Last Xmas, I gave you my blog

Before I start writing you, I have to strap Laila Ali to my head.

I linked to her hair dryer just now, in case you just got here and you’re picturing Muhammad Ali’s daughter literally strapped to my head, and I see her dryer has been discontinued. What happens when this one breaks? Don’t you hate that?

My ex-mother-in-law liked her some Chanel Gold lipstick, although I should note for the record that one time I went into her vanity area and counted her lipsticks. Seventy-eight. Then I categorized them by color. Mostly sort of a gold burgundy.

But anyway, she liked Chanel Gold. Then of course they discontinued it. For her birthday I would find her unused Chanel Gold on eBay.

My point is, why they gotta discontinue stuff?

Anyway, hi. How was everyone’s weekend? For those of you with full-time jobs, how much are you looking forward to getting to work today and having to discuss how your weekend was 48 times?

I went to see the movie Last Christmas, which wasn’t as stupid as you’d think. And I went the whole movie not knowing the star was that chick from Gail of Thrones or whatever. My point is, why they gotta discontinue things. No, wait, that was my last point. My point is, it wasn’t bad.

The star of our movie, and I like how now we’ve all gone to the movies together in a bus, enjoyed her the George Michael very much, and as they played a lot of George Michael it occurred to me I really like him too and why don’t I have more George Michael on my iTunes, the same iTunes that vexed me last week. iTunes and I got back together.

But I also thought about how once on this blog, we talked about what our least-favorite Christmas song was. I enjoy it when you all get cranky, and that particular day was a gold mine, a Chanel Gold mine, of crank.

Anyway, one of you said the song you hated was the one that went

Last Christmas, I gave you my heart.
The very next day, you gave it away.

I think you were bugged that it was such a downtrodden song at Christmas. Like, shut up and be merry. It’s Christmas. Who are you, JonBenét Ramsey? Cheer up.

Anyway, when they played that song during the movie, I thought of you, whichever reader that was. Look, I been doin’ this 13 years and there are comments every day. Don’t get pissed that I can’t remember specifically who that was that one day who knows how many years ago.

My point is, why they gotta discontinue stuff. And also, is there anything I or any commenter has said through the years, lo these 13 years, that has stuck with you like that?

Do tell.

I guess I oughta stick a photo in here for those of you who are bored by words. Hang on. Lemme go look at my pictures…

Here we go. The peeping tomcat. Also, my neighbors got a new kitten, who is all black and whom I love deeply and guess who’s sorry they invited me over to meet said kitten? Will I be there every day? Will I be waiting on their couch when they get home? Will they get up in the morning and I’ll be sleeping with the kitten? Signs point to yes.

I’m off. Don’t forget you don’t have to put in your name or email to leave a comment. Last Christmas, I gave you my name. The very next day, they discontinued Chanel Gold.

Rhymingly,
June

108 thoughts on “Last Xmas, I gave you my blog

  1. Late to this but I also have a big problem with discontinued items. It’s like if I declare I love a product they immediately put it on discontinued. Clinique Guava Stain lipstick… I still mourn this loss daily. Bath &Body Works Sensual Amber spray. A Cover Girl foundation that ended so long ago I don’t remember the name but it was the best!
    I don’t remember lines, and only think of the stories when someone brings it up. But I’ve been reading for years and always enjoy the comments and June’s posts. They often make me laugh out loud.

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  2. That was a favorite of mine too. I have Jean Nate dusting powder I found a year or two ago. I keep it far away from my private area. I had to explain what dusting powder was to the zygote (TM Paula H&B) who worked at RiteAid. It was in a locked case.

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  3. I cried in my car Saturday evening because my local grocery store which is five minutes from my house has discontinued carrying my shredded soy cheese . They said it was not selling. They have slices still but I need the shredded stuff. Same goes for the Diya pea protein cheese. I can not possibly be the only lactose intolerant person in this town. I can’t make my own safe pizza without it. I will have to drive a couple of towns over to the fancier World Class store to get it. I wasn’t really crying just over that, the boiler finally went and I have the mysterious period issue too. The fake cheese issue is the least of it. I do have insurance to fix the heater and I knew this was coming. The period thing is a Mercury retrograde BOHICA surprise.
    Also, Aldi no longer has my pre made but not frozen all ground pork meatballs which were my meat nirvana. That is pissing me off as well. My lazy ass will need to learn to make those now from scratch. My meatballs fall apart. These stayed together without a lot of added crap. Anyone have the trick to that?
    Guerlain discontinued Apres Londe (After The Rain) which is the scent of violets and was very hard to find in the US. My aunt gave me a bottle twenty years ago. Beekman 1802 had a violet scented line and they discontinued that too. Doesn’t anyone love that gorgeous old scent anymore? I have body lotion and one soap left.

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  4. I really really mind that “Love’s Fresh Lemon” was discontinued. I Googled it and an unopened bottle is on EBay for $110.00. And the another add offers a package for $15.00….I don’t understand the prices. Who would pay $110 and also, who would have a huge stash of this product and sell it for 15.00 each???

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    • That was a favorite of mine too. I have Jean Nate dusting powder I found a year or two ago. I keep it far away from my private area. I had to explain what dusting powder was to the zygote (TM Paula H&B) who worked at RiteAid. It was in a locked case.

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  5. I was going to say they discontinued Village Lip Lickers (the rectangular tins of lip balm with the sliding top) against my will, but when I Googled them to make sure I had the name right they came right up. So, perhaps they are back in a limited run.

    I don’t trust anyone whose least favorite Christmas song isn’t the Christmas Shoes song. Gah.

    BeeBelle

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    • They came back around last year I think. I would still snap up a bunch if you love them. The limited addition stuff pisses me off.

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  6. I’ll tell you what I missed when it was discontinued, this writing by June and this community. I really get it that you need a break from time to time and totally support it but that doesn’t mean I didn’t miss it like all get out like I miss the old Jean Nate After Bath Splash.

    I also miss our old irreverence and letting the jokes fly. Somehow we got all cleaned up. This was my only place I wasn’t always sanitized.

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    • I say let the jokes FLYYY. If I’ve ever offended anyone please know it wasn’t intentional. That said, let’s stop worrying about offending each other and have a little fun.

      I second missing June and her wit and sharing her life with us.

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  7. Late today, too much for this retired person to do today. I will say the one thing that I have missed is Ideal Cookies which were when I was a kid say about 45-50 years ago. Best Cookies Ever! Since I am not a huge makeup girl or fragrance person the loss of those over the years is not a huge deal, but my mom has been moaning about some Estee Lauder lip color for decades. As for what I’ve learned at the lips of June and her commentators, it is legion. Marvin “I HAVE SPOKEN” is a highlight as it reminds me of my husband doing similar. Lu annoy. I use that one all the time. Lu has had a lasting impression on all of us. Thanks Jube for all of the wonderful, funny, touching things you have brought us over the years. I think I’ve mostly learned that even though we can have deep differences in what we believe, we can come together when it comes to kindness and being faithful to our June.

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  8. I’m very late to the party today.

    Nivea makes an Orange Blossom body wash named “Happiness”. They also made the same lotion. They have kept the body wash but discontinued the lotion. It was my favorite summer time scent. I have to have matching body wash and lotion scents. Irked.

    Amish Porn day and the day the Chilean miners were rescued were two of my very favorite comment threads.

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  9. TWO great lipstick colors for me have been discontinued. I may never get over that.
    I will never forget the story about Lu running all over the neighborhood while you and Marvin were chasing after her only to return home and she was calmly on the porch waiting.
    Who care?
    Lu annoy.
    That be delish. (I use this all the time.)
    Affect/effect (I shared this with someone just yesterday.)
    Other things I’ve never heard of and I’m not going to bring them up because, well just because.
    The relationship issues.
    Curly Girl.
    I will share some knowledge for all of you out there that might have or are going to have dental implants in the future, do NOT take Clindamycin (antibiotic) it has been causing implant failures. I found out the hard way. My dentist is an older lady that has done many implants and she only has three patients (I’m one of three) that have lost their implant, two of us took Clindamycin.
    I loved the photo of the peeping Tom and news of the new friend.
    I love the community you have build on this here blog.
    Tee

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  10. I agree that the “And then, Marvin made his move” stories were always hilarious. I remember one story you told about traveling and staying in a cheap hotel. Marvin read Oprah’s magazine on the toilet and announced he was living his best life!
    Though I can’t remember very many of them now, for a long long time I giggled Over comments when you asked us for titles of books we would never write. Lordy, I could hardly breathe I laughed so hard.

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      • Yes. Yes! Yessssssss! See what I did there.

        I have tried several times to find the book titles post, but couldn’t. I think it must have sprung up organically (as the comments often do) and had nothing to do with the post title.

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  11. Now I’m getting all nostalgic for the old days. I loved it when our names came after our comments instead of before and I got a charge out of being able to predict who wrote the comment before I saw the tag line . I could always pick out Paula and Sadie and Siren and Tee and so many others. And we added a few words about how we were feeling like 1madgirl who left the mall with the beginnings of a panic attack after physically bumping into Santa Claus and it’s not even Thanksgiving. Only funnier, you know.

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  12. You used to tell funny stories like when the smoke detector went off in the night (part of a longer story) and said that was when Marvin made his move. Marvin was always making his move at the most inappropriate times and when something irritating or confusion inducing I will think that now is when Marvin would make his move.

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    • See, I don’t remember Marvin making his move after the smoke detector went off but I 100% believe that he did. The one I’ll never forget is the day I had my wisdom teeth out. “Well, you’re already lying down.”

      Coincidentally, today is Marvin the Move-Maker’s Birthday.

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    • P.S. I was trying to find the post about Marvin and the smoke detector but I found this excerpt from aught 9.

      I had a terrible migraine last night, as opposed to those really good ones. But really, it kept waking me up, it was so bad, which is rare for me.

      After waking up for the 49th time, in horrid agony, I realized one of my problems was I was tensing up because it was so cold. Marvin turns the heat down to below 60 at night, and it was particularly brisk.

      It is all you can do to move when you have a migraine. Moving one *centimeter *makes you so nauseated you can barely stand it.

      So after getting as much gumption together as you can while your head is pound pound pounding and your stomach is roil roil roiling, I minced down to the thermostat and cranked it to a luxurious 65.

      As soon as the thermostat went, “Slooom” to indicate it was on, Marvin woke up and yelled, “You think we’re MADE of money!?”

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  13. I have a friend/former co-worker who LOVED George Michael like no other person I’ve ever known. She would bring a birthday cake in each year so we could celebrate his birthday. (Not advice, but you should do this for Barry Gibb’s birthday going forward.) She was the first person I thought of when he died.

    As far as things I’ve learned through your blog, I first heard about Curly Girl through you. Not long after that, a curly headed co-worker told me I should go to her hair guru and I got my first deva cut and started following Curly Girl. It has made a huge difference in my hair, so thank you for that.

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  14. There are so many things you have said that have entered my vocabulary that I can’t remember them all but it do be delish is right up there. Along with Lu annoy. Lu had many good lines, as did Marvin, especially I have spoken. The lines will come to me in the grocery store or when I am cooking a meal and they always make me chuckle and I wonder at how you have gotten inside so many of our heads.
    One of the posts I most remember was the one about your worst ever Valentines Day. I was reading post after post of horrible stories and I was laughing so hard I had tears in my eyes. You know, like when you are with your girlfriends and you start telling each other your most embarrassing moment or something like that. Well, that is the way I was taking it…topping each other’s you think THAT was bad? Listen to this…Then people started to say I’m logging off now, this is too depressing, and This is too sad to even read and I started to think I was a jerk. I mean, these weren’t Tell me about the day your mother died stories, they were about jerky guys and being young and believing in Valentines Day which I hate for the hype behind it and I was loving hearing some of the real shit that goes down on this “terribly serious” day.
    I don’t think I commented that I was laughing until I was crying.

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  15. Things from this blog that have stuck with me and that I try to fit into conversations whenever possible:
    -That do be delicious
    -These darn shoes! (The patent leather squeakers)
    -Lu annoy
    -I HAVE SPOKEN ON THIS MATTER
    Those are just the ones off the top of my head. I’m sure there are more if I think about for more than 2 seconds.

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  16. I swear that I am the death knell of anything makeup, hair product or perfume-related. Whenever I love something and can’t live without it, that starts its immediate demise and it’s no longer made. I’ve started seeing less and less of. my beloved Vavoom by Matrix freeze spray in stores. Please tell me they’ve just repackaged they same formula under a different name, or I’m gonna cry! Lu annoy! (my most favorite lifetime saying from the not-blog).

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  17. 1. Snapple soft drinks – Cherry Lime Rickey in particular. So delicious. All they seem to do now are those nasty iced teas.
    2. My favourite lipstick from Boots.
    3. A shampoo made by Schwarzkopf that smelled exactly like a gin & tonic and put me in a great mood every morning.
    4. Victoria’s Secret #17 – a lovely perfume.

    I remember the comments about food and what aversions people had, mostly because I would happily have eaten every single thing everyone listed (why so chubby, gannet?). I also loved reading about Halloween costumes.
    Thanks, Juul

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  18. L’Occitane used to have wonderful perfumes but they’ve all been discontinued. I have allergies so I can’t really wear much scent, but theirs never bothered me.
    My only indulgences are foundation/face powder. I have extremely fair skin with a blue undertone and foundation is virtually impossible to find. I used to use a Guerlain foundation, which was approximately one million dollars per application, but they’ve discontinued it. They’re dead to me now because this is the second time they discontinued something I loved and replaced it with something more expensive and crappier quality. People are just going to have to deal with my bare face.

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  19. There was an Elizabeth Arden perfume that was 100% pink roses … I loved the smell so much but they discontinued it. Years later I learned that the scent of pink roses is very expensive so if you come across one that is 100%, it’s hundred of dollars for a tiny bottle. Perhaps that’s why the perfume went away? It was called Love something or other … Years later I found a huge bin at a CVS type store for $15- $20 a bottle and bought $100 worth. It had all turned and smelled like rubbing alcohol.

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  20. J was always saying something funny, I remember one was about moose knuckles. My latest pet peeve on discontinued items is Aquafina lip balm and Thymes fig scent. Oh how my ass is chapped.

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  21. I just remembered one! The Thymes had this amazing scent called White Ginger (long ago). Gone. They’ve brought out Other Gingers, and none measured up, none were the same. I’m not a big scent person, but this one really I loved. Sad.

    Also, I must have watched too much L&O SVU this weekend, cause then I had a dream that featured Mariska Hargitay and, wait for this, Ned. WTF was that about???

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    • Oh, that kills me. What did Ned and Mariska HardlyGay do?

      Actually, I just remembered I had a dream about Ned, as well, this weekend. He told me all about some woman he’d slept with and I found myself rapt. I wanted all the details and was not jealous. Perhaps he’d slept with Mariska HeartAblate.

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      • I really wish:
        1. That I could talk back to Cora the Cat. What’s she saying?
        2. Someone could really help analyze dreams that made sense.

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  22. The three indicators of a lesbian sticks with me. Burts Bees lip balm, large watch and drives a Subaru. My husband and I still joke about this.

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  23. I saw Last Christmas too and similarly sang silently along to all of that George Michael music remembering how good it really was, and how sad it is that he is dead now. My least favorite Christmas music is anything by that group whose name I can’t remember but it has“Steamroller” in it and it is all the horrific synthesizer stuff and no words. I am sad they discontinued /majorly changed Dior Poison perfume, and don’t make Calvin Klein Escape anymore.

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  24. Things that have stayed with me from your blog:
    * don’t give advice unless asked
    * something a shrink? told you about everyone needing 3 things to be happy: someone/thing to love, something to look forward to, and I can’t remember the 3rd thing (HA!)
    * phrases like: why so chubby cheesecake (ok that one was a post title but still)
    * that relationship attachment style stuff which set off a forking light bulb in my head because it explains so so so much
    * the general kindness of the comments. Gives me hope. Your peeps are so wonderful.

    This has been a banner year for discontinued items. My fav face serum, my fav shampoo, etc. The worst was the unforgivable crime committed by the asshats who discontinued our cats’ fav canned/wet food & then introduced a “new & improved” (Piffle! I say piffle!) version that sucks (according to cats), is more expensive, crappier ingredients, and packaged in non-recyclable, impossible to crack open plastic! Acckkkkk! So for weeks I was buying tester cans of new brands/flavors of cat food, one bloody expensive 3 oz can at a time, nervously offering the new food to the cats, and then watching the cats sniff the new food and walk away. And yes! joy of joys! then I’d get to throw away the expensive, rejected food.

    I think I’m like one or two discontinueds away from making my own ding-dang (thx for that phrase too June!) cat food, shampoo, and skin care essentials. And clothes. I’m going to make my own bloody clothes, too. I’m fabulous at sewing not evenly vaguely straight lines so I’m already ahead of the competition!

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    • My vet told me Fancy Feast canned food is great. I have no idea why that’s a fact, but I’m going with it cause it’s cheap. Iris has to have $5 million a can food but the others will get Fancy Feast and they will like it.

      Also, it was a reality show about therapists in LA. Something to do, something to love, something to look forward to. I think of that, too.

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      • You know, they do love Fancy Feast something awful but it (maybe carrageenan? Carawhatsit?) irritates their innards. So no go. Or rather… too much go. I did eventually find a (barely) cat accepted wet food but only after exhausting the single serving choices at the local store. Had to roll the dice and order 24 can sets from Chewy. Lucked out and found something the cats will eat (and I donated the rejects). Am now hoarding the new wet food.

        Yes! That was the complete set of somethings! Thank you & Yay! Now I can be totally happy!

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  25. I often think of when you asked us how long it took for our hair to get saturated wet in the shower and keep counting the seconds.

    There are so many things that have been discontinued, there used to be a hair refresher spray that the body shop sold that worked great. The shampoo and conditioner set that came in the red bottles that worked great on my hair. New west perfume that smelled like cucumber and watermelon that I would douse myself with growing up in Germany , thinking that’s what California smelled like .

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  26. Your peeping Tom cat picture reminded me of a comment I got on my own blog back in the day when it was a thing.
    I met a group of local bloggers for dinner – oh, that was so much fun! And a few days later one of them got all up in my comments telling me how I should be blogging. Don’t go on so long, he said. People get bored after about 500 words. Break up the text with pictures to keep it interesting. And don’t be so serious!
    Oh, it still makes me mad.

    And now look! He’s disappeared and I’m…writing social media calendars. Talk about not going on so long.
    Dammit.

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  27. A few years ago you asked readers for their secrets. The one that I often think about is a stay at home mom who admitted that after she takes the kids to school she goes home to her empty house and plays dirty rap really loud. I loved that and often wished she could give me a play list.

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  28. I can’t think of anything that has been discontinued that I loved, but maybe by the time I get to the end of my words I’ll think of something.

    What I really wanted to say is that when I was 13 I wanted to marry George Michael. I papered my ceiling with his pictures so I could stare at him when I went to bed. A boy in my class told me my boyfriend, George, was gay and to defend his honor, I hit the boy. That boy had a pencil in his pocket which stabbed me in the knuckle as I hit him so now I have a tattoo of a pencil dot on my knuckle. My permanent reminder of my love for George Michael. That really worked out for me.

    I remembered stuff! There were a couple of Bath and Body Works scents that I loved that have gone by the wayside (and now I hate every scent in there.) Bed Head Epic Volume shampoo and conditioner. Tide Mountain Fresh in the High Efficiency line. My waistline.

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    • I wonder what George would think of your story? He’d probably salute your bravery, but then say “But, actually…”. I always adored the song Freedom but only recently really listened to the lyrics and read a backstory on why he wrote them. Brian May of Queen called him “a gentle boy” upon being saddened and shocked by his death. Coming from Brian, that says a great deal about what a good person George was in life.

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    • I used to ADORE Bath and Body Works Freesia body mist. It was one of the only scents I can tolerate. Gone. It’s been gone a long time now. They slightly modified it and brought it back with a similar name. Garbage I tell you. I was not fooled. Jerks.

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  29. I think about this allllllll the time. Imagine how large the grocery store would have to be if they never discontinued things like Bugels and Space Sticks from my youth. Now they have to find room on the shelves for 76 different varieties of Oreos – when we all know one kind was absolutely fine. Who needs Oreos that are made with vanilla cookies? We already have those just a bit further down the row.

    I’m amazed when people here can remember things about other comment leavers (my spell check is rejecting “commenters” as an option). I’m lucky if I can remember that I don’t need to type my email to comment. But I have learned so much from this here not-blog…. mainly to lead with empathy, because you just never know what’s going on behind the scenes for some people.

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      • THEY ARE? There was another snack food that appeared at the same time as Bugels that likewise disappeared. I can’t recall what that was exactly… it’ll come to me at some random moment.

        We sampled some baked snack food delight at Costco one day – like tortilla chips made out of camel hide or pea fiber or some such oddness – and I looked at my husband and said “you know what these taste like?” and he replied “BUGELS!”

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  30. I’m on the hunt for Nivea lip balm. I’ve bought it at many different stores. Now it’s not to be found. Same with a Neutrogena hand cream. I guess I’ll be as dry as a desert unless I can find them on Amazon.

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    • My whole family loves Nivea lip balm Milk and Honey variety. I have purchased it on Amazon. However, I did see several kinds in a CVS recently. I also like the Mint and Minerals one, and it was not at CVS.

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  31. I love, love, LOVE Jil Sander #4 perfume and – OF COURSE – they discontinued it. WHY?!?! Was it really that difficult to make? Then I fell in love with Lauren perfume by Ralph Lauren. Guess what? Discontinued. So now I’m wearing Jergen’s Lotion that smells like something your granny would have had on (that cherry/almond scent) and daring Jergen’s to stop making THAT.

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    • You can still get Jill Sander #4 online, though! There’s still some stock left somewhere, it seems. It’s my all-time favorite perfume, and I was devastated when it was discontinued…
      Body Shop had a really nice face cream with Vitamin E and some pink iridescent stuff in it that was great for winter blah days, and that’s gone, now, sadly.

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      • Neutragena has introduced a pink moisturizing cream called Bright Boost which seems to add a little lightness to my skin. No iridescense or sparkles, but it helps.

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  32. Gosh. I am stumped. I read the comments everyday (not for 13 years though). I guess the stories people wrote in about how their folks met- I remember some of those but not necessarily one specifically.

    Two weeks ago I found out that the gluten free cereal that I eat when I run out of options or wake up in the middle of the night and just need a snack- discontinued.

    The SAME day I went out to buy more of the conditioner that I love. I admit that I just discoverd it, so it wasn’t like I was attached to it for 20 years. But I liked what it did for my hair. I have awfully thin, was-curly-prior-to-being-so-thin (thanks to celiac disease) hair so I am always shopping for better hair products. Anyway- also DISCONTINUED. Same day. Ouch.

    I did decide to try a new conditioner called Deva curl. One condition decadence. My hair has had more body since trying it. Still- quit getting rid of stuff I like!

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  33. Wow! 78 lipsticks! I have trouble even committing to one. Darn Aveda discontinued Sheer Moonshine and I can’t find an equivalent. Going bare lipped with a bit of Burts Bees plain. No color added. There should be a special place in hell for companies that discontinue the small amount of makeup I wear.

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    • Aveda didn’t discontinue my moisturizer, but they did change the formula. Twice. And the people who work there swear those no change (but the bottles list very different ingredients so…?). I’m still on the hunt for a moisturizer that won’t leave me feeling like either my face is so dry it might crack, or is so oily that the smile will slide right off.

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      • This is NOT advice, Aquaphor Healing Ointment works very well on my son’s face and also worked extremely well on the older sons face when he was on radiation treatments. It might work for you, who knows? !

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        • This is gold! I’m going to check it out!
          I used to like the sheer, cute bras, but now my breasts are more, um…, tired, shall we say. A little molding is warranted.

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  34. And why is it that grocery stores stop stocking items you love/need? It’s not even because it’s discontinued because you can find it at another store. Annoying.

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  35. Lots of years ago you told me not to get French manicures anymore because they look like chicklets. I had only ever gotten French manicures to that point, and I have never gotten one since!

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      • On a side note, why does the Long Island Medium have nails that look like she stuck white Fritos on the ends of her fingers?

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          • It is very hard for me not to pass on this wisdom to everyone I see. Since they don’t ask my opinion, I probably shouldn’t tell them. But I really don’t like chicklet fingers now.
            (I had asked your opinion, you didn’t just randomly tell me what nail polish to get next time I got a manicure. But I wouldn’t have minded if you did. I have no fashion sense.)

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