember two weeks ago when I decided to get a celebratory glass of sparkling rose and immediately got a headache?

That was my last drink, till last night’s drink, and not only did I immediately get a migraine, I also got really stuffed up and my eyes got red.

There is no fun left in my world anymore. No sex, no alcohol. But at least I have cats.

I also apparently had a very shiny head last night. Juney the red-lipped woman, had a very shiny head.

You’re welcome.

Anyway, that sums up m’Valentine’s Day, and while there was no romance in it, there was bromance from IT and there were bad sex passages and there was fun and dip. And a shiny head.

And a dead fern.

Love,
Jupe

45 thoughts on “Fun. Dip.

  1. I giggled out loud at the photo of Millhous wearing the lamp shade. It sounds like your Valentines Day was pretty fun compared to mine.

    Like

  2. How nice of you to provide the fun and the dip! I am totally jealous of the erotic reading. Man, I should really begin to pay attention to what is happening around town.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

    Like

  3. I would have loved your Erotic Scenes evening. There is nothing more escapist than reading some corny bodice-ripper romance, the ones with the embarrassing covers: both parties with long flowing hair and both with heaving chests/bosoms, bursting out of ridiculously too-tight clothes. I love a good Scottish Highland romance or even a kidnapping where the girl ends up in a harem. Oh shut up. Like you all sit around reading Hemingway or Joyce.

    Like

  4. I love Milhous, but I hate the thought that lovely plant was a monster. I’m glad he didn’t destroy that cute duck container. I love the scarf on that table, the handwork is beautiful. I never heard of the Dip stuff. As a kid I would do that with Kool-Aid, I loved the grape because it would turn my tongue purple. I must have thought a purple tongue was really cool, mostly I loved all that raw sugar in the Kool-Aid. You look beautiful on your way to the bookstore. My exciting Valentine’s Day? I told my husband I loved him and he told me he loved me. We have long stopped giving cards after cleaning out 45 years of stored cards. We agreed no more cards, for any occasion. I have a close friend that she and her husband go to Walmart, pick out a card for the other one, they read it, then put it back in the rack. I find that hilarious.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Have had to give up almost every enjoyment in the “interest” of staying “alive.” Now enjoying the ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME portion of middle age to be followed shortly by the KILL ME NOW/DISPOSE OF MY FAT CORPSE AT YOUR CONVENIENCE stage.

    Check out David Sedaris reading Fifty Shades of Grey.

    Like

  6. I wonder if the Fun Dip packages are the same size as they were when I was a kid…like WERE they only 45 calories back then when I ate candy like a fiend and was skinny? Or were they bigger and more calories and I still could eat candy like a fiend and be skinny? Either way, I can no longer eat candy like a fiend and be skinny. Ask me how I know.

    Like

    • When we were kids, there were TWO vanilla sticks and they were tasty AF and THREE packets of “dip,” aka colored sugar. Now there’s one tasteless white stick and one pack of “fun dip” and I’ll bet I still gained a pound from it.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Dip? When I was a kid, we had to manage with NO sticks, pouring the powder directly onto our palms and lapping it like kittens. While walking 25 miles to our one-room schoolhouse.

        Liked by 3 people

      • I’ve only had Fun Dip with a stick a couple of times, but in the 60s the fabulous Paramount Pharmacy near our grade school sold it in its former stickless incarnation, Lik-M-Aid, which came in FIVE packs attached top to bottom so you could fold them together and pretend you had one card, then drop the others down like Bullwinkle in the end credits of his show. Some memories are weirdly specific, aren’t they?

        Liked by 1 person

        • That’s how I did it. Those sticks were delicious. Also, my brother and I would dip our fingers into the canister of pre-sweetened Kool-Aid or Country Time lemonade.

          Liked by 1 person

          • PIxie Stix were my poison. And when you got your hands on the big ones in the plastic tube, you were on an all day high… until the inevitable crashl. That is, if you could find a scissors to cut the dang top open.

            The Watkins Man made regular visits to our house growing up and my mom always bought the purple drink concentrate – was it grape? No clue. It was hella purple though. It was in a gallon glass jug with a pump top. My brother and I would crawl in the cupboard and pump that stuff directly into our mouths – no diluting required. Or cup. We were like a couple of junkies looking for a fix.

            Oh those were the carefree eat all the sugar until you puke days.

            Liked by 1 person

  7. You are so NOT chubby. I can SHOW YOU from chubby. Also, those kitten legs in the wee thing photo of Milhous made me howl with laughter. Those are the cutest fucking legs I have ever seen. He’s really a very handsome boy. Finally, I concur with Lisa. Not THAT Lisa. You lead quite a diverse life. I admire that you are so adventuresome. Lovely post, Old Lover.

    Like

  8. Does anyone know the Imagine Dragons song, Thunder? My middle school son and his friends pointed out that it sounds like they are saying Fun Dip instead of Thunder. It’s pretty funny and the only good thing I can say about Fun Dip. That shit was banned in my house when my son was a little younger. He made such a mess with it that I would go insane. That and Cheetos!

    Like

  9. I would have adored that erotic readings sauree. The seventies had some great sex scene books, Erica Jong and her zipless f**ks and oh Gael Green’s Blue Skies No Candy which is out of print and rather dated in the storyline but wow did her sex scenes sizzle! Trust a woman to get it right!

    I have another cyber friend with a buff cat who is obseesed with lamps too. I don’t remember our Sly guy doing that. He laid on the heater with the queen bitch Cleopatra all cuddled up. I am very glad Milhous did not destroy that adorable duck planter too. Sorry about your plant.
    I ordered in a nice Eye-talian meal last night for my first alone Valentine’s day. I could only eat a bit of it, I have Influenza Strain A. My sister must have picked it up flying here for Michael’s memorial service. She stayed over on Saturday and was here until early Sunday evening. She has been to the doctor, half of her house has it too. I am happy it is only me here sick. I feel for her, a sick husband, son and 20 month old granddaughter to boot.

    Like

  10. “Good to remember.” THANKS, Nestle. I just finished a black and white cookie the size of my head. From NYC, the only place to even bother getting a black and white cookie.* My own daughter argued the point with me until last week when she finally had one from NYC and the angels sang.

    *See also: Linzer tart, Knish.

    Liked by 1 person

      • I love black and white cookies and hush puppies. I think New Jersey’s black and white cookies ar probably second best, I may have had some brought in from NY. I had hush puppies in Florida the first time snd in VA and they were much better. They are not very common here like grits.

        Like

      • I love black and white cookies and hush puppies. I think New Jersey’s black and white cookies are probably second best, I may have had some brought in from NY. I had hush puppies in Florida the first time snd in VA and they were much better. They are not very common here like grits.

        Like

      • It’s a huge plain shortbread cake-type cookie with half white fondant and half black fondant. The cookie is usually about four or five inches across and easily a quarter to a half inch thick. The frosted parts are on the flat side of the cookie, so it’s sort of upside-down domed. The one I had this morning probably used up all of my calories through mid-day Sunday. (I didn’t care at the time, but I’ve regretting that mass influx of sugar ever since.) I wish I could post a picture here, but I don’t know how. Possibly from sugar poisoning.

        Like

  11. I have a tough time reading the classics; my taste runs toward pulp fiction, so it’s good to know even good authors can write bad sex scenes. Maybe I’m ‘heaving breasts and throbbing manhooded’ out, but I find myself skimming those scenes anymore. You find the most interesting things to do.
    Milhous is The Man. Vessel is too delicate to keep all the womenses in line, so Milhous has to.
    Lovely post, pretty June.

    Like

  12. You literally lead the most diverse life of anyone I know. I do the same dumb every day stuff everyday, while you’re over there finding erotic readings. I really need to branch out. “Wind in the hair! Lead in the pencil!”

    Lovely post old lover.

    Like

Comments are closed.