Because I’m some sort of chaos junkie, in the past seven days I’ve done the following:
- Started some sort of hormone metabolism diet, from an ad I saw on Instagram. I know you’re gonna ask me, “What diet, Joooooon?” and I don’t rightly know the name. All I know is I get messages on the diet from The Sherpa. Cause it was all through Instagram so I have no trail, man, on this.
- Started a life coaching thing, also from Instagram and I should really stop with those Instagram ads. The specific life coaching thing is for breaking trauma bonds. The coach is in London. I know you’re gonna ask me, “What life coach, JOOOOON?” and at least this one I can find. That was just a link, there.
- Started going to a chiropractor several times a week.
- “What chiropractor, JOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO…”
Anyway, so on Monday at 6:30 a.m., I had my first coaching sesh, and yes I just said “sesh.” It was at 6:30 because London. It was 11:30 in the morning for him. Oh my god, he was insightful. With the insights. So, after our…sesh…that night I had to do about two hours’ worth of video-watching and writing. Now that I’ve seen the videos and they have seen me, I have to continue to write for about half an hour every night for the next four weeks, interspersed with my weekly one-hour sessions (seshes) and new videos, with new assignments.
With m’diet, I have to each morning make a smoothie with spinach, blueberries, flax, almond milk and protein powder and also your mother’s ASS because geez Louise. Time-consuming. You know what’s not time-comsuming? A Pop Tart.
Then at 11:30, 2x a week, I have my chiropractor, and I go to it as my lunch hour. It’s on the next block and I could walk there, but I never do because the weather here has been your mother’s ASS, oh my god. It’s so cold and rainy and then you think, “Oh, maybe tomorrow will be better” and then it’s cold and rainy the next day.
I have a Google Home now, which started out as a gift for my Aunt Mary but she hated it so I kept it. Every morning when I’m drawing the blinds (I have so many sketches of my blinds now) I say, “Good morning, Google,” and it says, “Hi. June.”
It literally calls me June and also he always hesitates awkwardly like that. “Hi. June.” Anyway then he tells me the weather, and for the past two months I’m all motherFUCK. You have got to be fucking kidding me with this fucking weather. Today he added, “And with the wind, it feel like 16 degrees.” SHUT UP.
So I’m not walking to the chiropractor.
Anyway, that takes almost the whole lunch hour, the chiropractor does, and I feel guilty about leaving Edsel, as all of Eds’s life I’ve come home for lunch. When I’ve had jobs in, say, Winston-Salem, I get a dog-sitter. I realize the best part of life is the thinner slice. I also realize I need to get over that line. And also that plenty of dogs go 8 hours and 12 minutes alone with 80 cats while their owners are gone.
That’s how long he’s alone. It’s six minutes each way to work, and then the 8 hours. Oh, wait. It’d be 9 hours and 12 minutes if you include stupid lunch. Oh my god POOR EDSEL. I guess I have to take him to dog daycare on chiropractor days. Even though I come home and he’s not, like, champing at the bit to go pee.
How can he not be? I’d be dying.
So anyway, now that I’m on that hormone diet, I’m doing things like making a spinach salad with homemade dressing and last night I made meat loaf but with zucchini instead of bread in it.
Then after that I have to do stretches that the chiropractor gave me to do, and also I have to ice my neck 47 times a night.
What I’m saying to you is there’s a lot to do lately. Oh! And the chiropractor said, “I want you to do these stretches, but please know a lot of my migraine patients say these stretches trigger migraine at first. You just have to get through that part.”
And you know what? He was right. I did the stretches Monday night for the first time, and I did NOTHING ELSE to trigger a migraine, but woke up with one. Ding-dang it. I took a pill and was fine.
Oh, but it was the worst thing! I often wake up with a migraine, and hunch out to the kitchen to take a pill and go to bed and more often than not I wake up fine.
But on Tuesday morning, I hunched out to the kitchen for m’pill, and noted it was
My alarm goes off at 6:20. Oh, I was mad. But I slept for another hour and skipped blogging and when I woke up I was fine.
Anyway, that’s what’s been up with me lately, and it feels like a lot, but in a month I’ll be thin and pain-free and not trauma bonded, so we have THAT to look forward to.