90

When I was younger, and the grandmother I turned into was still alive and I hadn’t turned into her yet, she used to call me. “It looks like it’s pouring the rain where you are,” she’d say, or, “You must be so warm right now.”

I’d be all…oh, is it? Is it hot? Is it raining? I guess it is, yeah. I didn’t care what the weather was. I was busy going to bars and tying my combat boots. For some of those years I was living in Seattle where it rained alla time. I really didn’t notice the weather at all.

It must have disappointed her when I moved to LA and her long-distance weather report told her, “Oh, it’s 75 and sunny where June is” EVERY DAMN DAY.

I don’t even know where she got her information circa 1993. The Weather Channel?

The point is, I’ve become obsessed with the weather lately. But I have good reason.

Summer here in the South is like winters were in Michigan: You wait for it to be over. Summer here is dreadful. 100% humidity, 99 degrees, mosquitos. And September doesn’t really mean the end of summer, per se, as it did in Michigan when it felt frosty by September 7. It’s still hot AF here on September 7. So what you do here is, you hope for the nearing of October.

I’ve lived here for 13 autumns now, and I know that in late September, it starts to get bearable. Some days might get up to only 82. Wow! What a difference that is. Some nights might even get into the 60s. Then October comes and each day is a fucking miracle.

Well.

Guess what.

Each day of September was hotter than the last. I’m-exhausted-just-walking-to-the-car hot. Cats-are-lying-upside-down hot. And when October got here?

Every day has been in the 90s.

COME ON.

I’d asked my entire row if they wanted to go with me to the bed and breakfast I like to go to, because there was a wine tasting event. Last week when we thought of it, we were all way into it.

My entire row at work. I haven’t become corn.

Then yesterday was the day of the event, and two of us had a migraine, one of us didn’t feel social, and the other two clean forgot about it.

I was content to not go, but I got a brilliant idea. Yesterday the high was 97. But today and all the days after, it’s getting cooler and cooler. “This might be the last day it’s in the 90s in 2019,” I thought. “I should have a little going away for

FUCKING FUCK ASS

90.”

So I looked on Weather Underground, my source for accurate weather. Once we were having an extreme storm, with lighting every 30 seconds like an old horror movie, and terrible winds. “Hey, Google, when is the rainstorm going to end?” I asked, hugging traumatized Edsel.

“It’s not going to rain today,” Google Home kept telling me. It was getting wet, but it kept telling me that.

According to Weather Underground, which gives you the weather hourly, it was going to sink to a comfy 89 between 6:00 and 7:00 last night.

At the end of the workday, I went to the break room to wash my water bottle.

“Guess what I’m going to do tonight?” I smugged to Ryan, my coworker who Faithful Reader Jan is dangerously in love with.

“Are you going to your old movie theater?” he asked, and I guess I’m fairly predictable.

“No! I’m headed to my backyard, where between 6:00 and 7:00 it will get down past 90, and I will say goodbye to 90 in 2019 forever.” I was so pleased with my plan. Was going to crack open a new case of my blackberry fizzy water and everything.

Ryan looked at me.

“Alone?”

Why’d he have to make it sound sad? And why is alone sad? I was perfectly content to do this alone. No one to say, “Shouldn’t we be getting outside if we’re gonna do this?” or “What are we gonna DO out there?” No one to tell me it might be freakishly hot in another few weeks or anything annoying.

So after I unfriended Ryan FROM MY LIFE, I headed to my abode, where I checked the weather app during dinner.

Alone.

Finally, at a little after 6:00, I headed out for my exciting plan.

It wasn’t even hot back there, I realized as I applied bug spray. It was shady, and sort of breezy. I know it’s bad when 91 feels tolerable.

And anyway, I wasn’t alone, Ryan, I had Edsel.

I drank my fizzy water and waited for the break. I listened to the birds and watched a V of geese fly over. They were probably flying north to cool off. “dis down swetter suk RN.”

Then? Twenty-two minutes later?

TAAAA-DAAAA! Also, thanks for the senior discount into, weather app. Fuckstick.

Anyway, I said goodbye to the 90s and CK One and thigh-high tights and chokers and went inside.

This morning, Google Home told me the high today is now 91.

46 thoughts on “90

  1. :Here in Arizona – not suffering – just trying not to complain of the colder nights – in the 50’s I think and even 40’s. I am 60 mi north of Phoenix in the “high” desert! Whatever that means. I love the days as they are pleasantly warm but the nights tell me winter is close and I do not like winter up here! Sigh.
    My daughter who is in New Bern is delighted by cooler weather – those hot muggy days in NC – no I do not miss them! Great post June!

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  2. We have the 50s at night, low 80s in the day weather here in Coloradothis week, darn near perfect. No matter how much I hate the growth and traffic epidemic we have here in Denver, I could never give up this weather.
    Your goodbye to summer ceremony sounds delightful. Lovely post, pretty June.

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  3. Weather does seem to be more interesting as we get older. Maybe because we have more fears of getting stuck in the snow, falling on the ice, or dying of heat stroke. Or maybe it’s just that we’re more aware of the passing time.

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  4. I just checked our hourly weather forecast and if it is anywhere close to accurate, I’ll be toasting the end of the 90s at 8:00pm. It is currently 94 degrees in north Georgia. If I cover myself with mosquito repellent, I’ll sit outside and raise a glass to the actual arrival of fall temperatures. And if we finally get some precipitation next week, you may find me outdoors singing in the rain.

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  5. I’m so ready for fall, cooler weather (I didn’t say cold), and some rain. Presently in Atlanta, it is 97 degrees, but feels like 98, last week it was 102 degrees. My weather app ways the high for tomorrow is 80 degrees, I sure hope so, I might be able to open the doors and enjoy the cooler outside.

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  6. I’m envious of the lovely winter you are going have. Because here in Ohio, we have been hot hot hot and now suddenly it is cool and probably in a few weeks we will be freezing until at least April. Some day I will move south and tolerate the longer hot summers just to have the not freezing/icing/snowing winters.

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  7. It definitely is hotter than normal this Sept/Oct…it’s MISERABLE!! But they are predicting a cool front next week (50’s in the morn, back up to 80’s in the afternoon) so I did go buy the baby some pants and a light jacket.

    Your post was very entertaining, June. But, I agree with someone up there who said they deleted a whole paragraph from their comment…mine feels like boring drivel. Guess the heat’s melted my brain.

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  8. We got 8 inches of snow last weekend and our sprinkler pipes froze and flooded the basement. 90 degrees sounds pretty freaking good right now. (Okay, not really, I hate the heat but COME ON, snow in September?! Ugh.)

    Oh, and I live in Montana, not Antarctica. Big snowfalls are usually reserved for winter. Climate change blows.

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  9. So, in Mpls right now it’s 46, with a high of 55 today. Heard that northern MN, where they really can see Canada from their porch, had some snow this morning. I’ll just enjoy Fall, however much we get to enjoy, and wait till the next changes turns us into Tundra Town.

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  10. I just returned from my morning walk. It is 51 degrees and with the breeze, I wished I had had gloves on. I do love the fall though and all it symbolizes: letting go, darkness, cold, dying and then in the spring rebirth! It’s a time for reflection and cocooning, cuddling up in blankets and reading after a brisk walk. (I know you will make fun of my comments, but I love you anyway, June.)

    Liked by 3 people

  11. Make it stop. For the love of God, please make the heat go away!
    I have to sit outside at football games three days a week and yell and pretend to be happy in this misery. YUK.

    That was a really cool idea to say goodbye. I hope you had a good time because now it seems that you’ll get another chance.

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  12. You know what was the best? The music that the Weather Channel played in the 1990s. My college roommate and I would turn on the Weather Channel and leave it on while we studied because the music was good.

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  13. I had to grab a jacket to go out for breakfast this morning in Michigan. My husband is gone for the weekend and I enjoy my time alone. I don’t understand why some people think doing things by yourself is sad. I actually prefer to do certain things on my own. To each their own I guess.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Honestly? This weather seems normal to me. Well maybe not historically average temps past 100 years normal, but for my lifetime it is normal. Growing up, it never got cold until Halloween. And inevitably we all had to put coats over our summer weather appropriate costumes or freeze in the name of fashion. Air conditioning stayed on thru Oct. Maybe you’d crank the heat on once come Thanksgiving? I got married in early winter because I knew temps would finally be in the 70s with low rh. Folks were apoplectic. “You’ll freeze! You can’t!” Yah right. It was 70s, gorgeous and there was still fall leaf color. The photos are spectacular! Now on my wedding anniversary, husband and I always take the day and dine outside at our fav restaurant and enjoy the perfect 70 degree winter weather. I’m not saying I deeelight in NC endless summer but eh, it has always been this way during my lifetime….

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  15. It’s chilly, OK, cold, here in the mornings, but by afternoon it’s pret near (as my Nana would say) perfect: low to mid 70s.

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  16. Had to fire up the furnace this weekend as the evening low was below 50. Sorry i don’t feel sympathy. 🙂

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  17. Ooohhh. Hi, Ryan. Hi.

    It was 95 and humid as a M-effer on Wednesday. I had my air on. Yesterday I wore a sweatshirt and it was mid-60s. It’s currently 49. I had my heat on in my car and considered turning on my furnace on to take the chill out of my house this morning.
    The news told me this morning that Chicagoland is supposed to get a “polar coaster” this winter, bringing even colder temperatures than we had last year. I just want to live where it’s sunny and 72 all the time.

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  18. “It’s pouring the rain” is charming, but otherwise, why is it always “pouring rain”? People in songs are constantly going out in the pouring rain and dancing together or what all. No light drizzle or sprinkling rain. (Possibly because we get more hurricanes these days than mild weather.) Pitchers pour stuff. Rain doesn’t land in a glass. We need more words.

    Some events are best celebrated by one person.

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  19. On Wednesday the high was 93 and sunny. Yesterday the high was 63 and rainy (NY).

    I just deleted a whole paragraph because apparently I’m so old now I discuss the weather. SHOOT ME. I don’t want to turn into one of those people who watch the Weather Channel (as if there was an actual plot to follow) and wait to die.

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  20. I’m in Maine and it’s been getting down in the high 30’s at night. I’ve been wearing my flannel or a fleece jacket when I walk my dog.

    The northern part of my state had some snow predictions last night. I’m not ready for THAT!

    I listen to a Charlotte NC radio station on my radio app and I’m always jealous of your temps in the winter and spring.

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  21. Fuck all this heat. For real. Yesterday was my birthday, and it was the hottest one I can remember. And by hot, I do not mean sexy and full of firefighter strippers.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. I shall miss the hot weather…I dread the cold damp days of the Southern winter…it’s too much like the cold damp days of coastal Rhode Island, but there is no clam chowder worth speaking of.

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  23. I think all the seasons just need to get shorter, to accommodate our shortened attention spans. That first week of warmth in the spring, we’re all like, “oh, it feels so good to be outside without a coat!” Then summer, “Feel that lovely warm sun!” And into fall, “oh, the leaves are pretty and that breeze is charming.” (What is it about fall that it’s always charming?) One or two weeks of each season, that’s it. Then we’re on to the next weather to whine about. 🙂

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  24. Finally an almost cold feeling morning here this morning. 55 degrees.
    It has been above 90 degrees for a long time without rain. Hence the humidity is lacking, but above 90 degrees for so long makes a person very cranky and very tired.
    So looking forward to fall weather here. Which is normally luxurious.
    Your evening sounded perfect to me. Cracked open a case of new fizzy water made me grin and think of my kind of celebration. Dog included.

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  25. We have had extra summer here in Kentucky as well. I haven’t minded it because it meant a couple of extra weekends at the lake! The weather broke overnight. It is only 60° right now. Yesterday was a tank top, today, bring on the cuddle duds. KY weather is nonsense.

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  26. We now live in the UAE, where we look forward to this week’s dip below 100! Amazing how we adapt. I feel about the 90s the way you feel about the 80s.

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  27. The high today is 55 with frost and freeze warnings here in mid Michigan.

    The grass is always greener at the neighbors. I don’t want to close my pool yet. I’d love a week of 90.

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