First of all, I saw this somewhere and it kills me.
People with too much time on their hands are my favorite kind of people. What does Justin Timberlake do? Does he get his hair chemically straightened? He must, right? Also, he’s so cute, and he seems like a nice young man. Let me get my hankie and wipe something from your face. Could I be more of an old lady right now?
Is Justin Timberlake wearing pearl earrings?
Anyway I’ve got a lot on my mind, and I am distracted, but oh! I shopped around and got a fence for $5,000 instead of $8,000. I’m not getting the back of the yard done, and I got a cheaper installer. He’s going to wear Candies while he works, and he’ll chew gum.
So that’s happening, and in the meantime, the person next door and I have our secret catch-me-if-you-can mutual sneaking of dogs into our respective yards. This morning at 6:30 I turned on my back light to kind of signal to her that my dog was back there in the dark and then a few minutes later I saw her light on, which I took to mean, Now my dog wants out, so I hustled Edsel in.
I did some gardening this weekend and he came out there with me, lolling in the grass but not LOLing in the grass because Edsel doesn’t laugh. Anyway I felt guilty about having my dog out with me for an hour, and that’s really no way to live. I can’t wait to get the fence out there, y’all.
Meanwhile, what do you think about me going gray? Do you have any idea how often I have to dye my roots and buy spray to cover them 10 days after I’ve just spent $80 plus tip to dye said roots? Also, why not just–
I was going to say embrace the natural but you know my motto: Fuck natural. But listen to this! I’m also considering not Botoxing any more! I know! I mean, it finally, after years of faithfully doing it, lessened the wrinkle between my brows, the wrinkle that has come from years of faithfully scowling, and that’s great. But it also used to give me a delightful eyebrow lift and now it doesn’t. In fact, when my Botox is in full effect, it gives me this…fold in my eyelid that makes it annoying to apply eye shadow.
Do you know why I’m Botoxing and dyeing? Men. Do you know who I no longer care about? Men. So, maybe I’m free to be me and me. What say you?
Because I also fekking love grooming. I was clearly a monkey in last life. Grooming is my hobby. So I don’t know.
I don’t drink. I think drinking affects your decision-making.Arthur
You may be right, I can’t decide.
Did anyone here go gray and love it? Will I look like Shirley MacLaine in Terms of Endearment when Debra Winger is sick whilst it’s growing out?
I need another example of disheveled. I always pull that one out. You know, Shirley MacLaine’s character is probably younger than me now. Mother of god. Let me find out.
Oh, god. She was 49. Kill me now and pull out my gray roots. Jesus.
I guess that’s all my news other than the giant thing that’s weighing on my mind, but oh! I had my last session with my life coach last night, over there in England. I went through an entire notebook doing the writing exercises, and even though I’m done seeing him, I have yet another video to watch and also more writing to do, and now I’m all, do I just go from the back of the notebook and write on the backs of the pages or do I just start a new notebook and have like 15 pages in it from life coaching and the rest be…what? You can see my dilemma.
Anyway I’m glad I did it. I feel very coached about life. Now let’s all see if my life falls apart and my shingles hang on one nail like Mister in The Color Purple.
Dear June: Please see any movie from this century. Love, Readers.
Talk at you,