Of late, I've been better about money. I pay all the bills, have cash left over, contribute to my four oh wonk. But man, somehow I screwed up this pay period. Yesterday I had $17 to my name. I got paid today, thank heavens, so I'm flush again. I'm rolling on a floor covered in … Continue reading June figures out where all her $ went
First of all, I saw this somewhere and it kills me. People with too much time on their hands are my favorite kind of people. What does Justin Timberlake do? Does he get his hair chemically straightened? He must, right? Also, he's so cute, and he seems like a nice young man. Let me get … Continue reading Is that a blog in your pocket, or…
At work, on Fridays, we have a massage therapist come in, or as I like to call her, a massage-inist. Her name is Ronda, and when I have the spare 15 bucks plus tip, I have her work on the concrete that is my shoulders. What tense personality? Of all the things I've told you … Continue reading June. The weekend ended. Get over it.
I'm certain I've told you this before, but I am talking to tens of you and I don't know who's heard what. So I'll tell it again and if you've heard it before, you can grin pain-edly till I get to a part you haven't heard. You can do the move-it-along gesture in your mind. … Continue reading Two ADDs walk into a soda fountain
I was exhausted after my harrowing workday yesterday. I'd planned to make breadless meatloaf per my new diet (pounds lost: zero), but I was so tired I said screw it, I'm driving through Subway, this bad-for-me place, despite what Jared says about it. The good news is I asked for Baked Lays and they gave … Continue reading June starts to show you her house, changes mind
The other night, I rented that '80s movie Sex, Lies, and Videotape. "Videotape" is such a funny, antiquated word now, as is "renting" a movie. I drove down to the Blockbuster, got a chunky videotape, shoved it in my machine, and then afterward I was sure to be kind, rewind. Anyway, I STREAMED the movie … Continue reading Spring forward
Last night, I slept eight and a half hours, and only woke up and rolled around fitfully once. Ten years ago, I'd have said, "Oh my god, you guys, I woke up at some point in the night and couldn't fall back to sleep for like 30 minutes." Now I'm, yay! It happened only once! … Continue reading I HATE it when I hit “Publish” and forget a title
I hardly went anywhere all weekend and it was delightful and I'm turning into the Hermit card in the tarot deck. Or really, anywhere there's a hermit. June. Enjoying her alone time so she has to take selfies. On Friday night, after work, I got up with the Lowe's guy to see about a fence. … Continue reading Lone funwoman
When you already hate the day and it's not even 8 a.m. yet, you know it won't be good. Wednesday night, I'd listened to this get-to-sleep app that knocked me the heck out like I'd drunk a vat of heroin, then Thursday when the alarm went off I hit snooze. And hit snooze. And STOP … Continue reading June describes her Thursday. It’s bad. It’s real bad, mister.
Does it bug you how often your computer allegedly needs updates? Seriously, why do they need updating this much? Did you do such a bad job at the LAST update? New people moved in next door, did I tell you? (...This has nothing to do with computer updates. I just had the update annoyance when … Continue reading June recovers
Your Big Book of June Events will remind you that I hired a life coach recently, a life coach in London, because I have to make things difficult for myself. Remember when I got my tax refund, which I keep typing "rax refund" like I'm Astro the dog. Anyway, remember how I said I was … Continue reading Sun comes up, it’s Tuesday morning*
That's it. I'm moving to a country where aging women are considered beautiful and they don't have daylight savings. That alarm went off today and I was all, Oh this is bullshit. Iris thought so too. I felt her flinch in shock when that alarm blanged at us at what was REALLY 5:20. Jesus. Why … Continue reading Putting the cat in cataracts
When the mailroom guy brought up my boss's Stitch Fix box yesterday, I said, "Oh, this is so exciting! She gets her Stitch Fix, see, then all the people who read me vote on what she should keep or return!" His look was priceless. Like, everything in that entire sentence was a "?" to him. … Continue reading June’s boss is a Stitch
My whole goal today was to get everything done and start writing by 7:30 a.m., and I did it just exactly at that time. Do you feel like your whole day is just racing against the clock? Or is it more runnin' against the wind, because you're Bob Seger reading my blog? I have deadlines … Continue reading Thyme
Because I'm some sort of chaos junkie, in the past seven days I've done the following: Started some sort of hormone metabolism diet, from an ad I saw on Instagram. I know you're gonna ask me, "What diet, Joooooon?" and I don't rightly know the name. All I know is I get messages on the … Continue reading June does a lot all at once. Because June.
I'm not entirely sure that I sat down at all this weekend. But of course, I must've peed at some point, right? You have to sit down to do that. Unless you're a man. And in case anyone was up in the air on that one, I am not a man. I am also not … Continue reading Hattie McJune
Tomorrow, I have to model. Again, June? We're so sick of your modeling stories. You know, when I was very small, I modeled. I was Saginaw, Michigan's finest. My father, being a photographer and all, worked in a place that sometimes needed child models and I hope you're holding onto your hat but I was … Continue reading Minorette