June types you from a chair. June is fascinating.

^^^ This is happening right now on my desktop computer. I think it’s updating. I know I’ve mentioned this before, but why must everything need updating every five minutes?

So I’ll update you (see what I did there?) on the thrills of my life by speaking into the phone, from the comfort of my leather chair that I bought at the secondhand store. I love this chair. It is brown and full of scratches and gouges and it’s super-extra comf. I understand if you have to leave forever, no contact, now that I’ve said “comf.”

At the store they called this chair a cowboy chair and I totally fell for that. Really it’s just a scratched-up old leather chair. I wish I’d say “chair” more often.

Anyway, now that I’m sitting somewhere different, now that I’m in a cowboy …chair, I’m discombobulated and can’t remember a damn thing I was going to tell you.

…Oh! My trainer!

This could mean a million things, couldn’t it? Aren’t trainers tennis shoes? And braces? And pants you get to pee in? Wouldn’t that be magnificent. “I have to pee. Oh, wait, I can just do it right here.”

Also a bra. A trainer can be a bra.

But in this case, the trainer was a very likable woman who led me through a bunch of weight-lifting exercises, some calisthenics, if you will, and —

Oh my god. I finally just got back on my real desktop after that phony update, and there was a little red 1 on my Apps app (ironic) THAT NEEDED UPDATING.

I JUST UPDATED.

If they’re going to constantly cry wolf about things being updated, they can’t get all uppity when we stop doing it and something breaks. Don’t tell us we need to update every four seconds. GOD.

Anyway. Here’s my point. I went to my trainer for the first time yesterday and we did a bunch of workout-y things with weights and also an elliptical and also a cucumber bike or whatever it’s called, and it was hard but not so hard I wanted to die of death, but what’s really important here is that

SHE

HAS

A

DOG.

He is brindle-colored, like a peanut-butter cup, and he is half great Dane, half Lab. OH MY GOD. And no, I didn’t say, “Hey, will you hold this weight while I go get m’phone to take a picture of your dog?”

But I luff him. I luff him BAD. He is super extra chill and I petted him in between rounds or acts or whatever it’s called when you lift weights.

Last night I came home and ate chicken and spinach like a grownup. So far what hurts on me postworkout is just my right wrist, but that could be from all those hand jobs.

…I just got up to get more coffee and am happy to alert you that also the fronts of my thighs hurt. My quadrophenias or whatever.

Anyway, I would just love to show you some pictures of, I don’t know, pets and shit, but my computer is not letting me access photos since this charming update. Did I mention I have been updating? I got the first photo above up here by extreme measures from my phone and I’m not leaving this post again to go speak into my phone.

So, in general, this was a dumb post, and one wonders why I didn’t just say, “Aw, fuck it” and not post at all. But I didn’t want you to think I’d expired at the training bra last night.

Love,
Updated June

P.S. [Update. BAH.] Faithful Reader Helen suggested we write in with photos of our favorite coffee or tea mug. I like this idea. Email me at junegardens16@gmail.com and please title your email MUG. Otherwise I will get 700 emails with different titles and I’ll never find them all.

Send me the photo and maybe your blog/commenter/what you want your name to be name and if there’s a little mug story, include it. Please send by 9 p.m. eastern time today. THANK YOU.

44 thoughts on “June types you from a chair. June is fascinating.

  1. Love love love this post, June. The hand job comment made me giggle. I’m glad you didn’t skip writing to us today.

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  2. Lovely post Coot. Sorry, I am just now getting to it, but you know, life.

    I too used training wheels forever. Then my brother took one training wheel off and made me ride with just one additional wheel. The next day I went out to get on my tri-wheeled bike and he had taken the other off. I was mortified and would not get on it. He was very patient and finally taught me how to ride with two wheels. He is a good brother, except he took my Chatty Cathy doll apart and it never was right after that. She became Demon Debbie and I hid her in a closet because she frightened me. He would sneak in and hide her all over the house so she would just seem to appear in the pantry or behind the bathroom door. Maybe he isn’t such a good brother after all.

    Trainers to me are bras and wheels.

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  3. Why am I always the last one here? Am I the only one that makes time for blogs or non-blogs in the evening? I lived in Ireland for a year in college and my friends called jogging pants ‘trainers’ too I think. Although maybe that was just sneakers? I went to Coach’s work to get physical therapy on my tennis elbow (I don’t play tennis) today and they decided to have a student evaluate me for a class. So they had to video me – embarrassing. The guy’s computer did an update just before they stated to use it to video me, so I had to sit and wait while they found an available computer. I was there FOREVER, and I just want to trade my elbow in because this is very painful and I do not know how the Hell they are going to fix it. Glad your workout with trainer was so enjoyable. I wonder if more parts will hurt tomorrow. Sometimes that happens to me – delayed part hurting.

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  4. My computer is telling me that “Updates are ready to install” which means it wants to do things and lock me out for a while.

    And, never underestimate how a good chair will change your perspective. I bought 2 reclining chairs a couple years ago and don’t know how I got along all these years without them.

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  5. When people talked about watching Fleabag, I pronounced ‘binged’ like ‘pinged’ and it took me too long to figure out what they were doing. I’ll have to look up this show, but we only have Netflix so if it’s Amazon I’m outta luck.
    I saw the pretty pitty on fb and it reminded me I hadn’t read your post yet. Congrats on the trainer. Enjoy the burn, or whatever it is you get when you do mulitple reps of some exercise.
    Lovely post, June.

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  6. Hilarious post. I never had training wheels on my bicycle. By the time I got my bike for Christmas I had spent the summer learning to ride on a boy’s bike that lived two doors from my grandmother and there were no training wheels. All the other kids in the neighborhood had training wheels.
    Tee
    P.S. WHY can’t the computers update during the night!?

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  7. So far what hurts on me postworkout is just my right wrist, but that could be from all those hand jobs.

    made me laugh/snort

    Also thanks for the Fleabag recommendation – never heard of it – but omg funny and true….

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  8. Good for you with the nice trainer. I’ve always been amazed and envious that you could keep up with workout crap by yourself with videos.
    Go ahead, trigger my grief anew. My favorite coffee cup, my every day cup that I used everyday, that even Distinguished knew to use when he brought me my morning coffee in bed, has vanished. Now I shall commence moping once more.

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  9. Training, dogs and cowboy chairs, that’s all fine and wonderful, but I’m here about Fleabag. I binged both seasons yesterday and I just want to say thank you. That is the most hysterically funny and equally sad show at the same time. I would have never even considered watching it until yesterday’s post.

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  10. While you posted from your chair, I placed an Amazon order from mine using your unicorn head link from yesterday. Thanks for including a link as that reminded me that I needed to place an order. Now I’m sure to get lots of ads for unicorns.

    Don’t forget to continue to include links in your not-blog posts for short-term memory readers like me.

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  11. Good for you that you are fairly unscathed by training! I really think the trainer will understand that world famous June has legions of internet fans to grace with a new-to-us dog pic.

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  12. How lucky you are to get a trainer with a dog! Yesterday I saw a three-month-old pitty and of course actually ran to pet him. He was a sweetie and gave me lots of kisses.

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  13. Of course Mother knew right away why your wrist was hurting!

    Also how cool of the trainer to bring a sweet dog to help you forget about the pain she is inflicting on you. I hope it’s not too expensive (I only say that because our trainer prices around here are out of control) and you can stick with it if you really like it.

    Coffee mugshot already sent. This will be fun!

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  14. Best wishes with the training. When I can, I’d like to do that. My daughter bought some training sessions and she really liked the experience.

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  15. You could type just the word Nothing in a post and we would all say “so glad June posted today”, so that shows how much we love our June! Can’t wait to see that doggie!

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  16. Good job finding a trainer you like, June! And one with a cool dog, too. Score!!! I don’t enjoy working out but my trainer is nice AND she has a dog, too. So we trade dog and grown kid stories whilst I “glow” and it makes the time go quickly. I go three afternoons a week for 30 minute sesssions. I’ve been working out with her for about 6 months now and I am much healthier. Plus I’ve lost 40 pounds (with healthy eating and consistant exercise).

    We need a photo of the peanut butter cup dog soon, please!

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      • If you tell the trainer about us and the blog …and how we are asking for a photo of her dog …I’m sure that she will understand.

        I “double dog dare” you : P

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      • Nonsense. I ask people all the time if I can take a picture of their cute doggies. And pet them. 60% of the time, it works every time. The 40% of the time, it doesn’t work because people look at me like I’m some kind of crazy dog lady.

        OH MY GOD, right in the middle of typing this out, my ding dang computer (an iMac) started an update. this was after doing a system update yesterday that took for EVER. For EVER. For EVER. Fans of The Sandlot will get that.

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      • It is an odd conversation to have that never seems to spontaneously present itself unless you’re doing self promotion …. and that feels really weird when you’re paying for someone’s services (source: used to have a subscription newsletter).
        I’m always happy seeing Edsel!

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  17. Did anyone else get an update notice just now? I did! I hope you will tell the trainer about breaking your wrist when you fell off the roof. Maybe you need a wrist brace or something, but it seems she should know.

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    • Training wheels… used them for years! Training bra? Ha! Nope, went right to the real thing. Delightful today, Karen! Chuckling my way back to work.

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      • Dear Vicki, It’s JUNE. I mean, it’s May, but you know what I mean. And girl, I used those training wheels forever. Did we ever ride around the hood with our cool training wheels? I don’t recall but I’ll bet we did.

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    • I agree with your mother.

      I am also worried about my daughter who is running her first half marathon yet she had bunion surgery on her big toe three years ago. She started out with a trainer at a gym and morphed over to a Saturday running group. I love how she is sorta athletic.

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  18. Ooo, I just remembered one walking around a track with a friend while we wolfed down a bag of crunchy Cheetos.

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  19. I need to share what I just saw: a guy holding a golden retriever puppy, and he was kissing the top of the pup’s head and talking to him as they went down the street.

    OMG. Animals are the best. We don’t deserve them.

    Your peanut butter cup dog made me think to tell this story.

    Also. Thinking about peanut butter cups while you’re training. Lol.

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