I have the best possible news: I finally used up the bad toilet paper!

I think I got it in, like, December, at an Office Depot or some other chain that has no business selling TP, and they were having a sale for some enormous quantity of rolls for like a dollar ninety-nine or something, and I unashamedly carried that shit-ton, so to speak, of toilet paper out that store like I was preparin’ for a poop parade. And then of course I got home and it was terrible.

Nevertheless, I persisted, and as of now I am out of it, and of course have no backup toilet paper and must use Kleenex until I can get to the store.

And that sums up today so far, except my trainer wrote to see if I want to go to a boxing class at 5:45. If I can get to Target for wrap stuff for my hands and can get out of work on time, I am so going.

I feel like I haven’t talked to you in forever. First I wrote you about Sex and the City (not in the city) and then I wrote you a very specific post about one single hour in my day, and then yesterday I didn’t have time and so we haven’t really talked, it seems like.

This weekend I went over to the really pretty church near my house. I pass it all the time, and it has a lovely graveyard, and I’ve been wanting to check it out forever. My neighborhood is called White Oak, and I HAVE a white oak in my yard, and anyway I think that’s why the acorn. Not that it’s the church of the baby acorn or anything.

And I mean because the whole neighborhood is called White Oak, not because I personally own a white oak. In 1756, they knew I’d be moving in 250 years later and that I’d have an oak, so they made that their mascot.

They’re very into telling you it was founded in 1756. We all love the ’50s. I blame Potsie.

Anyway, I sipped a cranberry limeaid from Sonic and wandered about the place, not knowing if that was forbidden or not, but who’s gonna come out and yell at the old lady drinking a Sonic? No one.

Oh, ’twas lovely there.

And the graveyard was lovely, too. Someone once told me if it’s attached to a church, it’s a graveyard. If it stands alone, it’s a cemetery. I might have that mixed up, though.

The grave-etery had the kind of tree I had growing up, with these sticks that grew. If you were a child, these sticks were magnificent. They stirred pots when you played house. They were a teacher’s pointer. They were magic wands. And if worse came to worst, you could beat someone with them as well.

“We are gathered here today to get through this thing called life. …Oh.”

I also peeked in the windows. That must be god’s office, right there.

And here’s a selfie in case you didn’t believe me that I went there, thought these were all stock photos of the church of the baby acorn. I’ve stopped Botoxing and usually I think that’s fine until a photo shows the Panama Canal on my forehead.

In other news, he does this all the time. (In other other news, need groceries, stat.)

Milhous has always enjoyed being the cat who shows up weird places so you’re kind of all, ACK! I didn’t expect to see you there!

wut.

I keep flipflops and galoshes by the back door, for traipsing in the yard despite the weather, but that other shoe is Edsel’s fault. He can’t leave my shoes alone. It is his duty to carry them around worshipfully. Then drop them with disinterest once he has a chance to go outside.

I have to go. I am going to the chiropractor this morning, as all my years of sports have finally come home to roost. Alternatively, I had a reading injury.

Speaking of reading, this is a bad screen shot, but this is the last book I read and I love it. A struggling writer gets word an editor is interested in his book, and that editor is Jackie Kennedy.

Dun dun DUNNNN.

Go read it.

Talk to you later. I’ll show up somewhere weird at your house, like Mil.

P.S. I finished this and immediately kicked Mil, who was sitting right next to me in an odd place.

67 thoughts on “Our lady of the acorn

  1. Kymberly says:

    The shot of the office is soothing to me.

    Love the 1950’s vibe your very charming porch is giving off. The 1750s vibe of the church is also very nice.

    Like

  2. Megsie says:

    What a lovely graveyard! And it looked like it was a lovely day as well. Ned. Geez. Have some manners.

    Nutterbutter Bob IS an ingrate. I hope your neighbor stays healthy, and doesn’t start foaming from the mouth.

    Lovely post, lovely June.

    Like

  3. Carolina says:

    I first read this a as Our Lady of Scorn. Lovely post Junz.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Hot in AZ says:

    Nice post. Milhous is a great cat.

    I have to say I am a little annoyed by the backward comments…meaning latest on top. I never care to scroll, scroll, scroll to start reading comments so it’s funny to see replies before original comments and try to piece it all together and then say ohhhhhhh when I get to the original comment. Ok, as you were.

    Like

    1. June says:

      I know, but then other people complain when it’s the other way. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO MAKE YOU PEOPLE HAPPY. I COOKED THIS BIG MEAL.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Beth from the woods says:

        Then you have to wash all the dishes and clean up after us as well as cooking this big meal.
        Thank you so much for feeding us almost every day.
        It is wonderful to read your thoughts ,words and be in your head space. It is genuinely funny. You are a great story teller.
        You keep us coming back to the juice bar for more.

        Like

    2. Megsie says:

      I scroll all the way to the bottom and read it going up instead of down!

      Like

  5. pendy says:

    I love an old graveyard; love thinking about all of those lives and what those people felt and did.

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Your mother’s neighbor says:

    What a fun post! The church and grounds look really lovely. Can’t go wrong with a red brick building. Very ‘New England-ish.’ I love Millhouse’s surprising antics. He always seems to have a good time!

    Like

    1. Koala Raspberry says:

      I have a special fondness for red brick, many of the Philadelphia rowhomes I grew up in and around were made of it.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. banne4 says:

    Aww I love Milhous. Perhaps because my Mr. Peaches looks and acts so much like him! Mr. Peaches is the most delightful cat I never wanted! Both of my cats just sort of…ended up with me and I fell for them and we have had a wonderful life together. Mr. Peaches can still at age 9 – jump 6 ft straight up in the air from the floor! Amazing boy. He is not a plain orange cat and neither is Milhous!
    Sheesh

    Like

  8. Jeanie Herkomer says:

    And also too, I have never been to a Sonic. As far as I know, there are none in Sacramento, at least in the areas where I travel.

    Like

  9. ClgInAZ says:

    My granddaughter used to love to sit in that spot in my refrigerator when she was two. Then my grandson came along and did the same thing.
    Thanks for the book recommendation!

    Like

  10. Ruth says:

    Graveyards, old churches, milhouse, catalpas and toilet paper. Fine coverage today!

    Like

  11. Door Color Expert Andrea says:

    You can tell by the look of Mill’s face that he’s an extraordinary guy. Ned has issues recognizing value.

    I so envy that vintage double settee on your front porch that used to be in the backyard of the neighborhood where people had dental plans.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. June says:

      It gets sat on a lot more often in my current health-insurance-free neighborhood. Oh, I forgot to mention that Nutterbutter Bob has gone free! He’s able to get around with one slightly lame leg, but get around he can! He bit her one last time for good measure. Nutterbutter Bob is an ingrate.

      Liked by 3 people

      1. Sadie says:

        That’s the thanks she gets for saving his life. Way to be a nutter, Nutterbutter Bob.

        Lovely post, lovely June. What a beautiful old church and graveyard. And Milhous continues to delight us with his antics.

        Like

  12. Tee Smith says:

    P.S. I showed my husband the photos of the Indian cigar tree, there was one in his yard where he grew up. They are actually a Catawba tree and they have worms on them that they always used to fish…Catawba worms, great bait.
    I have not read the comments, so if this is duplicate information, sorry.

    Like

    1. Koala Raspberry says:

      It is NOT! Thank you, Tee!

      Like

  13. 1madgirl says:

    Lovely post, June. Go with that boxing and let us know. I bet you love it. There’s not much I like about being female except for the ability to be in places and with vulnerable people and not have people be suspicious or afraid of me. Especially as I get older. My husband is so aware of who he speaks to and is afraid to even chat with the neighbor children or be home alone with the housekeeper while I can bring a glass of iced tea to the workmen and call them honey and tell them to be careful in this heat.

    Like

  14. Tee Smith says:

    Great post. I loved all the photos of the church. A graveyard is in the church yard, makes perfect sense. THAT monument to the young soldier killed in the Battle of the Bulge was a few days of turning 25! Oh my goodness. My dad was in the Battle of the Bulge.

    Those are Indian cigars on that tree. I don’t have a clue why they are Indian cigars, unless the Cherokees and Creeks liked smoking them. We have those trees here in Georgia.

    You look lovely, I had to scroll back up to see what you were talking about not getting Botox, I’m not really sure what you are talking about, because you have NO wrinkles! You look so young. Enjoy your youthful looks, my dear. I love Milhous!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. 1madgirl says:

      My uncle was, too, Tee. I wonder if they knew each other. I know it was a massive assault but it’s a small world.

      Like

      1. Tee Smith says:

        Mad, my dad was in the 2nd Division. It was a massive assault, but my dad talked very little about it. My brother was told a lot more about his experiences, maybe I just wasn’t listening. I would give anything to talk to him now and find out about all his experiences during WWII.

        Like

        1. 1madgirl says:

          Neither of my uncles who fought would say a thing. When my Uncle Everett died (I’m not sure of his division) and I traveled up to the bitsy town in SE Illinois I sat out on the porch swing for much of an afternoon with one of his sons. He brought out some photos from the battle and from the first concentration camp they liberated. His dad was not supposed to have them and they had been hidden all those years. My cousin said that the only way he knew anything about his dad’s war experiences was that his dad would take him hunting with the guys and he would lie in his bedroll pretending to be asleep and listen to the men talking around the fire at night. He said he knew he was never to speak to his father about what he heard. So much for a young man to carry and he carried right to his dad’s death.

          Like

          1. teesmithii says:

            I have metals, and German coins, I am sure remove from dead German soldiers. My dad help liberate some of the concentration camps.

            Like

  15. 1madgirl says:

    Speaking of the poem below, The Catalpa, of course it’s not just about a tree. Haven’t we all had a love, a brief love, that was full of its own blooming and then did we not know how to lose what had been shed? oh my heart is in raptures.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. 1madgirl says:

    https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/47020/the-catalpa

    I you grew up with a catalpa tree you will love this poem by John Ciardi. It is one of the few poems I know by heart because I read it a thousand times. Oh, please go read it with love.

    If you didn’t grow up with a catalpa tree know that it has, as the poet says, a short glorious blooming and the flowers drop from the tree and you can pick them up and suck the sweetness from each blossom. Then the beans, long as a stick, are one of nature’s toys. How I loved that big old creaky stunning dangerous lady.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. lizardek says:

      OMG I love that poem, thanks for linking. One of my fave poems is by John Ciardi:
      https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/50962/why-nobody-pets-the-lion-at-the-zoo

      Like

  17. Karen in NTX says:

    Sonic strawberry limeade is delicious!! Love your porch and the pic of it with Milhouse. Also, your hair looks so good!!

    Like

  18. Barbara says:

    I have a good friend who was married at Buffalo. She didn’t attend, she just liked the church. It is very old by NC standards. Your Sonic drink sounds delicious. If I drank it, I’d have horrendous heartburn.

    Like

  19. Jeanie Herkomer says:

    I have had the bad TP, too. I still have half a roll for emergencies. It’s a new brand carried by one of our better (more expensive) grocery stores so I thought it would be good. It’s paper thin, but strong, and lasts forever. Too bad it hurts and you need to use a yard of it at a time.

    That is a beautiful church/graveyard. We have a few of those trees around. I’ve always called them green bean trees.

    I’ve never seen a fridge so empty, either. It’s very clean, though.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. Deb says:

    I was at the library yesterday and noticed an interesting book cover on their homepage so I went to find it on the new arrivals shelf. I thought it would be a mystery or thriller based on the cover and title. Lo and behold it’s about someone’s saucy sex life and I was embarrassed to check it out. So now I have a filthy book to work on. Will report.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Capelover says:

      Loved the pictures of the church and it’s eternal resting spots. It’s so calm and peaceful looking as it should be of course. My favourite cemetery in our town has lovely old magnolia trees which are now in bloom. A fitting place for a nice long nap.
      I need to run to Sonic!

      Like

  21. Vic says:

    You are not an old lady.
    Lovely post, Juniper.

    Like

  22. gendaisy says:

    You are correct on graveyard vs. cemetery. I went on a ghost tour in Charleston several years ago and that is the one fact I retained. That has always seemed backwards to me as cemetery seems like a prettier word and should be the one attached to the church. Alas, it was not my decision to make.

    I am a big fan of a Sonic cherry limeaid, but I’ve never tried cranberry. Sounds interesting.

    Like

    1. June says:

      I’m sorry to add I tried the strawberry yesterday and it was delicious. It had real strawberries in it, which I did not know and am glad I lived through.

      Liked by 1 person

  23. Just Paula H&B says:

    How are you even doing ANYTHING whilst being out of toilet paper? MY GOD. If that’s not a life necessity, I don’t know what is. Although, your fridge is also bare, so nothing in, nothing out, I suppose.

    I need to obsess and panic over here about you being out of toilet paper. Next you’ll be out of Kleenex and will have to wipe your fine ass with coffee filters. I need to calm down. Hyperventilating over a toilet paper issue six hundred miles away.

    Have you seen the ads on FB and IG for that organic, sustaining (whatever) toilet paper made out of bamboo? (OUCH.) I like soft and rippled. And white. Remember for a while there, the toilet paper manufacturers were making all the colors to match the bathroom decor? Glad we’re over that. (Yes, all my bath towels are white, so I can bleach the bejesus out of them. Hand towels can match the decor.)

    Like

    1. June says:

      In fact, I was just missing the idea of colors. I’d be loaded down with colored toilet paper if it existed, still.

      Like

      1. Tee Smith says:

        I’m sure you would have pink TP.

        Like

    2. Tee Smith says:

      Plunk. I am dead.

      Like

  24. VBKaren says:

    “Just a plain orange kitten”! NED! I just had my third Vivace or DaVinci or whatever it’s called microneedling treatment. It hurt. Does Botox hurt? I swear I’ll never willingly let people do things to my face that hurts, again. I’ll just keep my crater sized pores and Panama Canal wrinkles.
    Thanks for the book recommendation. Off to see if my library has it.

    Like

    1. June says:

      It hurts but it’s tolerable. Also it depends on who does it.

      Like

  25. Pam not that Pam says:

    June’s Book Club. We need it.

    Lovely graveyard!

    Like

    1. June says:

      We had one, but every time we met to discuss the book, 47 people would pipe up with, “I didn’t read the book, but…”

      So we stopped having it. What the hell was it called? Does anyone remember? It was during Bye Bye, Pie.

      Like

      1. debwhosbacktobeingdeb says:

        You called it Bye-Bye Book Club Pie in your post of August 10, aught-9, but I’m not sure if that’s what it landed as.

        Like

  26. Arlie says:

    That’s a catalpa tree. I grew up in a house with two large catalpa trees in front. Great for climbing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Worker Bee says:

      I was just scrolling through the comments to see if anyone knew what kind of tree that is! There was one at the park I visited with my dad when I was a little girl. I always called it a cigar tree. I don’t know if others did too or I made it up. That photo brought back such fond memories!

      Like

  27. Carol in Mpls says:

    Thanks for the book idea. Do this more often, please. My Presbyterian church is also on the Historic Register, which is a cool thing. It’s in downtown Mpls, and so no graveyard/cemetery, but we do have a columbarium wall, though I’m not planning it for my forever nap.

    Milhous is such a laid back dude, and just so handsome. You lucked out that he only wants to travel as far as next door and still wants to come home. Still miss SD.

    Also, your Panama Canal isn’t so bad. Could be the Marianas Trench. Then you’d have to worry. Also, redux, I was born in Panama Canal Zone, so thanks for the mention.

    Like

  28. Koala Raspberry says:

    I think you are right about the graveyard/cemetery thing. As a death hag I should know for certain but alas I do not. I shall Google it. I just woke up, no caffeine on board yet. I adore that church and grounds. You look lovely, no need for those needles. We are our own worst critics. Mil looks cute in your fridge. Mine has been nearly that empty a few times since I became single.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Katie says:

    What an awesome church. I love your cat person wisdom. My new kitten is about 16-18 weeks old and is still in the purr and kill phase of life. Watching her personality develop is going to be fun. I am 4 years out of the cat having world and my lack of cat knowledge was apparently lost. Like Paula with rushed posts, I got stressed out over this post. Especially the toilet paper and refrigerator situation. I have a weird manic or OCD (self diagnosed) issue where if I get even close to being low on something I MUST GO GET IT AND TAKE CARE OF THIS NOW. It is sometimes an issue. Why can’t I just chill?

    Like

    1. June says:

      Once Ned said to me, Why’d you pick Milhous? He’s just sort of a plain orange kitten. But I knew he was special. And also I think he’s beautiful.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Leanne In Greenville NC says:

        Oh, what Ned did not know!

        Like

      2. Just Paula H&B says:

        Why did you pick a plain orange kitten!! Fuck Ned.

        Like

        1. Koala Raspberry says:

          Agreed. Milhous is so special.

          Like

      3. Tee Smith says:

        He’s not plain, he’s a very special cat and very beautiful.

        Like

      4. cherylk says:

        Well, Ned is just a plain old pain in the ass!

        Like

  30. Georgia says:

    I even scrolled back up after reading and still don’t see a wrinkle!
    This post was beautiful.

    Like

  31. llbrat says:

    Thanks for sharing the lovely church. I’m so envious of your empty fridge. Someone in my family insists on hoarding condiments. You’re beautiful without Botox.

    Like

    1. Koala Raspberry says:

      I meant empty shelves with mine. The door is full. I hoard condiments too.

      Like

  32. I have never seen a fridge so empty unless I was buying a new fridge at Best Buy. They do not have cats in the Best Buy fridges though, so your is much better. The church is pretty and no botox necessary for you not the church- for real you look much younger than you really are.

    Like

    1. Donna says:

      I agree. No Botox necessary.

      Like

  33. Nicole says:

    Like the neighbours’ cat (and the neighbours), I’m in love with Millhous. I love the look on his face like he’s mocking you because a cat in the fridge is totally normal. And then the picture of him pretending to be one of the lions outside the New York Public Library. Google tells me their names are Patience and Fortitude. Which one is Millhous pretending to be?

    Like

    1. June says:

      Milhous has fortitude.

      Like

  34. bettydh says:

    Love the church. Did you get an ooo-wee-ooo feeling in that graveyard? I always think a graveyard that old has to have at least one ghost.

    Like

  35. Lisa. Not THAT Lisa says:

    Well, IN makes more sense than AND. But whatever.

    What a delightful church! That would get me up and out the house on a Sunday morning, if that was my destination. Who cares if they worship the acorn.

    Lovely post June! You look stunning. And now I wanna go to Sonic.

    Like

    1. Lisa. Not THAT Lisa says:

      Who’s June’s biggest fan? THIS GIRL right here.

      Also too, thanks for the book rec – I need a new read!

      Like

Comments are closed.

%d bloggers like this: