June's stupid life

Theme from White Castle

I didn’t watch the Oscars. I don’t have TV. I called a couple people and I was all, “You watching the Oscars?” and they were all, “Yep.” And then I waited pregnantly for my invitation and none was forthcoming and goddammit.

Then I tried to get it on my phone. ABC, not friends. But get this—you can’t load the app and view ABC on your phone if you don’t have cable. What the hell? It’s not a cable channel. Why should I need that?

Irritating.

Fortunately, you can immediately see Oscar highlights online, so that worked. Also, everyone I called was a good enough friend that I just could have just said, “I’m coming over to watch with you” but I didn’t do that. Because in case you hadn’t noticed, I’m exceedingly polite.

Actually, I did get invited to one place. Cardinal, my boyfriend from high school, invited me over.

Cardinal is NOT who I wrote about last week when I wrote about things I can’t forgive. Cardinal never called me a flake, despite everyone in the comments having group hysteria and referring to “when Cardinal called you a flake,” even though right there in the post I wrote that my other hs boyfriend, Giovanni Leftwich, called me a flake in 1981. A thing I’m still pissed off about.

I have to tell you that when I just typed that I’m still pissed at Giovanni Leftwich for calling me a flake in 1981 (when HE was being the flake) (still pissed), I immediately got into my head the theme from Ice Castles:

Please, don’t let this feeling end. It’s everything I am. Everything I want to be.

And then I cracked own self up and patted self lovingly, and that pretty much sums up what it’s like to be inside here.

ANYWAY. I did get invited to watch the Oscars, at Cardinal’s. Well, technically his sister’s. Sister of Cardinal. Cardinal lives outside of Seattle, but he’s been in North Carolina for more than a week, as both his parents have died, one month apart. Isn’t that awful?

Careful readers will note I went to his father’s funeral in January, but then his mother died right after that. Exactly one month to the day her husband died.

Cardinal’s sister has been living in NC for awhile, and last week Cardinal and his brother came to clear out the house and do the 10,000 things you have to do when someone dies. Probably the olden days were better when people didn’t have insurance policies and credit cards and executors.

Anyway, I traveled to where Cardinal and his sister were this weekend, and it was the World’s Worst Weather. Oh my god, with the rain. It rained hard and relentlessly, and trucks would go by and splash me, and sometimes I couldn’t see a goddamn thing, and I was June Concrete Shoulders by the time I arrived.

Then we had to get in the car and drive another half hour to Cardinal’s parents’ house. June Marble Shoulders.

Cardinal, as shown above, drove the last rainy part of our rainy journey, and I sat in back peering nervously at the road the entire time. The fact that I’m not driving never makes me any less nervous.

Cardinal’s driving has never upset me, though. There are some people whose driving always nerves me out (Ned), but as long as I can recall, Cardinal has been a careful driver with me, even though I can think of two really dumb car accidents he got into as a youth.

His sister was in the passenger seat. I wasn’t, like, playing limo.

Anyway, they’d done most of the dividing of stuff, but they had some things they thought I might like, including his sister’s pink Love’s Baby Soft Bear that STILL HELD a bottle of Love’s Baby Soft. And also, they returned my tanning blanket, and it’s about time. God.

I totally remember going to Cardinal’s, or him coming to my house, and lying in the sun on this horrific blanket, then going inside to have sex and returning to said blanket because it was still prime tanning hours, and hello, mom.

God, what a perfect afternoon. This was before we fretted about the sun’s rays and HPV. In the future, they’ll look back at this worry-about-everything time as the least-fun time since the Depression.

I didn’t have the heart to tell him that wouldn’t fit, so I must acquit.
Yeah, I know. I’m having nightmares about this, too.

Cardinal had this aunt and uncle I always really liked. They were childless, and I hate to say this because you’ll think I adore self (see above ref to when I gazed fondly at self for thinking of Ice Castles), but childless couples always have this cool vibe. I guess we could point out I’m not a childless couple. I’m COMPLETELY ALONE. I wish that made me sad but I just got a little thrill of delight and skated around the ice singing my theme song again.

Anyway, his aunt and uncle, who it turns out were his GREAT aunt and uncle, had a cool vibe. I liked going to their house and hanging out on their screened-in porch, and I liked his aunt’s red hair, and her laugh while she held a glass of hard liquor on the rocks.

She had a really elaborate Christmas village that lit up that was really old and I adored it. She gave me a black ’50s embroidered sweater that I still own.

The point is, when she died, they found a bunch of black and green Depression glass that she’d left to Cardinal, and this weekend, I took the green stuff. It’s really pretty. I’d get up and take a picture for you but I’m–oh, FINE.

Pretty!

I should have a Depression party. We can serve bathtub gin and listen to Pink Floyd.

Anyway, that was pretty much my weekend, except that yesterday I went out and got new (white) paint and dresser handles to redo that dresser I ruined. I started sanding it yesterday and got bored. Sanding is terrible.

I also took, from Cardinal’s parents’ house, a full container of never-opened drink umbrellas and I want to do something with them. Like maybe hand them out to mice when it’s raining.

I have to go to work. I took work email off my phone because no one ever said I had to add it in the first place, and every time I get a work email on the weekend I panic, so I said, Screw this and removed it. I had the opposite of the Ice Castles song. Please, let this feeling end.

I really need to get over the theme from Ice Castles.

Obsessively,
June

34 thoughts on “Theme from White Castle

  1. Calcium carbonate, you’ll remember from your high school chemistry class, is…chalk.
    I had that same tanning “blanket.”
    Hand them out to mice when it’s raining! Dying!!

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  2. I love the Oscars. I sat on my ass and watched the red carpet and then the whole damn show. Some of the clothes were gorgeous. Lady Gaga wearing the diamond that last graced Audrey Hepburn was amazing.
    I agree with Kelly’s assessment of the clothes, and would like to add Charlize Theron to the bad list. Not a great choice for someone who always looks magnificent.
    Pharrell looked stupid, like he got lost from Miss Jane’s bird watching group. You know, Miss Jane, from the Beverly Hillbillies.

    But the girl that was presenting along side Pharrell, that might have been the dress of the evening. Gorgeous!! Either hers or Emilia Clarke’s.

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  3. LOVE the depression glass! How sweet of them to share it with you. Somewhere deep in the bowels of Pintrest there is the cutest wreath made from the cocktail umbrellas. If I can find it I will send it to you. Maybe one of your crafty Alex’s can help you make it.

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  4. That’s so sad for Cardinal’s family to have lost both parents so close together. Other years I have watched the Oscars, but yesterday I didn’t want my homework-doing teenager to get distracted, so never turned it on. I’ll have to look up the winners and pictures of the dresses. We don’t pay for cable either. We have a digital antenna (not very attractive, unfortunately) that you hook up to your TV and it will pull in NBC, ABC, Fox, etc. Other than the cost of the antenna, there is no other cost for this. I wish there could be some option from the networks, like, pay $5.00 to watch for one evening on your phone or something.

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  5. The only Oscar nominated movie I saw was The Favourite because I’m just not a movie person. That said, I watched last night because I AM a Who Wore What person and good God, Magnum! There were some WTF choices last night.

    Maya Rudolph. Oh honey. Why does she always wear the fugliest dresses? When I was a little girl, I always wanted a canopy bed with a floral frilled and ruffly canopy and matching bedspread. And that’s what she wore last night.

    Kacey Musgraves looked like a pink shower puff and she had so much highlighter/shimmer powder on her face that even my husband said she looked like a plastic Barbie doll.

    Helen Mirren is a Goddess and I absolutely loved her dress but her false eyelashes were too thick and too dark and too heavy.

    I hated Lady Gaga’s dress with the built in hand rests on the hips. I thought her hair looked awful, too. And as more than a few people on social media have commented, “We get it. You and Bradley Cooper are (having sex).” His baby mama is probably so sick of the whole thing.

    Rachel Weisz forgot to remove the rubber protection cape from the hairdresser.

    My favorite dress was worn by Billy Porter. A black velvet Christian Siriano tuxedo ballgown. It was magnificent.

    On another note, I think my favorite part was when Chris Pine came to Regina King’s aid when she got tangled up in her train and he escorted her up the stairs when she won. A true gentleman.

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    1. Was that Chris Pine who helped her? How gentlemanly. She was one of several women who needed help with their trains when they came up to accept. We turned the show on about 10 minutes late and missed the Adam Lambert & Queen song, which I was really sad about missing, and soem skit roasting The Wall, which I am glad I missed because I hear too much about that already.
      Cardinal has aged well. I’m sorry a death was the reason you got to see him, but glad you can maintain connections with people. It’s a gift.
      I love the depression glass. So pretty and delicate.
      Lovely post, June.

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  6. The Oscars were on? Huh. The green depression glass is lovely. Are there plates and saucers with the cups? I hate the sanding too. The chalk paint sounds like a great option to avoid all the sanding. My husband builds furniture and he has recently justified a very expensive sander, so he gets to do all the sanding now and in the future. I’m not complaining, because he has build some really lovely pieces of furniture. How sad for Cardinal and his siblings losing their parents just a month apart. The hard part is emptying their house and getting rid of all their belongings. It just rips your heart right out.

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  7. 1. I friggin owned the Ice Castles soundtrack. That movie/soundtrack/Robbie Benson were my JAM.

    B. I really thought Maya Rudolph’s dress had to be a joke. There’s no other logical explanation. Absolutely Endora! Yes!

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  8. I can not encourage you to use chalk pain enough. I’ve used it on my daughter’s bedroom set, a buffet, my tv stand, various end tables, my husband’s grandmother’s piano (he fretted over that, but his aunt had let the poor thing get dinged up all to shit, so it needed something to improve it) and most recently, all my kitchen cabinets. You can get chalk pain without paying an arm and an ovary since it has become so popular. A small can goes a long, long way. No sanding. I would totally do this for you if you want.

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  9. Eh. Not bothering at all with the Oscars this year. I only like the after Oscar gossip really anyway. Like all the memes with Angelina Jolie’s poking out leg. Sanding sucks. Know anyone with an electric sander? It helps a little. All the edges and crap you still have to get in there and do by hand, but it helps with the big parts.

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  10. I’m so clueless I didn’t even know the Oscars were last night. And didn’t really care all that much to hear I had missed it. It used to be fun. Now it’s just all issues and awareness. I’ll take my entertainment straight, please.

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  11. Cardinal’s parents must have been a very bonded couple, passing only a week a part. I am glad you have the lovely green depression glass to remember them by.

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  12. The Oscars aren’t as fun as they used to be outfit-wise. People play it too safe. There was one couple I saw, have NO IDEA who there were, that I hated on sight, the wife especially. Oh, wait. I think the husband played George Bush in Vice? I’ll google. Anyway, that wife’s forced smile hurt MY face by 8:30. She came off as such a phony bitch.

    I googled: SAM ROCKWELL. His wife/girlfriend/escort needs a pie in the face.

    And I’ll repeat my comment re: Maya Rudolph. Her dress was an ugly, polyester shower curtain in search of a Bar Mitzvah.

    Bradley Cooper’s wife should’ve won Best Actress. OY with those two.

    And who was the threesome that won fairly early, were completely unprepared and were rude to the short lady? Jackasses. It’s the OSCARS, FTLOG.

    That said, I saw exactly ZERO of the nominated movies and didn’t know a lot of the people. I AM OLD.

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    1. Oh my god, if I were Bradley Cooper’s girlfriend or whatever she is, first of all I’d be humping Bradley Cooper right now and not talking to you, but also I’d be snapping Lady Gaga Over My Boyfriend’s stupid neck.

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  13. You are right! Sanding is the worst! I recently sanded my fingerprints off sanding a writing desk. I started painting it this weekend and realized I missed some key spots. Sigh.

    I like how I read all your words and like them all yet I pick up on a tiny portion of today’s message that is largely irrelevant. I’d like to see the dresser you ruined, though. And I’d like to see it when you fix it.

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      1. Here’s a thought for your dresser: If you add calcium carbonate to your white paint it would become chalk paint. Then you wouldn’t have to sand, except for a light pass. After it is painted white you could sand a little of the edges and some of the pink would show. Or it could be just white if you don’t want any of the pink. I hate sanding too. That’s why I know this trick.

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          1. It’s food grade calcium powder. You can add other things but I like this the best. Or you can buy chalk paint already mixed but it’s not cheap. If you google chalk paint you will see lots of options and directions.

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      1. I love and am fascinated by the Depression. Anything you ever need to know, I’m your depression guru, so please invite me to your party. Where there will be Mice and Men with umbrellas.. see that- depression era novel? Also- Loves Baby Soft!!! I’m already there in my mind.

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