I got up at 5:45, brushed teeth, slapped on my Delta College t-shirt, worked out with m’trainer–although let’s talk about how I have no core. I’m like a hollowed-out apple.
Anyway, then I came home, fed everyone with four legs, showered, sat under the Laila Ali dryer so I wouldn’t look drowned at work even though the Laila Ali always gives me dumb hair after so it was a drowned/dumb Sophie’s choice, then came to work, finally, and?
Nothing. I’ve got nothing to do. This is a rarity, and I’ve written just everyone to ask for work, and you know how it gets really still and quiet right before a storm?
Anyway, here I sit, prestorm, so I thought today we could talk about religion. I know we’re not supposed to talk about religion but who cares.
I am not religious. Once a long time ago before I fell asleep I sat quietly and said, in my head, “If there’s a god out there, I’d love for you to make your presence known.”
That night, Julie Andrews came to me in a dream and gave me some life advice; I am not making that up.
Anyway, if you do have a belief, does it actually bring you peace and joy or do you just, like, go to church because you always have? Did you ever pray and get a result, or is it like how I keep trying Retin-A and still look like a hag?
Also, if you do have a belief system, does the hashtag #blessed annoy the Sam Hill out of you or is that also just me, like the Retin-A thing and the Julie Andrews is god thing?
Thanks for your participation, and there will be no bad talk about anyone else’s beliefs. I will delete your ass and ban you for life and also drive to your house and slap you clean across your head.
In Julie Andrews’ name,