June's stupid life

Spring forward

The other night, I rented that ’80s movie Sex, Lies, and Videotape.

“Videotape” is such a funny, antiquated word now, as is “renting” a movie. I drove down to the Blockbuster, got a chunky videotape, shoved it in my machine, and then afterward I was sure to be kind, rewind.

Anyway, I STREAMED the movie Sex, Lies, and Videotape, a movie that chose to use the Oxford comma.

It’s possible you don’t remember the plot to the movie, or maybe you were the kind of person who only went to see movies like The Terminator in the ’80s, in which case I have nothing to say to you. In the movie, a very cute Andie MacDowell is married to old eyebrows up there, the guy who’s now with Grace on the show Frankie & Grace. Peter-something, I think. But old eyebrows is CHEATING on cute Andie MacDowell, which just goes to show you that when men cheat it’s about them, not the person they’re cheating on. Anyway he’s CHEATING on beautiful-and-yes-she-has-a-bit-of-an-abdomen-but-come-on Andie MacDowell with HER SISTER, played by old gold coat up there, whose name I do not know but I’ve seen her in other things.

Eventually Andie MacDowell runs off with thin James Spader, and good. No one tell her that eyebrow guy ages better.

But telling you the entire plot to that movie was not my point. My POINT is that the sister, old gold coat, lives in a tiny little house and I know you enjoy my use of “tiny little.” She bartends, but then is also an artist and is very sexy and wears cowboy boots a lot.

Edsel and I were watching this show the other night here, and there was a scene where old gold coat is alone in her house, her tiny small house, painting. She’s concentrating so hard on her painting that when the phone rings, she doesn’t even look at it. She lets it ring a few times, then eventually picks it up, never taking her eyes from her work, and says, “Yeah.” She knows it’s likely going to be her brother-in-law, with whom she’s sleeping, probably while wearing those cowboy boots, but she’s more interested in her painting than in him.

I’d completely forgotten this scene. But when I saw it, it all came rushing back to me. Because I remember when this movie came out, in 1989, I was so envious that someone could have, you know, a passion that involved anything other than a man calling.

This is pathetic, but picture this: The year was 1988. I’m in a red, blue, and green plaid robe. And I’m curled in a ball in a rocking chair, just waiting for Giovanni Leftwich to call. I’m not painting or writing or dancing or even taking off my robe and staring at my 1988 body, which was likely something to behold. No. I’m curled in a ball waiting.

That was me from about ninth grade until, well, until I’m not sure when. I know my GOAL for a long time was to be someone who had any other interests besides getting some man to like her, and I know I faked it with friends and jobs and clothes and cats, but really I was just someone who wanted a man to be interested in her.

Usually when you change, it’s usually so gradual you don’t even know it’s happening. Change is not the mom in Poltergeist getting a gray streak overnight.

There was this documentary Marvin liked to watch when he wasn’t watching all the other documentaries on the planet. It was an ’80s film about kids drinking in a parking lot before some heavy metal show. There was one kid in particular who had on zebra-striped pants, and he was the most absurd of them all. He was hanging his goat high. Marvin watched that film about 49 times.

There was a follow-up documentary, and you can imagine Marvin’s glee, where the filmmaker found those kids all grown up. And of all the people, zebra pants was the most depressing. He lived in a house in the suburbs, and had some finance job in the city, wore suits and was 100% humorless about the first movie.

When did that guy change? He couldn’t have had zebra pants on one day and a suit the next.

I once was doing some fact-checking on a story a guy at work, Thousandman, wrote and in doing so, I accidentally came upon his “official work picture” taken at his old job. I knew Thousandman had started eating better, but the change was DRAMATIC when you compared how he looked in the present day to his old official work picture. It was happening in front of me and I wasn’t seeing it.

I also don’t really notice how the Curly Girl method is working, but that photo above with Dick Whitman’s mom, I thought I was having an excellent hair day. This photo above I took yesterday, after I’d slept in my curls, and I took it to make sure my hair didn’t look TOO insane. It’s so much better than that head of cotton candy I used to sport. I do have paint in it, though.

My point is, change does happen, and now I can see it. Because I AM the person who doesn’t wait by the phone anymore. I met, believe it or not, a nice man on Tinder. We had a really funny exchange on Sunday. Then on Tuesday night around 8:00 I got another message from him. “Hey, what happened? I thought we were off to a nice start.”

Since the Sunday I’d talked to him, I’d painted my dresser and written in my journal and gone to work and played with the dog and talked to fencing people and had not even noticed that time had gone by.

“Nothing’s happened,” I wrote back. “I was just over here living my life. What’s new?” And then we looked at the moon together.

So.

I guess the thing we need to think about from all this is, do I need cowboy boots?

Luff,
Juun

P.S. The coastal one. That’s the hand sanitizer I bought. It doesn’t smell like fish. It has that lovely fake water smell.

74 thoughts on “Spring forward

  1. That reminds me of Susan Sarandon in Bull Durham. Sexy, very eclectic house, fantastic French music, poetry…doing whatever or whomever she wanted. That.

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  2. Can hair look younger? Your hair looks so much younger in the current photo. Shiny and soft and everything.

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  3. If you want to see a real prize of a James Spader movie, see “Tuff Turf.” It also has one of the Real Housewives of Beverly Hills in it. Either Kim or Kyle Richards. I’m not saying it’s a bad movie but I’d walk out of it if it was an in-flight movie.

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  4. I LOVE the fake water scent. It is always my favorite. I just voted the pink one because…well pink. I always see the San Giacomo lady as the crazy lady in Quigley Down Under ( not a movie worth going back to rewatch by any means), although that Kit De Luca character was so great. So happy you have peace in your own skin right now. So enviable.

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  5. I too LOVE ME SOME JAMES SPADER and all you bitzes best STEP OFF. SL&V is one of my favorite movies and I think Spader is sexy AF in it. But I even love fat old Blacklist James Spader. Would hit it.

    Also too! The drag queen character in Boston Legal? That actor Gary Anthony Williams is my friend! He’s from Atlanta and moved to LA like… 15 years ago and I loooooove him.

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    1. Gary Anthony was excellent in Boston Legal, both as the bold drag queen and the shy man-in-a-suit. How fun that he is your friend.

      I wondered about you using your name here.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I only clicked over to argue that James Spader is a billion times hotter than Peter Gallagher – then, now, and probably forever.

      Also am curious why we now hate Tinder guy. There are so many possibilities.

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      1. OHHH and the only thing I remember about that movie, other than James Spader and Andie MacDowell, is her furiously scrubbing the faucet and wondering if that was the PROPER way to clean a faucet because my momma sure didn’t do it like that.

        I’mma have to stream it now.

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  6. Laura San Giacomo played the sister. Paula was close.
    I haven’t watched S, L, & V but I’ve loved James Spader ever since the table scene with Susan Sarandon in White Mansion. Another movie for your viewing pleasure.
    Boston Legal was one of my favourite shows.
    Lovely post and hair, lovely June.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wasn’t that movie called White Palace? Where he used to have the wife who smelled like peppermint? That’s a good one for my RENTING pleasure, as well. I also haven’t seen that since the ’80s.

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      1. Geez….by the time I’d google effing’d it and stampeded over here I’d forgotten the name.
        You are correct.

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      2. It was about Susan Sarandon working at the White Castle hamburger joint – she was the older woman – his wife had died in a car accident. It was a delicious movie – one of my faves… but he was very hot then! Now, I don’t ever recognize him – he didn’t age well, poor baby!

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      1. I must have missed something as I reread all of the comments and didn’t find any bitchy ones unless you meant me and I didn’t mean to be if I was (were?).

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        1. I so did. Sadie, you are SUCH a bitch. Pretty much every time I refer to you, I’m all, That bitchy Sadie. Also, I had Pop Tarts today. It’s a Sadie day. A bitchy Sadie day.

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          1. I still remember staring at the Pop Tart aisle and trying to decide which Pop Tart flavor you would like. “Chocolate”, but there were 597,235 different chocolate flavors.

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  7. Yay! RantsandGrannyPants and I both picked the Coastal scent. You just tried to throw us off with the supposedly fishy smell.

    Count me among the fans of Boston Legal. We watch the reruns whenever they are shown on whatever retro station. We have a friend who won’t watch any movie with Kevin Cline after first seeing him in A Fish Called Wanda years ago because of his despicable character in that movie.

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    1. I have a friend who can’t watch AFCW due to the Yorkie/piano scene. I guess it cut a bit too close to their little Yorkie at home. Sadly, I laughed heartily.

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        1. A Fish Called Wanda. I really enjoyed your piece today. Didn’t think my comments were bitchy. Would still love to see a book… someday… on your own time.

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          1. I wasn’t meaning YOU. But re book: this is a busy time, with my life coach stuff and work and having to do my chiropractic stretches and so on. I know that doesn’t SOUND like much, but for some reason I’m all, WHY IS IT NINE P.M. ALREADY after I do all my things. There’s little lie around watching Shameless time any longer, which, dammit.

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              1. Ah! See, these comments come to me as emails, and if someone replies to someone else, it’s still just an email to me and I’ve no idea that anyone is speaking in reply. And then I’m also working, so I look over and everyone’s all WOE& and AFEUC* and I have no idea what’s going on.

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                1. Ahh, this makes sense. Usually you’re right on top of all that is au courant, pop-centered, 70s muzak, etc. *WE* get to see the whole stream of consciousness thread in one place. Thanks for boosting my self-esteem, that I’m not the Bitch is Back, that I fully understand your life and schedule, etc. etc.

                  Lastly, I’ve done the life coach thing, and I totally get that. I’ve also been doing a combo of career & life coaching recently, and am finding this helpful.

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  8. Oh, my goodness! Boston Legal was my VERY FAVORITE! My husband and I still refer to the “mad cow” when we forget things. I agree Lisa NTL…why did that show have to die? I still miss it.

    June–I am thrilled that you have some guy chasing YOU and waiting for YOU to call. I love that you are living your life for YOU FIRST. We should all be so lucky to get to that place. Did I tell you that your dresser looks fabulous? I think I forgot to, but it does! It looks fabulous!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

    Liked by 5 people

  9. I see someone beat me to my declaration of love for James Spader in Boston Legal PAULA. Love love LOVED Alan Shore. And Denny Crane. And their relationship. Why all the good shows gotta die?

    Lovely curls! Lovely post! Lovely June!

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  10. DW’s Mom! RIP She was a very special lady. Your hair looks beautiful. I’ve never seen the movie, but there are many movies I haven’t seen. You definitely need cowboy boots. I’m shocked you picked the coastal one!
    Tee

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    1. I like that scent. Do you remember those Love’s perfumes? I liked the Rain scent. I already look like one of those apple dolls, what do I need to smell like one for?

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      1. I never used any of the Love perfumes. I might have been older by the time they came out. Wasn’t that in the 80s? If so I was well past the teen years. Well past.

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  11. Old eyebrows, as you call him, is Peter Gallagher. I believe Grace’s love interest in Sam Elliott. At least he was the last time I watched it. Not the same guy.

    Please don’t start slinging whatever it is you sling when someone is audacious.

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      1. Are you guys current with Grace and Frankie? Frankie and Grace? Face and Grackle, whatever it’s called? I won’t spoil it then. Also, the snotty daughter? The beefier one? (Snotty and beefy. Nice descriptions.) Brianna? My spirit animal.

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          1. Interesting because I’m pretty much Grace although I like to think I’ve lightened up as I’ve gotten older. Paula, did you notice the beefy one has lost weight since the first season?

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  12. Changes just happen whether you’re paying attention or not. I’m always mindful of that at this time of the year, due to my birthday. And today is spring! What’s been done, what hasn’t, what should be… and my lists grow.

    You’re busy, life goes on. Is the book still in the queue?

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  13. Fun Fact! I have never seen Sex, Lies, and Videotape, because I irrationally HAAAATED James Spader. He pissed me off in Pretty in Pink (I think?) When he was an absolute turd to Molly Ringwald. (Not that I was, or am, a huge fan of Molly Ringwald, so wtf? She bugs.) So I refused to see any movie he was in and I’m sure that affected his income. But then, years after it was popular, I streamed Boston Legal and fell madly and deeply in love with THAT James Spader, not the Farrah-Fawcett-hair shit-heel of the late eighties. (Alan Shore. I swoon.) (Also Denny Crane is on my list of cat names.)

    Old Gold Coat looks like Vivian’s friend from Pretty Woman. Laura San SomethingOrOther. I like her.

    Now I MUST see Sex, Lies and Videotape.

    “Eventually Andie MacDowell runs off with thin James Spader, and good. No one tell her that eyebrow guy ages better.” NO SHIT. Peter Gallagher. His tombstone will read: “He was a great actor and then one day his eyebrows fell off.”

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    1. Oh, but the Farrah Fawcett hair was so sexy on that pretentious Blair or Blane or whatever his pretentious name was!

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        1. I just looked it up. Blane was Andrew McCarthy’s character, and James Spader was “Steff”. That’s even worse!

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      1. Happy Bday to both of you. Yesterday was my late husband’s and today is my best friend’s baby sister. It’s a very special week.

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