Tangent

Going to my trainer in the morning is messing with my blogging, and one has to decide what’s more important: my physical health or the 15 people who wait to read me. I think the answer is clear. That trainer is fired!

No.

Really what I need to do is blog the night before on mornings I have said trainer. But, for example, last night I wasn’t feeling great and you know what’s riveting? Reading someone’s blog about when she can fit in blogging.

Say “blog” one more time, June.

Also, while we’re being boring, do you remember the other day I said I deleted all my dating sites, but while I told you that some dude’s text screamed across my screen because I’d given him my real number?

After I was done talking to you, I wrote him back, and carefully and kindly explaining my writing schedule. Then last night we actually spoke on the phone. Once again we talked about my writing, and I explained to him that I just took one hour, ONE HOUR A DAY, to write, and how I used to date someone who’d call me every single morning during that hour on his way to work and how berserk it made me to be interrupted and so on.

He seemed clear on the concept.

This morning he texted anyway, then wrote, “I know. Shhhh.”

Who here is irritated AF? Does that not seem like inevitable the path to, “I will never acknowledge your needs”? Lort.

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This morning after I returned from the trainer, who wears training pants, I let the dog out, and any time I ask, “Do you wanna go outside?” Milhous runs to the door, too. I saw them way out back together, looking adorable like Milo and Otis or something, so I ran to get my phone to take a photo and of course when I returned they were just waiting for me to let them back in. There are no yard-frolic photos to show you.

But Milhous regularly sidles up under Eds. It’s so nice. I’m glad he has a friend. I mean, he still has Lily, but Lily won’t go outside with him. IMG_4417.jpeg

I don’t have much else to tell you, except that I ran out of contacts this week and had to go to my eye guy to get more. When I said “eye guy” I thought of that animated character that’s just a big eye. Anyone who has kids will know. Then you’ll tell me those movies are really good and they make them so adults will like them too. My one big eye is currently rolling at you.

Anyway.

After I got my contacts, I popped into my old Chinese restaurant, not that I ever owned it, but it’s the one I went to all the time in my old neighborhood and why so stout. Remember that place? I used to say their slogan was, “It’s close by.” That was really their only selling point.

Yesterday, since I was in the strip mall to get my one big eye, I strolled down and got me some (surprisingly delicious) cashew chicken. (Seriously it was so good.) I remembered that one time, back in 2011 when Marvin and I were first separated, when I was waiting for my food and reading a free newspaper when I FELT rather than saw Marvin walk in. I looked up and sure enough, there he was at the counter.

I had such a wave of nostalgia remembering that. When Marvin left town it was a mere blip on my radar, so involved with my new life was I. And now it might just be that I will never ever see Marvin again. Isn’t that weird? Thinking of it makes me sad.

Why are all Chinese take-outs decorated the same? Do you think there’s a Chinese take-out decorating catalog, like how when I was a church secretary I’d page through the churchy catalog and order communion? “Now, do we get the whole wheat God or white God?”

Okay, I have to go. I have to read a deck, which I know sounds like I’m staring at wood over water. Oooo, do you know what I wish I had? Is some more of that Wood Sage & Sea Salt perfume. It costs 11 million dollars so all I ever have are samples when I can get them.

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Do you know what you just witnessed? ADD in action, right there. That’s m’brain being all ADD. Jesus. Whole wheat Jesus.

Okay, really going. Oooo, one more thing. I’m fixing up two people I know and it’s SO EXCITING. Further reports as developments warrant.

Focusedly,
Joon

P.S. The other night I was on the phone with my Aunt Kathy, and she said someone poo-hoo’d a situation. I didn’t want to forget to tell you that. You might poo-hoo me for adding a P.S. but I’m telling you anyway.

78 thoughts on “Tangent

  1. I’ve often thought the same thing about Chinese restaurants. I also thought they named them by spinning two wheels. On the first one they have “Golden”, “Twin”, “Panda”, “Lucky” and on the other wheel: “Palace”, “Dragon”, “Wall” and “Express”.

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  2. I’m writing to say that my daughter fell over something today (out of my sight) and it made a loud crash and she immediately yelled, “I’m all right! I’M AAALLLLL RRRIGHT!” in a drunken Uncle Billy voice.

    I raised my kids right, is what I’m trying to say. That is all.

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  3. June and all you commenters are on fire today! Thanks for the help in mood boosting!

    Gluten-free Jesus. OMG. (So to speak.)

    As a Jewish person, the whole concept of opening your mouth in front of someone and having them place something in it (with their bare hand, no less has always seemed kind of icky to me. (I am NOT trashing anyone’s religion here.) Also, does everyone put their mouth on the same cup?
    I’m not a super germophobe, but many people are. How do they deal with that??

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  4. Love the image of you shopping for communion. Also it is weird the guy texted ‘I know shhh’ but maybe he thinks he was being cute. Not sure why I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. I feel like my mother. The Marvin walking into the chinese place is funny. Especially that tou felt his presence.

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  5. Speaking of tangents, we went to a Japanese rather than a Chinese restaurant for lunch. I looked around and saw the bamboo plant, other plants and yellow kitty with BOTH paws up (what does that mean?) . Notice how your not-blog is part of our daily lives.

    And on another tangent, did anyone else have weird dreams last night besides me?

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  6. Make it 16 people who look forward to your blog every day. My life is as exciting as yours, the only difference is that I am retired (eat your heart out) and you’re not. I still running around the hamster wheel so don’t think that it’s going to slow down.

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  7. Lovely post, Coot. Our old Chinese take-out was called Hot China. My daughter would always ask if we could go to Hot Vagina for take out as loud as she could while standing in line at the Kroger. Never corrected her. Then I moved to California where the take-out was named Peonies. Well, of course, it became Penises.
    I hope to NEVER see my ex again. In fact, there is a little part of my dark heart who hopes he trips and falls into a live volcano or is eaten by a bear, but, drowned in a septic tank would be better.
    I grew up Bathtist, where we were not given REAL wine but Welches Grape Juice instead and soda crackers.

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  8. I love your add posts. Whenever you share pictures of your house it makes me feel so cozy. I know that sounds strange, but it does.
    My ex husband and I live on the same street, about 10 houses apart. We get along but I was not that excited when they first moved in. It does make it easier for my son and after last night when I had a scary knock on my door at 10:30 and called my ex it really made me appreciate having him close. He got in the truck and was there in a minute to check.

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  9. I had the Barbie Dream House with the hot pink plastic sofa but only my brothers’ GI Joe’s got to ride in her car. Had Ken, too, yet he preferred to do the decorating or pilot the Barbie dream ship/plane. We sold all of that this spring at my mom’s downsizing sale. I kept my old copy of Free to Be You and Me, though – and found the book my mom bought when I was born – “A Practical Princess” – I think she was betting on all sides.

    The comments on this post got me to thinking that 1] I want Chinese for lunch and C) I wonder what my longest-relationship ex is doing. We don’t have friends in common but I still have family in that area. The last I’d heard, nearly 10 years ago, was that he’d married and had a child. I was genuinely happy for him, having moved on myself. Y’all – after googling his name – his life has imploded within the past two years. Now I just feel so sad – not that I’ll reach out as I am not certain that he isn’t arrested by now.

    Definitely need Chinese for lunch.

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  10. My radically inclusive Episcopal Church even has gluten free Jesus. Instead of palms up receiving, you place your palms down and they accommodate your testy intestines. That’s being a good host. (I just gave myself a comedy award which not everyone will understand.)

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  11. Barbie Dreamhouse without the cardboard! Now with real walls and water!!

    Oh, and did anyone but me “lose” the post yesterday? I commented, and then the whole post went “poo hoo” on me.

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  12. I thought of two things here:

    1. My friend, Stefan, lost an eye in a construction accident years ago, so every time Valentine’s Day rolls around we buy him the card with the Monster’s, Inc. eye character and it reads, “I only have eye for you.” We are hilarious.

    2. I’m very good at playing matchmaker! One couple is married with at least one kid now. I’ve had other successes but that is my crowning glory. It’s just, I’m terrible at matchmaking for myself. My picker has been broken for many years. I am not sure how one fixes that.

    Lovely post, June.

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  13. I was married to my ex for 20 years. It’s been 5 years since we lived in the same state. Sometimes I wonder if anything happens to him will anyone think to let me know? We parted amicably, so I would feel weird not knowing… but we don’t have any friends in common…

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    • My ex had a heart attack while on vacation in Australia. I found out about it a few days later when I saw a picture of his stent stuff on Instagram.

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  14. You’ve posted about that perfume before and it intrigued me. A few years ago I went to New York City and saw that there was a Jo Malone shop in Manhattan so I made plans to stop there on my walk from the subway to the Metropolitan Museum of Art. It was early morning, just when they were opening and the neighborhood was so posh. It was my first stop after getting off the airplane so I had my backpack and a coat that I didn’t need and a purse. The fancy little boutique had a buzzer at the door to be let in. I peered through the windows, saw the two fancy store clerks and chickened out! I just felt out of my element having just arrived from suburban Ohio.

    I looked it up and now there is a shop at one of the fancy shopping areas here where I will totally be comfortable going to.

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    • My life is brighter because you write and I read you. Enjoy all the chuckles and your pets and your people.
      June providing a smile … community service.

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  15. It’s Barbie dream house patio furniture .
    Of course you will see Marvin again. The universe may actually require it.
    Have an excellent weekend, Juniper.

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    • Oh my god. IT SO IS BARBIE DREAM HOUSE. See, mom, this is what happens when you Free to be You and Me my ass and forbid Barbies. I spend the rest of my life making up for it.

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  16. Hi June,

    My hair color person got herself an Apple watch and during my appointments, she answers calls from relatives. “I’ve got you on speaker phone while I’m cutting my lady’s hair….” Most of the time she takes a call while I’m hanging backwards and upside down in the hair rinse sink; she bosses her husband via phone watch as her fake finger nails scrub the dye out of my hair.

    Anyway, I bet if you get one of these annoying things, you can call up Siri and dictate text Blog messages to yourself all day long. In the car while driving to work. In the Loo. In between squats.

    Of course I’m just kidding. I really appreciate the time and effort that you put into your blog posts. I’ve been reading your blog for years. I am addicted and love these mini novellas. #TeamJune #AwesomeWriter

    Happy Friday Everyone!

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      • That “I know. Shhhh.” guy just told you he is 4 years old and wants Mommy to know he’s being a good boy while still getting attention. FTS.
        Picture of Edsel and Milhouse on the Barbie Patio made me happy.
        Multiply lovely post, June.

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  17. “I has the asthma”. Crying laughing here. I’m gonna incorporate that into all my future illness too.

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    • In fact, if you ever visit Calgary Episcopal Church in TinyTown, NC, they serve whole wheat god. That should be THEIR slogan.

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      • My college chapel served whole wheat God. This was back in the 70s, btw. And it wasn’t just a tan or brown disc, it was actual whole wheat bread that the priest broke off in chunks. It served an excellent purpose (alcohol absorption) for those sinners just straggling home from the night before. OR SO I’VE BEEN TOLD.

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          • It was a beautiful chapel looking out over the Finger Lakes. The middle finger, actually. Very peaceful. And yes, I did, now and then. I mean, I wasn’t an Osmond or a Duggar about it.

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              • I went to Ithaca College. Ithaca was on Cayuga Lake. It is BEAUTIFUL!!! Or it was; I haven’t been back in forever, but I can’t imagine it isn’t still gorgeous.

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                • Oh yeah, that whole area is still gorgeous, although it has gotten very expensive and overcrowded in areas!

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            • My friend goes to a church where the chalice bearer would hand the chalice to each person as they filed by. One Sunday my friend filed up, took a sip and walked on. Her 13 year old son right behind her chugged the full chalice of wine and turned around to his dad with a giant grin on his face. Of course my friend was horrified. The next Sunday the priest announced a new policy- the chalice bearers would hold the chalices from that day forward. The parishioners were so mystified by this change! 🤣

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              • I go to a church with a very small congregation. Homemade whole wheat. One little girl held up her hands for the bread and said “I want a BIG piece.”

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  18. I LOVE Hi Malone Wood Sage & Sea Salt! I never have anyone mention that theynlike mynperfume when I wear it, so I thought that it doesn’t appeal to many others. Glad you like it, too! I hardly ever comment, but I’m so grateful for the time you put in nearly every day for us. You are fabulous, June!

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  19. I knew that picture was a Chinese take-out before I read it because THEY ARE ALL decorated the same way! Bamboo plant. Trailing plant. White cat with the paw up. Soda machine. Rickety tables that haven’t been wiped off since 2010. Pictures of the food that don’t even vaguely resemble what you order. There must be a codicil to the articles of incorporation or whatever when a take-out place is opening stating these necessities. Same with the greasy bag, chopsticks in that red sleeve and the useless cardboard squares. IT’S THE LAW. The Chinese Food Take-Out Law. CFTOL. Here duck sauce, Lady. You go now.

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    • Our Chinese takeout (I won’t say “favorite” because it’s more like “only”) serves delicious homemade sweet and sour sauce if you eat in (at one of their three tables, two of which are used to either hold all the bags of takeout waiting for customers to pick up or for the ancient grandmother to sit and roll eggrolls all day long). But if you carry out, they give you those packets that contain one drop of sauce each. It ENRAGES my husband. Every time we order he instructs them to give us the HOMEMADE sauce. And every time they forget. Or pretend they don’t understand, which likely story. It is a real bone of contention. But now I know it’s probably part of the CFTOL.

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    • I actually thought it was a picture of the Eye Guy place. The Chinese take-out places here are required to have missing pieces of vinyl flooring tile. And the soda machine was wheeze and gasp. And none of them can boast that “It’s near by.” Imperial Palace “It’s grungy and in the tiny shopping area in your nearby sketchy neighborhood.”

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  20. I love, love, love your ADD posts, they are perfectly normal to me. There was so much in this nothing to say today post. Let’s see how many more times I can say post. Loved the photo of Milo and Otis there. Okay, I am off to a meeting.
    Tee

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  21. My first thought looking at the photo of Edsel was that the poor guy has some kind of growth on this back leg. Thank goodness it’s just a Milhous. Maybe I need to see your eye guy.

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  22. When my ex husband and I were separated, we met at a coffee place to have a talk. He was so unbelievably hateful and awful to me that day. I walked to my car and completely broke down sobbing. I looked up and he was parked two spaces away and he was looking at me and I turned my head away so he wouldn’t see me sobbing. I looked back up a few seconds later and he was gone. That’s the last time I ever saw him. THANK GOODNESS. But I always think the last time he ever saw me I was red faced, with swollen eyes, doing the ugly cry from how awful he was and I secretly hope it haunts him. Laughing face emoji.

    Lovely post, June.

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    • My boss uses “hoo-ha” to describe fuss about an issue but I think about its slang use to describe lady bits and get distracted from whatever she’s talking about. Hashtag corporate ladder.

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  23. Poo hoo’d. Perfect. Better than “who pooed?”

    I love a good tangent. Unless it’s one of those geometry tangents… those I can live without.

    Never seeing Marvin again makes me sad, too. Life makes me so melancholy sometimes.

    Lovely post June, per usual.

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  24. I might have “the” ADHD too because I can follow along with no problem. The “the” is for all medical conditions because my nephew who is now 21 went around telling everyone “I has the asthma” when he was a toddler.

    Edsel and Milhaus are the cutest buff buds.

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