If you’ll recall from your Big Book of June events, I said yesterday that I would not refer to those smallish mammals anymore. You know the ones. The ones with nine lives and Fancy Feast. And heaven knows I’m a woman of my word. Heaven knows I have lots else going on. My life is RICH with other things.

For example, yesterday at work I noted they did this to some trees, and I was all, why. Apparently you have to do that to make them grow back or something. Why must there be a circle of life?

Also, on our walk yesterday, I noticed this:

It’s a nest nest nest! With nesty baby birds, maybe! I didn’t see any, but I was further away than this looks. This kind of makes me hungry for those butterscotch nests, do you know the ones I mean? What the hell are those made of, other than beige deliciousness?

And speaking of spring, I had to go to the drug store after work yesterday, because I am 100% out of my root spray, and did I mention to you that I’m attempting to grow my hair out to its natural color, which so far appears to be white? It’s sort of horrifying and fascinating at the same time. Anyway, meanwhile, I’m covering the roots with spray so I don’t look clinically depressed at work. And naturally I gravitated over to the Easter candy while I was at Mr. Gower’s drug store, and saw they now sell plush Peeps and plush pink bunnies along with the candy. In my day, the candy was enough.

Also, here is a bunny with weapons. He doesn’t carrot all if you live or die. He’ll root you out.

Are they trying to be secular, with the “spring buddies,” in case someone is pagan but wants to eat a marshmallow animal like everyone else? Are those two rabbits or is one a gopher or something? I’m partial to the Andy Warhol chick. That lamb is what Ima look like if I really grow my hair out.
Anyway, I got my root spray, because my life is full and balanced, and then I went home to feed the [redacted].

I tried showing him videos for you-know-whats last night. Have you ever gone on YouTube and looked at videos for [redacted]s? They’ve got birds and squirrels playing. I’ve entertained plenty of…short attitude mammals with it. The [baby redacted] was too young to notice it, but man, was Lily entertained. I guess I’ve never shown one to her before; I’ve used it more to entertain walnut-headed baby [redacted]s. But she got all big-eyed and patted at the screen just like a real [redacted] and not a lump of fluff, as she normally is.

When the other NOT FELINES went out this morning to pee with Edsel, I even saw her hesitate on the threshold of the door and consider joining them, which she never does. However, she kept her pristine paws fluffy white and stayed indoors as per usual. Lily is my people. My entire childhood was me saying, “No, I’ll just stay in with the grownups.”


Other things happened last night, but I am not at liberty to discuss them, as they are [redacted].




Tonight I’m actually leaving the house to go to the movies with The Poet. If the last seven nights have taught me anything, it’s that the [don’t say it] sleeps for a couple hours after each meal,

so I can put him in his little nest with his warming disk that is a mom substitute, which is the saddest thing in the world, and head to the movies and he won’t notice I’m gone. Then I’ll return nervously, as every time I return to this room I convince myself he’ll be dead even though he’s doing great.
Wait. What am I talking about? I can’t talk about [redacted]s. So I will not.
Sanely,
June
I am so darn proud to be the one with you when Iris and Lily were coming into your life! (Let’s make this about meeee!!) When we went to that shelter and I saw that beautiful Lily? I knew she was yours. I am so happy she and Iris are doing so well! I miss all of you. Xoxo
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My stepmom would put that [redacted] in her cleavage and go to the movie. Or the grocery store or whatever. She’s carried lots of baby animals around in her cleavage. She was baby wearing before it was a cool thing to do!
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Watch out, folks! I can see June walking around this weekend with a tiny black [redacted] in her cleavage. Be sure to take pictures for us, June.
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Ditto.
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Speaking of Peeps, I just read that they are coming out with new flavors this year. I may have to break down and try some, if they are still there the day after Easter on the clearance rack.
Lovely post, Joon. Lovely [redacted]s too.
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Those poor chopped tress are victims of crepe murder! I hate when people do that and then say that’s how it’s supposed to be done. No, it’s not – one look on Google and they would realize they’ve been wrong all this time, not that they’d ever admit it.
Cute little [redacted]! Has he not figured out that if he tried hard enough he could probably slip under the door?
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You are SO absolutely correct! Pet peeve!
Texas garden gurus say to NEVER do this. You’re only supposed to trim the dead seed thingies and shape the Bush or tree as needed.
I have a beautiful lavender Crepe that’s over 12 feet tall and blooms so full and beautiful every summer.
*blink*blink* Did I just go on a Crepe Myrtle rant? Please to excuse.
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[Redacted]! I love them!
Lovely post, lovely June!
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Oh, and I forgot to mention – I thoroughly enjoyed the armed Eater bunny who doesn’t carrot, or whatever. Awesome!
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Hilarious! I wish my mornings weren’t so busy – I feel like I arrive late to the party. I feel bad for those stick trees.
I just stocked up on my Easter candy last night and it took me forever to find empty plastic eggs because they had a bunch of pre-stuffed plastic eggs. Boo! I want to pick the candy that goes in there.
When I was about 7 I ate all of my Easter candy in one day. My mean, bossy-ass sister told on me and I got in big trouble. That pretty much sums up my childhood. My siblings are still better-than-everyone and I still don’t follow the rules.
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I know it’s not officially an advice day, but would someone please give me a basic, foolproof method of making coffee? Yes. I have looked it up, but I’ve found everything from one tablespoon per cup to two.
Many thanks in advance for any input.
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Buy those little pods and select the roast you like light/medium/dark. Add lots of cream and sugar, the only way coffee us drinkable.
Tee
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Is, not us.
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I do one Tbsp per cup in a big coffee maker and it always turns out right.
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Many thanks, lady.
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Yes, one tablespoon per cup of water. I just learned something new and it makes a big difference. Your coffeemaker may not be getting the water hot enough, especially at the beginning of the drip process. Microwave a cup of water and pour over the grounds, then hit start. It really improves the flavor.
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I will try this.
Thank you.
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Beautiful Lily! She is the Grace Kelly of cats.
Lovely post, old coot.
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Enjoyed seeing pictures of your sweet [redacted] companions and their shenanigans. I somehow managed not to buy myself any Easter candy when we went to Target to buy the particular chocolate bunny preferred by our 179-month-old.
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I wish they made DARK chocolate bunnies.
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Forget the bunnies, go to Aldi and buy the creamy dark chocolate. Yum. Not advise, just smart shopping.
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Yes, so much healthier! It only took 4 or 5 decades to start to like it, too.
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Omg I love that little [redacted].
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June, you may not always feel validated by your writing here, but I wanted to tell you that you absolutely have value to your readers. My dog died on Tuesday, and reading this morning’s post made me smile slightly for the first time in two days, so thank you for that. Some of my favorites today: “Also, here is a bunny with weapons. He doesn’t carrot all if you live or die. He’ll root you out.” and “lilee just stay in wif old wite-hair bitz” – your mind works in mysterious and fantastic ways.
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Tammy, I’m so sorry for your loss.
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Oh, I’m so sorry about your dog.
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So sorry about your pup.
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My heart hurts for you. I’m sorry.
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I’m very sorry, Tammy. I’ve been there a lot and know how it hurts.
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I’m not really a marshmallow lover but boy did I ever love the chocolate-covered marshmallow eggs at Easter. The year I received a carton with a dozen of them in my Easter basket was the year I knew my life was complete.
Cute redactions! (You’re one clever writer June.)
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Lovely post Old Lover. I love all of it- peeps, jellybeans, rabbits, oh my!
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Lovely post, lovely June. Cute [redacted] also.
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I love that little round butt in front of the door!
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Thanks! …oh.
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Footsies under the door…. Bless you for those photos. So darn cute!
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I thought the one who will not be named’s tiny furry little posterior was the one you were talking about not your work friend’s.
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So weird. I played bird YouTube videos last night for Moo. We haven’t done that in about a year. She enjoys and I relax.
Batten is too cute.
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I was sure I’d find a comment about the rear shot of [Austin] but alas, crepe murder and kittens are where it’s at today 🙂 That doesn’t make me feel at all like a dirty old [redacted].
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My heart hurts for you too. Hugs!
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Rita Hazan root spray is magic. Buys me 2 extra weeks. No gray for me.
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This redacted post is so timely!!
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I can’t be the only one that read nest with babies and immediately zoomed in, searched the picture and still wondered how the hell I couldn’t see the babies.
I’ve never had these hay nest ya’ll are talking about. One year our parents decided that we eat to much candy so for Easter we all got fruit in our baskets. There were none pissed off kids that year, we still talk about our worst Easter.
This year I’ve decided that I’m not giving candy to the grandkids, they leave it here, I eat it, they come back and look for their candy, it’s gone and the tears start. This year they are getting gifts.
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Nine not none
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As a person in the horticultural industry those pruned trees made me twitch. We call it scrape murder.
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Crape, not scrape. Good grief.
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I think both apply here. Crape scrape. Or as we non- horticulturists would say, simply crap.
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Still loving the redacted posts.
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I see my favorite header is back. So pretty! Loved the [redacted] post, June. Lilly is so pretty, and baby is a cute little lump.
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OK then, Lily.
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Very clever post, June!
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Thanks for the Lilee pictures. She’s been my favorite since her unfortunate incident. I want to cuddle her and protect her.
I get the medical reasoning for keeping the cats separate but I wouldn’t be able to do it. Teeny tiny {redacted} needs other {redacted} warmth and smells. I’m not disciplined like some responsible people.
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I believe that every time she gets near the door to outside, Lily gets an me-was-gone-for-52-terrabul-dayz flashback.
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How long was Iris missing?
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I can’t remember exact dates, but the Saturday before Christmas till near New Year’s Day.
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Way too long!
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Jelly beans are the best. They have so many new kinds now that I will be living on them for weeks. I’m looking at you, Starburst All Reds!
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Love the retro header.
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Best Easter candy: Russell Stover coconut nests. After I have accidentally knocked the jelly beans off.
Best Easter candy memory: gift to sisters and self, when we were small, of a large chocolate egg with coconut nest on top and a round opening at one end through which one gazed at a scene with candy green grass and two porcelain bunnies. None other could be as magical.
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I LOVED THOSE. Mine was all sugar–you ate your way into the scene.
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They were edible? GodDAMNit.
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https://www.ebay.com/i/163571150191?chn=ps
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Poet, you can have all my coconut nests if I can have your Russell Stover maple or raspberry cream eggs.
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No no no: CHOCOLATE. Also it was not dripping with ribbons.
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Bob and Ray had a routine about selling Chocolate Wobblies–Easter bunnies that had been stored too close to the furnace. Inside some was a prize–a purple ribbon!
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Oh my God, those sugar Easter eggs with some kind of vignette in the hollowed-out center. I always thought those were the most beautiful things when I was a kid and it never once occurred to me to actually EAT them. They were Art, not food.
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If you ask me, nothing is ever too beautiful to eat. #WhySoChubby.
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Oh my goodness that is a blast from my past for sure. I had completely forgotten about those eggs!
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Lilee not lump! Lilee perfect (redacted).
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Hilarious post! Just the first paragraph and I’m, FLOMP. I’m so glad I didn’t hold my breathe. How much time have I spent redacting documents? A LOT!
Me and my brother love those Haystacks. He requested those last Christmas and I couldn’t find my Mom’s recipe. I had to go to the internet for a recipe. I should have asked this group. I’m like Paula, I don’t really like the Easter candy. I hate those traditional Easter eggs with the colored shell and the white stuff inside. I wouldn’t event eat those as a kid. Those peeps are disgusting because they are marshmallow. I would have been very happy with Krispy Kream donuts in my Easter basket, which never happened, only those colored eggs and colored boiled eggs in the basket. But my grandmother would give us a hollow chocolate rabbit, I did like those, so I didn’t hate all the Easter candy.
I actually think the yellow [redacted] is teaching the baby [redacted] how to [redacted] under the door. I wouldn’t be surprised if that baby you know what learns to slide right under that door.
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Am dead from [redacted] paws under the door and itty bitty Walnut Head’s bitty butt and bear cub hind legs.
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He totally has bear cub feets.
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My mother made those nests. She also added peanuts. My father called them Squirrel Turds.
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That’s why God made fathers.
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My grandmother also added peanuts to the butterscotch chips.
Lovely post, Juniper.
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My mom made them too with salted peanuts, butterscotch drops and Chinese noodles.
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WHY HAS NO ONE EVER PRESENTED ME THE PEANUTS? I’ve always eaten them peanut-free. I’ve been robbed.
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You have been totally robbed!
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The vampire bat baby looks like he could just squeeze right under that door if he wanted to. So bitty!!
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I fostered one, ONE little set of bottle babies and it was THE MOST STRESSFUL thing I have ever done. I’ve decided I prefer them when they’re a little bigger and walnut headed because it’s not as nerve wracking. You’re a sweet foster mom, June!
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It really is stressful. When I get up in the morning, I’m all, pee first? Get the bottle ready first? Let Edsel out first? Feed the adult [redacted]s first? Sometimes I just spin in a circle outside my bedroom door. I used to have sex in the morning. It was all, sex first? Answer: yes.
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Sigh. Those were the days. Not that you and I…no, I didn’t mean it that way.
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Haha! I married a man with 4 non-baby children (I know, why would I do that?!) and every day I’m thankful that they are potty trained and able to feed themselves. Still doesn’t help with the sex part though!!
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With that many children pretty much the only thing that will help with the sex part is a vacation. Just the two of you.
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That beige deliciousness is pretty simple. Chow mien noodles which you can usually find on the bottom shelf of the Asian food section, and some butterscotch chip (found in the baking aisle) melted and poured over the chow mien noodles. Then you pile them up in the haystack on waxed paper and let them cool. Then you eat them all. I know this because I have extra hips which came in part from those haystacks.
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Hunh. I knew none of that. Also, I’ve been dieting for two weeks and today I finally got on the scale and I’ve gained three pounds.
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Oh, good. Kindred spirit.
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Haystacks. That’s what my Mom called them.
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Yes.
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We make our with a mix of chocolate and butterscotch chips and sometimes I add chopped nuts (pecans or walnuts or almonds) to add some extra crunch. So easy to make and so easy to devour quickly. They are totally addicting!
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My recipe has peanut butter in it too. Yum.
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I didn’t even see the nest because I thought I saw future berries in that shrub! I do love a good berry.
Fun fact (sorry, Beverly): I hate most Easter candy, specifically peeps. I’m trying to think of one Easter candy that I like (Cadbury eggs? No. Jelly beans? No. Chocolate bunnies? No.) and am only coming up with Peppermint Patties in Easter wrappers. Does that count?
Our tax person has long black hair except for about a three-inch swath where it is bright white. Last year when she did our taxes for the first time, I assumed she was too busy during tax season to dye her hair. This year the swath was bigger and I realized she was just letting it happen. My son went to her after we did and texted: “I’m having my taxes done by Pepe LePew.” I replied, “Actually, no. You are having your taxes done by his great love, Penelope Pussycat.” His reply was just two words.
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Pepe LePew’s sexually harrassed MeToo [redacted]was named Penelope Pussy[redacted]? How the hell do you KNOW that?
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It’s sad, isn’t it? Think of the amazing things I could do if my brain wasn’t cluttered up with this crap.
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The nest appears to be in a dogwood tree based on the shape of the flowers. Not sure how edible the berries are unless you’re a [not redacted] bird.
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I think it may be a Kousa dogwood & Kousa fruit are edible by peeps. Just guessing from the shape of the flower bracts. When I was a kid I was sent out by the adults to gather native dogwood fruit to (supposedly) send to Japan… thus my extensive dogwood fruit knowledge. Also the early evidence of my trusting nature.
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You got us a sneak peak at an official report. Dang girl you have the connections.
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Hilarious, June.
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Naturally I stampeded here this morning to see how the [redacted] were doing. Glad to see all is as it should be. Lily is such a beautiful you-know-what. Lovely post!
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I love the use of [redacted]. I felt like I was reading an official CIA report. 🤣
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and on Mueller Day, too! The irony. (or not, knowing Joob.)
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