June passes on the wind

I don’t know about you, but in my religion, yesterday was a holiday. We call it Hall-o-weeeeen.

I’m like the old menus at Taco Bell where they showed you phonetically how to pronounce burrito (burr-eee-toe).

Some of my coworkers dressed up, as we have a costume contest that I 100% missed because I got distracted. Someone sent me a message wanting to have a meeting, and I said, “Wait, won’t people be at the contest?” with my rapier-sharp org skills and the messenger with wings on his heels that they send from person to person at work and we really need a more modern system said, “The contest happened at 2:00, June.”

Really?

So I missed that, as I was hiding in a room in an empty part of the building in order to, oh, work and not hear, “OH MY GOD YOUR CAT EARS ARE SO CUTE” ninety-hundred times.

I’m not sure when I became a curmudgeon.

Anyway. Later in the day people’s kids came and I gave them all candy and while I know I am a bit of a

curmudgeon

about children, I always enjoy them in real life when they come for Halloween. Plus also at this point I have seen some of these families for 9 Halloweens, so you get attached.

So that part was fun. That part of what we call in my religion Hollll-oh-weeeen was fun.

Then I went home.

I’m working on this huge overwhelming project that is due by the end of today and it’s huge and overwhelming, did I mention? So I took it home to look at for awhile last night, thinking trick-or-treaters (in my religion, part of the celebrations of this holiday is you go door to door dressed in disguise and get candy) would taper off by 8:00.

“TRICK OR TREAT!” some girl child was at my door dressed in something spooky and all black with red-lit eyes, and at this point kids are generally wearing things I don’t understand. “It’s from the movie Hooo de Hizzle,” parents will explain. “Haven’t you seen it?” they ask, assuming everyone stampedes off to kid movies if they don’t have to. Then there’s the inevitable,

“They make it so adults like it too.”

Right.

Anyway, she tricked and she treated and took just one polite piece of candy and that always kills me when kids do that. Take a handful! We live once.

I was just settling down to a funny text from my friend Lilly, who sent this:

Oh my god, this KILLS me. If you knew her kids, these costumes are so them.

The other good news is, they’re keeping the pig. The people whose pig it was never came for him, which, really? So even though they don’t really NEED a pig, they HAVE a pig, and if they’d have taken me up on saying yes I want that pig I’d be writing you a whole special pig post RN. But they have an actual, you know barn and barn food and land and so on, so they get to keep the pig. Damn.

The point is, I was doing that when

EEEEEeeeeeee! My phone screeched at me.

TORNADO WARNING, it read. SEEK COVER IMMEDIATELY, it said.

Was it…serious?

I knew we were gonna have rain, and I was pursing my lips over kids not coming despite the rain, but a tornado? Really? In October? …Really?

Right then the wind picked up.

WOOOOooooooo! said the wind, and my hanging porch plants began dancing, which is never a good sign.

So I did what any normal person would do. I gathered ye rosebuds and also my 40 pets, and we went to the sort of hallway in the middle of the house. It’s just the spot where the rooms meet up, it’s not really a hallway, but there are no windows there.

All the cats dispersed immediately and ran under things, which I figured was better than being out and about.

Eds, however, stayed glued to my person.

WoooooOOOOOoooo, said the wind. And right then I realized I was scared. Naturally I called my mother, because I’m an adult 54-year-old.

“I wish you had a basement,” said my mother. Everyone in Michigan has a basement and nowhere else that I’ve lived has them.

Seattle? Too rainy.

LA? You get crushed by an earthquake.

Here? I don’t rightly know why, but basements aren’t so plentiful. And everyone in Michigan just assumes you have a basement, by the way. It’s just a given there. When I moved away, I thought, where do teenagers go to make out if there are no basements?

“June’s having a tornado, so I’m going to stay on the phone with her,” announced my mother, who forever has 200 people in her house, and if I had visitors coming in and out the whole time like she does I’d have thrown myself head first into the wind.

“Did she get in the basement?” one of her Michigan friends asked.

So we stayed on the phone so she could hear her only child die in a tornado, but in fact it didn’t happen, and no house landed on me and my striped socks, and then finally they called off the dogs.

“Are you okay?” texted my neighbor on the next block, as if a twister had touched down over here but not there.

So that put the kibosh on Halloween, and to tell you the truth I was kind of scared. I know we’re supposed to be scared on Halloween but that wasn’t the good kind of scared. Yeesch.

I will leave you with a more pleasant story, and that is this:

Ned texted this photo from his abode, of Snowflake (now Sidney), Nancy, and the photo of NedKitty I gave him, all arranged on the shelf. I don’t know if I’ve mentioned I love Snowflake so bad, I do. She’s going to be magnificent-looking. I mean, she already is. But she’s going to be an impressive cat, and poor squat Nancy has to deal with that all her life.

All right, I’m gonna blow out of here. BAH.

Putting on my Helen Hunt tank top,
June

P.S. Did you know you don’t have to leave a name or email address to comment? I’m not blowing smoke!

60 thoughts on “June passes on the wind

  1. Lovely post, Coot.

    I don’t know what the hell I’ve been doing but here I am, finally. I know you have been wondering where I was and what I was doing. I wish I could tell you. All I can tell you is this. In the last 5 days, we have changed a toilet, repainted a floor and a utility room, drove 200 miles, re-drywalled and painted around a window and have made many meals. Other than that I have been lounging about doing nothing. Well technically not nothing, spreadsheets are something. I finally got here and read your scary post.
    It was cold here. Thirty-two degrees cold. The kids were shivering at the door asking for treats and threatening tricks. One such showed up in an ice skater outfit. She was so cute. I asked her if she was Tonya Harding and if she had a club. She didn’t know and her mother looked at me as if I were speaking in tongues. Whose old?

    Have a lovely weekend and I hope you got your project finished before Friday night.

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  2. My son (15) says he’s never leaving home and will live out the rest of his life in our basement. We have no basement–hope he enjoys the crawl space.

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  3. We have basements in Minnesota as well. Standard.
    I hate tornado warnings. When I was little I would pack up my room and move it into the basement. My mom loved it.

    Glad everyone is safe and sound!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  4. Here in Central New York (yes, it’s always capitalized) most of us have basements, which these days in my neighborhood are almost always full of water what with the imaginary climate change and everything. Halloween involved many homes in the area being completely flooded, leading to water rescues. Didn’t stop the trick-or-treaters, until they couldn’t see their tiny polyester-costume-coated-hands in front of their tiny soggy faces because of the 2-4 inches of rain that was dropping on them.

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  5. Glad the pig is staying – weirdest sentence ever….

    Our new house has a basement but think I’ll take my chances with the weather as that’s where boxes I don’t want to deal with have gone to retire until I need to dig something out of them.

    Lovely post, pretty June. Glad you didn’t blow away and I don’t care about Ned’s vacuum, the photo was cute.

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  6. Glad you and Edsel and the cats are okay (Poet, too!) Nice picture of Ned’s kitties. We have a basement and I almost thought we should go down there last night during our severe thunderstorm.

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  7. For the first time in several years we had a lot of trick-or-treaters particularly older kids. I don’t mind that a bit! (High school kids in costumes on porches asking for candy is a wholesome activity and sure beats cooking meth. ) I always get mixed bags of candy and give out the kinds we don’t like first. After 2 solid hours of dingdongdingdongdingdongdingdong Mr. Texas told me to quit giving out the GOOD candy. Ha!
    We don’t have basements. We are way too close to sea level for that luxury, plus gumbo soil.
    Have a great weekend!

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  8. My town cancelled trick or treat last night because of the rain and potential high wind. It winded some but not that high. Go figure. The cancelled t or t starts at 6pm tonight and I have a feeling I’m going to have TONS of candy left over. My workmates will love that!

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  9. So glad you weren’t damaged I the storm. Poor Poet though! We couldn’t function without our basement, but some areas can’t have them with clay soils.

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  10. Nancy is pretty in a quiet dignified way though! Sidney will be all fluffy and showy. I thank Ned for sending the pictures, he is a great kitty dad.

    Almost everyone around Birmingham has a basement. None where I grew up in South Mississippi cause it was so flat there. Here is all hilly but I love it and our basement. A lot of the newer houses being built have a ‘safe’ room of solid concrete walls in their basement. We get lots of storms in the spring and November for some reason.

    Good post Juan!

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  11. I assumed you were talking about the rain-soaked, nipple-baring top Helen Hunt wore in As Good As it Gets but I vaguely remember she did that twister movie too.

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  12. Those kids are so CUTE!!!!! When you get a text/message, whatever, that says, TAKE COVER IMMEDIATELY…they REALLY mean it. It’s so scary. I’m glad I have a partial basement that is underground for announcements like that. A tornado will skip, or maybe they pounce, and miss a house, then destroy every thing else in its path. Like I said, it’s really scary. Love the photo of Nancy and Snowflake, but WHY on earth didn’t Ned put away the vacuum before snapping that photo.
    Tee

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  13. I read all the comments and feel like Kurt Cobain deserves at least an honorable mention.

    I love Edsel and all the kitties!

    I had zero trick or treaters…not unusual. I live in the neighborhood all the kids leave to go the the rich one.

    Glad everyone is safe…poor Poet!

    Oh, and one more thing…If those cats are anything like mine, the time and motion required to move the vacuum and…photo-op gone!

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  14. Lovely post, Coot. Thank you for all the delightful elements.
    I understand the need to have your vacuum at the ready when you have pets, but one second to shove it out of the photo shoot is not too much to ask. Otherwise, cute picture.
    We have a basement here in NC because my husband had our house moved to this sloping lot and he had a basement constructed for the house to be set onto. I don’t know what I would do without that space.
    Thanks for treating us to the blog every day.
    Signed, DStar (current owner of June’s gossip bench, fmr.)

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  15. I was born in Kansas where all the houses have basements. Except for trailer houses, where I lived. Trailer park people have to locate the nearest cellar or tornado shelter and hightail it over there when the sirens begin to wail. A few of those frantic trips in the middle of the night and any child’s sense of security goes bye-bye. Now I live in a house with real walls not made of tin and a basement. The End.

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  16. Poor Eds looks so scared! Sorry you were scared, glad nothing major happened. This is our first house with a basement and I love it, so much space!

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  17. A tornado warning, how scary for you. Did you remember to load your pockets with pennies so you wouldn’t get blown away to Oz? Glad you and Toto Eds are safe and not needing to find some guy with a balloon to get you home.

    Our storms were out of here in time for the Trick-or-Treaters, although it was windy. It was fun to see all of their costumes. Chris & Lilly’s children are so cute and way too grown for the small children I remember.

    I can see why Ned wanted to adopt Snowflake since she looks so much like NedKitty. It appears that she and Nancy are peacefully coexisting or is that an illusion? And speaking of grown, I was shocked to see how big Snowflake/Sidney is now. Where is that tiny kitten?

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  18. Trick or treat was insanely cold here. I can’t imagine not having a basement. I’d have christmas decor and random shit all over my house.

    Sarah

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  19. Although chilly, the weather for the trick-or-treaters in Dallas was divine. We went to a party in posh part of Dallas where apparently the children are brought in by busloads. No really, I think they may actually have been. By our hosts estimation, they gave out candy to over 1500 children before they ran out. It was a fun night out, and drinking on a school night?! Hoo boy.
    I’m sorry you and Edz were askeered. I’m glad you’re all safe. I do adore your doggie, June. As well as your kitties. The picture of Sidney and Nancy is sweet and funny. The folks at Olan Mills doing the photo set-up aren’t in any threat of Ned stealing their jobs, though. Those cats do be gorgeous!
    Lovely post, lovely June. I never miss a single one, and appreciate them so much.

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  20. The tank top comment was hilarious! Your mom is a gem, staying on the phone with you. I too would pitch headlong into the wind if there were always people at my house.

    What kind of candy were you giving out?

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  21. A post with a funny title, amusing word pronunciations, June adulting and being a curmudgeon, Lilly’s younguns, a pig, Edsel and nuclear family cats and foster cats and a deceased cat, a sideways mention of Ned, capped off with a pun, a movie reference, a vague and veiled threat that you’d better respond and big finish with another word joke. Priceless. How can you not love it?

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    • No, I didn’t mean to like my own comment. I hit that by mistake instead of replying to my own comment so not comments about pathetic people who like their own comments.
      I was sure I had included Pam and Michigan friends up there and realized I had posted a deficient comment.

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  22. The room over the garage. That’s where the kids in my area go to make out. We don’t have basements because if you dig down more than .000000000000001 inches you hit water. Or at least that’s what it’s like at my house.
    We had 120 trick or treaters, thanks neighbor who keeps count of treat bags dispersed, and I could identify less than half of the character costumes.
    Our tornado warning came in the middle of the night. Howling winds, sideways rain, and a barking dog made for a great night of sleep.
    Our temperature is about a 40 degrees cooler than yesterday. Finally feels like fall.
    Good luck in the work project.

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  23. My husband and I drove daughter and grandson to the local Baptist church, where they had kindly moved the trunk or treat festivities inside because of the rain. This involved a claustrophobic trek down a packed hallway and little games of ring toss, sack races and “fishing” for candy which some poor soul behind a blanket had to attach to a binder clip (way safer than an actual hook for 8 year olds). They had three pastors there doing their best to take advantage that the local heathen children were actually walking in the sanctuary to pray for everyone, so that was a win. The candy was good, the chili and hot dogs served afterward were heartburn inducing and a good time was had by all. Grandson was Harry Potter and no one condemned us for magic or wizardry being satanic or anything. In our rural area, the favorite costume for couples was Mr dressed as a hunter and Mrs dressed up with deer ears and fluffy tail. Just shoot me now. No, actually, shoot her.

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  24. I personally worked later than you did, Joon, admittedly because I arrived later, and when I left the building I felt 5 drops of rain. “Boy, I left just in time,” I thought, and before I even exited the parking lot it was raining so hard I couldn’t see through the windshield.

    I parked next to the building, but my phone kept telling me to seek shelter, so I stepped out into a river. Indoors, I poured water out of my shoes and squished up to our neck of the cubes, then roamed around in sockfeet picking out candy from the bowls people had left overnight.

    After the all clear, I went back to my car and found a recycling bin snuggled up to it.

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  25. Ned’s photo set up skills could use a little work – the vacuum is a nice touch. I do love how the picture of NedKitty is on the top shelf. Those kids are gorgeous! I remember when the boy was that little, now he’s a Sasquatch High School Teenager. Definitely not as much fun; but I am lucky he is a good kid.

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  26. Snow here for Halloween and all the parents were clutching their pearls if they should reschedule. Oy. Do these kids not play in the snow?

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  27. Having lived in Oklahoma my whole entire life (except for that one summer I ran off to Tennessee for a Bad Boy™), I can tell you the proper Tornado Protocol (for those living east of 1-35): Get the alert on the phone or the news of an impending tornado, go outside to look for impending tornado, if you don’t see said tornado – carry on about your business, if tornado is spotted – wait until it gets close enough to start blowing your lawn furniture around then go hide in a closet or bathtub for ten minutes until it has passed you by. Easy peasy. Unless you live in the OKC area, in which case you are doomed because the tornadoes always touch down there. Tornadoes have some kind of angry feelings about that area I assume.
    And no, we in Oklahoma do not have basements because our soil is CLAY. And it’s too wet, so you end up having mold issues if you do have a basement, so it’s just not worth it.

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    • Ahhhhhh. Thanks for that. It made me nuts that my late in-laws had no basement when they lived near Tulsa in Broken Arrow. I don’t think I ever got the clay soil explanation, or perhaps I did and failed to understand it? Living through hurricanes here at the Jersey Shore has heightened my weather awareness. Being an goldfish f*#k has added to it as well. (Oldish but the goldfish auto correct is killing me dead so I left it). We had basements in Philadelphia, the suburbs had them too. We could not afford the extra ten grand to put one in here but with the rising water tables I think I am glad for that now. We had many kiddie parties in the basements.

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  28. Am I the only one who thinks Edsel looks terrified? Chris and Lilly’s kids are very cute. I’m so glad you didn’t have a tornado, June, but bless Mother for staying on the phone with you.

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    • I do not give out candy any longer.
      A. I am a will powerless diabetic. I would eat myself in to a coma.
      B. I live on a busy street, two streets actually and kids came to both damn doors unless I put out signs (Pet issues too).
      C I gave for years and had no kids collecting it.
      D. I stopped trick treating by thirteen (twelve was my last year dressed up). I still had to drag my younger siblings out for it and they were not great about sharing their loot.
      E. I prefer not to open my door to people who are disguised. I would rather hide in the dark.
      F. I AM scrooge and I no longer have someone to guilt me in to it.
      G. GET OFF MY LAWN.

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      • *Trick OR Treating* JMJ in an Irish Accent. I like the way they say Jaaay-ZUS. Now I will burn on All Saints Day. If I were still a kid I’d be home playing and eating my candy. We went to 8 AM mass and then had the whole day off. We busted the public school kids’ butts about it too.

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  29. One for the books. Oh wait they all are going in aren’t they?
    Or one for the scripts , when you get your own television show.

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  30. We can’t have basements in Tennessee because our ground is too rocky. You dig down an inch or so and run into a boulder. This happens approximately every inch or inch and a half. I imagine our builders get tired of it.

    I also like Sidney. I’m thinking about getting another pet. I have been pet free for two years now and I’m not sure I like it. But I also bought a white couch so I may be just longing for frustration.

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    • Why is your life so exciting? Pigs, tornados- you have it all Joon! No basement here in FL either and thank heavens because we all know that’s where monsters live.

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  31. We had high winds and torrential rain. A lot of trees down and also power outages…….As for never commenting I don’t because you leave me speechless . Love your blog. I never miss it.

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  32. Good grief that was an exciting Halloween. We have had zero weather or trick or treaters here. Edz you are a brave and faithful friend.

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  33. I got no trick or treaters last night-but I had my gallbladder removed yesterday, so I wasn’t going to hand out candy anyway.
    Edsel is one faithful pup! Sweet boy!
    I had lots of wind and cold yesterday, but it’s beautiful today. Glad you and the animals came through unscathed.

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  34. The funniest thing, to me, about the picture Ned sent you is the vacuum sitting out there. I don’t know why I keep laughing about that.

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    • That canister vacuum just seems …..so….. Ned.

      Snowflake is growing up to be quite gorgeous!!!

      Glad you’re weren’t the Dorothy of Greenville.

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  35. Yeah, the tornado watch here and rain going sideways and wind creating a pinball-like obstacle course of moving trash cans meant we got bupkis for trick-or-treaters. Like, five total. Some of my high-school age daughter’s friends came over, and they were in costumes; and said daughter kept showing me Snapchats of other friends gathered together (to aaaaaaassssssk the Lord’s blessing!)(no, not really) in clumps and wearing costumes. It was confusing.

    For example, four guys dressed as a hot dog, a penguin, a something-I-didn’t-know and a something-else-I-didn’t-know were at one guy’s house – not in the basement – doing homework together. While wearing costumes. Socially adept, smart athletes, all of them. Doing homework. In costume. Then they went home.

    Finn stayed right by my side, too. He was so nervous he wouldn’t even eat pepperoni, which would have helped him because I hid a Trazodone in it, but to no avail.

    How in the heck did Chris and Lilly’s kids age so quickly?? They were infants last month, right?

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  36. I’ve never been through a tornado, it must sound terrifying…. I don’t blame you for feeling scared. We had a a windstorm a few nights ago and it nearly blew my porch swing out of my yard. Why does it feel like it’s going to be a rough winter this year??

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  37. Snowflake/Sydney Nancy, though, is like the quintessential cat. She’s so cat-ish.

    We had six inches of snow for Halloween. It was quite the thing. I shoveled the driveway for all the little darling trick or treaters and they just took the shortcut and plowed their way right across the lawn.

    Glad you’re safe! Tornadoes are scary even if you HAVE a basement.

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  38. Cow!
    Truck!
    Great movie — not for kids — so HA! Suck it, kids!

    Also – “June’s having a tornado” might be the best way to describe oh, everything, from now on. Sad? Have a tornado. Eating? Have a tornado. I don’t know why that made me literally snort with laughter, but it did, Thanks, Real Pam!

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  39. Those children are adorable! We hid in our bedroom last night with all of the lights out in the rest of the house. I am dealing with empty nest and wasn’t in the mood.

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  40. So since trick-or-treaters didn’t come out much, does that leave more candy for you?
    I love the picture of manly Edsel staying by you side to protect you from the scary wind. And the picture of Sid and Nancy. And Chris and Lilly’s .gorgeous kids. I can’t believe they’re that big already.
    Lovely post, pretty June.

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    • I know. I remember when Z was born. I was one of the only people allowed to visit, and Ned had had his wisdom teeth out that day, and I left him to go to the hospital and see her, and it was a whole everyone’s convalescing day and now Z is a whole fully formed Wonder Woman.

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  41. Where do teenagers go to make out when there’s no basement? Youth group. The answer is youth group, right?

    No basements where you live prob bc the soil there is clay, heavy clay and then huge gobs of granite (which may require blasting out & may or may not off gas something dreadful… *please sign this waiver here and here*). Add in massive amounts of rain (usually in an hour) and you’re gonna need a bigger sump pump or more cave crickets.

    Sid & Nancy pics and the costumed kiddos plus funny June content = thank you for the loverly post!

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  42. I’m in Maine and we just had a terrible wind storm. My dog never gets out of bed before me and today she did. I heard her in the living room rolling around whilst scratching her back on the floor. Very strange.

    I took her outside for potty and I had a hard time opening the storm door. Shockingly the dog went potty without fighting to go outside.

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