Kittens save the day

I had a weird Ned weekend.

As you know, from your Big Book of June Events that’s been on the counter gathering dust for months, I dated a person named Ned for several years (2012-2015). And then we broke up (9/13/15). But then we kept hanging around each other for several more years (2015-2018). At the beginning of this year (1/19/19), I told him we couldn’t do this anymore. It was too confusing. Unlike this paragraph (^).

And since then, mostly, I’ve been fine. I keep trying to avoid running into him, which means I don’t get to do a lot of the fun things I like to do, but I’m really trying not to fall back into the see-Ned all-the-time thing.

This past week it was his birthday (6/26). I was bound and determined not to call, text, send a card, drive over there and pop out of a cake, or anything similar. And I didn’t. I abstained from getting ahold of Ned on his birthday. But this may be why I lost my mind this weekend (6/29-6/30). (June. Stop. Stop on 7/1/19.)

Saturday began like any other day, which is a stupid thing to say and why do people say that? Of course the day began like any other day. How else can days begin? “The day began in the middle of the night and somehow I had a rhino head.”


I was a normal person Saturday until about 4 PM. And then I started getting really sad, and really weird, and really anxious, and I ended up calling Ned. And here’s the worst part: He didn’t answer.

I became convinced that he had his entire arm up the gal parts of some woman. I don’t know why that would be a bothersome thing, really. It’s not like anything I wish he was doing with me. I don’t think any woman would enjoy having an entire arm up her parts. But the point is, in my mind, not only did he have his entire arm up inside a woman, but he was taking her like a puppet over to the chapel of love and they were definitely getting married.

You do not ever want to be inside my brain.

So with all this anxiety and panic and sadness and weird arm visual, I panicked. I don’t know why I got so weird five months after I called it quits with Ned, but it was bad.

I decided I should try to go do something to get my mind off my sadness, so I headed to the makeup counter.

I realize more enviable women go out to the woods to commune with nature when they’re blue, or they stand up on a paddleboard with their beautiful abs and look thoughtful and deep on the water, smokin’ hot on the water, but me? I buy some makeup. Shut up. It works for me.

But then? Just as I was over near the makeup store? (In case anyone is burning with curiosity, I was headed to Belk.) My phone rang. My new car sends me calls through the radio, and it’s very newfangled, and also sort of annoying if one is enjoying, say, Ballroom Blitz and the phone interrupts. Blitzus interruptus.

I didn’t recognize the number but I answered it anyway because I was in a panicked state, I was armed and dangerous, and guess what.

It was the animal shelter.

Would I be able to take three 4-week-old kittens for a couple weeks?

Of course I could. Even though I said I wasn’t going to foster kittens at this house. Of course I can take them. It was my hour of need. I turned right around in the makeup store parking lot and headed instead to the animal shelter.

So now I have three of the messiest little kittens you’ve ever seen in your life, three kittens I’ve named Claude, Frida and Jackson.

They climb all the way into the food dish, no matter how small of a dish I present them. They get the food all up in their lips and in their ears and on their backs and in their feetses and even on their teensy tails. (There is a bottle in this picture because I thought maybe they still needed to drink from a bottle and that’s why they were so messy, but they were completely indifferent to that thing.)

I even bathed them, but in about two hours they were just as dirty as before.

My theory is they will eventually learn how to eat without rolling their entire bodies in the food, as will I, but I also think that as soon as I run out of the canned kitten food that the shelter gave me, I will buy dry and make their gruel that way.

(With tiny kittens like this, you take kitten food, powdered formula, and lukewarm water and mush it all up in a bowl together and make a sort of soupy gruel.)


Anyway, they’re very sweet and they saved me from my inexplicable Ned panic.

He eventually called, by the way. “Are you OK?” He asked. I told him yes, and apologized for calling, and admitted that for some reason I had gotten really sad and upset that day. “I was at a movie,” he claimed. I did not mention to him about the part where I thought he was elbow-deep in some woman he was minutes from marrying. It’s best to retain one’s dignity as much as one can.

Number 9, number 9, number 9…

That is all I have to tell you, except that speaking of dignity, today is Edsel’s ninth birthday. I realize I have put this particular picture in my blog about 17 times now, but it’s just so him.

I considered buying him a toy, which I have done other birthdays, but the only toy he really likes is Blu, and he has two of those already.

I decided I’m going to spend all day just paying attention to him, and we might possibly go out for a romantic dinner to McDonald’s tonight.

I think that’s about as good as it gets for the Eds.

Then after, maybe he can meet the mess kittens. He has yet to do so.

sownd gud to edz


Your sane pal June

48 thoughts on “Kittens save the day

  1. Carrying her like a puppet to get married! Oh, you’re funnier on your worst days than I am on my good days.

    Glad kittens have eased the anxiety. The ultimate therapy.


  2. A kitten intervention saved the day! Yea!

    Happy Birthday, Edsel. Your gift is not having to watch anyone with their arm all up in your mom’s lady parts.

    You are all welcome.


  3. I hope we are gifted with kitten, kitten /Edsel, kitten/ Milhouse,kitten/cats, photos. Thank you and thank you.


  4. Such cute kitties! And Edsel is a handsome boy.

    I’m glad you’re feeling better June. Darn the “up and down mountains..plunging off cliffs” of feelings. I’d be happy enough living in the flat desert of Oblivion, sitting in the shade, sucking down a margarita at the edge of an oasis.


  5. “The day began in the middle of the night and somehow I had a rhino head.”

    You dealt with your anxiety and sadness. That’s as sane as it gets. Although—who knew angels of mercy come covered in kitten gruel?

    Liked by 1 person

  6. God do I understand the neurotic anxiety turning into worst-case scenarios in your head. Happened to me just yesterday for no logical reason. I’m glad you got kittens to help you feel better.


  7. Kittens – so sweet and the best medicine ever as everyone says! I have my NC girl with me this week and I am happy – this is the best medicine for me! 🙂


  8. Happy bday! I love that pic of Edz. He looks -human/smiling, or something. Too cute. I would sneeze myself silly, but glad the kittens work for you. Super cute. Sorry about your Ned stress.


  9. Best birthday EVER! Been in a similar relationship and it took a while but we became friends again.


  10. Happy birthday, Edsel, you handsome boy! I remember being so excited about my ninth birthday because 3 is a lucky number, so 3×3 was going to be amazing. Luck and happiness to the whole Gardens family. Sweet kittens!


  11. I am so sorry that you had a hard Saturday. I think it is quite an accomplishment that it was a whole six months without one, but it sucks that it happened at all.

    Those kittens are adorable. Divine intervention is awesome!

    Happiest of birthdays to Edsel!

    Lovely post, lovely June!


  12. Happy Birthday Edsel! Blu for everyone! Kittens are always the answer to life’s questions and problems.


  13. Happy birthday to Edsel.

    KITTENS! They always make you feel better. They are so cute. They’ll learn to eat less messy… hopefully. Love these babies and I bet Edsel will be so happy.


  14. Would love to see you on a paddle board. Yay for the kittens! We know they’re in good hands. And a most happy belated birthday to the Eds. I hope he enjoyed his hamburger.


  15. If you put Edz in with them, maybe he’ll lick them clean? I bet Kitten food is like a treat for dogs.


  16. Yay! Kittens save the day! And weekend. Happy Birthday, sweet Edz. You have the most, bestest day possible!


  17. Isn’t it great that the shelter has you on speed-dial? Very cute batch of kittens, and there will be lots of shits & giggles when all the animals get to play together. Happy Birthday to Edsel, such a handsome boy. And clearly very happy.


  18. Call to doctor: I’m feeling anxious and depressed.

    Doctor: Take three kittens and call me in the morning.

    Liked by 3 people

  19. I’m sorry you were feeling sad and anxious until the kittens rescued you. Thank goodness you took that call. Your story reminds me of your posting the other day where you said, ” It’s like something else knows better than you what you need.” I loved that in your original post and I love that it happened again on Saturday.

    Happy birthday, handsome Edsel. Guess what? You are getting kittens for your birthday! Best birthday ever.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. I like to run up a bunch of credit card debt with flights and hotels when I get sad over a man. I did that for a solid year. I paid for that for years afterwards. That’s probably the most expensive sad I ever had.

    I’ve not yet fostered kittens but since I don’t plan on being sad like that again, maybe I won’t do that. I’m not home enough to feed them as they need. I did raise motherless kittens twice, so I know about bottle feeding and wiping booties and making gruel.

    Kittens solve a multitude of ills, don’t they?


  21. Kittens do make everything better…if only bc they take so much work. They are sweet, though, and sounds like just the cure for what was ailing you that day.

    HBD to Edz, the poster dog for unconditional love ❤


  22. Lovely post, lovely kittens June! By the way, while I’m sorry you had a Ned-attack® (™gladyswhoisalsobee), don’t be too hard on yourself. As it turns out, no harm no foul (I couldn’t find a June annoy on that saying in my Big Book of June). Just kitten and move on!


  23. See if you were out there on that stand up paddle board looking soulful, you would have missed the kitten call! (Like a booty call, but better. And yes, I did VERY MUCH want to say “pussy call” but refrained.)

    Lovely post June. Thanks for sharing the crazy. Lots of us can relate in our own special, insane way.


  24. If the kittens are medicine then that makes the shelter… what? Your drug dealer? 🙂 Pusher shelter!

    Blu-est of birthdays, Edzel!

    Has Millhouse met the kittens yet?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. … you did say you were looking for something to shake up your routine. Seems like these kittens are solving more than one problem. (Also, sorry for spelling Edsel wrong!)


  25. Happy Birthday, Eds! What a handsome boy!!

    Love, love the new kittens. I’m looking forward to the future kitten pics! Please, please post lots of pics. I have to get my feline fix through you.


  26. Happy Birthday to Edsel!! He is my favorite internet dog of all time. Those kittens are pretty darn cute, too.


  27. Hooray! Thank you for fostering. You are one of the good ones.

    Laurie (Lucy’s mom) in NB Canada


  28. Awww. The last picture with the 2 Blus made me smile.

    How much soap did you put in their bath anyway? What a bubble bath, lol.

    I hate anxiety. Panic. Besides it being anxiety I bet the Japanese or Germans (Germanese) have some specific word do describe such a particular feeling of anxiety.


  29. Kittens are always the answer!! I am really glad you decided to foster again. It has always been amazing to me the power of animals. If laughter is the best medicine, that makes Edsel and kittens the pharmacists!

    Liked by 1 person

  30. I agree with gladyswhoisalsobee about the medicinal properties of kittens. I’m halfway across NC from them and I feel better already.


  31. Lovely post, Coot. I am sorry you had a Ned-attack. Kittens are always good medicine.


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