Book of June

In case you haven’t seen it in your local paper yet, it’s my birthday.

By the way, this weekend a neighbor was over, and she saw my Pop Tart on the wall. “Miss June. Is that a Pop Tart?”

I assured her that it was.

“You paid money for a POP TART?”

Well, actually, it was a gift.

Anyway, speaking of gifts, since it’s my bday and all, I let myself use whatever coffee cup I wanted and not the next one in line on the shelf. I know! Livin’ large!

This is a cup my coworker, fmr., Deb Downer made for me back in like aught 14 or something, and shut up about the wrong use of aught. Why I aughta…

I love the color. And it feels nice when you hold it, like my penis.

Apropos of nothing, here’s a photo of me on my 30th birthday. I was single then, too. But as you can see, surrounded by mid-90s guys. I still have that mid-90s box. We were really into celestial in the ’90s and why? It’s somewhere here. The sky and that box. It has old letters from Marvin, of all things. The box does. Not the sky. “Oh, look, it’s the Letter From Marvin constellation.”

Geez, I have the same hairdo.

I want to show you the gifts I got for m’bday, but I keep seeing other pictures I want to show you too and now I’m one of those people making you stand next to them while they scroll through their phone and you are contemplating murder-suicide.

But lookit the baby.

Also, yesterday all my troubles seemed so far away, and also I got my chair back! I had a friend from work, fmr., recover it for me, as she does that on the side. This used to be my Gumby chair. It used to be green. You can see Iris thinks she’s posing for the camera, and she is, but just in a Barbra Streisand profile and not straight on as she supposes. She’s a funny girl. See what I did, there?

Here’s a screen shot of what that chair used to look like, at my house, fmr. And now we can all admire that dresser and wish I hadn’t ruined it by painting it. Remember when I was all, What color should I paint this? and you guys were all, Don’t! and then I painted it? Remember all that? Yeah.

JK, who recovered my chair, was delighted to meet the kittens. She is a cat person herself, so the fact that six cats are peeing in my house right now was less of a tragedy because of her cat-person-ness. They’re peeing in litter boxes. Mostly. Frida up there doesn’t quite get the concept and it’s irking me. But she’s such a little sweet pea. Sweet pee.

Anyway, I see I’ve already droned on too long and I won’t have time to show you my presents, but maybe I will do so tomorrow in a Very Special June Post that won’t be special at all, it will just be me posting like any other stupid day.

I will talk to you tomorrow. I’m your biggest fan.

Birthday June.