I hardly went anywhere all weekend and it was delightful and I’m turning into the Hermit card in the tarot deck. Or really, anywhere there’s a hermit.
On Friday night, after work, I got up with the Lowe’s guy to see about a fence. The people who moved in next door have a lovely sweet dog that they say is a pit, but I think he’s an Australian cattle dog, and why don’t I go ahead and dogsplain like they don’t know what their dog is. I am an ass.
Anyway, the Lowe’s guy was very nice and I told him I want a six-foot privacy fence and I want it to have a little scallopy thing up top because regular fences depress me and then we went out and measured my giant yard and he said, “Okay, that’ll be $8,600.”
Then I went to dinner with people from my neighborhood. I think I’ve probably told you before we have a standing appointment at 6:30 on Friday nights at the Mexican restaurant in this neighborhood, and one guy always gets this half a pineapple with chicken and shit. Not literally. The point is, half a pineapple. He used to be a judge, so he has never once picked that half a pineapple up and done a Carmen Miranda impression as I would have.
They had all sorts of ideas for me, like why don’t I use old car parts and build my own fence, or some weird metal. You’ll be stunned to hear those were ideas men came up with.
On Saturday, I drove to Lowe’s to tell them I want them to give me a fence just on the side the dog is on, and little picket fencing with a gate like I had at my old house, in the front of the yard. They will be back on Tuesday to give me a new estimate. I still won’t be able to afford it, but EIGHT THOUSAND DOLLARS? Come on.
While I was there, I gandered at the plant section to see who my next victim would be.
In the end, I got some flowers to put in my flowerbed out front. One neighbor told me I’d have flowers come up there, but that the former owners always supplemented with other flowers. He also expressed dismay that I did not have a giant bonfire and serve hot chocolate on Halloween. He also also offered to put up lights for me at Christmas, as that’s what the people who lived here before did. I took him up on that.
I didn’t buy a lot, for fear I’d crowd whatever flowers are on their way.
When I wasn’t noticing Edsel longing for me, I also painted my dresser this weekend. You know, the horrid pink one? I had to sand it and prime it and mark it with a B.
Anyway, during priming, this happened.
So then I had to take time out of my busy schedule to drive Milhous all the way to the kill shelter. Why do I have pets?
That is after all the painting and planting had been done, so shut up about how awful I look. Your ass would be draggin’ too.
Next weekend I actually have social plans, to circumvent becoming the weirdest old woman in history. I have social plans so I don’t kidnap children and cook them in my oven. Step one, find oven. Was she going to eat the children? Didn’t she already have a candy house? Why do you also need children? Maybe she was craving protein, with all that sugar. I’ve gotten into the plot of Hansel and Gretel, in case you were thrown by my shift in thought.
Catwomen hermit June