You’re invited to June’s shower

Did you ever see the movie Psycho? Even if you haven’t, I imagine at this point you’re aware there’s a shower scene. I tell you this not because I’ve been hacked to bits in my shower, which I might have led with, but because if you’ve seen the movie, you might recall the odd joyfulness Janet Leigh has when she first gets into said shower.

She doesn’t leave with the same joy. Spoiler alert. That’s what Norman Bates said.

Anyway, it’s weird. She’s all smiling and tossing her head and you kind of think, who has this much fun showering?

All this talk of showering is reminding me of another story that’s bothered me now for 19 years, and I know I’ve told it to you before. In the year 2000, I ran a marathon as part of a fundraiser for AIDS Project Los Angeles. They trained me for six months, and I raised a bunch of funds for them, and this was preblog so I had to go out and earn the money the old-fashioned way, on my knees. But anyway, after six months of rigorous training and the best calves I’ve ever had, they sent us to Chicago where we all emailed another girl and also ran the marathon.

That evening, the APLA people threw us a party, unfortunately located up some stairs, and I don’t know if you’ve ever, oh, run 26.2 miles at once but lemme tell you. Three hours later, you do not want to go up any goddamn stairs. I remember Marvin saying he just stayed there a bit and watched everyone crab walk up them.

The point is, I was having some well-deserved snacks at the party when another runner said, “Wasn’t the shower back at the hotel great? That was the second-best shower I’ve ever had in my life.”

!

IT HAUNTS ME. Why didn’t I ask him? The only thing I can imagine is that once he mud-wrestled a pig after eight days in the woods.

Anyway.

Yesterday, I took a shower, which was the whole point of this diatribe. And I like to imagine myself tossing my head happily the way Janet Leigh did. I have (had) one of those showerheads that has the different settings, and I act so highfalutin, like everyone doesn’t have one of those now. I also have automatic windows on my car! {June must be RICH!}

I noticed, yesterday in the shower, that the top of the twisty settings thing on my showerhead, the twisty thing I never use because I’ve always been happy and tossing my head with the setting I use, which is “The water pours on you steadily so you can shower,” was …leaking. Like, water was coming out of the part that twists.

Naturally, being the water engineer that I am, and is that even a thing? I twisted the showerhead, and

Oh my god, water was everywhere, and also I think that’s a real picture up there of a tsunami and that’s horrifying.

Dude, water. Water was squirting ALL OVER YONDER. It was an EXPLOSION of water.

I stopped Janet Leighing in the shower and started, well, Janet Leighing in the shower. I went from happy head toss to screeching like a billy goat. I had to shower at the speed of sound while water screeched around my bathroom, and when I got out, shaken not stirred, the entire medicine cabinet was drenched. The WALLS, which are mostly tile thank god, were dripping like Amityville Horror. Later that morning I was happy to discover the toilet paper roll had also been drenched. It was like a poor man’s bidet up in there.

So that was my relaxing morning, which led to a relaxing lunch hour of going to Lowe’s, and a relaxing evening of changing a showerhead, which FYI is not that hard.

I realize things could have been worse, and some psycho in a man bun could have offed me, but it was unpleasant just the same.

Splash at you later,
June

62 thoughts on “You’re invited to June’s shower

  1. LOVE this post!
    I work on the beach and I am scared silly of tsunami’s. I’m thinking this area is relatively safe however. This post was great on so many levels. Proud of you for your marathon (1990’s) AND your shower head. Now you need a marathon shower.

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  2. Hilarious post. Who organizes an after-marathon event upstairs? Obviously, someone that has never run. I don’t run, but I can’t imagine the agony of trying to climb stairs after running 26+ miles. Good work on replacing your shower head. I’ve had to do that a couple of times, I got lots of plumbing experience at my mom’s house, in fact, I was an expert on the workings of her toilet tank. I also was forced to replace the flapper in our toilet, it broke the day after my husband left on a trip. I thought the title was going to be about a shower for Mils and Sissy.
    Tee

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  3. Sex in the shower. I wonder if guys like that. It looks so great in the movies, but in real life, it’s terrible. At least I always found it bad – I can’t see anything because of the water sheeting down my face if I’m under the spray, or I’m freezing cold if I’m not under it. And sure, go ahead and soap me up, but don’t put that thing near me with soap on it, cause OWW. After a good shower, however, that’s a different story.
    Give me a nice big bed with lovely linens and a freshly showered man, and I’m all in.

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    • I haaaaaaaaaaate shower sex. It looks like fun, the lead-in is good, but actual sex in the shower is a no from me. Water is NOT LUBE. Someone is gonna slip and crack their head or hurt their back and you’re gonna get soap where you don’t want soap. NO THANK YOU.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh great start to my morning! ha ha…. With so much hard water here in AZ – maybe there too? – those shower heads get all gunky and need to be replaced almost annually. … sigh… I am still laughing about the hand held shower heads… are there other kinds? LOL
    Plumbing – just one more thing that we women who go it alone must learn to fix! fun fun

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  5. Tsunamis scare the paint out of me…I mean you can’t possibly outrun it once its there. So if I’m at the beach I have to be hyper vigilant for large waves on the horizon, how relaxing is that? Also I’m likegladyswhoisalsobee about getting in and out of the shower. My husband and daughters take super loonng showers and I can’t understand why. I wash every part of my body, including shampoo and condition hair (no curly girl here) shave all the shave-able spots and STILL don’t take longer than 10 minutes!

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    • If you have a handheld showerhead, I can imagine what those daughters might learn. It took shockingly long for my boyfriend to figure out why I showered at his shop instead of going home.

      Also, before the tsunami hits, the water will recede and then come rushing back. So watch for receding water.

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  6. Once, a pipe burst below my sink. I ran to the main shut off to the house.
    The knob broke off in my hand.
    Fun times.

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  7. I have never seen psycho but I watched The Birds once when I was babysitting late at night when I was like 12 or 13. I should have turned off the TV after the Love Boat. Who stayed out half the night with a 12 yr old in charge? Ah, the 80’s.

    Am I the only one that can sometimes not figure out the temp control in a hotel shower? Just curious.

    Impressed that you changed it yourself. And yes, you must be rich with automatic windows! Ha.

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  8. The only party that should be thrown after a marathon is a slumber party where you arrive in your pjs, are given large doses of ibuprofen, gently assisted to a prone position and left the hell alone for 24 hours. You are a sport.

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  9. Thank you for the laughter this morning – I have done something similar and wondered how can so much water come out of that small pipe?? Also, any shower I’ve had after a half marathon resulted in Janet Leigh-like screams as the hot water hit a previously unknown chafed part of my body. Not the best by any means.

    Regarding running a long distance, after my first half marathon and the aforementioned shower screamfest, I went walking around the cute beach town where the race was held. I crossed the street and had to step up onto the sidewalk and that one step was harder than the entire race. How your organizers thought it was a good idea to make marathoners walk upstairs is beyond me. All I can think is they must not have been runners.

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  10. I hate scary movies. Circumstances conspired so that I was forced to watch the Amityville Horror at the moves on three separate occasions. All I wanted to see was North Falls Forty. But no, all Amityville all the time. It scared me witless.

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  11. Great post.
    It is all so good, but this is the line that stood out for me:
    “they sent us to Chicago where we all emailed another girl”

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      • I did! And I want to say this is one of my ALL TIME favorite posts. And in between all the laughing, I sobered up long enough to admire your plumbing skills and I don’t mean that lightly.
        Also, to someone’s question, I work in a resort and yes, we get many calls from naked guests how to turn on shower because we have two different wands that make it even more confusing.

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  12. I have never watched Psycho. Nor do I want to–ever. I did make the mistake of sneak-watching Amityville Horror when I was probably 9 years old. Anything that had a “Parental Discretion Advised” label, I was all in. (I loved peek-watching “Prisoner Cell Block H”) Needless to say, I still panic if I wake up at 3:15 AM and I have to talk myself down. We had like 9 flies in the house a week or so ago and my anxiety amped up, but I couldn’t tell anyone that the flies were freaking me out lest I look crazy.

    I am inspired that you changed the shower head yourself. My shower head has two or three little streams of water that have their own mind and end up right at my eye level. Maybe I could fix that?

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  13. The tsunami photo is right out of a recurring nightmare I have, ACK!!! Also, in a classic from the Days of Yore, I taped most of “Psycho.” Got the shower scene, but I still don’t know how that sucker ends. Hilarious post, Coot.

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  14. It might be a real photo of a tsunami, but it’s photoshopped onto that pic of the beach. I watched a lot of footage after the tsunami in Japan a few years ago… or you know, 8 years ago, as Google tells me it was. That one was more like repeated heavy tidal surges, each one getting a bit bigger. According to wikipedia it can start with a bigger wave than that, but the tide goes WAY out before the water hits. I don’t think it would curl like that.

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  15. Adds The Anonymous Poet, I was scared of The Birds too, but now I can only think of a magnificent online video that showed blonde lady sitting on park bench while (paper cutout) birds gradually increased behind her, and the soundtrack was Karen Carpenter: “Why do birds—suddenly appear—every time—you are near?”

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  16. Adds the Anonymous Poet, I can’t think of The Birds without recalling a magnificent video that showed the lady sitting quietly on a bench while (paper cutout) birds gathered behind her, and the soundtrack was Karen Carpenter singing “Why do birds—suddenly appear—every time—you are near?”

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  17. I watched Psycho with a bunch of college students, for safety, and when Bad Janet launched into her shower delight everyone laughed.

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  18. Sorry for your shower woes, June, but extremely proud of you for installing a new shower head your own self. I am not happy with my shower. I swear, every time I get in there the water pressure is weaker and weaker. Seems no matter what shower head I buy, it’s either too strong or two wimpy.

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  19. Some psycho in a man bun made me snort and I’d still be choking if I hadn’t set my coffee cup down before I read that. Sorry about Old Faithful drenching your bathroom. Nothing like a relaxing start to the day.

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  20. On my knees!

    I love that marathon story. Reminds me of when I was 17 and full of energy so decided to go cycling and camp with my friends. No prep or proper kit, just booked away merrily with rucksacks on our backs. Went to bed elated and giggly.

    When we woke up everything hurt; we were shuffling round like pensioners. We briefly weighed up how bad dying in the countryside could actually be as it seemed preferable to loading up and cycling home.

    Liked by 2 people

    • I love it when Nithya posts because she uses words like pensioners. I just finished the Ruth Galloway mystery series and am speaking English English in my head.
      Lovely post, June. I am so impressed that you replaced the shower head by yourself. Every time we try some plumbing repair, no matter how minor, it ends up being a big clusterf$#@, multiple cussword, everybody’s frustrated, why did this look so easy on YouTube? event.

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  21. Poor man’s bidet up in there – dead.

    When I saw the headline I honestly thought you were inviting us to your house and we could bring you presents. hashtagwhataletdown

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  22. I have finally almost learned to never mess with anything water-related while the water is running. Almost. Honestly you would think that wouldn’t be a tough lesson to learn.

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  23. Scenes from old movies that once seemed so scary are now almost laughable compared to what they make us watch today. We watched The Birds a few years ago and were aghast at how corny it was. The birds were basically construction paper cut outs on sticks that someone was waving around. At the time it was TERRIFYING! I don’t even want to watch Psycho again as it will probably ruin that shower scene forever. It’s way scarier in my head. Which is true on many levels.

    I love the June Trained for a Marathon story. Imagine the not blog posts we would have gotten then!

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  24. Lovely post. Coot.
    I have never tossed my head and been all happy in the shower. My goal is to get in scrub up rinse off and get out. I dont understand people who stand in the shower being pelted with water for hours. Ok , tens of minutes. Do they also excitedly rush out in the pouring rain, jumping around gleefully while tossing their head back? Do they not have frizzy hair? Do they always wear water proof make-up?
    I had th change my dads shower head a couple of years ago. They had this huge walk in shower and he had just had surgery. I was trying to change while he was in the shower with me gimping around. That was fun.

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    • I love taking long, steamy showers. It’s very meditative for me. I compose emails in my head, ponder my issue du jour, think about life, solve the world’s problems etc. Plus it takes forever to wash and condition my hair. If I don’t have to wash and condition my hair, I can scrub up, shave my pits, rinse off and be out in 5 minutes.

      But having the right shower head is very important. I like having serious water pressure and some of these shower heads have the flow restrictor that reduces the water flow to a trickle. A drinking fountain has better water pressure than some of those damn shower heads.

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  25. and I had to earn money the old fashioned way – on my knees – this made me snort my coffee and it kinda hurt my nose but then I thought this is nothing compared to water palooza at your place and now off to google how to change a shower head because I have needed to do this for oh lets say a few months (really a year) but did not want to pay for a plumber and I kinda forget about it until the next day and it never occurred to me that this is something I can do myself…

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  26. the photo freaks me out. A nice day at the beach, until….

    Glad you were able to repair the issue, all on your own! Hopefully the TP has dried out….

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  27. Like smoke detectors, anything plumbing always goes awry at the worst time! I did nothing, I swear, but the toilet backed up in our one office bathroom. It was my 3rd day at work. Yeah.

    Lovely post, June!!
    PS. That is not a real tsunami. Nobody is running.

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