Stuff I wish I liked.

So far today, I’ve gotten up, gotten dressed, screamed to my trainer for 45 minutes, screamed home, cleaned up kitten poop from the damn floor, opened 47 windows (see above ref to kitten poop), mixed up kitten gruel, fed cats, fed dog, changed everyone’s water, and made coffee.

It’s 7:30. Who am I, the Army?

Anyway, how are you. That was a short weekend, right? Harrr. Who here is an asshole who took today off? I say that because I failed to do so so now all y’all are somehow assholes.

It’s sort of sticky in here with the windows open. Gee, June, it’s July in the South and you’re saying it’s warm? I’ll bet you didn’t think of taking the Friday after the 4th off, either, did you?

They should really make this a holiday too, don’t you think? Who’s going to be productive today? Who? Probably me, because I’ll be the only one there and I’ll have to, like, be an art director for the day because there won’t be any.

[Sips first coffee of day. It’s too strong because I poured it early. Gets ready to art direct all day. Step one: Find out what that actually is.]

Here’s what’s happening behind me. Note the big jug of vinegar, the cat food, and thou. I have to put the kitten food on the mantle so effing Milhous doesn’t eat it when he bursts in here.

Oh! And speaking of Milhous: One of my neighbors has a kitten named Sissy. Sissy is a calico. Several times now, the neighbor who owns Sissy has asked if Milhous can come out and play with Sissy.

I’ve had no idea what she means. “Does Milhous come over there?” I finally asked.

“Oh, yes,” she told me. “He jumps the fence and comes on in.”

Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away, and also I was enjoying my back yard. I saw Milhous leap over our fence, so I got up to look.

There he was, actually playing with Sissy. They were chasing each other all over yonder. It was so cute. He doesn’t seem to have that cat thing, where he abhors other cats. He’s an affable soul.

…I wanted to put a picture of him up right here, saying something like, “Yesss, milhowse do be” but I see the last 49 hundred photos have been of kittens. Here, in case you don’t follow me on the social media.

As per usual, Eds is enjoying our foster kittens. It’s what he does. It’s who he is.

it bore at dis point, mom

I’m enjoying my fosters very much, despite the part where they are still putting their entire bodies in their food. Food is their hokey-pokey.

But none of this is why I gathered you here today. I gathered you here because yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away and Dear June, Fucking stop. Yesterday I got on the topic with some of you, on the social media where we were kibitzing, about things we WISHED we liked.

I wish I liked Fiestaware. It’s so almost me. It’s retro, it comes in fun colors, and yet I can’t make myself love it.

I wish I liked sushi. People are forever droning on about it, and it seems so erudite to go to a sushi bar, but to me it just takes like cold fish in a cigar.

Chanel No. 5. How I wish I could say my signature scent was Chanel No. 5. To me it smells like an old lady. Here, honey, you got something on your face. Let me lick a hanky and come at ye.

Florence + the Machine.

Kate Spade stationery.

Basically, it’s just stuff I ought to like, given my taste in things, that I don’t. And it’d be easier if I did.

Jane Austen.

What about you guys?

(“Dear June: Your blog. Love, The assholes.”)

110 thoughts on “Stuff I wish I liked.

  1. Fishing. I wish I liked it. Seems like a lot of cool people do. Lynyrd Skynyrd liked it. PGA Tour players like it. I have two uncles who are high-level connoisseurs of it. But personally, I don’t want to put a worm or whatever on a hook … hooks that have “barbs,” which means they can go in but won’t come back out. If you happened to get one a little deep into your finger, it might be better to push it all the way through to the other side rather than risk the damage of pulling it out. The thrill of catching a fish—based on a few, distant recollections—is not even that great to me, especially knowing that you’re then expected to get it off the hook. Which requires touching it. Despite my lack of interest in fishing, I will eat any fish or shellfish that’s recommended to be eat, raw or cooked, breakfast, lunch or dinner. I love it! I seek it out. Have all you fish haters had a McDonald’s filet-o fish sandwich. It’s really a delicious. Try It.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. I lightly enjoy looking at what Prince William and family is up to. I admire Kate Middleton. I have never really liked Prince Harry, but now he’s married, I wish I could like his wife, but I don’t.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Snow
    Getting wet
    Ocean
    Beach
    Seagulls
    Large crowds
    Noisy areas
    Empty space
    Quietness in nature

    (Geez I’m such a weirdo)

    Like

  4. I wish I could like:
    Sushi
    Most seafood
    Popular television shows
    Socializing
    Cleaning
    Kale
    Perfumes and similar scents
    Clothes that are not jeans/shorts and t-shirts

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  5. I hate having to cook for company but I really really want to like it and do it. It’s agony for me.
    I wish I liked to exercise. No endorphins anywhere ever for this gal. Just pain. I’d really like to go to the gym or go for a run. Put me in the mountains, though, and I can walk all day long.
    And now 3/4 of you will hate me forever. I do not like the beach, the hot soft sand, the cool hard sand, sweating, being sticky, and then having to go out to some greasy or horrifically overpriced restaurant.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Wow. I’m reading the other comments and realizing there are a lot of things I wish I liked that I just don’t. Wine. Beer. (Hard liquor is just fine though.) Movies. Food that’s not carbs or sugar. Camping. Manicures. Gardening.

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  7. Asshole here who took today off. If it helps, I didn’t put in for the time until 7/2. I cant think of anything I hate that I wish I didnt. Another reason I’m an asshole?

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  8. I wished I liked:

    Sushi. I’ve tried it and nope. But so many people absolutely rave about it as if it’s the most awesome food experience ever. And I don’t get it.

    Cauliflower. I know cauliflower is the new hip and healthy food, but it just ain’t happening for me.

    Tomatoes. They LOOK delicious but I can’t stand the texture.

    Wine. I don’t get the obsession with it.

    Running. I really, really wish I enjoyed running but I do not. I enjoy doing races, 5Ks and even a half marathon now and then, but I just do not enjoy running unless there’s bling and a banana waiting for me at the end.

    Guests. Growing up, our house was always filled with people. It’s not that we entertained a lot but there were always people at our house. We had an open door policy and it was the very rare day when we didn’t have someone hanging out and I loved that there were always people at our house. Not any more. I get a little bit of anxiety when people show up at our house and the thought of having overnight guest fills me with dread.

    Add Chanel No. 5 to the list. I don’t find it pleasant at all. It smells harsh and chemically and I don’t get the hype.

    Other people’s small children/grandchildren although I’m excellent at pretending to like them.

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  9. I wish I liked (in no particular order)
    Hummus (don’t like chickpeas)
    Exercise (hate being sweaty and sticky)
    Dieting (get cranky when I can’t eat what I really want)
    Losing weight (see above)
    Housework (unfortunately my home reflects this)
    Bridal/engagement/baby showers (all the stuff that is ultra feminine and the chatting)
    Being spontaneous (I keep trying but it stresses me so much)
    My siblings (I do sorta try, but I struggle. I’m the youngest one so they all know everything more than me; and love to give advice.) And also too, we all have vastly different personalities, that I acknowledge, but apparently I’m supposed to share their opinions on everything.

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    • I almost put siblings in my comment, but I already said in laws so i feared looking evil. I am the middle child. My two older sisters are BFFs and my 2 younger brothers are basically siamese. Sisters are the worst: judgemental, close minded, don’t do anything without our mom’s approval, and don’t kbow how to have fun. They are OVER 50 yrs old. They think I am weird. I wish I had sisters that I wanted to be close with. When I see they have done things together without inviting me, I need to remind myself that I do not really enjoy spending time with them. Still. Rude!

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  10. I wish I liked exercise but it’s boring and terrible. Those endorphins one is supposed to get…nope, no exercise high for this gal. I wish I liked vegetables more and more of them. Those people who are like, “Brussels sprouts? Oh, I *love* them!” Yep, so do I…cooked with bacon and garlic so I can’t taste the sprouts. I wish I liked pie…instead of loving pie. Any pie except for pecan is the pie for me.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Entertaining/having people over
    Popular shows people obsess over: Friends, Game of Thrones, Harry Potter
    Beer
    Wine
    Tea

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  12. I’m at work today doing the jobs of THREE people. Is city parking counting as one person today? No, let’s make it the work of 50 people. And really jerks that parked without getting a ticket, why so rude? When I moved to Virginia I envisioned everyone being pleasant. Nope!

    I wish that I like lobster so that I could feel fancy sometimes.

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  13. Adding an egg to everything. Would you like to add an egg? To pizza, to a burger to soup to a salad. NO! I do not want to add an egg. Also Boba, who wants to drink boogers?

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  14. There’s nothing I dislike that I wished I liked. Licorice, crowds, gin. I have no desire to like them. Hot weather, loud cars, parties, small talk, bossy word “art.” I’m more secure in my dislikes than probably anything else. I hope that’s not something I have to work on cause I’d rather read a book.

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    • Yeah, I just listed things I wish I could like. There are a ton of things I don’t like, don’t want to like, and will not apologize for not liking. (Meat, for example)

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    • I live in a town called Pontefract and Sunday is our liquorice festival. Crowds arrive for food stalls and booze nearly all of which will include liquorice and gin. I imagine it wouldn’t be fun for you.

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    • Yes! And people assume it’s universally liked, that we’re all in on it. “I haven’t had my coffee yet.” “Let’s go out for coffee.” (If anyone here says those things, you get to be an exception.) Free coffee in break room, in hotel room, free refills in restaurant…But ask for pineapple juice and see how far that gets you.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Swimming. Married into a family that loves waterskiing, boating. etc. The worst part it walking over sharp or slimy rocks to even get in the water. And swimming pools are always cold. Yes even when it’s over 100. And even if the pool isn’t cold, there’s the goofing around and being splashed in the face and dunked. I enjoy watching everyone else have fun, but don’t get me involved.

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  15. I cannot bear stories or movies where the hero/heroine is coerced or talked into doing something they don’t want to do and is against their better judgment. Their “friend” nags at them and guilts them until they give in and then the main character gets into a disastrous situation. When I see it coming it makes me cringe. I have learned to stop reading or watching.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Family gatherings
    In-laws (see above)
    Photo opportunities
    The words “veggies” and “enjoy!”
    Sports
    Heartwarming movies
    Facebook
    Sexy underwear—I just find it rubs in all the wrong places!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I wish I liked any seafood. I try and try and just can’t.
    I wish I liked going to bed and getting up at normal times, but I just love late at night when it is quiet and I’m the only one up.
    Running or working out. I’m so lazy but I hate being overweight.
    Also, I’m an asshole today.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Salmon. Seafood in general but salmon in particular. I live in Northwest so it’s kind of sacrilege that I don’t.
    Beer or wine.
    Meeting new people
    Coffee was on my list until this year. I like it now. But I always really liked the smell of it, so I was close all along.

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    • Crap, I finally figured out how to leave a comment without filling in my email address but didn’t put a name. I’m usually Steffiej.

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  19. I don’t like people and don’t really want to like them. So that works out great.
    I see why you picked roses for your hobby. There is a lot to like there.
    Smell, sitting watching them grow, beauty, you don’t have to converse with them and if you do they won’t talk back. They do need a lot of sun and living in the woods pretty well prevents it.

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  20. I wish I liked sushi, too. But I’m just like – WHY???
    And travel. People get so excited about it and I really just feel like crap physically and mentally after about 3 days.

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  21. Technically I have the day off, because we are on vacation in Vancouver- have I mentioned? 🙂 But since I babysit during school year – I didn’t exactly take the day off. Since my ‘day off’ includes feeding the masses in two adjoining hotel rooms (teenage boys care about nothing but food) and cleaning up after the eating with no kitchen. No picnic.

    Wish I liked: coffee, golf, my in laws, red wine, gluten free food (wish it tasted good bc of dreaded celiac disease but it is mostly gross and highly caloric), cleaning, wearing makeup, sunscreen, Chicago winters, and the hype over Game of Thrones.

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  22. My husband didn’t like sushi until he tried it in soy paper instead of seaweed. It turns out the taste he hated was the seaweed. Then I got pregnant and couldn’t eat sushi during that time. Now I don’t like it and I wish I did.
    I want to enjoy running SO BAD! I even ran track one year in school and I loathed it, despite being my thinnest ever while doing it. I never got that runner’s high thing. I got pain in my shins and legs and a stitch in my side, even by the end of the season. If I’d just learn to like running, I’d do that instead of eating doughnuts and chips and then I’d be thin. I’m sure it would work that way.

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  23. Those photos are great, especially Edsel baby sitting those babies.

    Things I wished I like:
    Sushi (I don’t eat fish bait)
    Noise, especially fireworks
    Loud music
    Boom boxes
    Stupid people
    Any scent, especially vanilla
    Perfume
    Unruly kids
    Hot and humid weather (and I grew up in Georgia)
    Short days in winter
    Christmas
    Barking dogs
    Tattoos
    Traveling
    I could go on, but I’ll stop.

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  24. Tomatoes
    Cottage Cheese
    Game of Thrones
    Hanging out with other couples
    Festivals
    Carnivals
    Beer

    My husband is the most social person I know. I think he must have been a horrible person in another life and his penance is to live with me during this life. Every summer our local park district holds the Taste of Joliet festival/carnival (it’s supposed to be a smaller version of Taste of Chicago). There are big name (old) bands (this year Foreigner was the headliner). Every single person we know goes to the taste. I ABHOR it and refuse to go. My husband would probably go all 3? 4? days and love every minute of it.

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  25. Wine (I tried, I really did, but it makes me feel awful)
    Gardening (my husband is a landscaper so I leave it all to him)
    Trucker hats, flannel shirts, and big earrings. I tried to be that girl. I am not cool enough to be that girl
    Hazelnut-flavored anything

    There are so many more, but I also am at work today and should probably do some actual work.

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  26. Bloody Marys (these are things I hate)
    Fucking fireworks
    Unnecessary noise of any kind
    Vowels (lousy speller)
    Bitter green vegetables
    Summer , too hot, too many tourists
    Crowded places
    Heights
    Tight spaces
    Christmas
    Hot food that is served too cold
    Open midriff clothing designed for plus sizes, my weight is not all in my ass and thighs
    Tailgaters
    Cruel mellenials (FUPA my fat…must we name everything?
    Crankily,
    Mrs. Kravitz/Get Off My Lawn

    Liked by 1 person

  27. I wish I liked popular things: the book of the moment, the tv show everyone is talking about, the must-see movie, etc. I am just too picky. The book always has bad grammar or poor sentence structure, the show always has characters doing stupid things, the plot is always ridiculous, the humor is never funny to me.
    I also wished I liked
    Alcohol
    Hot weather
    Make up
    Eating healthy
    Large crowds
    Pokemon
    Star Wars
    Okay, the last two are fat lies but it would allow me to participate in conversations around my house.

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  28. Skydiving and bungee jumping.

    Don’t hate me because I’m sitting on the beach listening to the surf on this day off.

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  29. I am working today as well. I want to like Gardening and I just don’t even though it is in my genes. I am Italian and both grandfather’s were farmers. Luckily I have lots of family that does that work and gives me fresh vegetables when everything ripens at once.

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  30. Lilly Pulitzer anything, country music, Pioneer Woman crap, whiskey, beer, martinis, cheap perfume, high heels, tattoos.

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    • I used to not enjoy cats. I liked reading about June’s cats, but I certainly didn’t want to have one of my own. Then my cat loving child came along and we got a cat. That cat is adored by all, including me. I forgot to make our pet boarding reservations until late. The receptionist said they were already full and asked what pets I was booking. I listed them and as soon as I got to Carmela (the cat), her tone changed and suddenly they could fit us in.

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  31. Gin. Tastes like hairspray.
    Modern art. I want to, but I can’t. I just don’t get it.
    Long car trips. I should looove seeing America from the car window, but I just want to barf instead.
    And of course, coleslaw.

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  32. Babies. I’ve birthed two of my own, but other babies….no thanks. They are fragile and drooly. I hold them like a board when people shove them at me. Oh, and I don’t like people who shove babies at me.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. My husband had been nagging me to take a cruise. I look at him and ask “am I being punished?” I think my distaste started at a time when I heard they assigned tables but nothing I’ve learned since they relaxed those rules makes me want to say, “Sign me up…here’s our money.” I don’t know what my husband sees. I think he’d hate it. He’s almost 6’5 and has trouble sitting on a couch for an hour.

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  34. Sushi
    Gin & tonic
    Almost all perfumes
    Country music
    Frye boots
    Sports
    John Irving’s books
    Salted caramel
    Christmas
    Martinis

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  35. Bike riding, playing cards or board games, sitting with a group of women and talking about kids or ‘homemaker’ kind of stuff (unless the women are REALLY good friends but it’s still a struggle), walking barefoot, networking at business meetings, making idle conversation with a group of strangers, masquerade parties, the noise of fireworks…I could go on…

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  36. I’m working a half day at least today if that makes you feel better.

    Brussels sprouts. Hate them so much and everyone says they’re great.

    Dancing.

    Summer weather. I just feel sweaty, stinky and gross for months in Atlanta.

    Fish/seafood.

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  37. Naps, craft beer, mango anything, travel, cake, running, movies, peanut butter, professional massage. I’m sure I’ll think of more. I need my second cup of coffee. I do like coffee. But it can’t be strong coffee. I’m a whimp.

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  38. I’ve jokingly been called “un-American” and “un-Texan” for not liking barbecue, but I just don’t. I can’t stand the sauce or any of the traditional side dishes. If I did, I suppose I’d enjoy those cookouts more since I wouldn’t have to ask for my chicken or brisket to be dry and then only eat it and a slice of white bread.

    So for sociability’s sake I wish I did like it, but my palate just won’t let me.

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    • I’m possibly the world’s pickiest eater. I don’t like pizza. I’m often the one with the dry chicken and slice of white bread. Or possibly 3 slices of white bread because I like carbs (how about things we wish we DIDN’T like?). We should have special barbecues for people like us. With plain hamburgers and everything with sauce on the side.

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  39. Yogurt. I know it’s good for me, but ugh.

    Also never too many pet photos.

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      • I would add games in general to my list. Just not a fan. I like card games but that’s about it. Thank goodness my husband liked playing games with my kids – all that Hi-Ho Cherrio, Candyland, and Chutes and Ladders was nothing but Aggravation to me.

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        • Ditto. Especially to Scrabble or Bananagrams or BigBoggle. And I’m definitely a word person but I don’t want to spell them, I want to read them artfully arranged.

          Liked by 1 person

  40. I agree with you on Fiestaware and sushi. Also pastrami, corned beef, ranch dressing, bleu cheese anything, pie and caraway seeds.

    I have today off. I am already bored.

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