When I went to the beach a few months ago, I bought a sunscreen lip balm. The fact that I did this, along with buying SPF 942 sunscreen for the rest of me, is an indication of my newfound maturity. From birth to age 45, I applied zero sunscreen, thinking it was for pussies, and that is why I am 53 and look like Granny from The Beverly Hillbillies.
My point is, after said beach trip I brought the sunscreen lip balm to work because I like to have something on my lips or it feels weird (#fucknatural). Whenever I’d put on any lipstick or lip gloss it would inevitably smear onto whatever paper I was copy editing and it annoyed. The sunscreen lip balm is clear but it gives me that “You have something on our lips feeling” I have to have or I lose my mind.
And every time I put it on, it smells and tastes exactly like summer. It’s like “tanning lotion,” which is what they used to sell us to encourage our tans, and no, I do not know how to cool squirrel and serve it over by the see-ment pond, Jeb.
I put that lip gloss on and I’m transformed to summers in the yard, lying on a blanket my mother would probably not approve of me dragging out, with AM radio playing You’re 16, You’re Beautiful And You’re Mine (hello, Child Protective Services? I need you to check out a Beatle) and “tanning lotion” slathered on all 95 pounds of me.
The sun in our yard shone on the front during the afternoon, so I’d gladly head out there and wait for boys yell, “WOOOOO!” as they drove past. Mmmm-hmmm. Drink you in these A-cups in m’purple one-piece. That’s right.
Anyway. I have to go in. Prime tanning hours are over and General Hospital’s getting ready to go on. But what smells or flavors do that to you? What reminds you of another place or time? There were also these binders where I used to work, in Seattle in the ’90s. They were large plastic binders and they smelled just like when you’d get a new doll at Christmas. I was always so excited to get a new doll in theory, but then I’d ignore it for the stuffed animals, and there describes my whole life. Human? Animal? Oh, let me decide which I prefer.
Okay, talk to you guys later. Is my tan even?