The one where June is the worst

We’ve known each other for quite a while now, and I think you’ve likely surmised that I am a cranky but decent human.

When I’m dealing with doctors and veterinarians and dentists and people of that ilk, I try to be likable. I do this so that people will like me. Usually on my insides I’m feeling crabby about something or other (“usually”) but I try to keep that from showing as much as I can. Because I want people to be all, “Oh, that June. She’s our favorite patient.”

This is why I was mortified several years back when my dentist’s office closed for a funeral and I had to reschedule my cleaning. I said to the person who answered the phone, “Yes, this is June Gardens?” I always start every official phone call with “yes.”

“Yes. The office had some funeral and so I’m calling to reschedule?” I continued.

The person who answered the phone paused for a moment. “Yes,” she said. “It was for my father’s funeral.”

Well. You can imagine. I just felt terrible.

We scheduled my new appointment and then half an hour later I called again. “Bobbie,” I said, “It’s June.” I’d been going there for about eight years at that point so I knew she knew who it was.

“I’m calling to apologize for what I said when I called earlier. I referred to the funeral as ‘some funeral,’ and I just feel terrible that I said it that way. I hope you’ll accept my apology, Bobbie.”

The person on the other end paused again. “My name is Billie,” she said.

And that is when I stopped going to that dentist’s office.

So I still had the shadow of that humiliation following me when I got annoyed with my chiropractor the other day. After my accident, I went to the chiropractor a few times, but my doctor asked me to stop going while I was concussed. She didn’t think that whole neck/concussion combo was ideal.

However, I needed to know how many times I had gone to the chiropractor for insurance purposes. I have no idea why I’m speaking so formally right now. Maybe next I’ll start my blog posts with “yes.”

I knew the chiropractor closed for lunch; they re-opened at 2:30 every afternoon.

The day I called to get my records, I called at 2:29 just in case anyone got to the desk early. No one did. Then I called at 2:30. No one answered again. Well, maybe they’re just settling back in, I thought.

I called again at 2:31. 2:32. 2:33. My problem is with my ADD I get so forgetful about things that if I don’t do it right then I won’t think of it again for 72 years. I gotta strike while the ADD isn’t looking.

Finally, I left an email through their website. I was just the teensiest bit admonishing. (I was way nicer than the grandmother I’ve turned into would have been about it.)

“I saw on your website that you should be open at 2:30, but I called several times between 2:30 and 2:45 and no one ever answered. Please get in touch with me to let me know how many times I visited your office after my August 21 accident,” I wrote.

I understand there was a little schoolmarm in my tone. We all know that was inquisitive with just a touch a bitch. I was fooling no one with that.

They wrote me back a few days later. “Here are the records of your visits. Sorry we didn’t get back to you earlier, but we had a death in the family and the entire office took off to go to the funeral.”

First of all, am I the Angela Lansbury of medical appointments? Why is it that everywhere I go, familial death and destruction occur moments later?

Second, I felt like a big ass. I apologized profusely in my reply email and I will probably never go back to that chiropractor again.

As you know, because I’ve mentioned it here and everywhere else for the past two months, I was in a car accident in August.

My car got towed to a body shop and they have been just lovely to me. They were even nice to me the day after my accident when I called there crying.

However, they’ve had my car for 50 days. When the accident originally happened, they told me it would be about four days to fix. Fifty and four are not similar numbers. I know we aren’t all maths experts but I can tell you that much.

Yesterday, I sent an email. “Yes. I am writing to see when my car will be ready. It was supposed to be ready in four days but it has been 50. I would at least like an estimate of when I can expect my car back,” I wrote, pursing my lips in an email.

At the end of the day I received a reply. “We understand how frustrating it must be to wait this long for your car,” they wrote. “Your car is almost ready, although we did not work today because the entire office took off for a family funeral. It should be ready in the next day or two.”

I guess what I’m saying is if you have a family business and you want any member of that business rubbed out, give me your info and I will start using you as my dentist, body shop, plumber, you name it. Once I send the angry email, I promise somebody in your family will keel right over.

…Do you think I can hire somebody to go to the body shop and pretend to be me to pick up my car when it’s ready? Do you think I can blame my concussion? Oooo, I can say I was hacked!

Sigh.

Patiently,

June

51 thoughts on “The one where June is the worst

  1. I loved this hilarious post.
    My younger sister was killed in a car accident many years ago. She had purchased something on credit and obviously did not keep paying on it. I happened to be a my mother’s house when a collector called to complain about the late payment. I tearfully explained my sister had died. To my shock, he said he didn’t believe me and he heard that “excuse” many times. Wow.

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  2. 4 vs. 50. Hmm, yes, just a bit of a difference.

    You may have the “gift” of the evil eye. Any Romany ancestry? I don’t believe in that stuff, but the coincidences do seem to be piling up.

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  3. Well, they did say it would be four days, they just didnt tell you that it wouldnt be four consecutive days.

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  4. I hope you weren’t looking for any advise from this post because I have none, but I will tell you that I’ve been giggling out loud for the last ten minutes reading your last two entries. I wish I could tell a story like you. So funny…

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  5. I used to work for Sears appliance repair department. I called to tell someone that his part had arrived. A woman answered the phone and when I asked for him, she said that he had died. And I replied, “You’re kidding!” And then I stuttered out an apology and said we’d hold the part for a month in case whomever inherited his washing machine wanted to fix it. My bosses thought it was hilarious.

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  6. This: “I guess what I’m saying is if you have a family business and you want any member of that business rubbed out, give me your info and I will start using you as my dentist, body shop, plumber, you name it. Once I send the angry email, I promise somebody in your family will keel right over.” is flipping hilarious!!

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  7. I hope you get your car back soon, Joon. That is so frustrating. Years ago I was rear ended and pushed into the car in front of me so I had damage on both ends. While my car was in the shop, I had a rental. I got rear ended in it on the way home from work one night. We were both completely stopped at a red light and suddenly she whacked into me. She was in a panic because she was on her way to work and she kept telling me she had a very important job and it was really bad she was going to be late. I asked her what she did. She told me she was the head waitress at a pool hall. And she told me her boyfriend had told her not to wear her high heeled boots while she was driving. Her foot had slipped off the brake pedal. It only left a small dent and I honestly wouldn’t have worried about it if it hadn’t been a rental. We waited over an hour on a cop to get there. An elderly lady was walking laps through the parking lot where we had pulled in to wait for the cop. She stopped and looked at me at some point and said, “Excuse me. How many laps have I walked?” I told her I didn’t realize I was supposed to be counting and I had no idea. After the cop got there and got our information, we were getting ready to leave and the head waitress of the pool hall said, “Can I give you a hug? I’m so glad I met you tonight.”

    Needless to say, she was really sweet, but it was a weird night.

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  8. We are dealing with the same thing with a brand new truck. This happened at the end of August and we are still in a rental. On the plus side, I’m driving all over.

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  9. Did they have to ship you car back to Italy for repairs? That’s a stupid long time.
    I learned the hard way to keep my assy comments in my head, where they belong. We had a serious pain in the ass client, back in my vet clinic days, who thought she had to talk to me anytime she called or came in. We were having a horribly busy day, when one of my techs told me that Mrs. Paininthebutt REALLY needed to speak to me. Assuming she was on the phone, I proceeded to blabber on about how I didn’t have time to listen to her bullshit. Then I noticed my tech’s eyes getting really big & she started shaking her head. Mrs. Paininthebutt heard everything & I had some hefty apologizing to do.
    I never made that mistake again.

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  10. 50 days is too long regardless of yesterday’s funeral. Not going back to the dentist because of billie vs bobby is too funny. After college while I was living at home, the lawn mower called the house. He stuttered big time. I assumed it was my brothers pranking me, so I did the only sensible thing. I mocked the stuttering guy. When I realized it was NOT my bonehead brothers I was mortified. I informed mom it was time to get a new lawn guy.

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  11. Way to blame the customer that you’re not servicing car place. After 50 days, that car better come back to you effing perfect.

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  12. The funerals may be genuine but it also feels like an excuse to use that the customer can’t argue against. They should have been updating you in the weeks prior, no? Hope you get your car back soon.

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  13. It has occurred to me that a lot of people, myself included, start their phone conversations with the word yes. I think it is because we are usually greeted with “Can I help you?”

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  14. Oh my! Try to just continue to be patient! I think you are!
    Once I had a new car that got rear ended… lotta damage! It ended up being in the shop for about 84 days. While it was there someone got in, jacked it up and stole the custom wheels and brand new tires. Ugh. It took a long time to find and replace the wheels – not to mention the shop was upset as they had to use their insurance!
    Crazy world and this was about 18 years ago!

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  15. You should be updated on car delays. “Jooon, we are still waiting for your thingy and that whatchacallit to come in. We had to order them from the factory. At this point we’ll just have to keep you updated.”

    Maybe then no one would DIE.

    Liked by 3 people

    • Unfortunately, there’s no way to pass that excellent advice on to any business without sounding ominous and threatening.
      “You’re going to want to be timely with your work, see? And warn June about any delay, see? Because if you don’t, I’m just saying, people have died.”

      Liked by 1 person

  16. Having a car accident, even a small one, turns into a giant pain in the ass with all the phone calls and paper work. It is the worst. My suspicious side wants to say that at least ONE of those funerals was a lie just to get you ashamed, but I have just attended my second family funeral in a month. So I am thinking maybe I should quit being so skeptical.

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  17. After you brought our attention to the fact you start off with “yes”, I noticed I start the conversation off with “Yes ma’ma”, or “yes sir”, which might be a southern thing. This post made me laugh, I’m sorry families of the deceased. Maybe sending a sympathy card would be appropriate. However, any small business should CHANGE THE MESSAGE on their answering service to state the office is closed for the day because of a death in the family!!!!! That is not rocket science thinking, just a courtesy to your clients/customers and just maybe the clients/customers will give them a bit of mercy. As for the 50 days to repair your car, I understand the body shop is at the mercy of who/whom ever is supplying the replacement parts, and you have a new car that probably doesn’t have a stockpile of parts, yet, but for crying in the cream, keep the customer in the loop as to WHY it is taking so long to do a four-day repair! It takes a little bit of effort to provide good customer service, but seems businesses just don’t want to bother. And with just a little more effort excellent customer service if possible. It’s so easy! Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox about customer service, which seems to be a thing of the past. I’m done.

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  18. “Yes, this is June. I’m calling to say I’m sorry if you’ve had any funerals or losses lately. When it’s convenient for you, could you let me know when you can do for me what we discussed earlier, that I’m paying for?”

    Liked by 2 people

  19. I hate to say this, but the funeral excuse seems to be popping up a little too frequently….who would challenge it?

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    • Well, they certainly don’t want to say, “Oh, we all went out to lunch and got real drunk so we didn’t want to come back to work.”

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  20. I was going to say Angela Lansbury of medical appointments – dead! But the irony was not lost on me and I thought better of it.

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  21. 50 days is a long time to wait for your car. When they said they were closed for a day, I would have said what about the other 49?….In my head. Trying to make you feel bad is just bad business.

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  22. I agree with Nicole. One day for a funeral does not justify 50 days with your car. I wish I lived closer I would gladly go pick up your car.

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  23. I secretly read most of this last night (you emailed me, remember?) and woke up chuckling. “Who’s June gonna purse her lips at next?” And lo and behold, it’s the car repair place. Who absolutely deserves it if you ask me. I was shocked the last time you mentioned your car wasn’t back yet and that was several weeks ago already. They could have rebuilt your car from the bottom up faster than 50 days. The body shop that we use is great at communication – we get calls or emails every step of the way. “Today we received your sprocket rocket cylinder holder and James will be installing it using his power suction drill hoo-haw”. I honestly love them so much I sometimes wreck my car on purpose just so we can go say “hey!”

    Complain away June – the swath of death you leave in your wake will teach them all to mess with you!

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  24. Hmmm. Okay, they weren’t working one of those 50 days. But unless there’s been a rash of deaths… they really should be keeping you better in the loop. And for goodness sake, they shouldn’t be guilt-tripping a client! That’s just rude.

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  25. My kitchen is being redone by a family owned business. It was supposed to take four, maybe five, weeks. This is week seven. They’ve worked on my kitchen 16 days. I have floors and cabinet boxes. No doors.
    Do I get to choose who you take out?

    Liked by 1 person

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