I have spoken: an update from Marvin my ex-husband

In case you just got here, I used to be married. I met Marvin on my first day of my second year at Michigan State, which is weird because we’d lived in the same building the entire first year and we’d never met. It wasn’t technically the same dorm—he was on the other side of the building, in what was designated as a “quiet” dorm. At the time, I couldn’t imagine anything I wanted less than quiet.

But our cafeteria was the same, and a ton of our friends were too, which is how I got dragged over to his unsanitary off-campus house, where he lived with many boys I already knew. How did I never meet him? But there he was on the first day of year two.

He was my only case of love at first sight, ever.

The rest is a long story of dating two different times in college, followed by a 10-year breakup and eventual reuniting when I lived in Seattle and he lived in Los Angeles. Eventually I moved to LA, we got engaged, we got married and we stayed that way for 14 years.

During the years of writing of this interminable blog, we eventually separated and divorced and I sold that veil in a yard sale and Marvin moved to Atlanta and met someone with almost my same last name who seems very kind and he married her and that’s the end.

But occasionally someone here will ask about Marvin Gardens, my ex, who was a major character for the first five years. So I texted him the other day to ask if he’d like to update us on his life. “Sure,” he said, as I figured he would, because I still speak Marvin.

So without further ado, here is the update Marvin sent me, with my I-speak-Marvin interpretation in brackets.

Hello Beatle people! Here’s the latest update for 2002. [This is Marvin being funny, see.] I’ve been in Atlanta now for more than five years. Almost as long as I spent in high school! I was doing sound for feature films and TV shows for the last few years, but I’ve got a new job this year outside of the biz (be sure to check out my latest show “Labor of Love” on Fox this year). I’m working for a company that manufactures and sells audio equipment for classroom use.

Still happily (re)married for 3+ years now. Have a new addition to the family in the form of the Diego dog!

He’s a rescue from a litter of 9 (!) that some friends were fostering. He’s a sweet pup, but a real handful. Still trying to get him to do his business outside the house after a month of training. May need to invest in some doggie diapers. [To Marvin’s inevitably beleaguered wife: You may have wanted to read this before you got a puppy with him.]

Henry and Anderson Cooper are doing their best to adjust. [Dear Reader: Those are my cats that he got in the divorce. To be fair, I got the dogs, plus ridiculous Francis as a bonus parting gift.] Henry is still pretty nimble, so he is able to jump on tables to avoid getting nibbled on by the pup. Ampersand is too fat, so he just has to deal. [Marvin calls Anderson Cooper “Ampersand,” and I’ve no idea why, as Anderson Cooper was an excellent name.]

For the last couple years I’ve been plunking the bass in a cover band playing bad ’90s music (or a bad cover band playing ’90s music). Also just released a nearly four-hour ballad about the Apollo 11 moon landing under my stage name Rob Disner (now available on iTunes)!

Not much else to report at the moment. About to jump in the shower (although you should really just stand there and let the water run over you). Later peeps! [That shower joke was funny.]

Marvin also sent us photos of my cats, fmr., and here they are:

Oh my god, they are huge. I mean, I know Lily weighs 467 pounds. I just mean they seem big-bone-ded compared to my lithe girly cats and youthful Milhous. I wish to kiss Henry and Anderson C. many times. Henry is 11 now!

So that’s the update on that ex. Maybe we could ask my 10th-grade boyfriend what he’s up to.

Anyway, I have to go, but you know how I am, so remind me to tell you about having to go to the tattoo parlor to get my daith piercings removed as part of my pre-surgery prep. OH MY GOD. Must I constantly have to go places and be traumatized?

Also, “tattoo parlor.” Let me grab m’sassafras and m’FiffleFaddle and join you in a game of tiddlywinks.

Modernly and divorcedly,
June

54 thoughts on “I have spoken: an update from Marvin my ex-husband

  1. I do remember Marvin, long before your divorce. I have followed you through many laughs and heartaches. Thank you for adding a new dimension to my life these years.

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  2. I just NOW was able to read. I’m so happy that we heard from Marvin. I’m glad he’s well, I wish his wife well and I’m so o happy to see the boy kitties! I cannot believe Onnnriiiii is 11!!
    Marvin is a good man.

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  3. I did not remember that he lost Winston and I am glad I didn’t. Oh my heart. Glad Marvin did a guest stint. I always enjoyed reading about him when you were married.

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  4. It’s always nice to hear from good ol’ Marvin “I Have SPOKEN!” Gardens. He is quite the hoot. Henri and Ampersand both look quite healthy and well-fed and little Diego is jus the cutest little guy! Hopefully, he gets Marvin trained quickly.

    My parents divorced just a few months shy of their 20th wedding anniversary, which was a huge sigh of relief for everyone because they were clearly miserable with each other which made everyone else miserable. I know this because of the multitude of affairs both of them had throughout their marriage. ANYWAY. As soon as the ink was dry on their divorce decree, they became the best of friends and actually dated each other for a few years afterward. They stayed very close, even after my dad remarried (huge mistake but that’s another story), until the day he died and my mom says she still feels his presence on certain days.

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  5. Hello Beatle people! Stage name…! Oh my goodness, flump. Henry and Anderson are looking well loved and cared for on Marvin’s watch. It’s good to get an update. Thank you for asking him, thank him for agreeing to the prestigious interview. It almost makes me nauseous to think about having to have the new piercing removed. Tattoo parlor is another place to add to my list of places you would never find me, ever.

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  6. Long time reader, never commenter! I wanted to say, my son just started at MSU this January and lives in one of the 1970s monstrosities. It is so bad! He looked at the older residence halls, but thought they were too far away from his classes.

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      1. Really … I lived in both one of the 70’s dorms (altho it was in the 60’s so…) and one of the older buildings but enjoyed my senior year in an apartment best!

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  7. I can’t believe Henry is that old, love those kitty boys. I second or third good to hear from him, I didn’t know I needed his update.

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  8. Good to hear from you, Marvin. Thanks for inviting him, June. Little Diego is adorable, and I’m sure will be potty trained soon. Remember to take him out after sleeping and eating. (Him sleeping and eating, not you, Marvin.) The cats are looking good! And big.

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    1. Does anyone else think that sounds like a drink? “Ok, that’s one Tequila Sunrise; let me guess–a Rum and Tab here; and a Tattooed Daith.”

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  9. I Have Spoken! Love the title. Thanks, Marvin for the update as It was good to hear from you and to see you are doing well in our big city. Enjoyed seeing Henry and Anderson Cooper and meeting Diego.

    Thank you, June, for arranging the guest post. My ears still hurt thinking of your trip to the tattoo parlor.

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  10. Thanks to you both for the Marvin update. It’s nice to know he’s doing well, and so are you. Speaking personally, being friends with an ex makes you both better people.

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  11. Thanks for the Marvin update!! A post from Dick Whitman would be fun, but I don’t give a flying fig about what ol’ Ned has been up to. I will be indignant towards him on your behalf forever,

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  12. HENRY!!!! I missed you Henry!!! Look at his indifferent self to my squealing!

    Will the tattoo place have to put it back in or will you do it?
    When I had my now famous surgery (I say that in jest because just once I thought at least ONE of you would say “oh my God that sounds HORRIBLE” but alas, no) I had to take my nose piercing out, which was just put in in August. I said “that’s ok, I can leave it in. Put a piece of tape over it.” But the nurse explained that since the surgery was also on my face, electric current from surgical tools could travel to my nose and find the stud, and cause that side of my nose to burn. So I took it out. Was I able to get it back in in the days of my recovery – like even the next day? No, I was not. Gone, is what that piercing is.

    So glad to get the Marvin update! I also miss him, but to a lesser extent than Henry. I have abandonment issues, what can I say? (also needy, I know)

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    1. That surgery sounds HORRIBLE! I’m glad you’re OK. My 17-y.o. niece had major surgery today and they put spacers in her piercings so she’d be able to put her… piercing stuff… back where it went. She’s at the children’s hospital at University of Iowa where they do the wave. Poor kids has surgery during basketball season!!

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    1. “Hey, Sexy Store Guy who doesn’t know my name. I have been lusting for you since aught nine and wonder if you’d write a blog post about how you’ve never noticed me. Thanks!” Consider it done, Seattle Enormous Member Steve. (However, I’ll bet Dick Whitman would be delighted to write a post. He wrote one years ago, when I was on vacation. Oh my god, maybe I should arrange guest posts while I’m convalescing.)

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    1. That’s what everyone said at the time, too, but it seemed very pet-hoarder of me to be all, “I’m keeping all five pets!” Plus also when he left I was literally unemployed, so keeping all five seemed particularly crazy.

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  13. Lovely post, Coot and Marvin.

    Glad he is doing well and is keeping the felines healthy and happy, except for tormenting them with the puppy.

    Also, OUCH!!! I have been vacillating getting a daith but am too big a chicken. I had my ears pierced in 6th grade. My mom, Nursr Meme, put a piece of ice on my ear, took a needle and a cork and pierced them. I almost fainted and I am not a fainty person. Have never desired another piercing.

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  14. That was a fun post. I’m glad Marvin spoke. Also, I am getting the vapors thinking about the trauma you had to go through at the tattoo parlor.

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  15. Didn’t Ampersand join Marvin later? I’m trying to remember why. The boys look magnificent and the new puppy is adorable. Thanks for the update, Marvin. Good luck on your new gig.

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    1. He took Winston with him first, and then he LOST Winston, which still haunts me. On my drive to the old theater I go to? I pass Marvin’s old apartment and I always look for Winnie just in case. Oh, what if I found him!?! He was the best kitty. Anyway, Anderson Cooper did not like living with my dogs, and when Marvin was down to one cat I asked if he wanted to take Anderson C and he said yes. Now AC lives with a dog again and curses the day we were both born.

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    2. So I had to look up your piercing because I imagined it was all in your lady parts due to your surgery and was wow that was brave getting a piercing down there now to be removed then looked up oh in the ear hmmm why would that have to be removed and now consider myself having homework to do on piercings and surgery.

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  16. Henry and Anderson Cooper! Oh my gosh – they look wonderful! And Marvin sounds fine, too. He was always a stitch, and not in that weird Ed Gein way. He, indeed, HAS spoken. Glad to hear he’s not living on the streets, pining away for ole June. Mostly glad anyway. Hi Marvin!

    You just GOT the piercing and now they gotta go? What the heck? Be like my mother in law who refused to remove her false teeth before her shoulder surgery. She’s dead now, but that’s unrelated.

    Lovely update lovely June!

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  17. I am having dinner tomorrow night with my ex (and my daughter and my mom). People are shocked (!) when I tell them that we’re friends. I mean, we don’t hang out without the kids (28 and 32, not “kids”), but we can hang out and not hate each other. I love your stories of Marvin, and your evolving relationship with him,

    (Also – what’s the band? Bc I am going to be in ATL in April for my 40th (!OMG!) college reunion (Go Scotties!) and am looking for entertainment with my friends!

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