Lean times

I just had a rushed, fairly disappointing lunch of Lean Cuisine spaghetti and some sautéed spinach, and really, I don’t see how Lean Cuisine spaghetti could be anything BUT disappointing, but I am broke and here’s why.

My little black foster kitten is sick, and I keep spending money on food and different food and oh, look, different food, per the shelter’s instructions. And because he’s not feeling well in his stomach parts, I am also plowing through the cat litter.

heer i be. i poopy.

This I do gladly, because I want him to get well and feel comfortable when he’s, you know, pooping pudding 86 times a day, but it has resulted in me having $54 till next Wednesday, so I went to the grocery store and got 5 for $5 Lean Cuisine, and that is why I’m having disappointing spaghetti.

You know what I really wanted? A cheeseburger. A giant, disgusting one, with fries.

Anyway, despite switching to dry kitten food and then higher-quality kitten food and then canned and so on, the little black kitten’s intestines are not up to snuff. This can be dangerous for cats this young, so for the third time in 10 days I’ve taken him to the shelter so they can maybe figure out what’s wrong. Because now he’s losing weight and this is most def not good.

In the meantime, he still had plenty of frisk and was running around here like a crazy person, if a crazy person weighed 1.3 pounds and had a teensy fur suit on.

I do miss him. Milhous does, too. The little kitten got vaccinated, so I let them play in real life, not just under a door, which is probably not what the shelter wanted me to do, but he has no mom and no siblings and I felt he needed to learn to cat a bit. I hate that he’s alone in the world AND sick.

Last night, the kitten was away at his shelter, and I was stressed out and plowing through my migraine meds, and while I was lying around stressing about a cat who doesn’t even belong to me, I heard a faraway meow.

What the hell was that?

“meow,” said the faraway meow.

Seriously. What the hell was that? Iris and Lily were lounging inertia-ly within my sight, so I knew who it was.



My fear was that somehow Milhous got in the crawl space, and I don’t even know if I HAVE crawl space, but doesn’t every house have crawl space? Also, say “crawl space” one more time.

Milhous is a get-in-things cat. You open a drawer, he jumps in. You look in the closet, suddenly he’s in the closet, surreptitiously looking at gay cat porn. He’s an observer. This left me many places to look for his punk ass.


I searched the dryer, the dishwasher, and even, gasping in panic, the fridge. All places he’s leapt into while I was trying to get shit done.


Goddammit, Milhous.

After going outside and walking the perimeter of my house in my sexy Auschwitz Collection striped pajamas and NC State t-shirt, looking for the mysterious crawl space, and after coming back in and searching every drawer I could think of, I heard…

a purr. A purr! Coming from the corner cabinet in the kitchen, the one that has a lazy Susan situation in it. I’m certain I’d already opened that door looking for him, but that blond Curious George asshole had lazy Susaned himself all the way to the back of the cupboard and then had the nerve to enjoy his captivity, to Stockholm Syndrome himself enough that he began PURRING.

It was helpful, though, and I let Patty Hearst out and he rubbed against my ankles contentedly.

All this to say I have enough cat drama in my life without a sick black kitten. I hope he’ll be okay. I hope if they switch to prescription food that they pay for it. I hope he will be a little black success story.

Meanwhile, my tip jar is on the right side of this page, I think. I redesigned lately and I’ve not looked. Here. Let me plunk it in the page, if I can.


Oh my god, I could not get that to work, and you know what I want? A cheeseburger. And maybe a nice vial of absinthe. I think you can copy and paste that address up there if you want to tip me, which you probably don’t. There’s also a place to click on the right of my blog–I looked.

I have a headache.

I will alert you to the kitten’s health as soon as I know. I called earlier today but they didn’t have anything new to tell me. This all makes me very panicky and very GIVE MY DAUGHTER THE SHOT about everything, and I realize that to the shelter, he’s just another of a hundred kittens they see a day, but I know the guy personally. I’ve gotten invested. I’m not keeping him, but I do care deeply about him, you know what I mean? He’s real. He’s a little life.

I should probably not foster. Remember when I was done fostering? I should have stuck with that.

I will talk to you tomorrow, or sooner, if I learn anything.

Foster’s Lager,

41 thoughts on “Lean times

  1. Thank you for the kitty update. I was hoping his little fuzzy head was feeling better. I hope your little fuzzy head is much better tonight.


  2. I’ve never commented on any of your posts because I don’t feel witty enough, but a girl’s gotta eat so I’ve left you a tip. Enjoy and thank you for my daily entertainment, you are hilarious!


  3. I hope Little Black Kitty will be okay. I know you don’t like advice, but I would sure try those suggestions mentioned, after getting a vet’s approval. I’m going to hit the tip jar now. Prescription food is very expensive. I had a big German Shorthair Pointer who was on it. Ooo-eee! Also too, you’re going to be sick of cheeseburgers.


  4. Late to the party. I hope you got a cheeseburger. I really hope the black kitten is doing better.


  5. I had a stressful morning so I ate a cheeseburger and I am all better now. Poor kitten.


  6. I sent a tip, have a cheeseburger, eat your feelings! Feelings eating is the best eating. Be well, I like you.


  7. “He’s real. He’s a little life.” I’m bawling so THANKS A LOT. This is why I love you. Hope small kitten starts feeling better and that Milhouse stays the hell out of places cats don’t belong.


  8. I didn’t read all the comments, so not sure if anyone else suggested this, but I had a kitten with the same problems! I opened a capsule of probiotics (available at any pet store) and mixed the probiotic powder in his wet food – I believe there’s a dosage formula on the box. Within a couple weeks he was all better – and improvements stared in a couple days. Once I was sure there was no more “pudding” I tapered the probiotics off and he was fine. It’s worth a try!


      1. I can’t believe they don’t! Our shelter always asked if I needed anything! I took the kitten food and always just used my own litter.


  9. Hi June,

    The tip will be sent today!
    P.S. I enjoyed our Bewitched convo and would truly use that power for housework.


  10. Poor smitten kitten. Hopefully they get him better soon so he can come back and cat with Milhous.


  11. I’m not sure if this works for cats, but when my dogs have diarrhea, I give them plain puréed pumpkin from a can. It works wonders! I hope the little guy heals up quickly!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I have a 3 year old foster cat. And I mean really? Nobody wants a three year old cat and we all know there are way too many cats. I didn’t think about what I was getting myself into when I took him on. I can’t bring myself to return him. I mean what will happened to him ?I know rescue won’t put him back at high risk shelter but then there is less a spot for saving another. So I’ve got a cat he is very big and huge appetite. I know we all feel the same way and wish we could save them all.


    1. I adopted a two year old foster cat. Best decision I ever made. I pray there is someone out there for him!


  13. I haven’t contributed in FAR TOO LONG. Go wild and eat a big fat juicy burger, or get prescription cat food, or whatever is necessary. You deserve to not have so much stress.


  14. Awww Poor little kitty. I really think you adopt her if she makes it through all this – you are her mommy now. If she gets better it will be because you cared!


  15. I can’t send much right now but hopefully you can at least get a cheeseburger. You shouldn’t have to deal with the trauma of a sick kitty without some form of beefy cheesy sustenance!


  16. Aw, shit. And I was hoping the little guy was doing better. Does the shelter have doctors that actually treat the animals for stuff like this? Maybe the baby has a more serious issue than types of food can address. Very stressful for you…and for us who care about YOU and the love and care you provide these precious creatures. Praying for a good outcome for both of you.


  17. Nuts. Poor little kitty. You certainly have your hands full with cat business. Hope he improves and he returns to learn more about how to cat. What better place to learn?!


  18. Just added a long-overdue contribution to the tip jar. Please go have a cheeseburger. Kitten situation seems to warrant stress-eating.


  19. I just ate a lean cuisine too. Tortilla crusted fish with rice. It wasn’t bad, but I’m still hungry. I’m not sure the lean cuisine will work any magic on my weight if I go eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich like I’m considering right now.

    I hope kitten is well soon! Our cat was wearing out the litter box and the floor next to the box. It was awful. We tried medicine and food changes with no luck. Finally, our vet prescribed a duck based food. It’s expensive and it stinks to high heaven, but the food and a steroid cured the colitis. Our vet said sometimes there is a food allergy to common proteins, like fish or chicken. Thankfully, she’s a tiny cat, so she doesn’t eat much!


  20. Because you need MORE stress.
    My first Pom puppy came to my house complete with one of the whatever germs that affects the pooping and she was down under 2 pounds with the black fur and pitiful little face, and vet had me hand-feeding her sautéed burger and rice (no fries). She recovered. But what I can’t not say is that if this “here, have a sick kitten” place gives you ANY grief like you’re responsible for ANY of this we will have to march upon them, shouting, with large signs, torches and pitchforks.

    Liked by 3 people

  21. Oh June, I am so sorry that little one is poorly. Hopefully, he is on the mend and back with you soon.
    I’m also sorry about the frozen spaghetti. I will definitely got the to jar, which I should be doing on a regular basis anyway.


    1. I am hoping my friend in real life, Renee, will not read this, as she is Italian, and when you buy frozen spaghetti it’s like you stepped on her grandmother.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Absinthe tastes like fiery black licorice. And it hits you with a wallop. there is a reason it was outlawed for so many years in the U.S!


  22. Nothing like stress to give you a cheeseburger craving. Fingers crossed for the little black dude.


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