Straighten up and bi-rite.

I’m not one of those people or orange cats who hate Mondays. I never mind having to go back to work. And now I’ve just guaranteed it’s going to be the most shit-ass day.

Anyway, here it is, Monday morning, and often when it’s time to blog

I sit here on Mondays and think, “What the hell did I do all weekend?”

Also, if you look at that video above, I am Alice’s age. Maybe I need a nice unmoving updo.

Oh, and speaking of unmoving hair, now I remember some of my weekend.

The last batch of foster kittens just ruined my last area rug, so I went online this weekend and virtually tried rugs, a thing that, trust me, will obsess you once you get started. The first person to ask me what website I used when it’s included in three screen shots gets rolled up and smothered in an area rug.

Anyway, I haven’t decided for sure but I’m leaning toward that last beige one. Not literally. Because I’d fall over.

Also, it was time for Iris’s rabies and distemper shots, and I said, “While I’m here, she’s losing clumps of fur. …Is that anything?” And of course it was. The vet felt around poor Iris’s stomach and found a sensitive spot and wanted to do an ultrasound. That is when I got upset and panicked and so forth, which I highly recommend as a coping mechanism.

“mom a frootcayke”

The vet said Iris had — you know what? I put this on (Face)book of June this weekend and got ADVICE from people who are not VETERINARIANS and I really trust my vet who has an advanced degree and so on, so let’s just say we’re treating her for one thing and if it doesn’t clear up we may have to do a biopsy and just saying that made my insides turn to icy liquid, which I realize isn’t a thing because science.

My point is, Iris has had more shit in her life and still she’s just such an upbeat little cat, pink tongue of upsettedness and tawny nose of terror in these photos to the contrary.

One wonders how many times one can say, “I hate advice” and then get advice anyway. Maybe people don’t know that, “Have you tried…” and “Did the vet…” count as advice. My point is, isn’t it dysfunctional to have one person say, “I really don’t like it when this happens” and have the other person ignore that time and again? I guess I’m saying it to tens of people, and some have listened while others PLUNGE AHEAD with advice. Beloved advice.

Anyway, I feel like that was Saturday: obsessing over rugs and Iris’s health. Oh! And Lottie Blanco called me. She was having lunch with her wife Lottie Blanco and they had the puppies with them and DID I WANT TO JOIN THEM (what do you think?) so I did, but in my rush to MEET THE CORGI PUPPIES I did not bring my phone so you will have to trust me that I met them.

On Sunday I showered and decided I should get out of the house, because see Saturday. I’d had plans with Lilly to go makeup shopping, but at the last minute she couldn’t go.

It occurred to me I could drive out to the country and visit my former coworker Bitchy Resting Face Alex’s general store, and then after go to my friends’ Chris and Lilly’s plant and feed store and it’d be a whole day of country drives and supporting local businesses and yay.

“I guess I should wait for my hair to dry,” I told myself. When you have giant hair, your hair-drying is a major factor in planning one’s day. Blow-drying it results in puff hair, which no one in public wants to see, but the point is, I remembered I have a convertible.

It’s 50 minutes to BRF Alex’s store and by the time I blew in there, my hair was dry.

This is a photo I took out the top of my car while I was driving, and Dear June: Safe.

What do you mean it’s insane to say, “Hello, horses! I love you!” when you’re 54 and in the car alone?
Straighten up and bi-rite.

Anyway, when I pulled up, I figured there was a 50/50 chance BRF Alex was gonna be in there.

When I walked in, her doppelganger was in there but she wasn’t. “You must be BRF Alex’s sister,” I said, and I want you to brace yourself but I was right.

I got teensy little local strawberries that were the best I’ve had all year, peanuts in the shell, some local granola bars that were ohmygod so good (I ate one immediately: it was a coffee and dark chocolate bar. holy CATS), frozen cheddar jalapeno biscuits and more of my Virginia sugar sticks and why all the dental work.

“Let’s take a picture and put it in Instagram and freak BRF Alex out,” I said to BRF’s sister.

Four seconds afterward, I got a call from BRF Alex. “I’m 8 minutes away!” she said. “Come over!”

So I did.

This is the drive up to her house. The drive up to my house is the curb.

Oh, her place is ideal. And she’s only seen one snake all year! Not only was BRF Alex home, her spouse who is a hoot was also there, plus also too their baby, who is apparently not able to go off with his friends yet or what have you.

“ant joon a frootcayke”

She also has two dogs of whom I have always been fond. I should have braced you before I said that. Anyway, one was all over me, smiling and wriggling–the Edsel dog–but the other one, a giant stoic black Pit mix–the Tallulah dog–was nowhere to be seen. I waited a bit, thinking maybe he was asleep, but after awhile I couldn’t stand it any longer.

“Where’s the Tallulah dog?” I asked fearfully.

“Oh, both dogs can roam between this house and my in-law’s place over there,” she pointed at another house ages away but all in the same gated land. “There’s a dog door and he goes down to the basement where it’s cool all the time.”

Oh my god, those dogs have the LIFE. All of a sudden I felt sorry for urban Edsel, with just one yard to play in rather than endless acres of land and two houses.

Anyway, I was careful not to overstay because they hadn’t even known I was gonna be there, so I drove back home along the tree canopies and the horses I love, munching tiny strawberries all the way.

And that was my weekend.

Luff,
Joon

P.S. Dear Chris and Lilly: Sorry I blew your store off.

50 thoughts on “Straighten up and bi-rite.

  1. Iris is going to kick whatever it is and be bi-rite as rain.

    Also I now crave these granola bars you described. I wonder if they ship? Note to self: Google it.

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  2. Fresh strawberries right out of the ground. Can’t beat ’em. We get the ones that grow in the air at my grocery store. I should try a farmer’s market soon.

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  3. I like the beige rug, too. For further thought, did you know that they sell vinyl rugs now? Just in case you should want to foster more kitties for our amusement. I got one for my living room because I have one very barfy cat.

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  4. Awww, BRF Alex is all grown up and now a mama. That’s so sweet. And what a cute little dumpling she has there. I love that rug app you have there. I have a thing for rugs and cute tables. I have way too many of both of those things.

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  5. 61 and I “mooo” at cows when I pass them. So.

    Puppy Corgis. Those must be adorably goofy-looking. I ran into a chocolate lab puppy this weekend. And by “ran into” I mean I made my husband pull over the car and I went screeching out of it saying “HELLO LOVE OF MY LIFE” in a shrill, turn-your-head-to-the-side voice and proceeded to shove the puppy’s owners out of the way to get to her. Also, I didn’t know these people. Also, my husband is just about through with me, so I guess I should be asking for applications for his next wife.

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  6. I’m the outlier and I like the aqua blue rug. It’s a pretty pop of color.

    Your day in the country sounds absolutely delightful!

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  7. Your Sunday sounds so fun. I love the pictures, and imagine how the trip in your sweet little ride must’ve been a lot of fun. I just adore road trips. Some of my very fondest memories in life are from various road trips I’ve taken. Also, in the picture with BRF Alex’s sister, you look so cute and somehow mischievous. Anyway, I think it’s a great pic of you. Thinking best thoughts for sweet Iris, and hoping whatever the issue is, turns out to be easily fix-able. Lovely post, mischievous Joon.

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  8. That was a perfect weekend with all the fun and activities, minus the trip to the vet. I totally understand the panic involved with sweet Iris. I hope the meds are going to help her. I could very easily live out in the country. I always say, “LOOK at the cows” or sheep or goats or donkeys or whatever animal happens to be in the field. If the cows are not standing I always tell my husband and then add that the fish aren’t biting because the cows are on the ground.

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  9. Your day in the country sounds delightful! I love trying new foods that real people have made. I’d have to drive an hour and a half to even get out of this city and then further to find a darling country store. Makes me tired just thinking about it. Sometimes urban life sucks. Most of the time I love it, though!

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  10. I also don’t want advice unless I ask, so I try to not give it unsolicited. I feel you. Figuratively. Literally feeling you would probably be weird. And difficult, as you are states away. My arms are short.

    I’m back to work after a whole week off and my brain is not fully functioning yet.

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  11. Lovely post, Coot.
    Love the rug. It looks very period-ishy and not the bloody kind of period.
    What a nice weekend, aside from the icy guts. Hope Iris heals up and hairs over. She is such a pretty kitty.

    Love your hair and wish mine dried that pretty without all my gnashing of teeth and drama.

    Have a happy Monday.

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  12. Whenever we go on road trips, I’m always saying “oh, look, cows” (or horses or, occasionally, sheep), followed by “oh, no, feedlots”. Spring road trips are the best because, baby animals.
    Speaking of babies, BRF (which autocorrected to barf) Alex sure has a cute one. And a fabulous country life, too.
    Lovely weekend, pretty June. Good thoughts to Lily.

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  13. I had something in mind to comment right at the beginning of the post, but by the time I finished and got here, I forgot what I was going to say.

    Your reading chair and girly house make me want to kick my boyfriend out and redecorate. Sadly, he’s a good cook (I almost made “cook” into another word for why I keep him, which is much more graphic, oops) so I guess I’ll have to live with my mostly domesticated lifestyle.

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    • I hate when I have something pithy to say and by the time I read everyone else’s comments, I can’t remember it.

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  14. God, you with the baby pics all the time. GEEZ. That is a cute baby. There was a baby that age at the Heart concert I went to last night. It was rocking so hard with its protective head phones on. I’m not into babies, but it was real cute. What a great country drive day. I loved the pictures.

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  15. I’m sending positive thoughts to Iris. I really want the first option to be the one that fixes her. She’s the best kitty.

    I’ll admit that while I know people have blog names here it was jarring when I saw BRF Alex’s real name on Facebook. I don’t even think of her as Alex. It’s always BRF Alex to me. I’m sure her mom regrets not naming her BRF Alex from the get.

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  16. I am surprised you are happy to go to work knowing that your weekend was so full. And you didn’t even get to the feed store. Baby, puppies, lunch, and rug shopping. Sorry about Iris. Hope it is an easy fix. I now live in fesr of saying the wrong thing and getting rolled up in a rug.

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  17. Man, your area is lovely. I have to drive at least 20-25 minutes, to get to rolling hills and horsies (yay for VA horse country!).

    OTOH, my daily view is of three men looking at a hole at a never-ending interstate construction site. NOT THE SAME AS HORSIES.

    Hugs and pets to Iris. I hope your vet and you are able to discern her ailment and make it all better. She’s so pretty!

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  18. Even just reading about your icy feeling gives my stomach the willies. I know my three cats aren’t going to live forever, but I nevertheless hope they do. The unexpected drive in the country sounds like just the thing you needed. Hope work doesn’t kick your butt today!

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  19. In my new work commute that comes with the new job, half of it is roads along Amish and Mennonite farms. I yell out to the “sheepies” — many of them had babies this spring and are totally adorable — and of course the cows and there’s even a pasture of pigs.

    You’re a good person to wish Edsel had all that room, but since Edz lives for being near you, I think he’s plenty happy.

    That granola bar sounds worth the trip alone and I’m super jealous of seeing that baby. I do love little babies in the stage where they stay where you put them.

    Also I have cold icy insides on behalf of Iris. One of our fosters, who came to use at ages 10 and 12 five years ago, isn’t doing well – the now 17-year old, which is a bossy ass calico that may have cat dimentia. The younger one, who couldn’t walk she was so fat when we got her, was actually in better health but died about a month ago. It’s all fun and cat hair until someone gets sick, then I’m sick with worry.

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  20. The country drive pictures are so pretty. Living in suburbia , I envy you the 2 lane roads, the fields, the animals.

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  21. Having lunch with LB, LB and puppies then spending a day in the country visiting friends and their baby sounds lovely and restorative. All the best for sweet, upbeat Iris.

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  22. Hopefully this will not count as advice, but I love your wind dried hair! Sounds like you had a lovely day.

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  23. Corgi puppies and no phone? Ack!!! They are my favorite, with their little wiggly butts waving at you as they walk away. Also, I clearly should have been a queen. Maybe the Lottie Blancos can send you pics for your photo stash…

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  24. Oh, what a lovely Sunday!
    And “icy liquid” is absolutely a thing. It makes me think about that thing my kids do, where they put a coke in the freezer for just the right amount of time. Then when they take it out it looks like regular liquid coke, but when they open it ice crystals bloom inside, and as they pour it in a glass it magically becomes slushy ice.
    When your insides are icy liquid you hope no one bumps you so you don’t suddenly turn into slushy sadness.

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  25. I’m glad you happened to mention the fur to the vet!! I’m sorry about whatever is going on but I’m really glad they are testing etc.
    Your day in the country sounds lovely! You’re good marketing for the store. All the things you described make me want to visit!

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  26. Lovely post, pretty June except for the potential Iris (do you ever type Irish instead?) health crisis. Hope she’s fine. I’m all too familiar with that blood to ice water moment.

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  27. Except for the sweet Iris part (anything with Toby freaks me out), it sounds like you had a nice weekend. A little bit of this, a little bit of that.

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  28. Gosh with that baby! Did we know BRF Alex had procreated? (Flipping madly through pages of BBOJ.)

    Unsolicited advice is annoying. I was thinking exactly that this morning when I was reading another one of those “this guy went missing last week please tell us if you see him” posts on FB. (Am I the only one intrigued by missing persons?) And IMMEDIATELY people start to comment things like “have you tried tracking his cellphone?” or “Have you checked his credit card for activity?” Really people? You think you’re the only one who KNOWS that stuff? God. I’d not only be MISSING but also ANNOYED.

    Lovely weekend lovely June! Iris is gonna be JUST FINE. I HAVE SPOKEN.

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  29. Living in the country is the best! We have horses and I’m confident that people drive by and tell them they love them. Good Saturday!

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  30. I’m glad you had fun to balance the Iris stress. Baby corgis, country rides! I only give advice if asked, do opinions count as advice? I know what you mean though, advice from nonwidows can really piss me off now. Walk a mile in my shoes or stfu because you have no idea.

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