June, the giant cotton fluff of pink fun

As I drove home from the trainer this morning at 6:45, my whole goal was to get home, feed the pets, make coffee, shower, and start blogging by 7:15 AND I DID IT.

That’s all. Goodbye.

harrrr.

It takes me about 7 minutes to drive to said trainer’s when it’s not yet sunrise (and by the way, the rooster across the street was crowing and the sun wasn’t even up yet. I’m like, bitch, get your shit straight). On the way back it takes me a full 10 minutes because apparently some people are already driving to work before 7 a.m., which, really? I used to have to do that in LA. I left my house at 6:30 and drove 16 miles from Burbank to almost Santa Monica, and that took a ding-dang hour at 6:30 in the morning. LA was stupid. Also, I was blocks from the ocean at work and I never ever even once went to the ocean after work, so herculean was that drive home. I just wanted to get it over with.

Anyway, on that grueling drive back from the trainer today, and say “trainer” one more time, June, that Steve Miller Band song came on, Take the Money and Run. You know that song?

When I was in my 20s and still cute enough to be a giant bitch, I had a terrible awful cold with laryngitis. My boyfriend du jour was making me soup in the kitchen, and I don’t mean he was in there chopping carrots and running the pasta maker or anything. He was dumping a can of Curly Noodle soup into a pot, which is always the kind I want when I’m sick because that’s what my gramma used to make me. However, now I can’t have it because MSG and then I’d have a bad cold AND a migraine, and what I am is a cotton fluff of pink fun.

So he was plopping soup into a pot, which is still nice considering what a giant bitch I was, and here’s what I mean:

He was puttering in the kitchen, pouring me orange juice and getting a bowl out, and in the meantime he’s mindlessly singing

Go on, take the money and run.

Then a few moments later, I’d hear

Go on, take the money and run.

Stir, stir, stir–ting ting!–as the spoon hit the side of the pan.

Go on, take the money and run.

THAT’S THE ONLY LINE HE WOULD SING. And he sang it SEVENTY THOUSAND TIMES. Sort of tunelessly. And I COULDN’T YELL AT HIM because laryngitis.

Instead I had to WHIP my stuffy head from side to side dramatically on my pillow, tormented.

Go on, take the money and run.

Finally, he sang, WOOOO, DOG and that is when I killed him.

Anyway, that song came on on my drive home today and I thought of that and adored my horrible self. Now I’m old and hideous and I have to develop a personality and practice kindness and all that bullshit.

…I didn’t take any pictures yesterday, so I have nothing to show you unless you want me to get up and take a picture of my ass and put it up here RN.

Oooo, but speaking of m’ass, yesterday I noticed I have a rounded shoulder of muscle! I mean, up till now I’ve been all, I think I see a difference in my arm, and if I flex it really hard and hold it this way, hey, yeah, I can see muscle. I just need to stand like demented Popeye. That’ll be fine!

But yesterday I was taking off my clothes, and I’ll give you a moment to gather yourself after that hot thought, and I was all HOLY GOD WHOSE SHOULDER IS THAT.

The good news is soon I will be firm and tight everywhere and can go back to being a bitch.

As if I ever left.

Love,
June

70 thoughts on “June, the giant cotton fluff of pink fun

  1. Sounds like your hard work with the trainer is producing results. That’s always a good feeling. Funny post.
    Tee

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  2. Lovely post, June. I admire your work ethic and muscles.
    Not many responses from me this week, my MAC was one of those recalled for possible deadly battery and they will have it for a week. Waaaaaaa

    Liked by 1 person

  3. We don’t have the truly bad traffic here that the big cities have, but at certain times of day, in certain directions, it can take 25 minutes to go about 5 miles. They are also constantly adding more traffic lights, so you go only block to block and get a red light at least every two blocks. It’s infuriating. Add the idiot drivers in general, and the big-ass construction vehicles all over the place all the time… Someday if I ever can afford to replace my old car, I can’t believe I’m saying this, but it won’t be a manual anymore. I love driving stick and don’t even remember how to drive an automatic, but there’s too many fucking traffic lights to go through all that gear changing every block. Fuck that.
    I have the back fat and bingo wings (along with other fat). This summer I finally thought, fuck it if it looks ugly to people, I’m going to wear sleeveless tops because it’s just too fucking hot not to. I just try not to think about how I look, and focus instead on how much cooler it is to have the ol’ underarms breezy. And it’s true.
    Say “fuck” again.

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    • I wear sleeveless too, jiggling fat be damned. Don’t like the view? F off and feel free to slide your eyes elsewhere.

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  4. The yoga teacher who visits here has been doing yoga since she was about 5, and she’s getting the “wings.” (In her 60s.) She said it’s some exotic little muscle in there that just doesn’t get used.
    Maybe it evolved in the distant past when our ancestors still lived in trees.

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  5. About a month ago I started going to aqua fitness classes that are 99% seniors and I love it. These folk, both women and men, come in all shapes and sizes but they all get out regularly to these classes instead of hiding from the world be cause they’re too fat, like I was doing before. Your discussion of arms reminded me of them, because those wings are on full display in a swimsuit. And that back fat (who knew it looked like that?).
    Congratulations on your new definition. Lovely post, pretty June.

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  6. Happy for you and visible evidence of your hard work. I’ve been walking a mile 5 days a week for 7 weeks (it’s a lot for me) and I’ve lost about 7 oz.

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    • AND she is 35 miles from home after walking 5 miles a day for 7 weeks. Just joshin’ with ya KA . You are building muscle which weighs more than the f word.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. You know, I don’t care what other arms look like! They are arms that held babies or dogs or cats or spoons to cook. They are arms that went around their mom and dad’s necks and around their grandmas too. They are arms that work –
    I know my arms may not be 20’s arms but damn it – it is hot in Arizona and I do the best I can and I show them every day in the summer! Legs too. It is too hot to worry about what people think and at my age, I really don’t care! Comfort is in!

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  8. When we were in St. Martin (FWI) a few years ago, I learned that roosters will crow any damn time they want to. And if they hear another one, they’ll join in. We hated those stupid roosters.

    I remember visiting someone in Orange County in the late 90s and every time we would go somewhere he would calculate the time it would take us to get places, not the mileage. That sucks and to have to do it everyday? I might have drowned myself in that ocean.

    It’s so gratifying to see all your hard work bear muscle isn’t it? Pretty soon you can just wear sleeveless, strapless tops all the time!

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    • Traffic in Atlanta is always about the time it takes in traffic and not the miles. Heaven forbid when there is road construction to screw up the anticipated arrival time.

      Liked by 1 person

      • That’s the I-95 corridor from NYC to Boston. Constant traffic and construction. You estimate your time, hop in the car, and hope for the best.

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  9. Bad knees and a heel that hurts like a son of a gun makes walking anywhere seem like a marathon. I envy.you young whippersnappers the ability to consider exercise. I’m 63 and work with some YOUNG twenty somethings. Occasionally, I will ask, “Are you in pain today “? They look at me like I’m crazy because the answer is always no. Then I say, “Make a note of it”. They laugh, and laugh and tell me I’m a national treasure. Just wait, kids, just wait.

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    • Heel pain could be heel spur and just needs padding there.
      Not a doctor don’t play one on tv and haven’t been to a doctor in 40 yrs.

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  10. Well done on seeing the hard work pay off!

    That boy repeatedly singing the only line he knew is me. Sometimes if I want to hit a dramatic part of the song I mumble or invent random lyrics. My dog loves me and it’s clearly unpleasant for him but also he’d never bark at me and his reaction is exactly how I picture your head whipping around dramatically.

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  11. In the last year I have noticed my boobs are spreading around to my back, and when I put on my bra, there is just so much more around the bend than there used to be. I know it’s just old woman back fat, but if I call it my “back boobs” my husband may appreciate it more.

    On a separate note, do any of you wear a bra to sleep in? Do you think that does any good keeping those puppies a little more lifted when the bra isn’t worn?

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    • Back boob!

      There’s been research done (Rouillon) that shows some women benefitted from ditching bras with some sagging reversing. The underlying muscles develop more to add support without a bra.

      However be studied people younger than 35 and honestly I wear a bra to wrangle so won’t be ditching it in the day. If it becomes more comfortable I’d do so at night but without the expectation it’ll help my boobs.

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      • I could care less if wearing a bra all night would stop the sag. I can’t WAIT to ditch my bra at the end of the day. Which usually means about 4:10PM for me. Sag away!

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  12. Thankfully I live in a small town in which you can go from one side to the other in about ten minutes. Then the World National Horseshow comes to town and it’s inch by inch. You must dodge golf carts and horses as well as people walking in the streets. It’s like a giant ten day carnival everywhere. It’s also exciting and profitable for our little town. Then everyone goes home and we are normal again.
    Great news on your new sculpting. Isn’t it exciting to see a muscle emerge from deep within!

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  13. When I did Masters swimming for a few years, I didn’t quite realize my shoulder and back muscles would begin to re-emerge again. But they did, along with my triceps too! I was also lifting, so felt so empowered as my muscles all over felt and looked great, though my silk blouses felt just a tad tighter in the back.

    No work for me today. Wish me luck, as I start Marie Kondo-ing my condo, the Kon Mari way! I’m going to dread doing the whole book section.

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  14. Now I’m old and hideous and I have to develop a personality and practice kindness and all that bullshit.

    This!

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  15. Traffic is the worst. I have a great visual of you with your miserable cold being tormented by the one line he was attempting to sing. I feel like that same scene might be part of a Meg Ryan movie. So funny!

    I never thought I would be one to workout early until I lost my license for 7 weeks for too many speeding tickets. A neighbor worked out early so I hitched a ride to the health club with her. Now I am a huge fan of early classes. And I can drive myself there. Slowly, of course.

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  16. Nothing like a confused rooster to start your day.

    You probably know this and forgive me if so, but the more muscle you have the more calories you burn at rest. My doctor, who was an NFL trainer early in his career tells me that every six months when I see him and he’s still waiting for me to get the hint.

    Prepare to be just a wisp of a thing any day now. with all these muscles. You’ll have to hold tight to Edz’ leash so you don’t blow away.

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    • I have heard that, but so far I’m the same gigantic fat-ass I have always been. Also, Eds is never on a leash anymore since I can’t walk him in that neighborhood. Sad.

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        • I’ve said this a few times, but there are at least three dogs who run loose, all pits. I say that because they would win if a fight ensued. Then the people across the way let their teensy dogs out a lot, too. Eds would kill them and I’d get sued.

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          • Boy do I understand this!!! I have to avoid certain roads I’m my town because dogs run loose and come right out into the road! Even the waterfront walk where dogs are supposed to be leashes have dogs running loose. One dog ran up to another lady’s dog and the guy said “don’t worry, my dog is friendly” and the lady said “well mine is not”! Then of course the dogs got in a fight.

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  17. Is it easier to throw Blu for Edsel? He probably isn’t a fan of new muscles, you don’t wear out as easily.
    Congratulations on the new muscle definition. Good job.

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  18. It was a very sad day when I realized that my back was gaining weight along with the rest of me. I had a doctor tell me once that when we reach a certain age we will gain 3 lbs a year. I thought that was crazy until here I am now many, many 3 lbs a year later and he was right. It didn’t last forever, thank God. I leveled off a few years ago. Of course that’s about when the saggy skin and wrinkles started. I think that the reason God makes you lose your eyesight at around 40 is because no one wants to see that shit with clear vision!

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  19. I should go for a walk. I would rather go take a nap. I realize it is 8:30 in the morning, but still. I think I’ll just lay down here…

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  20. Congratulations on the definition in the arms. That is a big deal! I have been crazy into Pilates the last 10 months. For the first time in my life I have shoulder and arm definition. I find myself relaxing with my hands on my arms touching myself like a stranger. I can’t get enough of myself apparently. I fear my triceps will never recover. I have done too much damage to them.

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  21. I live 11 miles from my job and the time it takes to get there is a crapshoot. Finding that LA has nothing on traffic in the Metroplex (TX) was a complete and total shock.

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    • Texas is 12th on the list of the places I looked. LA was 4th. Apparently, Boston is the most suck-ass.

      I remember being on my shoe-sized cell phone, talking to my now ex-best friend while I was on the 101 trying to get home, in LA. I told her it was at that time listed as the worst traffic in the country. “I’m not buying it,” she said. “Detroit is worse.”

      That always annoyed me. I wasn’t selling anything. Also, no matter what list you look at, Detroit is never on a bad-traffic list.

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      • That’s because of their economy that sucks. If that ever improves, Detroit traffic will be terrible again.
        But Seattle traffic beats almost anyplace. And it’s getting worse.

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  22. I admire your dedication to working out. I wish I had that same self discipline. Sadly, I do not. Oh, I often tell myself that I am going to start working out, but then the Monday I have appointed as launch day rolls around, and I have a hangnail or something.

    I so enjoy your posts. Thank you for making me laugh or smile or emote in some way. Your talent for writing is a gift, and I appreciate that you share it. Lovely post, lovely June.

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    • Another here who admires your workout discipline. But hangnails are serious & should not be ignored. Also charlie horses, water on the knee, & the middle school classic:
      **clutch side, twist, fling arm in air, flail dramatically at PE instructor**
      Craaamp!!!! (Then walk around track chatting w friends also felled by Craaamp!!!)

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Michelle Obama had/has great arms. I admired that about her, among myriad other things, not the least of which was her putting up with Ellen’s shenanigans. I have bingo arms. I can’t recall the last time I wore a short-sleeved shirt, and even longer ago, sleeveless. Aging really sucks, at least for the lazy.

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  24. We went to LA to visit our son in March and I could not get OVER the traffic out there. It took forever to go 10 feet! I don’t know how people live like that! Kudos to you for doing it as long as you did.

    I put on sleeveless tops these days and my grandmother’s flabby arms come out of the arm holes. When did THAT happen? I shudder to think of the diet/exercise combo I would have to endure to make some sort of change happen on that front. So, I wear sweaters in July.

    Another lovely post!

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  25. Oh, how I envy those with short commutes…. I love 27 miles from my office in your nation’s capitol, and those are all highway miles, fraught with random construction projects that never end (always, three men and a hole they need to stare at) and dumbass trucks that don’t belong in the fracking left lane, and as of last year, “dynamic tolling” that means ~$30/day (one-way!) tolls for those not in a carpool (thank baby Jesus I am). By the time I get to work, I need a fracking mimosa!

    My husband? works ~10 miles from our house, and on his worst days, has to stop at a red light. Woe!

    Like LNTL, my arms are also giant cotton fluffs of pink fun. Proud of your accomplishments, Joon!

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  26. I live in Southern California and almost feel guilty about my 7-mile, non-freeway, 12-minute commute. Many of my coworkers slog for more than an hour. L.A. driving is stupid.
    Take the money and run.

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  27. “You know he knows exactly what the facts Is” always bugged me. “Facts is” to rhyme with “Texas”? Weak. At least we know what happened to Billy Joe after jumping off that bridge.

    I never once in my life looked at another woman’s arms – until I hit 50. Now I am obsessed. The only arms I don’t look at are my own, because I know what the facts is. Those are my giant cotton fluffs of pink fun.

    Lovely post lovely Junie!

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  28. Yay for shoulders! I’ve been lifting all winter and have found that shoulders and biceps are the easier muscles to get definition on me. Triceps are another story. So much work for so little gain. Alas……

    I have an 18 mile commute and can make it in under half an hour early in the morning or late at night. It’s summer and tourist traffic and construction makes it take longer later in the day. I have to be at work at 06:30 so I leave the house a little before 6. It’s a nice commute.

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  29. I am so stealing your giant cotton fluff of pink fun. Everyone who calls and asks today how I’m doing is going to get that response.
    Congratulations on the shoulder muscle. I envy the women who wear tank tops and have clearly defined shoulders and arms. Is your trainer working on your back, too? I’ve realized I have back envy. Sitting on the beach and seeing women, my age, with nice backs makes me think I really should find exercises to do something with my saggy fat back. Thankfully I’ve forgotten about it by the time I get to the gym. Getting older does have advantages.
    The singing of just that one line would have made me insane.

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  30. Kudos to you for getting up early and working out! I am on the road for work at about 6:30am. I live about 8 minutes from my job. I go in early so I can leave early. I want to get home before the evening rush. I live in the most populated county in Florida so it gets really congested.

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