Ugh, I’ve been wretched. Wretched.
I’ve worked from home each day this week, sometimes taking my work to my couch and lying there and copy editing it wretchedly. But I soldiered on, because you know how stoic I am.
Today I am going to attempt to attend work like a normal person, and my hope is I am not as contagious as I was. I’m in the dregs part, where I have the lingering cough.
Oh, but look at this!
Kleenex in a stand-uppy box! Isn’t that the most brilliant invention?
…Oh. I just read the back of the box, and allegedly, these are “towels.” TOWELS? I’ve been blowing into a towel?
Anyway, what else is new with all of y’all? While I haven’t been working while lying prone, or watching Call The Midwife while lying prone, or blowing into a towel, apparently, I’ve done, well, nothing.
Have I missed any gossip or world news? You know how up on world issues I am.
Oh, but does anyone here watch Call the Midwife? I’m on season I think 4. It’s 1961, the pill was just invented, and I really wonder what my nun name would be. Do you get to pick your own or does God come down with a new Hello, My Name Is… tag for you?
What if I got some nun name I didn’t like, like Winifred? Then you’re stuck with it forever like a bad engagement ring. I might as well be a nun at this point, with the chastity and all. Except I’d hate the poverty part even though I’m already pretty poor. Yeah, I might as well be a nun at this point.
I’d better get dressed and go to work. A nun would. She’d go to work with a cold. Going to work is a habit for a nun.
I have a sinus headache. What do you even take for those? I never get any sort of head pain other than migraines. Do you just take regular aspirin? I have some left over from my accident. I’ll Google it. Don’t worry about me. I’ll Google it and drive listlessly to work and have a sinus headache because TROUPER.
I’m sorry I had nothing interesting to tell you today, but I’ve been a distinctly uninteresting person all week. I was more fun in Michigan. There was this one girl in high school that my friend David and I insisted looked better in April. We’d see her at a party looking relatively cute, but we’d look at each other and say, “She looked better in April.”
I miss that friend. He was terrible about keeping in touch so I made a vow to myself, like a nun, that I’d not be the first to call. That was in 2013. So.
Okay, I’m really going. Why does a cold make you feel so awful and fuzzy-headed? Why can’t they cure it? Why don’t you eventually run out of colds to catch? Is there anyone out there who just never gets them? Like, I know people who’ve never had a cavity. How is it some people skate through like with no cavities or colds? They probably also have impressive 401(k)s.
Really going now. May the lord bless you when you sneeze.
P.S. You know the really very worst part of all this is that I got my roots dyed last Tuesday, and there’s only a very short window of days before the roots PEEK through again and most of my absolutely-done roots part has been spent here with just Lily and no human to enjoy it. Life throws some mean curveballs. Also, what exactly is a curveball? Aren’t all balls curved?