And that spells June

I’m am half-asleep writing this. You know that feeling you get when sometimes you just aren’t really able to wake up? And I don’t know why. I went to bed at my normal time. But I had a three-day weekend and maybe my body was all, Heyyyy. We never have to work again. We’re gonna sleep in from now on.

In fact, every day of my three-day weekend, I woke up at the same damn time I always do, between 6:30 and 7:00 a.m. And now I actually HAD to get up at that time and didn’t want to. At all.

This is riveting, June. My mouth is ajar from the riveting. This is like the OJ trial only on a blog. Tell us more about your sleep patterns.

I scrolled through my pictures so I’d shut up about how half-awake I am. Because I am half-awake, did I mention? Wait, there’s coffee. Okay, let’s see if that helps me become coherent.

We got out of work early Friday, so Jane West and I headed to Elegant Nail & Tan and got manicures. Everyone’s trying to keep my mind off my

STUPID BIOPSY

next week. Which is very kind. The Poet even presented me with a list of distracting events to consider. So I took Jane West up on manicures,

I went with a bright blue and she got metallic blue because she’s an artist. Did you know Jane West was an artist? She’s been my coworker since aught 10 and I’m just telling you this? Really? Yeesch. She’s also the one to tell Anderson Cooper the kitten to

“DROP IT!” when he had one of the flowers from my Halloween costume she made me.

Anyway, then the next day,

The Poet and I and my roots went to Elegant Nail & Tan for pedicures. I got a dark gray and she got green.

“Ah, you back!” the pedicure lady said to me. I didn’t think she’d recognize me, but there it is. I’m recognizable, if only for how gray my roots are. I’m back to trying to grow them out. What say you?

Then on Saturday night, I headed to the brewery near me, because they had their Inebriated Spelling Bee. “Oh, you’ll be good at that,” people kept saying to me, and really I’m not that good of a speller. I look up a ton of words every day when I’m copy editing. I’m better at making your sentence sound better than I am finding the spelling errors automatically. So if I’m remotely in doubt, hello Merriam and your friend Webster.

Anyway, I was meeting The Other Copy Editor, and careful readers will note I already met with two other copy editors that weekend, basically plowing through half the copy edit staff. I got there before she did, though, and noted they were selling Girl Scout cookies at the door, and I also want to inform you I am already low on Girl Scout cookies three days later, and can’t help but think of how Ned used to eat

ONE

AT

A

TIME and they’d last him for months. “Want a Girl Scout cookie?” he’d ask, and literally give me one solo Thin Mint. What the hell?

Anyway, I plowed through mine like I do copy editors and I hope to see another Girl Scout soon. They don’t come door to door anymore, do they? Now there’s this idea that everyone in the world will murder you. Even in this neighborhood the Girl Scouts would be safe. Granted, they wouldn’t make as many sales as they would had they brought Meth Scout cookies.

As I carried my boxes of cookies through the bar, I saw my neighbor, A. She’s the one who one of you wrote me about months ago. “I think someone in your neighborhood has an Instagram page,” one of you said. And sure enough, MyMillhouse on IG is about a house JUST LIKE MINE only it’s hers and she also just moved here as I did, except she’s, like, rewiring heaters and knocking down walls, whereas I’ve put up a couple your-gramma-in-the-’50s knicknacks and called it a day.

Anyway, we’ve gotten to know each other and I went to her Christmas open house and then ran into her at a New Year’s Eve party and then ran into her last night and at this point she wishes for a cloak of June invisibility. That said, I totally sat at the bar with her, her girlfriend, and their friends like I was a welcome addition.

Finally, TOCE got there and the spelling bee commenced.

There were 37 of us, and the two or three people in front of me were baffled by the word “hokum” and I was so excited cause I knew it, but then the asshole in front of me got it and I was presented with the word thermohaline.

Thermohaline.

Which I misspelled.

My neighbor misspelled her first word, too, so there were went, back to our barstools.

TOCE got her first word correct, so she went to round two, and here’s what happened next. One of my neighbor’s friends, see, she recently got a Weimaraner puppy, see, and I was busy looking at photos of that little gray bibbelty boo and wondering if I could shoot a cannon at Edsel and set off his heart condition to get a Weimaraner pup when

OHMYGOD, TOCE is in the final three!

“The Other Copy Editor is in the final three!” I screeched to my area, not my girl parts but the people I was sitting with. We all started to pay attention. In the final three, they just kept spelling words, and often all three would get them wrong.

I can’t recall what the final word was, but it might have been bougainvillea, which oh I just spelled right on my first try and you should have seen me up there with Weimaraner, when

SHE WON! SHE WON THE WHOLE DAMN INEBRIATED SPELLING BEE!

I never even dreamed we’d WIN, and now it’s a “we,” did you notice.

Someone even asked if she could have her picture taken with TOCE, half-winner, along with me, of the spelling bee.

So that was exciting and I was very happy to take the trophy home as the winner of the spelling bee.

The other exciting news is that Miss Doxie not only sent me 47 bottles of brass cleaner, she also sent me

the Dyson hair dryer! That’s how proud she was that I swept the whole spelling bee by myself. Dudes, that dryer has been my DREAM for YEARS and I don’t know how she knew that. Was I obnoxious enough to have that on my Amazon Wish List? Did I tell her one day when we were hashing over our hopes and dreams? Who knows? The point is, I couldn’t wait to wash m’hurr.

Before. I am nothing but a Before.
After.

It dried so fast. I plan to watch a tutorial to get my curls even more defined than that.

Perhaps you’re wondering where the hell I went, all dressed up in m’leopard coat. Sunday was January 19, which is the 8th anniversary of when Ned and I started dating, and when we broke up four years ago, we said we’d always meet at the bar we first met at on our anniversary. Only one year since then was I too pissed off at him to go. That year, 2017, I think it was, we were not speaking, but he said he drove the parking lot to see if my car was there.

It was not.

Anyway, despite the fact we only had drinks the first year, this year I got a whole dinner out of the deal, and also, I feel like 8 years ago it didn’t bother me to sit at a barstool but this year I was kind of all, Why isn’t there any back support? God.

Then yesterday, I didn’t do much except enjoy how the light hits my little millhouse in the day, during hours that I’m rarely home.

This condo is worn down from use.
wut cat condoe?

So that sums up the long weekend, and now I have to shower and go to work and get back into the normal routine, which I actually prefer. Otherwise I’ll keep going around winning all spelling bees across the universe, making them not fun for anyone else.

Delusion you later,
June

62 Comments

  1. it’s actually spelled “bougainvillea”

    guess you spelled it right at the bee, just not in your blog post

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    1. I didn’t have that word. I guess you got your reading comprehension right somewhere else, just not in my blog post. But you’re right, I misspelled it here. The reason I thought it was right was my spell checker didn’t underline it. It was messing with me!

      XO, June

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  2. I saw the first picture. Quick thought, she had her procedure , they didn’t put her out?, The doctor has black on and no garb, and she is telling you not to take her picture, what with the blue fingernails and just grinned when I finally read it.
    I was going to suggest an app that shows you with different hair styles and colors. Surely there is one, (look at the dumb butt suggesting something high-tech).

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  3. Honestly who eats one Girl Scout cookie at a time? I personally can fit three thin mints in my mouth at one time. Hmph.

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  4. Great post, June!
    I was our troop’s Cookie Mom for many years. That there is a thankless job. Regardless, I have strong love for GS cookies. Frozen Thin Mints by the sleeve for the win! My second favorite is Caramel Delights (aka Samoas).
    Adult spelling bee sounds fun! Congratulations, champion!!

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  5. I haven’t been in a spelling bee since 4th grade but years ago, I was in a bar and they had an electronic trivia contest going on. Well, I love me some trivia so I started playing and I won because I’m a font of useless information. At one point, some guy stood up and yelled, ‘WHO THE HELL IS THIS KELLY PERSON???” because apparently, he was the reigning champ (and a bar regular) and was not happy to be dethroned by some random person. I didn’t get to enjoy my win because my friend I was with decided to start puking at the table after doing too many Jager Bombs. Good times, man.

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    1. I initially read your comment as ‘reigning chimp’ but after I went back and reread, I decided that was accurate too.

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  6. Your hair looks amazing!!! So amazing, that I had to leave a comment (which you know I rarely do … so that is how amazing it looks using that Dyson tool!)

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  7. Today is the anniversary of my first date with my husband. It was waaaay back in 1979 when that happened. 3 short years later we were married and now we are old as the hills.
    One day can you do a little tutorial with your new fancy dryer and show us your routine and how it works? Your photos are getting really professional looking. I’m sure your dad must be proud.

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  8. Can this be an Ask June day? Your post makes me wonder what you would do with your time if you were retired.

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  9. I’ve got curly hair and LOVE my Dyson – I hope you will too! Hey – does Miss Doxie still have a blog? I lost track of her. Let me know!

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  10. A plate glass window, friends, sunshine, cats, before and after photos, shiny lipstick, a uvula picture at last, so much beauty.
    Lord, make me look as good “after” as June looks “before”.
    I vote no because you’re a smart cookie.

    Liked by 2 people

  11. From The Addams Family (Pugsley and Wednesday have a lemonade stand):

    “Girl Scout: Is this made from real lemons? I only like all natural foods and beverages. Are you sure they’re real lemons?

    Pugsley: Yes.

    Girl Scout: Well, I’ll tell you what. I’ll buy a cup if you buy a box of my delicious Girl Scout cookies. Do we have a deal?

    Wednesday Addams: Are they made from real Girl Scouts?”

    And that is all I think of when I hear “Girl Scout Cookies.” That and an intervention once I start the Thin Mints. Which, btw, are even more delicious frozen. Ned is clearly an amateur. (PSA: Keebler makes a similar cookie called Grasshoppers. Not made from real grasshoppers.)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The girl who played the girl scout also played the stuck up camper in Addams Family Values and then went on to play Harmony Kendall on Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I love her.

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  12. I just love your hair. It looks so pretty. I am growing out my grey and it is going very well. I cannot believe that I paid so much to have it dyed for the last 20 years. I really hope that Ned was eating his heart out while you were sitting across from him because you looked stunning!

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  13. Congrats on the Dyson! The weekend looks lovely, so fun, I need one soon, in winter doldrums here, yuck. I concur with others the light in your home is beautiful and that window is amazing. I do not think you slept with Ned.

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  14. WHO only eats one Girl Scout at a time, other than Ned. No one I know. A close friend’s house, fmr., just burned because of a meth lab in the garage. This is in a really nice subdivision, I guess meth has no boundaries. It’s a real mystery how Miss Doxie would know you wanted that hair dryer. Loved all the photos and your busy weekend.
    Tee

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  15. Lovely post about your nice three + day weekend. Mani and a pedi plus a new Dyson dryer and gorgeous hair. Date with an old flame – when did he start with all the grey whiskers? You just keep looking better and he looks older. Still handsome, but older. I love early morning sunshine in our house except when I notice the dirty windows.

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  16. I went to Dallas fri-sun. Got plenty of sleep but yesterdsy required not 1 but 2 naps! WTF? Your window of plates is sooo pretty. Love the meth cookies. Love your nails too. The spelling bee that you largely ignored till your friend won was hilarious!

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  17. Meth Scouts. Perfect.

    You and Ned are like that play “Same Time, Next Year”. So sweet.

    Your photos are lovely. The plates are so pretty but honestly Lily is just dreamy.

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  18. That Dyson did great things for your hair — wow! This was such a nice long post. Thanks for making my morning happy.

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  19. Spelling bee champs, friends with gifts, dates with old lovers, beautiful windows, this post had it all! Thanks!

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      1. The ONLY way I would approve of you sleeping with Ned is if as soon as you finished, you got up, got dressed, said “Kthxbye” and sailed out the door, itch all scratched. But even that is pushing it.

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      2. Nope, no Ned sex. That would be giving him what he wants. Leave him wanting it and not getting it.

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      3. Nope….unless you get to keep the kitty, then I vote hell yes! Trading a quick romp in the sheets for the white kitty doesn’t seem dirty at all. It would be a good test of your sex pills, kind of a trial run so you’re prepared for the guy from the modern furniture store to sweep you off your feet.

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  20. I love the sunlight streaming into your house. I would take a day or three off work just to watch it throughout the day. Love, also too, your Dyson hair. How very generous of Miss Doxie. Love the last photo with the plates, too. How did you do that? Elegant Nail and Tan, same name as the shop I used to go to. Do you ever wonder which nail is the elegant one? And how the other nine nails must feel? Are they just called average nails?

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  21. When I lived in Minneapolis, a bar had an adult spelling bee once a month. You had to drink a beer or glass of wine and spell words like cunnilingus every round. If you got out during the first two rounds, you could “buy” your way back into the third by showing your tits and spelling a word (I forgot what the male equivalent was). The things you do to pass a long cold winter.

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  22. I too am growing out my gray. I’m loving what I see so far. Follow Jackmartincolorist on Instagram for inspiration. If I had a huge wad of cash I’d go see him to do some blending in a few months.

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      1. There’s a cool IG page that women send in their pics. Sometimes still in the process, or before/after. They *all* look amazing! Here it is: grombre

        Also, really love the window with glass plates. My brother does stained glass on old windows, and it’s so fun to watch the sun filter in through the colors. Mine is a paisley patterned one.

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        1. If you start following #grombe on Instagram you will get a bunch of lovely pics of ladies letting their hair grow grey. I went grey over two years ago and have found it so liberating and will never color again.

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    1. Just stampeded over to Jackmartincolorist as well and why, WHY didn’t I think to have my hair colored silver instead of the looooooooooooooong, slow process of just growing out the red. Why, I ask! The red is all gone now but I still have a lot of pepper in the salt and I’d kind of like to have it be more silver. I must ponder this.

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  23. I was in the sixth grade spelling bee. I had to go to the regional or whatever and I was so nervous I misspelled dandruff in the first round. Then I had to sit up there the whole time while the other smarty pants spelled and spelled. I’m not bitter though.

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  24. Congratulations on winning the Spelling Bee! How exciting! And gee, your hair looks fantastic!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

    (Here is another exclamation point for you ! )

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  25. Congratulations on your spelling bee victory. Tell TOCE thanks for being a strong support system.
    Your weekend sounds lovely. Much like your light photos and animals and generous friends who buy you Dyddons. You’ve a wonderful life.

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  26. I have only worked a couple of days since December 10 and while I often wish I was wealthy enough to not HAVE to work, I am surprised by my desire to get back to working regularly and having a routine again. It makes those three day weekends more special.
    I am so jealous of your curls. I have stick straight hair and it cannot be coaxed to hold a curl for longer than 10 minutes.

    PS We got a Weimaraner from the shelter last April and she is a great dog! We think she’s mixed with Doberman but aren’t sure. You can follow her on IG (daisyfay2019).

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  27. The light is gorgeous. Doesn’t it make it seem like an all new house?

    Also, I want just ONE weekend like that instead of the depressing funk of wearing pajamas from 5 p.m. on Friday to 5 a.m. on Monday because it’s 8 degrees and/or snowing-icing etc. and I hate everything weekends I usually have this time of year.

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  28. I love the light in your little house. I’m toying with the idea of home ownership again in the wake of a angry confrontation I had with my new neighbor. I love my little condo, but that’s been shot to shit right now.

    It’s so cool that you and Ned meet up almost every year to acknowledge your first date. Sounds like you two make great friends.

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    1. Mine too! How was that achieved? I get the plates but not the small glass pebbles unless they are part of the plates? Either way it’s mesmerizing.

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      1. My brother does stained glass on old windows. The larger pebbles are most likely just a half round, so flat on the bottom, where they can be glued on to the glass. They are so pretty. I think the ones at the top/middle are part of the rim of the plates, again very pretty.

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