Hello. My name is Sister June Montoya. Prepare to die.

Ugh, I’ve been wretched. Wretched.

I’ve worked from home each day this week, sometimes taking my work to my couch and lying there and copy editing it wretchedly. But I soldiered on, because you know how stoic I am.

Today I am going to attempt to attend work like a normal person, and my hope is I am not as contagious as I was. I’m in the dregs part, where I have the lingering cough.

Oh, but look at this!

Kleenex in a stand-uppy box! Isn’t that the most brilliant invention?

…Oh. I just read the back of the box, and allegedly, these are “towels.” TOWELS? I’ve been blowing into a towel?

Well, crap.

Anyway, what else is new with all of y’all? While I haven’t been working while lying prone, or watching Call The Midwife while lying prone, or blowing into a towel, apparently, I’ve done, well, nothing.

Have I missed any gossip or world news? You know how up on world issues I am.

Oh, but does anyone here watch Call the Midwife? I’m on season I think 4. It’s 1961, the pill was just invented, and I really wonder what my nun name would be. Do you get to pick your own or does God come down with a new Hello, My Name Is… tag for you?

What if I got some nun name I didn’t like, like Winifred? Then you’re stuck with it forever like a bad engagement ring. I might as well be a nun at this point, with the chastity and all. Except I’d hate the poverty part even though I’m already pretty poor. Yeah, I might as well be a nun at this point.

I’d better get dressed and go to work. A nun would. She’d go to work with a cold. Going to work is a habit for a nun.

I have a sinus headache. What do you even take for those? I never get any sort of head pain other than migraines. Do you just take regular aspirin? I have some left over from my accident. I’ll Google it. Don’t worry about me. I’ll Google it and drive listlessly to work and have a sinus headache because TROUPER.

I’m sorry I had nothing interesting to tell you today, but I’ve been a distinctly uninteresting person all week. I was more fun in Michigan. There was this one girl in high school that my friend David and I insisted looked better in April. We’d see her at a party looking relatively cute, but we’d look at each other and say, “She looked better in April.”

I miss that friend. He was terrible about keeping in touch so I made a vow to myself, like a nun, that I’d not be the first to call. That was in 2013. So.

Okay, I’m really going. Why does a cold make you feel so awful and fuzzy-headed? Why can’t they cure it? Why don’t you eventually run out of colds to catch? Is there anyone out there who just never gets them? Like, I know people who’ve never had a cavity. How is it some people skate through like with no cavities or colds? They probably also have impressive 401(k)s.

Really going now. May the lord bless you when you sneeze.

Sister June

P.S. You know the really very worst part of all this is that I got my roots dyed last Tuesday, and there’s only a very short window of days before the roots PEEK through again and most of my absolutely-done roots part has been spent here with just Lily and no human to enjoy it. Life throws some mean curveballs. Also, what exactly is a curveball? Aren’t all balls curved?

67 Comments

  1. I am finally recovered from the flu or cold I had. I was sick 2-1/2 weeks, developed a sinus infection, then I had one kinda better day and the next day I went back at least 3 days in my recovery with a sore throat and losing my voice. I have an unproven theory that all the extra mucus in your head keeps your brain synapses from working properly. I get so dull-witted when I infrequently have a cold. Keep getting better, june!

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  2. Love Call the Midwife. Cry almost every episode. Swear by Alka Seltzer severe Cold and Flu. Get the citrus, not honey!

    Plop, plop, fizz, fizz
    Oh what a relief it is!

    (I love the commercial jingles of my childhood.)

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  3. I have been work work working at work today and just read this not blog post. Love ❤️ Call theMidwife,have watched it since it began. I agree, it makes you laugh and then cry your eyes out each season.

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  4. Towels! That just cracked me up. I really am sorry you are feeling so poorly. I’m positive all your coworkers (CoW Paula’s trademark) are very appreciative you stayed home and didn’t spread the cold joy around the office. I’m one of those people that don’t get colds. Don’t hate me. I get horrible, horrible allergy attacks that last for weeks. I have just recovered from one of those and it was a two-box Puffs with lotion type attack. I have made up for no colds in the cavity department. I’m currently on my second round of a dental implant (Paula understands). All this started in September 2018 when my tooth broke off when the dentist was trying to remove an old crown. An extraction, bone graft, implant and crown are gone. A couple of weeks ago it fell out, but it gave me instant relief from the pain. PSA: research has revealed clindamysin (antibiotic) causes dental implant failures. The dentist that did my implant has only three patients to have implant failures, two of us had taken clindamysin. I am now one of her statistics and she kept my implant and attached crown for an exhibit, for what I don’t know. Maybe I’m famous now. In the meantime, I have invented a portable ice pack for my face, because the implant process started over yesterday. It was a four-Valium dentist visit and it was still a white knuckle ordeal.
    Loved the photo of Lily.
    Tee(th)

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    1. Oh my goodness. Sounds dreadful. My son adds laughing gas to his Valium. Says best money he’s ever spent.

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  5. And that was me yesterday. The sore throat-y def getting thing. I have found that the Zicam meltable tabs do help. I wouldn’t take them in years past because people said you could lose your sense of smell for ever and ever but now I figure I’ve already lost half my sense of smell and if I lost the other half maybe I’d stop eating brownies and popcorn and be less offended by perfume coated ladies in public.

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  6. I am encouraged that you are attempting to be at work today! Hooray!

    I have added this “midwife” show to my “To Watch” list. My last binge was Atypical…and I loved it!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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    1. I am, in fact, going home. Head is throbbing. Voice almost gone. But I made it till 2:00! Look at brave June. Stoically carrying on.

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      1. I place my hand over my heart and bow my head as you pass by in honor of your stalwartness.

        Go home and look at Lillelee some more.

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  7. I have watched every episode of Call the Midwife. No idea why but I couldn’t stop. Also, too? Since you asked, I take Tylenol Cold and Sinus. Beware; it will make you very, very sleepy. I am sad to tell you that the older you get, the longer it takes the dregs to leave, or so it seems.

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  8. Cry with the Midwife!

    I love that show tho also find it ridiculous but gloriously ridiculous. It is very Poldarkian that way. Only instead of wind and abs and seascapes you get a mini history lesson (Polio! Leprosy! Communal loo now with measles!) and the warm fuzzy, just beginning to pill blanket of familiar-ness-ish-ness.

    Also tears. They cry. I cry. That’s how I found the show. My darling friend seethed to me about a wretched awful new TV show that was dreary, full of crying, and set in the 1940s. She had me at 1940s. So it is called Cry with the Midwife around here because sweet baby Jesus those writers know how to write some Hallmarkian Not Without My Daughter, hand me a Kleenex pap. Bless the dears.

    Feel better June! Ta for now!

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  9. I am not a cold getter, but my Husband hears somebody sneeze and he is sick for a week. “Call The Midwife” is so sweet and touching and a good look back at history. British TV is my new obsession. “Killing Eve”, “Catastrophe” and if you really want to lower the bar…”Love Island UK”

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  10. So funny, June! I’m sorry you have the cold, but I’m glad you’re on your way back to being healthy. I love Call the Midwife. Have you guys listened to the podcast, My Favorite Murder? It is so funny. I listen to it at work with one earbud in so I can act like I’m actually doing work with my other ear. Which doesn’t mean I’m typing and stuff with my ear. Sometimes I laugh randomly, and it makes me look like a madwoman up here at the dental office front desk.

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  11. Sudafed sinus is definitely the greatest I have ever found for a sinus headache! But, to be honest, I don’t get many headaches and haven’t used this in years! And I don’t get colds. No – I go straight to pneumonia! But last time was in 2016 and since then – got the shots… now doing fine.. just allergies… knocking on wood!
    You are right, Juney – that sore throat-y think is the very worst part! As I recall….

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    1. The last round of allergy stuff I bought some Sudafed and had to sign for it, like I was going to make meth or something. I just wanted some relief from all the sinus ills.

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  12. Going to work is a habit for a nun. Those little things you slip in there are priceless. Even with a cold, you’ve still got it!

    I don’t think I’ve ever had a cold. Is that odd?

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  13. You have come out of your wretchedness with your funny very intact. Great post. I worked in medical settings off and on, and I finally started doing what the nurses did. I washed my hands frequently. My number of colds reduced by at least 80%. I don’t know if there is any protection one can use on planes. It is just a flying germ grower.

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  14. Ibuprofen and more a bit than they suggest. Anything else is just overkill. I believe it will lessen the sinus inflammation and cure that headache. I hadn’t gotten a cold in years and this fall, after many weeks of suffering, had to see a doc about it and get meds!

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  15. My mother’s name was Winifred, and her middle name was Alma, how awful is that? Winifred isn’t SO bad, she went by Winnie, but Alma? Yeesh. I am proud to say I have no cavities at age 54! Glad you’re feeling better and back to writing for us!

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    1. I have a coworker named Alma, she goes by her middle name – Laura. Poor thing.

      My Grandfather was named Volney, his Native American mother thought it was the most beautiful name she had ever heard. He also went by his middle name, Richard.

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  16. I’m a fan of Advil Cold & Sinus – the “good” stuff you have to get from the pharmacist. Totally worth the hassle of proving you’re not a meth maker to lay hands on a box.

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      1. Welcome back to the world of the living. There was a country song that was kind of like your roots being beautiful and unseen. I think it was about a bad date, “I Shaved My Legs For This?”

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        1. That quote – “I shaved my legs for this?” used to be on the bathroom vanity mirror in the ladies’ loo at a very fancy, romantic first date type restaurant I used to frequent (pre husband era). Sparked a lot of funny bathroom convos….

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  17. I do hope you’ll make it through the day. Lovely picture of Lilee. And I’ve wished Talu a happy birthday.

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    1. I love this show and watched it with my granddaughter. Her take? “I’m never going to have a baby.” So it’s good birth control/sex postponed/abstinence inducer.

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  18. I once went years and years without a cold. But I have had cavities. My 40ish daughter has never had a cavity. I hate the part where you go through a box of kleenex in a day.

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  19. Also a Call the Midwife fan. Looking forward to the Xmas special. I’m not Catholic, but I love Sister Monica Joan. Her intensity and deepness is something we don’t see as much nowadays. Trixie is my favorite. What would your name be that Trixie is your nickname?

    I find that warm, moist packs can help loosen up the gunk with a sinus headache. Colds were always my thing, now pretty much nothing. I do take zinc every day for my skin condition. Maybe it helps with colds and such as well?

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    1. Oh I love Call the Midwife and especially Sister Monica Joan. I have a distinct soft spot for my elders and this show makes me cry my eyes out more often than not, the stories are so sweet. Looking forward to the Christmas special!

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  20. Here there’s a flu research centre called flu camp I took part in as a student. They give you a virus and shut you in a room with excellent internet access for a week and I got paid £800. I caught up on what had seemed an insurmountable amount of homework and then read for fun for the first time in ages. It was honestly such a lovely mini break I’d consider doing the same again. If a breakthrough occurs in our lifetime I can say I contributed.

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  21. I will continue to light a candle for you daily until you report 100% recovery, you brave soul.

    I’m on an elderberry regime this cold and flu season. If it works, I will report back.

    “Going to work is a habit for a nun” killed me DED.

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  22. Advil Sinus will relieve even a beast of a sinus headache. Near the cold medicine in the medicine aisle. Go for the non-drowsy. it won’t make you jittery.

    Yes, nuns pick their own name, though today very few nuns change their birth name.
    Nuns with more than one name chose two for specific reasons as part of their dedication to living a saintly life. Like Sister Monica Joan. Monica was At. Augustine’s mother and there were several Joans in the sainted world so I’m not sure if she chose Joan of Arc or another. But Sister Evangeline, she just went with one.

    In high school we had a mean little nun that taught English, Sr. Andre (nuns can take male saint names as well). Our senior year her order allowed them to go back to their birth name if they chose so she just up and switched to Sister Patricia and I was not having it. You can’t just change your name after three years of being called something else and expect us to just follow along!

    I am addicted to Call the Midwife. I am on season 7 and in this season and the season six two things happened that CRUSHED ME. Like, seriously, cried the night away.

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  23. I love ‘Call the Midwife” and have read the books, too. They are definitely worth reading.
    I had some crazy- named nuns in high school. Sr. Edelburt., Sr Majella, Sister Leontine who, it was rumored, taught ancient history from memory. WE called other nuns by what they taught–we had a Sr Library, a Sister Latin, etc.
    Feel better soon!

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  24. Years ago, we saw Mandy Patinkin’s concert in Atlanta and loved his show. Not only was he an excellent singer, he performed his, “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.” routine as his encore. And the crowd went wild.

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  25. It really is unfair that freshly-done roots only last such a short time. Glad to hear you are somewhat on the mend.

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  26. Call the Midwife…my favorite show. The 2019 Christmas special will air on Christmas night if anyone is interested.

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  27. Oh wow, now I’m going to go crazy. What TV show is that line from? “Prepare to die” it’s going to bother me until I remember….

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  28. Colds are awful. Sinus headaches are miserable. They make meds specifically for sinus pain and pressure, of course, because pharmaceutical companies fill all needs. Feel better soon!

    I have never watched Call the Midwife, but I have seen Princess Bride, so there’s that. Not Catholic, but I worked in a Catholic hospital with nuns, I don’t know if they get to pick their names. One was named Sister Herman Joseph. Maybe she had really special uncles she wanted to honor?

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  29. My aunt was a nun, and her nun name was the same as her actual name. What’s the fun of nunning if you don’t get your secret spy for Jesus name?

    Anyway, she left the nunnery after 20 years because of priest scandals, and now she’s a social worker full of crazy stories about Catholicism. I love getting all the hot church gossip and/or asking inappropriate questions at family functions.

    Get well soon, June! May the evil cold germs be exorcised from your body, in NyQuil’s name, amen.

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    1. …secret spy for Jesus name?
      Lord, I just spit coffee across my desk…..that’s brilliant! I truly love this non-blog family and all the things we share.

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  30. Call the Midwife is one of my favorites.
    I believe you get to pick your nun name. Would NOT pick Winifred. Yuck.

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  31. Aleve-D, Cold and Sinus is the only thing that works for me when my sinuses are so stuffed it’s making my eyes pop out. It the hard stuff so you have to show your license to buy it you meth head. Hope today goes by fast and you feel better. I am on week 3 of my dramatic cold.

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    1. I read somewhere that only the stuff at the counter has actually got any scientific studies proving it works. The other stuff is just “oh, it should work. In theory.” Or something. And this is how you should get medical advice: from some random stranger on the interwebs who says they read something somewhere about science. Yep. Non-medication thing that works for me when my sinuses hurt: laying down with damp mint teabags on my eyes. Not recommended while operating heavy machinery! 😉

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  32. I love the series, Call the Midwife! I’m caught up and waiting to see if another season will be coming out.
    Hope you feel better soon – the dregs stage can sometimes be worse than the dying stage of a cold. Sometimes.

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