If I could just have 14 fekking seconds where I’m not doing something between 8 a.m. and 10 p.m., I could write you.
That reminds me: Speaking of doing things, last night I saw my trainer, who has decorated her gym for Christmas, which kills me. Anyway, she said when she was a kid she was in the choir and sang, “Oh bring us some frigging pudding” because that’s what she thought the words were.
Makes more sense than figgy. We sing all sorts of Xmas songs that make no sense like it’s normal. “…the angels did say was to certain poor shepherds….” …What?
“Should auld aquaintance…” …What?
I guess it’s cause we’re singing songs from 1412 like we’re the Wife of Bath.
Anyway let’s look at my photos so I can remember what all I’ve been doing other than running hither and yon since someone invented Christmas. When did Christmas become a whole month? What we need is some sort of movement to take it back to how it was in 1412. You celebrate one day then go back to having pox.
[…a pause while June peruses her photos…]
For some reason, last Friday started out light at work, so all of us copy editors in my row got together and ordered sandwiches at 10:30 in the morning from the pharmacy that time forgot. I’ve told you about that place before. It’s near my house and it’s near work because work is near my house.
The pharmacy (with a lunch counter) that time forgot decorated for Christmas. I love going in there. I’d have taken a photo of the counter but it was filled with old men.
I got a ham and swiss on wheat for like 17 cents. The other copy editor got a cheeseburger and the other other copy editor got cream cheese and olive like she’s 79 years young today, brought to you by Smuckers.
How full of yourself do you have to be to call your company Smuckers when that word makes no sense other than it’s your name? It might as well be a Christmal carol, so little sense does it make. “Good King Whathisname looked out on the feast of Steven…”
Oh, I know what else is new! I traded in my little tiny roller skate car for a 2018 Fiat 500X. Let me find an ad for one so you can see it from the side.
I had taken my little blue roller skate car to the dealership because I had two lights on the dashboard: a vulva on a rubber mat and excited cheese.
I have a warranty so that’s why I went there. But you know how that takes longer than you think (the repairmen ran for crackers to go with the cheese), so I wandered the lot and saw that cute car, and it was one year older than mine but with the same mileage (3,800 miles). Turns out they’d never sold it; the men who worked there used it and they offered it as a rental car.
Anyway, it’s the same car payment so I traded it in. Oh, my heart tugged as I pulled away from that baby blue little car. I really did love it. But after my accident I always felt like a sitting duck in that teensy thing. It’s been 4 months since my accident and I still felt tense.
“Deck the halls with boughs of holly.” What the Sam Holy Hill are boughs?
On Saturday night, I drove my new vehicle to a church, because you’re sick and tired of hearing about me being at a church. Jo’s grandnephew was in a production there, so Jo invited Marty Martin and Kayeeeeee and me to it.
Lemme tell ya something. Those Baptists? Are into Christmas.
They left no frigging pudding or stone unturned when it came to Christmas.
Speaking of Christmas, and when can we not in December, I got a card from Lottie Blanco and her wife, Lottie Blanco, and look how they signed it.
I guess that wraps up everything I’ve been up to other than literally wrapping things up, and have I mentioned this time of year irks me?
Last night after work I screamed on over to the trainer
to work out, unfortunately, and also to meet her NEW DOGGIE, who came from a Lab rescue. He is 7 or 8 months old and was originally adopted by an elderly couple who found him to be too energetic. What made an old couple say, Heyyyy, how about a mild Lab puppy?
My trainer, who has the energy of 10,000 suns, took this ball of fire and is whipping him into shape. Really, he was rambunctious but he was such a good boy. He didn’t jump on me, and okay, he stuck his entire snout in my bag, but who doesn’t? Also, I said, “Shake” and he shook paws with me and my trainer said, “I didn’t teach him that. I didn’t know he knew that.” So clearly he is a genius who has retained his old lessons. He probably could tell me what a bough is.
Then she put him upstairs and I could hear Hank, the puppy, and her other cute black-and-white dog, Rosie, playing the whole time we were downstairs. It was like the Clydesdales were up there. Mother of god. Apparently they play all day.
Then I screamed to my old theater, where I pointedly did NOT see the Muppet movie, but rather Shop Around the Corner, which was showing in the smaller upstairs theater they have. I’d never seen it before and why don’t more people love that movie? It was great. It was You’ve Got Mail but with Jimmy Stewart.
Tonight I’m going BACK up there, as The Poet has never seen Love, Actually and they are showing it tonight and we shall be in attendance. Then Thursday I have a Christmas party and LET’S GO BACK TO CHRISTMAS BEING ONE DAY OH MY GOD.
P.S. I forgot to mention that when I woke up today, I had a dog hat because it was thundering out. Fifty pounds of dog, right on my head.
P.P.S. “Round yon virgin…” …WHAT??