As worn by Judas

Do you ever get disproportionately mad about something?

Today, I was trying to put on my contacts. Do you wear contacts? I wear dailies, meaning each day I put in a new pair and each night I throw them out. It’s supposed to be the sanitariest method and as you know I’m quite a neatnik.

Really, I wear those because they are the only kind that will go in my eye. I don’t know what’s happened over the years. When I was 27, I could slide any old pair in. I could spend $6 on a pair of Earl’s Kontacts for Less from the mall and do just fine. Then my eyes got persnickety.

Not only do I have to wear dailies–even weeklies feel like dinner plates–I have to wear just one brand. And every year my eye doctor is all, “I can’t believe you still wear these old-fashioned Bob’f Ye Old Contactf.” Every year he’s all, “Try these. They’re so much thinner and so much more moisturizing” and every year it’s all, DINNER PLATES and we have to go back in time and get my old brand from Damascus where they still make them.

I had no idea I could talk this long about contacts.

Anyway, this morning I put the left one in and I knew it had a cat hair in it. You may be shocked to learn this is a common issue for me. You wouldn’t think one thin speck of fur would KILL YOUR EYE OUT, but it does.

I’d come out of the bathroom with my contacts in my hand and my banjo on my knee, and lying across the threshold was Milhous, which was sort of cute, a cat lying across the threshold of the bathroom for no discernable reason, so I petted him and right there was my mistake.

So I had to take it out and try again and it worked, finally. Then I put in the right contact and it

POPPED

out of my eye and onto god knows where.

“Goddammit,” I said, patting the folds of my sexy robe to try to retrieve it.

So there was a dollar I just wasted. I got up and got a second right contact from Thine Contactf and Apothecary. “As worn by Judaf!

Do you like how I keep making the Ss Fs? And also combining Olde English with Biblical refs? God, I’m hilarious.

I opened the second package and put it in my eye and it

POPPED out.

“GOD

DAMMIT!!!” I screeched, alarming everyone else who lives here.

And that is the story of how I got disproportionately mad.

I do it all the time though. I’m not good with everyday frustrations.

Speaking of everyday frustrations, tomorrow I have to be at the surgery center at 5:30 a.m., and I plan to write quite a testy Yelp about this whole experience. Can you imagine? What are we going to do, begin roasting a huge turkey? 5:30 in the morning. I might as well not go to bed.

So don’t expect a post from me tomorrow, as I will be under the—whatever they use to do laparoscopic surgery. I’ll try to write Wednesday but I will be on narcotics so I will sound like everyone in my neighborhood. Also, my mother will be here. It is likely she will not be on narcotics.

I was kind of hoping I’d hallucinate. I never have, and it seems like it’d be fun. Maybe I’ll hallucinate that my mother is here. Maybe she’s not coming at all and is hoping that’s what I do.

This weekend I ran around trying to do every chore I could think of so I’d be okay with lying about for weeks on end. I say that like I’m such a go-getter. Oh, what trouble I have not being productive! Pfft.

I guess that’s all I have to tell you, except, oh! Edsel!

As you know, because you’ve hidden cameras all over my life, Eds and I play fetch a lot. I noticed awhile back that he literally can’t see Blu if he doesn’t see where it lands. He sniffs right near it but doesn’t SEE it. That is why I got him some Red Blus, which makes no sense, but guess what. He doesn’t see those either.

Last night I stared at his eyes, which as a not-alpha made him all kinds of nervous, and I know you can’t see in this picture, but it seemed like maybe there was a little cloudiness in his eyes. At what age do they get cataracts? It seems unfair that he has to have arthritis, a bad heart AND cataracts.

We have to go to the vet in April anyway for his heart checkup, so I’ll ask then. Maybe he needs little glasses.

My advanced art course is filling up. Register soon.

I’ll talk to you postsurgery. Unless I oversleep and miss it.

XO,
June

113 thoughts on “As worn by Judas

  1. I just saw your update that all went well, which reminded me that I forgot to comment here yesterday. I’m picturing in spectacles and he would be adorable. Poor old Edsel!

    I also wanted to say thank you for your contact lens story. I got contacts recently and they just didn’t seem quite right. I don’t know how they are supposed to feel though. I read your blog and the dinner plates description was perfect. So I have called my eye place and the lady there said I may need dailies. Of course she said they will be $200 every three months. Yikes. Thank you for giving me the “and right then I knew” moment.

    I hope you have a speedy recovery, Coot.

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  2. At 6:00 this morning, I thought of you already being at the hospital and said a prayer for you. Now it’s 9:00 and I don’t know what time your surgery was scheduled, but saying another prayer for you.

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  3. Thinking of you, June, and praying for the best possible outcome, minimal pain and quick healing. Let Pam wait on you and enjoy your down time!

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  4. Saw an adorable black lab Autism service dog at the aquarium and on the boardwalk yesterday. Absolutely beautiful amazing dog.

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  5. HERE I AM JUNE! STANDING IN THE DOORWAY!

    Wait… where’d you go? Ooooohhhh… right. Hospital before sunrise.

    I’M THERE IN SPIRIT! You’ll be fine!

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  6. Late to the party here, but good luck, Joon, it’ll be fine!
    Large-breed dogs are considered “senior” at about age 7. Mine has heart trouble, arthritis, cataracts, and cancer. But he’s still happy. Dogs are happier than humans, so I guess all those conditions don’t bother him as much as they would us. Cataracts happen to every creature sooner or later. Not fun, but normal. Dogs’ primary sense is smell, and they don’t lose that. Fading vision bothers humans a lot because vision is our primary sense.

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  7. I’m jealous that you can wear contacts – I’m resigned to glasses as some other power takes over my finger control when I attempt to put contacts in as if it knows that thing does not belong on an eyeball.

    K started on the glaucoma trail around 6 – talk about a rip off, one eye’d dog and she has to get glaucoma in the one that’s left.

    My disproportionally angry story was buying a 24 pack “cube” of pop. I had to slam on the brakes on the way from the store because people drive like they’re the only ones on the road around here. Contents shifted in flight and when I opened the back of the car, the cube was headed out prematurely. I was able to grab the fancy carboard handle however it was not designed for said velocity and the entire cube top ripped off with me still holding the handle and 24 cans of Pepsi rolling down the driveway in various stages of spraying or kla-klunking. MAD I was at that box top I was still holding. Threw it on the ground like a two year old having a temper tantrum.

    Good luck tomorrow. You’ve already done the hard part of getting through the past three months. Now it’s just get on with the damn show already, surgeon!

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  8. I wore gas permeable lenses for 30 years, then when my close vision started going with the lenses in. I tried some weighted soft lenses thst were supposed to mimic bifocals. Hated them. Struggled daily putting those plates in my eyes and finally gave up and went back to glasses. Talked to my eye doctor about eventual cataract surgery and she said the only downside is that I will lose my close vision and have to use cheaters.
    I’ll be sending happy outcome thought balloons to you tomorrow, June.

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  9. You will be fine tomorrow and just think, no more periods! Someone gave me good advice and said to stand up as tall as possible when you first get out of bed after the surgery and the gas won’t be nearly as bad; and it wasn’t. I know, you don’t like advice but that was a good one. Will be thinking about you and your mom and the kids.

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  10. Difproportionately mad? When the carf in front of me dawdle when the light changef from red to green. If I don’t make it through that cycle, there will be another three-minute wait. “Hurry up! Look lively!”

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  11. Your surgery in on my calendar with all my other important issues. That actually struck me as a bit strange this morning but I am rather fond of strange.
    To counter the bad hallucination stories, the last two times I had anesthesia I had the sweetest dreams. I woke up telling the nurses that I was listening to angels talking and it was like music. But I think your display the last time you had surgery was then and still is now hysterical. I say go for it and make sure somebody takes notes.
    What you are thinking about before you go under can affect you. Years ago I saw a weather report just before the guy walked in the door to wheel me to surgery. It was about a late snowfall in Boston. No big deal. Just unusual for the time of year. As they wheeled me back down the hall after the surgery I was yelling at everybody we passed, “It snowed in Boston! It snowed in Boston!” Like Martians had landed or something. I remember people smiling at me in the corridor.

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  12. Man, I do NOT miss wearing contacts. I got them my freshman year of high school, the old hard contact lenses and good God, Magnum! putting those things in was an ordeal! And a single speck of dust would feel as if someone threw a concrete truck in my eyes. So I’d have to pop them out, rinse them, cover them with solution and then go through the whole process of trying to reattach them to my retinas, with my hand shaking and me blinking and getting more and more frustrated and filled with rage. After awhile, I got the hang of it and could pop those suckers in using only a butter knife as a mirror. And then I got Lasik which was the greatest thing EVER.

    Of course as we age, our vision takes a shit yet again and I pretty much keep a pair of reading glasses on a chain around my neck along with a cardigan slung over my shoulders with one of those sweater chains to keep it from falling off and I wear it all with a lavender old-lady poodle perm and sensible white orthopedic oxfords on my feet. Okay, I’m kidding about all of that except for needing a pair of readers on my person every waking hour. If they’re not on my face, they’re on top of my head.

    Getting old sucks.

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    1. I am right there with you! Except for the butter knife….I could insert hard lenses blind (and I was! -13.75 coke bottles) Wore hard lenses from 11 y.o. to 63. Maths says that is 52 years! Then cataract surgery, lost all close vision and my brain went cray-cray. Now with glasses on top of head, long vision is overrated.

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    2. My sensible orthopedic oxfords are black. I do have burgundy wide mary janes. F me shoes were a brief moment in my twenties, open sandals for my wide feet.

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  13. I am jealous of your thin corneas. Mine are extra thick which makes the pressures extra high and puts me at risk for glaucoma. Good luck tomorrow. I will be thinking of you.
    Cheryl K

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    1. When I had Lasik, I was told my corneas were so thin that this was a one-shot deal. If the Lasik didn’t work, I was out of luck as far as having a re-do. Luckily, it worked.

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      1. Saw an adorable black lab Autism service dog at the aquarium and on the boardwalk yesterday. Absolutely beautiful amazing dog.

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  14. Thinking of you and sending good wishes. My philosophy is: be prepared for the worst, and it won’t happen. In that case you are set! After an accident and my ankle had to be reassembled, the nurses discovered I was getting double the pain killer I was supposed to be getting. Me, I was feeling fine, but they freaked out when I wanted to walk on that leg instead of relying on the crutches. Hey, I was drugged and feeling no pain! Nurses (most anyway) are awesome and really want to help you feel better. Will be waiting to hear that the surgery is over and you are ok. But don’t blog until you feel up to it. Or…a blog written by a hallucinating June would be something to look forward to…

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  15. Let’s get this dang surgery over with! Tomorrow at this time you are ALL DONE. Will be sending “live, laugh, lovef” up to the heavenf in your honor.

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  16. Sending positive vibes your way for your surgery tomorrow. Enjoy being pampered by your Mum while you are convalescing. Also after tomorrow you never have to worry about ovarian cancer, the silent killer, ever again. I also know how Eds is feeling as I too am falling apart because of my age.

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  17. Sending good thoughts and prayers for a good day tomorrow. I hope all turns out well and you’re awake and on your way home in no time at all.

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  18. “So’ I’ll sound like everyone in the neighborhood” – great post! You will be fine and I bet not nearly as sore as you think,,.but remember, always take all the pills you can get from the dr, you can always sell the rest to your neighbors.
    Good luck!!! Oh, and disproportionately angry? Look it up in the dictionary and there will be a picture of me. I actually carry scissors in my car because of all the STUPID packaging . Maybe I should carry a hammer too. P.S. between mom and Edz and company, you’ll be back to golfing and tennis in no time.

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    1. Let me clarify- I am disproportionately angry TODAY, is there something in the air? I usually get like this once a month, but when I do…watch out. I wish I could blame it on PMS, but that would be a medical miracle.

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  19. I hope all goes well tomorrow and that you’ll be treated like a royal in recovery. There are hot male nurses these days you know.

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  20. I wish I knew which contacts you’re able to wear because I’ve worn contacts since I was 16 but I can’t anymore and HATE wearing glasses.
    It will be interesting for me to compare your recovery with the laparoscopy appendectomy I had last week. I thought I’d be back at work today but that’s not happening. If you have a lot of pain, tell your surgeon. NSAID works much better for me than the original hydrocodone.
    Good luck! Wishing you a quick recovery.

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  21. I hope it all goes well tomorrow. I can’t touch my eye. It’s just this weird thing I have a phobia about that I cannot shake for whatever reason. And I need glasses, so I guess I will be a glasses wearer which will totally confuse me bc I already have a hard time trying to see around my sunglasses frames. Anyhow – YOU! You’re having surgery. I hope you don’t miss it either. I’d stay up, too. After all, you’ll be sleeping after anyway, right? Wishing you all the best by way of people taking care of you, that the procedure goes well, and that the pain meds work as well as they should but not too well because: your neighbors don’t need more company in their habit. I guess don’t let word get out that you have pills, eh? Also, I am with you on the small irritations rage. I will ask out loud, complaining to the heavens and the god of awkwardness who apparently made me, does this happen to other people???? I walk by a doorway, my sweater snags on it. I dig my keys out of my pocket or purse and they ALWAYS have threaded a portion of a keyring into some fabric some impossible way. My toes hit on EVERYTHING. If I added contacts to the mix, I would never make it. I would give up. Hope your surgery goes really well and that very soon you’ll be through this so that your biggest worries include cat hairs in your contacts.

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  22. Mr. Texas is a champ at dealing with big, serious stuff. He is easily frustrated by daily life. He needs a sweatshirt that says I sweat the small stuff!

    Good luck with the surgery tomorrow. I’m likely to be up at 5:00, because middle age. I’ll pray for you!

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  23. I get so frustrated at bad customer service. I have been known to yell at web sites. I know I have a problem…

    Hey, can your mom write a post-surgery post? Would be fun to hear from June’s Mom.

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  24. I am disproportionately angry a lot. I remember getting in a heated argument with a cashier at the Walmarts over a coupon a few years ago. I finally told her to call a manager because I was sure I was right. I was. I never saw that cashier again, and I was so worried that she got fired because of me. I hope you don’t hallucinate tomorrow. That would be a big fear of mine. Good luck with the surgery; I’m sure you’ll said right through it. And I think all older dogs get the cloudy eyes. I have a dog around seven years old (not sure, he was a stray), and he has them.

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    1. And you’ll SAIL right through the surgery, too! I wore hard contacts back in the day. They were always uncomfortable, and when I lost one I never wore them again. I actually like wearing glasses and get excited to choose new frames every year. It’s about that time.

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      1. Dry eyes and allergies made lens wearing unsuccessful the two times I tried. I like my glasses now too. I had one cataract done so far, but will still need glasses due to an astigmatism. I see glasses as an added layer of protection too says the klutz who scratched a cornea twice. OUCH!

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  25. Contacts for Edsel maybe?

    When you steel yourself against understandable anger it pops out at dumb little things instead which really makes me MAD.

    I worry that it might hurt to laugh for a while. Maybe giggling will be ok.

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      1. Well, he rescheduled twice because of his own paltry health problems, and either of the first two dates would have been fine for us, But his stupid manager didn’t realize that June was having surgery days before the re-rescheduled concert–where has he been? everyone else knows!

        Unless he sees one of June’s ovary billboards and chooses another date. Meanwhile, Mr. Lightfoot’s “80 Years Strong” tour has been renamed “81 Years and Not So Strong.”

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  26. Your surgery will go well – it will be such a relief to have that done! Just think positive and accept that so many people are thinking of you and praying for your quick return to this post! 🙂
    I started wearing contacts at 18 – hard ones! My dad wouldn’t let me have them sooner as he was certain they would blind me. I lived with those for many years – and had at least a half dozen late night calls to the doctor to help me get them unstuck from the bottom of my eyes! Then switched to soft ones and finally got Lasik in both eyes in 2002. It was like a miracle! I had never before been able to wake up in the night and see the clock..lol…. It was one of my best life decisions… along with quitting cigs! ha ha

    Anyway – the best to your mom – Enjoy her company as you recuperate ,,, and ask for blankets because they usually give you nice warm ones and that is so nice…. hugs to you

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    1. I’d really like to get Lasik. I had all the tests for it once and they said I had thin corneas and would need some kind of special surgery, of course. The only thing on me that’s thin.

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      1. Ahh maybe check again as they keep coming up with new techniques. It was totally a miracle for me. And you are thin. good grief…lol

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  27. In my twenties (the Dark Ages), a friend told me that before she got the anesthesia for her surgery she recited a favorite poem to herself and felt it helped her during and after. “What a good idea,” I thought, tried briefly to memorize a poem since I had an upcoming surgery, and forgot all about it. The morning of the operation, drowsy from a sedative while I was moved from bed to gurney, I thought, “A poem! Which one? Um…’I heard a fly buzz when I died/ the stillness of the room…’ Maybe not. Okay…’Because I could not stop for Death/He kindly stopped for me…'” This struck me as very funny and I giggled to myself all the way down the hall. PS Everything went fine. PPS Nurses are fantastic.

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    1. I have a fear I’ll say something stupid. Does anyone recall my last surgery in 2011 when the poor orderly was wheeling me down the hall and I did my Mr. Potter impression to him? “Hurry up! Look lively!” I said. And followed it with, “You once called me a warped, frustrated old man. Well, what are YOU but a warped, frustrated YOUNG man?” Oh dear god.

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  28. Wishing you a smooth surgery and an END to all this nonsense. Also some wonderful hallucinations would be fun. Looking forward to an update. And enjoy your time off ! That’s the best part of having surgery. When I had 4 small children (9, 3, 2, 1) I had to have my gall bladder out. Words cannot express how excited I was for sedation/sleep and a night in the hospital!

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    1. You know, when I was running all my errands this weekend, I saw a person with four children out shopping. It dawned on me I’ve never in my life taken more than one child shopping, ever, and even shopping with one child was few and far between. I cannot imagine trying to recover from surgery with little kids to take care of. Dang!

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      1. I would have rather gouged my eyes out with a spork than take my 2 small children shopping. I did my shopping after their father got home from work and I could pawn those kids off on him. On the rare occasions I did have to take them with me, I made it very clear that they would NOT be getting candy or toys so don’t even try and if they started whining, we’d leave. I can’t even imagine going shopping with FOUR kids.

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      2. Ha ha I could tell you some great stories about that ! Remember – I had four babies in 4 years and a month! Loved every minute of my time with them but it was sometimes pretty wild. ha ha

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    2. I had to have my gallbladder out when my son was two years old. I bought a cute little stool and tried to teach him to use it to climb into the car because I wasn’t supposed to lift him after surgery. He wasn’t having it and I had to lift him anyway. I can’t imagine the recovery with four children!

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  29. Just remember that drugs are your friends! I had laparoscopy (hysterectomy) in November and the only thing that really got me was sneezing (dear God don’t do it!) and I couldn’t wear anything tight around my waste for weeks!
    Yes, dogs get cataracts and they can even do surgery to remove them. We had a foster that was basically blind because of her cataracts. She had the surgery ($2,000 ish) and it was amazing! She was like a new dog. Still makes me smile.
    Good luck tomorrow! OH, my dr said drugs every 4-6 hours but when I called to say I was in pain they said I could double the dose and take it every three hours. I don’t know why they just don’t tell you that. Standing in the door!

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  30. Good luck tomorrow, Joob.
    I agree with everyone on the 5:30 early in, early out.
    I seem to be disproportionately mad about everything these days.
    Lost pen, keys, pretty much anything I just had in my damn hand.

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  31. The bright side of being there so early is that you won’t have to be awake for many hours when unable to have any food or water or coffee because of surgery.

    You’ll do so well, and we will all be wearing our “Say goodbye to June’s Ovaries” ribbons and lighting Gwyneth’s va-jay-jay candles (WHAT COLOR ARE THE RIBBONS, GUYS? NO ONE TOLD ME YET!).

    The art class comment killed me.

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  32. Do NOT wish to hallucinate! Four years ago I was heavily sedated after emergency surgery and started to come out of it. I thought I’d been kidnapped. Couldn’t move, didn’t know where I was. “Hospital” didn’t cross my mind. When they later allowed me to wake up all the way but kept me on some strong meds I was convinced the ICU nurses were going to murder me and I kept thinking of ways to leave clues fot the police to tell them who did it. Wish for something else.

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    1. I agree! I hallucinated when I had surgery, it wasn’t good. I thought a co-worker had brought a stuffed dog and it came alive, I through it was going to jump on me and injury me, I got out of the bed and fell. I don’t know how I managed to get over the bed rails because I was drunk as a skunk and then I couldn’t get up and was crawling around on the floor freaking out thinking about ALL THE GERMS, so I started yelling for help. Fortunately, I got immediate help.

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  33. When SadieDog had her most recent vet visit, I asked about her vision and was told that a person with her eyesight would wear glasses so you aren’t wrong with drawing glasses on Eds.

    All the best to you and the medical staff tomorrow. Glad Mother will be there if only in your hallucination. 5:30! That means the Cooter Bus has to be there mighty early so we can all stand in your doorway.

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    1. Sadie, I can’t remember if you drive by my house or I drive by yours first to get to the bus. I am in S. IN. I was thinking you are in Illinois or Ohio.
      We might as well leave tonight…wait….leave now , it is a long drive. I hope we can make it before 5:30am. Did you get the turkey out to thaw June? If not we can have turkey subs.
      How many doorways do you have ,we may have to take turns standing in them. Or is that only at the hospital.
      I can’t believe it is already surgery day tomorrow. Gawd, I sure haven’t planned anything. I am just wearing comfy clothes down . Blanket for naps in the bus. Water. Snacks.Cards. Card , flowers and balloons for June. Maybe a plant for her yard.

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      1. Have a brilliant day tomorrow ! Get all the digits for all the good looking people you meet in the hospital. Tell them you are having a party and they are all invited.
        Really though, good thoughts and vibes headed your way. We will be awaiting your next words.

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  34. Disproportionate anger I could not get the packaging open on a new mouse for the computer the hard plastic sealed type of packaging so after trying various methods of sharp implements to open and could not I took a hammer to it and bashed the hell out of it of course ruining the mouse but all the pieces were still in the unopened packaging and I started giggling that not only have I killed the mouse the hammer was perhaps an over reaction oh at the time so frustrating but now it makes me laugh. I bought another one of course and asked them to open in the store where the nice young man had it open in 2 seconds and ma’amed me which reinforces my little old lady status of which I am not little or old okay middle aged and puffy I accept. Good luck with the surgery!

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  35. June. You’re having SURGERY? WHAT?!?

    Haha. Just kidding. It’s on my calendar. Because I’m crazy about you.

    I dropped the cap from my Carmex tube three times in a row at work on Friday. Nearly had to go home. So I hear you on the small frustrations.

    Had cataract surgery myself a year and a half ago – best thing ever. But dogs don’t have to like read, or work, so Edsel will be fine. You should stop making fun of his treat catching skills though. That’s not INCLUSIVE JUNE.

    You’ll be fine. We’ll see you when we see you and this is gonna fix you right up.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Also too I completely appreciated all the fs for sssssss and the Biblical references made me feel like I’ve basically been to church this morning. On a Monday no less!

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  36. Good luck to you! You will sail through marvelously!
    I am going to a rally this afternoon to try and save our hospital. The premier of NB decided to close 6 rural hospitals across the province in order to save money. He did not count on the outrage of the population. He recanted last evening and decided to hold public meetings prior to making any decisions. Our rally is still going forward this afternoon outdoors in the snow and cold as we make known our continued resistance to these ill considered plans.

    Laurie in NB Canada

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  37. I love that you are caving to the peer pressure of the neighborhood and taking narcotics.

    I wear contacts. Took 4 years to get them back in high school because it made me pass out. Mmy ith grade son is teying now. Has a practice pair. It does not gross him out as it did me, but he claimes one eye will not stay open enough. Reflexes like a cat? Hope he figures out contacts because he lost his brank new glasses after 2 weeks!!!! Frustrating.

    Good luck tomorrow. Hope your mom shoes and is not just a hallucination.

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  38. My eyes hate most contacts, too. Back in the day, my eye doctor tried to get me to wear hard contacts. “They’ll last forever!” (I assume they have; they are in a landfill somewhere.) But I saw a circles of little rainbow sparkles whenever I wore them. It was like walking around in a disco all day. So he got me bigger ones so I wouldn’t see the edge of the contacts. Same thing happened. Bigger contacts of maximum bigness…same thing. So finally I got soft two-week contacts. They were o.k. but usually I’d forget to take them out at night and then I’d have to use a spatula to get them off. And even their minimal maintenance didn’t seem worth the hassle. Eventually, I got dailies. They were fine. But still seemed too much work to bother so a month’s worth would last all year. I don’t even get a prescription anymore. I like my glasses and paying the extra fee for the stupid extra contacts examination pisses me off..

    Have fun at the surgery center. (You won’t.) Ask for all the hot blankets if you are cold when you wake up. Just keep asking for them; usually the nurses will bring you at least five before they start thinking you’re a cold-hearted diva. (As an aside, all the dictionaries should get together and come to an agreement about the hyphen in cold-hearted.) When I had a similar surgery for a giant cyst and a benign tumor, I discovered that painkillers (including morphine) don’t work on me. I hear most people really enjoy all the drugs–I hope they bring you joy and a quick recovery.

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    1. First of all, walking around in a disco. Second of all, if “cold-hearted” is modifying the word after it, it should always have a hyphen. However, just saying, “She’s cold-hearted” is up for debate. I’d always hyphenate it.

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      1. Me, too. I love a hyphenated word. As a poet, I make up a lot of hyphenated words because English just isn’t German enough for me. Also, I enjoy giving readers a mental workout.

        Some days ago someone mentioned using a pillow against your abdomen—maybe for getting in and out of bed. Great suggestion. It also helps to get and out of a car. And if you have a funny guest; holding the pillow against you when you laugh will lessen some of the murderous thoughts you’ll have about those caretakers doing their Lenny Bruce impressions.

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  39. Poor Edz. I wore contacts for years, but when the doctor changed me from the old, old hard contacts to the gas permeable lens I couldn’t wear them, not sure if it was the material in the lens or the wetting solution, My eyes felt like they had sand, or cat hair, in them.

    Early is better, as bad as I hate saying that because I’m not a morning person. That said, I was not happy having to get up at 3:00 a.m. to be at the hospital by 5:00 a.m., fortunately I didn’t even have to wait, they took me right back and next thing I know I was waking up in recovery. I am praying for you and all the medical staff.
    Tee

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  40. I read Dawn in DC’s comment as “Good luck tomorrow. I’ll be shrieking at you.” and thought, well, that’s not terribly supportive. What can I say? It’s Monday. And morning.

    Finn has cloudy eyes, too. The vet noticed it when we first got him three years ago, and he usually seems totally fine, but he can’t catch food to save his life, and when we walk at 5:30 am, he doesn’t notice runners or other walkers until they are right up on us. Makes me sad for him.

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  41. Poor old man Edsel. Akuma started developing cataracts aged 8 (to my obsessive eyes, confirmed by vet 2 years later once the filmy look could be seen in all lights). He’s now 15 and honestly I can tell his vision isn’t what it was, but didn’t impact him enough to risk an anaesthetic to sort it. There are noisy toy options if fetch is the only thing impacted.

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  42. Edsel would be just like Harrison Ford in the first Indiana Jones movie when he’s being all professory (not a word) and puts on those little wire-framed glasses and the whole theater just sighs because of the sexiness. Sending good thoughts for successful surgery and easy recovery!

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  43. Lovely post Coot.

    I had to stop wearing contacts because my eyes are too dry. The Sahra, they are. I tried all types but the breaking point was when I went to remove cookies from the oven and they almost melted on my eye. Maybe I should wait until I get the cookies out of the oven before I try to scarf them down.

    Good luck in surgery. I will be in solidarity with you as I have a doctors appointment in the big city tomorrow. That means I have to get up at 3 am take a shower get dressed and sit on the freeway for 2 hours.

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  44. I am giggling like a LOON over Eds with glasses. Bahahahaha!

    I’ve only had a couple of minor surgeries in my life (tubes tied, partial hysterectomy, biopsy) but every time, I work myself up into a lather, thinking what the world will be like without marvelous me in it, and then (of course) it’s fine. It’s always fine.

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  45. Be glad you get the early slot. It’s the WORST to have the afternoon slot because you then have to sit around with your extreme hunger all day. Then when the procedure is over the nurses are all, “hurry up and pee already!” because the ones in the same day surgery center can’t go home until all the patients have peed and are gone. Believe me, early is best.

    Also, I have contact issues at least one day a week, usually on the day I’m running late and feel harried already. Contacts: the price of beauty and of sight.

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  46. I finally got surgery on my eyes a little over a year ago and I don’t miss having to deal with contact lenses! I used to just plop them in and not worry about them but in the past years my eyes felt worse and worse as the day went on to where I just couldn’t stand it!
    My dog is 11 and the vet told me at the last check up that he had cataracts. So now he has epilepsy, arthritis and cataract, poor old man.
    I’ll be sending you good thoughts tomorrow, I hope it will all go smoothly. I’ve never understood the having to be there at an ungodly early hour!

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  47. Good luck tomorrow. I’ll be thinking of you.
    The idiotic thing that sets off disproportionate anger for me? When I very obviously press the 10 oz button on the Keurig and only 6 ounces of coffee pours into the cup. I lose my mind.

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  48. My dog is 5 and the vet said she’s already starting to get cataracts.

    Best of luck tomorrow with your procedure. They need you there early because they are going to ask you tons of questions. The preparation and paperwork takes longer than the procedure.

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