Book of June

I’m not one of those people or orange cats who hate Mondays. I never mind having to go back to work. And now I’ve just guaranteed it’s going to be the most shit-ass day.

Anyway, here it is, Monday morning, and often when it’s time to blog

I sit here on Mondays and think, “What the hell did I do all weekend?”

Also, if you look at that video above, I am Alice’s age. Maybe I need a nice unmoving updo.

Oh, and speaking of unmoving hair, now I remember some of my weekend.

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The last batch of foster kittens just ruined my last area rug, so I went online this weekend and virtually tried rugs, a thing that, trust me, will obsess you once you get started. The first person to ask me what website I used when it’s included in three screen shots gets rolled up and smothered in an area rug.

Anyway, I haven’t decided for sure but I’m leaning toward that last beige one. Not literally. Because I’d fall over.

Also, it was time for Iris’s rabies and distemper shots, and I said, “While I’m here, she’s losing clumps of fur. …Is that anything?” And of course it was. The vet felt around poor Iris’s stomach and found a sensitive spot and wanted to do an ultrasound. That is when I got upset and panicked and so forth, which I highly recommend as a coping mechanism.

The vet said Iris had — you know what? I put this on (Face)book of June this weekend and got ADVICE from people who are not VETERINARIANS and I really trust my vet who has an advanced degree and so on, so let’s just say we’re treating her for one thing and if it doesn’t clear up we may have to do a biopsy and just saying that made my insides turn to icy liquid, which I realize isn’t a thing because science.

My point is, Iris has had more shit in her life and still she’s just such an upbeat little cat, pink tongue of upsettedness and tawny nose of terror in these photos to the contrary.

One wonders how many times one can say, “I hate advice” and then get advice anyway. Maybe people don’t know that, “Have you tried…” and “Did the vet…” count as advice. My point is, isn’t it dysfunctional to have one person say, “I really don’t like it when this happens” and have the other person ignore that time and again? I guess I’m saying it to tens of people, and some have listened while others PLUNGE AHEAD with advice. Beloved advice.

Anyway, I feel like that was Saturday: obsessing over rugs and Iris’s health. Oh! And Lottie Blanco called me. She was having lunch with her wife Lottie Blanco and they had the puppies with them and DID I WANT TO JOIN THEM (what do you think?) so I did, but in my rush to MEET THE CORGI PUPPIES I did not bring my phone so you will have to trust me that I met them.

On Sunday I showered and decided I should get out of the house, because see Saturday. I’d had plans with Lilly to go makeup shopping, but at the last minute she couldn’t go.

It occurred to me I could drive out to the country and visit my former coworker Bitchy Resting Face Alex’s general store, and then after go to my friends’ Chris and Lilly’s plant and feed store and it’d be a whole day of country drives and supporting local businesses and yay.

“I guess I should wait for my hair to dry,” I told myself. When you have giant hair, your hair-drying is a major factor in planning one’s day. Blow-drying it results in puff hair, which no one in public wants to see, but the point is, I remembered I have a convertible.

It’s 50 minutes to BRF Alex’s store and by the time I blew in there, my hair was dry.

This is a photo I took out the top of my car while I was driving, and Dear June: Safe.

Anyway, when I pulled up, I figured there was a 50/50 chance BRF Alex was gonna be in there.

When I walked in, her doppelganger was in there but she wasn’t. “You must be BRF Alex’s sister,” I said, and I want you to brace yourself but I was right.

I got teensy little local strawberries that were the best I’ve had all year, peanuts in the shell, some local granola bars that were ohmygod so good (I ate one immediately: it was a coffee and dark chocolate bar. holy CATS), frozen cheddar jalapeno biscuits and more of my Virginia sugar sticks and why all the dental work.

Four seconds afterward, I got a call from BRF Alex. “I’m 8 minutes away!” she said. “Come over!”

So I did.

Oh, her place is ideal. And she’s only seen one snake all year! Not only was BRF Alex home, her spouse who is a hoot was also there, plus also too their baby, who is apparently not able to go off with his friends yet or what have you.

She also has two dogs of whom I have always been fond. I should have braced you before I said that. Anyway, one was all over me, smiling and wriggling–the Edsel dog–but the other one, a giant stoic black Pit mix–the Tallulah dog–was nowhere to be seen. I waited a bit, thinking maybe he was asleep, but after awhile I couldn’t stand it any longer.

“Where’s the Tallulah dog?” I asked fearfully.

“Oh, both dogs can roam between this house and my in-law’s place over there,” she pointed at another house ages away but all in the same gated land. “There’s a dog door and he goes down to the basement where it’s cool all the time.”

Oh my god, those dogs have the LIFE. All of a sudden I felt sorry for urban Edsel, with just one yard to play in rather than endless acres of land and two houses.

Anyway, I was careful not to overstay because they hadn’t even known I was gonna be there, so I drove back home along the tree canopies and the horses I love, munching tiny strawberries all the way.

And that was my weekend.

Luff,
Joon

P.S. Dear Chris and Lilly: Sorry I blew your store off.