If you’ll recall from your Big Book of June events, I said yesterday that I would not refer to those smallish mammals anymore. You know the ones. The ones with nine lives and Fancy Feast. And heaven knows I’m a woman of my word. Heaven knows I have lots else going on. My life is RICH with other things.
For example, yesterday at work I noted they did this to some trees, and I was all, why. Apparently you have to do that to make them grow back or something. Why must there be a circle of life?
Also, on our walk yesterday, I noticed this:
It’s a nest nest nest! With nesty baby birds, maybe! I didn’t see any, but I was further away than this looks. This kind of makes me hungry for those butterscotch nests, do you know the ones I mean? What the hell are those made of, other than beige deliciousness?
And speaking of spring, I had to go to the drug store after work yesterday, because I am 100% out of my root spray, and did I mention to you that I’m attempting to grow my hair out to its natural color, which so far appears to be white? It’s sort of horrifying and fascinating at the same time. Anyway, meanwhile, I’m covering the roots with spray so I don’t look clinically depressed at work. And naturally I gravitated over to the Easter candy while I was at Mr. Gower’s drug store, and saw they now sell plush Peeps and plush pink bunnies along with the candy. In my day, the candy was enough.
Also, here is a bunny with weapons. He doesn’t carrot all if you live or die. He’ll root you out.
Are they trying to be secular, with the “spring buddies,” in case someone is pagan but wants to eat a marshmallow animal like everyone else? Are those two rabbits or is one a gopher or something? I’m partial to the Andy Warhol chick. That lamb is what Ima look like if I really grow my hair out.
Anyway, I got my root spray, because my life is full and balanced, and then I went home to feed the [redacted].
I tried showing him videos for you-know-whats last night. Have you ever gone on YouTube and looked at videos for [redacted]s? They’ve got birds and squirrels playing. I’ve entertained plenty of…short attitude mammals with it. The [baby redacted] was too young to notice it, but man, was Lily entertained. I guess I’ve never shown one to her before; I’ve used it more to entertain walnut-headed baby [redacted]s. But she got all big-eyed and patted at the screen just like a real [redacted] and not a lump of fluff, as she normally is.
When the other NOT FELINES went out this morning to pee with Edsel, I even saw her hesitate on the threshold of the door and consider joining them, which she never does. However, she kept her pristine paws fluffy white and stayed indoors as per usual. Lily is my people. My entire childhood was me saying, “No, I’ll just stay in with the grownups.”
Other things happened last night, but I am not at liberty to discuss them, as they are [redacted].
Tonight I’m actually leaving the house to go to the movies with The Poet. If the last seven nights have taught me anything, it’s that the [don’t say it] sleeps for a couple hours after each meal,
so I can put him in his little nest with his warming disk that is a mom substitute, which is the saddest thing in the world, and head to the movies and he won’t notice I’m gone. Then I’ll return nervously, as every time I return to this room I convince myself he’ll be dead even though he’s doing great.
Wait. What am I talking about? I can’t talk about [redacted]s. So I will not.