Too tacky to load

I got home last night, opened my suitcase and put away only the necessary things. I know Faithful Reader Paula H&B comes home and immediately unpacks her entire bag, but FR Paula is a psychopath. Or at least a psycho walkway. Maybe not an entire path.

Still. Unpacking as soon as you get home? What the hell is wrong with her? I picture her insides incessantly being pulled by 20 mules, driving her relentlessly to the next thing. Whereas mine has one really old tired mule kind of meandering dementia-ly to whatever.

Anyway, I just now plugged in my phone to my computer, which was turned off when I arrived home. We apparently had a storm while I was gone, as the time was blinking on my microwave and there were giant branches down in the back yard. Maybe King Kong came through. Microwaved him a burrito then got mad at the machine.

My point is, now that they’re all loaded, it appears that I apparently took like 300 pictures on my trip. I feel like I showed a bunch to you, but let me just show you the ones I think I haven’t, and then we will never speak of my vacation again.

…Also? I have some confusion about, Did I show this on social media or my damn blog? Who can recall? I did everything half-distractedly all last week because I didn’t have the quiet and/or the time I have here. The point is, if you’re my social media friend you may have seen these already and I am sorry.

Edsel decompressing from too much meeting and greeting. Oh! Let me tell you a story!

On our way home, we went back to the hotel I always stay at in West Virginia. I took Edsel out to lift his leg on the really nice foliage they plant at the side of the entryway and I am certain they adore me. On our way back in, there was a man standing at the elevators. The elevator doors opened and a child was in there. She giggled, and the doors shut again.

“Oh!” I said, or I might have said, “Ope,” the interjection of the Midwest.

“She really likes the elevators. You don’t mind, do you?” he asked. There was a scene like this in Sex and the City, and Miranda DID mind, as did I. I live in fear of running into another dog at the hotel, and all barking in the land being heard on all five floors.

When the doors opened again, I got on the elevator. No time for nonsense.

“She wants to push the button for you,” the dad announced. And really, how am I to know he was the dad? Maybe he’d kidnapped her, decided she was annoying, and was letting others have a grab at her. In any event, I got on the elevator, said, “Five, please,” and when she pushed the button she said, “I want to go to five.”

“Okay, honey.”

Okay, honey??? Okay?? How do you know I’m not Dee Molester, of the Coney Island Molesters? How do you know I’m not Cruella DeVille, which let’s face it, I kind of am. I thought parents were helicoptering these days. This guy just threw her into the blades.

CAN I PET YOUR DOGGIE

She was not a quiet child. She was cute. Full head of curls, blonde. To Edsel, she looked delicious.

“My dog is very shy,” I said, as if that weren’t obvious given that he’d lassoed around me with his leash. “He can’t get pets because he’s shy.”

HE’LL LIKE ME, she said, literally jumping up and down in the car. Five floors couldn’t go fast enough.

With her screeching and her jumping, Edsel was in a lather. She kept trying to peek around my legs at him and touch him, and I could just picture the elevator door opening back in the lobby full of blood like in The Shining.

“You really can’t pet him,” I said, firmly. I was, for the first time, worried Edsel would bite a person. He was petrified.

Fortunately, we got off the elevator then and the child BEGAN TO FOLLOW US and that is why I have her held for ransom to pay for my fence. Holy cats, with that child. “Goodbye,” I said to her, with the warmth of the Wicked Queen. Which let’s face it, I kind of am.

And that’s that story.

Also, I don’t think I told you that when I was back, I got up with my friend Dottie from college. Dottie always had critters. She was forever finding baby raccoons and nursing them back to health, or walking about a kegger with a raven on her forearm or what have you.

We met at Bronner’s, which is I think the world’s largest Christmas store. Here are some of the nice things we saw…

Ack–I’m having trouble loading photos, and now I have to go to work. This means I’ll show you our Christmas pictures tomorrow, and you know how I said I’d never speak of my vacation again? I apparently lied.

Ding dang it. Just as soon as I gave up, the nice Christian Fourth of July Christmas Tulip extravaganza display finally loaded. I feel like WordPress was all, “This is too tacky to load.” But yet here it is. Anyway it gives you some idea of the wonderful things we found at the Christmas store, so you have THAT to look forward to.

Your pal and mine,
June

63 thoughts on “Too tacky to load

  1. That child stressed me out just reading about her, poor you and Edsel.

    They have to put a fence around the display to prevent theft of a sequin or two?

    Lovely post, pretty June. Hope you’re settling back in!

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  2. I’m an unpacker. In fact Mr. Texas and I have an unspoken race to see who unpacks first. I also clean house before I leave, so when I come home it’s spotless. When I go on vacation, I go ON VACATION. I do not do laundry or fix anyone a meal, including myself. I learned long ago that if I did those things, I got home feeling like I did all the same crap I normally do, just in a different location, and that is not a vacation for me.
    Can’t wait to see more weird Christmas photos!

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  3. I enjoy all your photos, especially the vacation ones. I aspire to be the kind of person who unpacks her suitcase the moment she gets home but these days I’m just happy when I return to a tidy home. I heard a story the other day that made me think differently about the unpacking thing. Barbara McQuade was on the The Oath podcast talking about how she caught an oncologist in a massive medical fraud case. This guy was giving dozens (hundreds?) of patients false cancer diagnoses but administering very real and toxic chemo drugs and making millions in billings. One woman had just completed her first round on Fourth of July weekend and tripped over a partially unpacked suitcase on the floor and broke her leg. Since the fraudulent oncologist was on vacation that weekend, his partner (already suspicious and planning to leave the practice) checked on the newly diagnosed patient with the broken leg. He was able to quickly determine that the woman did NOT have cancer and the FBI scrambled to gather all the evidence they needed to make their case. And the poor woman went from thinking she was just having the worst luck ever to feeling glad she had the good fortune to break her leg when she did.

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  4. Hi June, I’m glad that you and Edsel had a nice vacation. I’m enjoying the photos and stories via the blog and Facebook.

    P.S. I have a potentially creepy, very cool experiment planned. My ex mother in law has dementia and was moved to a facility. Also my ex husband died last year, right before his mom got to point that she doesn’t remember people very well. Anyway, yesterday, I help my daughter pick up a few boxes of stuff that formerly belonged to her grandmother and her dad. It was leftovers that no other relative wanted. Oh my, we hit the jackpot. We found my ex mother in law’s Astrology books from 1970ish, ESP and others things in which she took classes to be a “high priestess” (I have no clue). My daughters (33 and 27) were squeezing in glee. I told them “If you find any cassette tapes, let me know..it may be the tape from when she took your dad (when he was a kid) to a combination seance to talk to her dead parents and fortune telling event for her 14 year old son .” Ten minutes later a tape labeled “Vera, 1972”, was found at the bottom of the box (under her Catholic bible, etc. Yes, she had many interests).

    I am ordering something from Amazon that converts cassette tape to MP3. I am really excited. I hope we get to hear their grandmother and her son (their deceased father) talking on the tape.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Please excuse the missing letters from autocorrect or my own typos (one finger typing from my phone). Grrrr.

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  5. Wow. Bronner’s seems… Wow. I just can’t. This is me canting.

    As for the elevator, the father should not be treating it as a child’s toy. Other parents weird me out sometimes. My daughter tells me I’m strict, because I won’t let her go on sleepovers at houses where (a) the kids have told us there is vermin (mice, bedbugs, rats… in the HOUSE, ewewewew), or (b) there is inadequate adult supervision. No, I don’t care if so-and-so’s Mom lets her stay up until 3am and video chat with her boyfriend from the bedroom. There was a 14-year-old friend of my daughters who was supposed to sleep over yesterday and when she hadn’t shown by 10, I locked the door, turned off the porch light and told my kid it was bedtime. Friend showed at 10:30 and her parent waited in the car for half an hour when we didn’t answer the doorbell. It’s 10:30. Go away.

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  6. Confession time with a brief (who am I kidding) explanation.
    I once let all 4 of my girls and their best friends play in the Sheraton Waikiki elevators completely unsupervised. Keep in mind two of my girls are handicapped. One who is wheelchair bound and one who wears leg braces.
    So, they were basically their own chapter of the crips. They played elevator tag.

    We had been living in Hawaii for a few years and were on our way back to the mainland. We had a month of vacation planned. Meeting our van in LA and driving cross country with stops at Disney, Grand Canyon, visiting friends and family along the way. Ending in New Jersey. We had spent the last weeks clearing quarters, packing, organizing and at the time I was a freelance artist. I had a ton of orders come in right as we were leaving. Which I was still working on during our last days staying at the Sheraton. I lost my mind. I still feel a little guilty. They remember it as one of their best times ever. There were two groups of four together at all times. And they monopolized the elevators and drove people nuts. I painted in relative peace in our suite.

    P.S. Plus who’s gonna give the little crippled girls a hard time? And yes, we say crippled and we call them gimps.

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    • My Mom used to say this to me all the time as a kid. She’s said it to me as an adult (Thanks Mom!), so now my husband will periodically bring it up & point out that it’s still true.

      (She sounds like the type of kid I like when they don’t belong to me!)

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  7. I agree and abhor parents who think that just because it’s their child, we’ll think they’re so adorable and will allow them anything. Guess again, dumbass.

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  8. THAT PARENT needs to be kicked in the seat! You were so kind to say poor Edsel is shy, I would have said he’s really MEAN and he BITES, so DO NOT tough him. Poor Edsel. I had a really mean cat, fmr., and kids would come to my home and I would tell them and the parents right up front he was mean and he does bite and scratch. One child AND parent didn’t listen, guess what, he scratched the little girl. My response was, I told you he would scratch you and moved on to the next subject. I had no sympathy for the child or parent. Sorry, I know y’all think I’m horrible, but they were warned. The cat was mean, he even attacked ME!

    I empty my suitcase in the laundry room and get the clothes washed as soon as I get home. I’m ready for those suitcases to go back to the attic.

    Looking forward to all 300 photos from your trip.

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    • The elevator behavior I found a bit entertaining (mostly because she was supervised), but the dog thing? NO. NEVER.

      If someone tells you NOT to pet their dog, then your kid NEEDS to listen. PERIOD. It’s not negotiable & it’s a safety issue.

      I’m trying to figure out how the overly indulgent parent didn’t notice Edsel completely freaking out. It’s not like he’s subtle!

      I am not nice when it comes to people who don’t listen with children or dogs.

      My dog *will* bite (& probably slam to the ground) your pesky/aggressive dog if it gets in her face… Phoebe is old (14) & has zero tolerance for other dogs BS, all her tolerance is used up by her little brother, Ares (4). She likes the dog park, but she sticks to the edges & doesn’t really interact with most of the other dogs at all unless they are bugging Ares.

      Both of my dogs love kids, but people need to verify this first! I know plenty of people who have dogs that are freaked out by kids, primarily because kids are loud & move to quickly.

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  9. I travel frequently for work. My husband recently told me that it really bothers him that I don’t unpack immediately. He was really kind about it so I am really making an effort to only wait one week instead of several to completely unpack. 😊.

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  10. What a vacation! Your posts about Giovanni and Ann, they were beautiful and I’m still thinking about them.
    I’ve never heard of Bronners, except for hippie soap, but that display is … something? Looking forward to the rest of the tour.
    Team Unpack When You Get Home. Otherwise the cat might pee in the suitcase. After a lifetime of well behaved cats I have a little schmuck who likes to leave a revenge pee with no rhyme or reason. Good thing he’s cute.

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  11. Poor Edsel. Parents are too indulgent with their kids. We have parents bring their dogs into school so the kids can show off their dog! Its just a nightmare waiting to happen. I’m a dog owner and it just makes me cringe every time.

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  12. I live out of my suitcase when I get home until it is empty. As I use things I’ll put them away, but they stay in that suitcase until I need them. If that takes a couple of weeks (or months) that’s just how it is!
    I hope your trip was fun and relaxing and awesome!

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  13. What is the green thing in that alleged Christmas photo on the right?

    People think it’s OK for their kids to do or say anything and it’s cute. Just have their way. That’s just fine. In another decade either my husband or my daughter will be telling them what to do and when. (They’re both prison guards.)

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  14. I have not been anywhere that required using a suitcase for three years. I wouldn’t be one bit surprised to look in it and find clothes. I cannot believe that father let his child ride up and down in an elevator pressing buttons. How many months old was she? And poor Eds! I bet he’s happy to be home.

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  15. Oh I forgot to comment about the kid! The idea of that kid on the elevator alone makes me panicky! First, anyone could get on that elevator and snatch her up! Second, no one should just expect a stranger to entertain their child on an elevator, particularly a stranger with a dog who may or may not like strangers or kids! That dad deserves a long lecture on safety and manners. Preferably from a hovering mother and a responsible pet owner.

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  16. Oh that child! Love the helicopter blades thought. It is strange to let a kid have the run of the elevator. Parents today are a might push-overy, in my old-school parent estimation. I do not unpack my bag that night. Just grab what I need to get my contacts out and face it the next day, or maybe even the day after depending on the level of busy. Sometimes us parents are so busy because our kids have demanded to ride elevators and we are on a mission to make their little dreams come true. It that your mom getting a ride up the stairs? Maybe she would be better served with an elevator? Poor Edsel. Racing to my workout class – glad you are home safely, and I will not complain if we hear more about the vacation. It sounded great!

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  17. “My kid likes to put hairpins in the electrical sockets. You don’t mind, do you?” How a child survives at the hands of most males is a minor miracle.

    Edsel sounded like an outstanding companion this trip. I’m so glad you took him.

    And no one here could live with me. I unpack only the dirty clothes. The rest stay in my suitcase for at least a week. Or three. I’m usually so sick of seeing the same choices I had on vacation, I can’t bear to look at them again in my closet so soon after coming back.

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  18. First off, I am a psychoautobahn. Or psychosuperhighway. COMPLETELY NUTSO is what I’m saying. Even if we’ve been delayed getting home and it’s some ungodly hour, I unpack. And yes, I bring home clean clothes. OH WAIT, this is going to stir up the whole Travel Towels debacle. Well now I also have Travel Sheets and Travel Blankets and Travel Silverware.(And Travel Jewelry. See above re: Completely Nutso.)

    Secondly, I may have kids and said kids may have been little at one time but ohmygod I have little to no patience with “precocious” kids. Every child should have been raised like I was and like I raised my kids and that included NOT pushing elevator buttons for others and NEVER approaching any dog without express permission. I HATE TODAY’S PARENTS and their always sticky kids.

    Ok, sorry. I’m a little worked up because a client just called to tell us her husband went in the basement and shit all over. Why? Why tell me? Now I never want to see her again and certainly will not be shaking her hand.

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    • If your client knows you, she probably expects you to come and clean it up. Because if anyone would be prepared for a husband shitting in a basement, it’s you.

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    • FR Paula and I are the same person. We (I) have dual identities on here for fun.
      I unpack immediately. I cannot STAND MYSELF for even a moment if my suitcase is out all willy nilly.
      Paula? Do you immediately do bed bug checks in any hotel room you stay in before allowing your family to even enter the room?

      I hate precocious kids. OK. Hate is a strong word. They annoy. My kids’ friends always tell them I’m super strict. But when shit hits the helicopter blades their friends, and often times their friends’ moms, call me for help. My kids live a pretty great life but there are also high expectations for grades and behavior.
      Basically I’m a bitch who didn’t/doesn’t want to raise namby-pamby whining kids.

      I want to go to Bonner’s. So bad. I’m actually trying to plan out a little trip for end of the summer.

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      • Thanks to my boss, I do bedbug checks BEFORE we confirm the reservations. There are bedbug sites on line and he checks them for all of his travel, and now I do the same thing. Like my psychoses needed One More Thing.

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      • Jan – Bronner’s will still be there no matter when you go… it has gotten bigger & bigger through the years. When I was a kid, it was pretty tiny compared to the size it is now!

        I recommend planning to go in the fall, so that you can also go to the cider mill. Cider & cider doughnuts are the BEST thing ever!!! (My favorite is Parshallville aka Tom Walker’s Grist Mill in Fenton, which is about 45-50 minutes on I-75/US 23 South. It’s tiny, but they have THE BEST cider doughnuts.)

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    • TRAVEL SILVERWARE?!?!
      You’ve now pushed me over the edge. I don’t even know what to say about this. WHY?

      You really need to get an RV/Fifth Wheel. This way you don’t have to pack 4 extra suitcases full of Travel “X” when you go on vacation. I love the fact that I have all of my travel stuff in one place & I make sure to get all the laundry done while we are gone (with the exception of the current sheets/towels being used), so nothing needs to be done when we get home.

      I always think that I’m a bit ridiculous since I do bring a travel cup for coffee, an insulated cup for water, pack my own pillow, a blanket, a few washcloths, & an extra pillowcase (because I’m allergic to scented detergent & don’t want a rash on my face). I always remind myself that I don’t have a whole set of sheets, towels, & NOW SILVERWARE!!! (The jewelry is a bit odd, but not nearly as mind blowing in comparison.)

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  19. I am an immediate unpacker and clothes washer. Agree with Lisa that if where I’m staying has a washer, I love coming home with clean clothes. It’s a sickness, really.
    Glad you had a lovely trip, I’ve enjoyed perusing your pictures. You and Giovanni have aged well!

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  20. I love how some folks/businesses get all confused and think flags and crosses are the same thing and belong together like one, big, happy religion.

    About your post yesterday (FB? Blog?) about a former boyfriend who owned up to his mistakes,acknowledged he hurt you and apologized. This morning, as I was out walking, your mom screeched to a halt at the intersection, rolled down the window and said, “I think the picture of the two of them was adorable. Why would you say it wasn’t? Why would you say something like that? It hurt me as her mother and I’m sure it hurt Karen, too.” And, then she drove off. A successful ‘hit and run,’ leaving me wondering WTF?

    She thought the photo was adorable (with your bangs and all), as did I. My comment was simply meant to indicate that we are ALL cutely-geeky in our high school years and that, thankfully, we grow into better versions of ourselves…which you and GL(?) obviously have. So, if I hurt you, I’m sorry.

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    • I didn’t take it as an insult, but as a lovely observation as what good-looking adults June and GL are now. I hope June didn’t take it as an insult either.

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  21. FR Paula and Lisa NTL and I are alike. Unpack when you get home. Put the suitcase away. And, breathe.

    Also, now I kinda want to go to Bronner’s . Bc that display? Is fabulous!

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  22. There really is a lot going on in that picture. So much for the eye to behold.

    Like FR Paula, I am an instant unpacker. I am even happier if the place I am staying has a washing machine and I can come home with a suitcase full of clean clothes. I know. I’m nuts.

    Can’t wait for June’s Trip, Part 2!

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    • I’m not an unpacker, but I do love to wash my clothes before I return! We visit the beach for a week each summer and I wash our clothes daily while we we there. If only I could be that efficient at home!

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          • Plus with kids who get stains on their clothing, you can treat the stains and wash them before they get set in. Also with four people having outfits and bathing suits and beach towels and bath towels and pajamas. Yikes. The laundry piled up during a week away is nuts. Why it bothers me on vacation, but I can walk right past it at home is a mystery to me.

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            • It’s so relaxing to come home without a giant pile of laundry looming over your head. Whenever we can, we stay where there’s washer/dryer on premises. We also pack way less that way – a couple of outfits and something to wear to bed and you’re good!

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  23. We have a Bronner’s billboard here in Southern Indiana. We just went by it a couple days ago, husband says, “would you like to go to Bronner’s” I said , I would like to go to Michigan but not go to Bronner’s. I am totally not a Christmas person. But , would have went to any and all secondhand stores.
    Michigan is our vacation place. The UP , not crowded and mom and pop places abound.
    Too tacky to load. hee
    You could post all 300 pictures and I would peruse.

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  24. I am in a lather in solidarity with Edsel. I’m sorry that child stressed him so much. It’s too bad her parent/kidnapper wouldn’t intervene.

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