The Archie-ean era

Published on by June

I have such exciting news: I accidentally bought a Stouffer’s frozen dinner when I got my Lean Cuisines last weekend.

Boo
Yay!

I just discovered it last night when I reached in and grabbed one indifferently. Abra-abra-cadabra. I’m gonna reach out and grab ya. (You are welcome.)

If you’re not an aficionado of the frozen dinners—and oooooo, Miss Fancy Life, over there—comparing a Stouffer’s to a Lean Cuisine is like if you meant to drive through the Hardee’s and you ended up driving through a five-star restaurant. With their many, many drive-thrus.

If five-star restaurants had drive-thrus I’d actually go to them. I hate being trapped in a restaurant for hours on end.

Anyway, I don’t know how I did it. Someone must have selected a Stouffer’s, had a change of heart, then shoved it in with the Leans or something. I wonder if I got it as one of the 5 for $5? That’d be like winning the lottery.

It was a fish with macaroni and cheese. It was magnificent.

This all may sound depressing to you, but I squealed when I pulled it out. So to speak. The reason I don’t normally buy Stouffer’s dinners is they’re about 479,000 calories apiece and approx. 407% of your daily sodium. And if I’m anything at all, it’s a health nut.

So that was exciting, and I know you’re in it with me, and you’ll likely tell the kids and so on. We might have to mark yesterday on the calendar. “Accidentally had Stouffer’s frozen dinner day.”

In other news, after 692 calls with the animal shelter, my black foster kitten was repaired and ready for pickup. It was the alternator.

No. They think he just has parasites. They tested him for everything, and he’s got nothing wrong–they didn’t even find parasites, but usually these shelter kittens have a parasite or two, and he’s been on a deworming schedule so he should get better soon, they think.

I agreed to come get him after work. The shelter closes at 6:00. I had plans at 7:00. So, as 5:00 neared, I began gathering my things and my thoughts and my troops, when

RING!

the phone rang at my desk, and it was about some work I was doing for our Dallas office, and after I bought all the oil and wrangled cattle, I hung up and started getting ready to

RING! Another work call. I can go months without my desk phone ringing. Yesterday it was The Ring.

I finally got out of there, and traffic was dick, and I barely got there by 5:45. Then?

The shelter Mrs. Butterworthed the situation. Oh my god, they were taking their own sweet time, and they were discussing something with this pink-haired woman who must have FELT my impatience, but did she care? She did not. And they were DONE with their conversation. They just kept saying the same things over and over, in different iterations. It was like,

Stouffer’s frozen dinners are better.

In summation, Stouffer’s dinners are good.

When you’re looking for a superior frozen dinner, try Stouffer’s.

You know what’s good? Stou–OH MY GOD HURRY UP.

shut upz bout stowfurs

Finally, they gave him to me, and I said, “So are we good?” and the woman at the front desk said, “Oh, hang on.”

Then she methodically and Mrs. Butterworthly printed out a bunch of paperwork.

“When you foster for the animal shelter, you…”

OH

MY

GOD.

“I’ve been fostering for the shelter since 2017,” I said. “And this is the fourth time I’ve been here with this kitten.”

“…Oh! Well, no one told me that.”

I’ve seen that woman approximately 479 times. I’ve seen her as much as there is sodium in a Stouffer’s frozen dinner. Middle-aged women are invisible.

Anyway, now he’s here, the little black kitten is, and I cannot, 100% cannot, capture him on film because all he does is run about frenetically.

wy he run and step on contak?
milhowse turn to butter runin after kidden

These are seriously the best photos I’ve gotten. He’s a black blur.

Which is good, right? He must feel better. He’s in a little run-aroundy phase.

Anyway, that’s all my news. I have to go to work and work on all the things I didn’t get done yesterday, and come home at lunch and feed the black blur, and then come home and feed him again and toss Blu for Crippled Hips maybe 18 times instead of 234583042024, and then I’ll wonder, Why am I so tired? Edsel’s hips will say the same. (We go to the vet next Saturday.)

After all that Mrs. Butterworth/Milhous-as-butter talk, now I kind of want waffles. I wonder if Stouffer’s makes a good frozen one?

Honest to god not being paid by Stouffer’s,
June

51 thoughts on “The Archie-ean era”

  1. Many congrats to you – Stouffer’s is a total score. That’s like finding a dime in a roll of pennies. Sure, it’s only a dime, but it’s definitely better than a crappy old penny.

    My Stouffer’s of choice was always the Swedish meatballs with noodles, old school boil-in-bag. I think there’s enough salt in that particular one to kill the elderly and immuno-compromised. Still worth it.

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  2. Edz looks so glad his little friend is back.

    Love little kitten blurs.

    Love Eggos with Mrs. Buttersworth also.

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  3. Lean Cuisine is Stouffer’s as told to me by the frozen food dude. Googled and found that is true… so it is said. Know your baby kitten will get better with your help. I lurk, but been reading for a long time. Sesame Chicken is very good except for the red whatever that I pick out.

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  5. I keep a couple Lean Cuisine’s in the freezer at work but only like the cheesy Lean Cuisines: Mac & Cheese, 5 Cheese Lasagna, Santa Fe Rice and Beans which has cheddar. Even those are never as good as you’re hoping they’ll be.

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  6. Yes, the Lean Cuisine offerings are underwhelming and generally leave you still hungry. I’ve been trying the higher end, healthier frozen meals and some of them are actually good. Evol, Amy’s and Kashi. Of course they are pricier but nice to have on hand.

    My favorite Stouffer’s is the Welsh Rarebit which is just a tray of fancy cheese sauce. Fortunately it’s hard to find. Up here in northeast Ohio there is a Stouffer’s outlet where you can get a case of the mac and cheese of you wanted to. Very dangerous.

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  7. The impatience you felt behind the woman at the shelter? This happened to me in line (on line?) at the grocery store yesterday. Woman bought a ton of gift cards, each of which had to be coded with whatever dollar amount she wanted. Then because of the $$ she spent, she was entitled to hundreds of Monopoly game cards that she will open to see if she wins. The counting out of the Monopoly cards was the last straw, which turned into me having an anxiety attack. Complete with hyperventilating and crying. I was looked at like I was insane. They opened up a new checkout line for me, so I guess that’s the silver lining. #Don’tLeaveHomeWithoutXanax

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  8. So glad LBK is back and zooming around, obviously better. I’ve never had any of the frozen dinners, but I used to buy those for my mom, she loved them. Stouffer’s should be a sponsor for you, pay you for all the advertising. I grew up with Karo Pancake Syrup, which is a lot thicker than the other syrups, so I still buy it. Waffles are good, but I have a need to fill each crevice with syrup and butter. I really prefer pancakes, nice and golden smeared with lots of butter and drowning in syrup. Now I want some pancakes and I just ate Chick-fil-A chicken biscuit. That’s why I’m so fat. I’ll have a salad for lunch with some homemade poppy seed dressing that’s good enough to drink, another reason I’m fat.
    Tee

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  9. I get what you were doing, but heaven forbid the tragedy that presupposes befalling the Cambridges.
    Lovely post, June.

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  10. The sesame chicken lean cuisine is my favorite! I had it for lunch yesterday.
    I’m so glad kitty is home and enjoying himself!
    Our cat decided to cry loudly (it sounded like a crying child) outside our bedroom door at 2 in the morning. I chased her away twice and fed her (she didn’t eat, so she wasn’t hungry) and she finally took the hint. I’d proclaimed I was finally going to have a great night of sleep after two nights in a row of my kids waking up in the middle of the night with growing pains and falling out of the bed. So still no sleep.

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    1. My cat decided that this was his new thing for a while. So I took to keeping a spray bottle of water, and when he was shouting, “Ding! Dong! Avon calling!” I would open the door, spray his astonished face, then slam it shut. Took two days but he hasn’t done it since. I am clearly a jerk, but I also get a good night’s sleep so I’m okay with it.

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      1. You are not a jerk! I found a spray bottle in our bathroom and did the same! It was more of a fine mist than a spray of water, but it got her attention. She has a cat bed that she likes, a cat house she refuses to go in, a little blanket bed on top of the cat house that she also refuses to sit on, and a little towel bed by the fridge where the warm air keeps her cozy. None of those were suitable I guess. Yowling outside our bedroom seemed like a better choice. My husband heard none of this craziness – the yowling, the shooing, the spritzing. He slept through it all.

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  11. I think the kitty should be christened Blur. Super cute. Glad Blur is feeling better. It has been ions since I ate a frozen dinner. Thank goodness. I used to keep a couple huge cans of Dinty Moore Beef Stew in the pantry for last minute meals. Those days are long gone. Oh the things I ate when I was single and worked and had a long commute and got home starving! I do not miss that.

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      1. I eat popcorn for lunch or dinner now sometimes since I became a widow. I can make myself any crazy thing I want

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  12. Is the kitten gassy from the deworming medicine? We fostered to adopt a Coker Spaniel years ago and they had me deworm her. Her farts from it were the absolute worst, and we have had seven other dogs.

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    1. How I know he’s better: Edsel put the kitten’s head in his mouth today. This is a play thing he does only when they’re bigger and stronger. He’s very gentle till they get a certain size, then it’s Edz fit kidden in mouf? Ooo, purfict fit.

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  16. I’ve been thinking about your “plans for 7:00 pm” all week. I need more.

    Glad to hear Mr. Black____ is better!

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  17. Ooooo. Waffles. Maybe with some fresh whipped cream and strawberries?

    Sending love to Edsel and his hips, and to you as well. (OH! And the black blur, too!)

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  18. I am so glad Little Black Kitty is back and feeling his oats, so to speak. Zooming is a good sign. You know what else is good besides Stouffers? Marie Calender frozen dinners. I’ve never checked on their calories, sodium, etc., level because I don’t want to stop eating them. I especially like the turkey dinners and beef pot pies.

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    2. I used to live on Marie Callender’s Fettucine Alfredo with Broccoli. Add a dash or two of Lawry’s Garlic Salt and it was SO GOOD and no, I don’t know why my rings are so tight.

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    3. Never read the nutritional label on those meals! The country fried chicken with mashed potatoes and white gravy is good!
      I didn’t know Marie Callender’s was a restaurant!

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  19. Glad LBK is in da house again.
    Love the blur shot.
    Now I also want waffles. If I wasn’t such a lazy ass I could make my own.
    A couple of years ago I wanted a fancy Cuisinart Griddler with waffle plates, which weren’t included. I refused to pay the ridiculous price for both.
    The waffle plates were an extra $99. Thanks Cuisinart, you thieving bastards.
    Then I found it on sale for $99, including the plates. I was beyond excited at the thought of all those waffles I was going to make.
    Yeah, they’re still in the box, unused, buried somewhere in the kitchen cabinet.

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  20. Stouffers mac and cheese is one of the best things I’ve ever eaten. And I used to buy those crepes they made… what were they? Chicken and mushroom maybe. Other Stouffers that I have loved: spinach souffle, baked apples, manicotti, turkey tetrazzini, enchiladas, chicken pot pie, Swedish meatballs, French bread pizza, chicken parmesan, corn souffle, chicken and mashed potatoes… this is embarrassing. I am not a fan of any of their lasagnas – I’ve tried them all. Our favorite grocery store used to put them on sale 5 for $10 and we’d stock up. You could eat good for $50 for the week.

    Now I know better, so I do better. But the itch is clearly still there.

    Glad to see Black Kitten back where he belongs. Hope The Troubles are over for him!

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  22. I joked with one of my sisters that if Stouffer’s went out of business we’d starve. That’s only 63% true. (For the fancy people, they also make the Lean Cuisines.) I know I should cook ahead, etc., etc., but currently I don’t and I get home from work about 6:00. So, we eat a lot of Subway and Stouffer’s and Panera soup. #whysochubby

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  23. I ADORE that kitten. ADORE.

    Fun fact: I don’t like waffles. Or pancakes. And I really really don’t like maple syrup. Yeah. I’m fun.

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    1. I HATE maple syrup. I will eat maple butter on my gourmet pancakes in a fancy breakfast joint. Waffles are what I liked with ice cream for lunch, preferably on a Summer day in between swims in my parent’s above ground pool. Oh, the memories, the pool is gone and that Ice Cream Parlour no longer serves waffles and ice cream. I do eat frozen waffles for breakfast sometimes, extra butter, no syrup. Why so zoftig?

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  24. Man, I do love me a waffle. (Shameful confession: I get the mega box of Eggos at Costco. Pop two in the toaster as I’m scurrying about in the AM, and eat them, dry, as I drive to work. I figure its better than adding butter and syrup and tell myself its a treat. I lie.)

    I also love that blurry kit-ten is home!

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    1. Eggo Thick & Fluffy waffles are the best. I would have to hide them from my kids. Stay back! Stay back from Mommy’s waffles!

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  25. I love Stouffer’s!

    So glad little black blur is feeling better.
    Lovely post, June!

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  26. Speaking of Mrs Butterworth . . .I am disgusted by the KFC commercial where the Colonel makes out with Mrs Butterworth. It is just gross! I am happy about the kitten coming back.

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  28. Oh my goodness don’t be like me and get hooked on the Eggo fluffy waffles with Madagascar vanilla! (Yes, this is the real name). They are wonderful! They are also 5,000,000,000 calories without the syrup.

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  30. Okay, this really did make me sad! I wish we lived nearby so I could drop off some REAL FOOD!!! I had a frozen dinner thing the other afternoon. I’d originally purchased it thinking they were individually wrapped burritos. The tortillas were made of chicken so they were high protein and all the ingredients were REAL. I thought my daughter could heat one up quickly if we were running out for volleyball late. Ummm … no. They were together in a little plastic pan. I pretty much devoured them and told her about them later. ha! They just weren’t filling though.

    I hope the kitten continues to improve!

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