In case it isn’t evident, I have the ADD. I know that’s hard to believe, what with the linear posts and all. But this week I have so many things to remember that are out of my regular routine, and I guess “regular routine” is sort of redundant. The point is, that frazzles me. Because I’m over here trying to keep everything straight in my mind and then I see tin foil and it shines and, wait, what was I saying, again?
First of all, Iris is sick.
I took her to the vet two weeks ago for shots and mentioned her fur was falling out, and for no reason I can think of because I don’t have a degree in cats, the vet felt up her stomach and Iris reacted. One ultrasound later and she either has irritable bowel disorder or, you know, just cancer. That’s all.
So for two weeks I’ve been forcing steroids down her little cat neck, and she hates it and me and everything we stand for, and she’s been eating like a lion and peeing like a lion who has had 15 Bud Lights.
Today I take her back to the vet for more tests, and it’s a fasting lab, so I had to (a) remember to take food away from everyone last night, (b) remember to not feed everyone today despite waking up at 5:30 to go to trainer. I had to, like, be sharp enough to remember not to do the usual stuff at that hour. Then (c), I had to remember to work from home this morning and take her in at 9:15.
So far I’ve managed to pull this off, but it’s taken all my concentration. You’d think I was performing a bris in a pickup on a gravel road, so concentrate-y am I.
Then on Monday we’re having twin day at work, and I convinced this giant Viking of a guy to be twins with me, so I have to remember to buy a beard and wear the outfit we decided on on Monday. He also sent me an email, “Will you text me Sunday? Otherwise I’ll forget.”
Mother of god. That’s the ADD leading the blind. So I have my phone set to remind me.
Also, where do you buy a beard?
Then also too, yesterday morning I had a 7:30 chiropractor appointment, which threw me off as well, and I understand that some people are scientists who also juggle four kids, not literally. I know it’s ridiculous that this throws me so hard.
But anyway I got a text from my trainer yesterday, I think I told you this, asking me if I wanted to meet her at a boxing class after work. So I had to remember to get workout clothes at lunch and take them back to work with me, then remember to go to the class. I managed to do both of those, too!
The boxing class was fun. They have to wrap your hands in this tape, and they told me to go over to the shelf and pick my color, just like at the manicure place. You’d think I was picking out a condo, so choosy was I. Finally I settled on turquoise, and then once I got to my punching bag I saw a woman wrapped in pink and I was all SON OF A BITCH. THERE WAS PINK?
Anyway, allegedly you burn 600 calories per class, and here is the difference between my trainer in a boxing class and me in a boxing class.
Anyway, I managed to remember to drive home, too, and I’m batting whatever number it is when you bat well. 40? Am I batting 40?
I have to tell you I have this really good bread that has a lotta holes, so it’s really light and crispy when you toast it, and after I remembered to park the car and unlock my front door and walk in, I melted some cheese on it (the bread, not my front door) and it was the best goddamn thing I ever ate in my life. So maybe I really did burn many calories.
Then 12 hours later? I was back at the trainer. Madre de Dios. She seemed 100% unfazed by having just hit a bag for 45 minutes the evening before.
So that brings us to right now, and I have to start working so I have to go, but I assure you there are more things I’m supposed to be remembering that will shock me when they get here, like I’m probably throwing a dinner party for 20 people tonight and I’ll be all, Oh. Does everyone like bread with holes?
Hope I remember to hit “Publish,”