Corona Iris

I was thinking having an operation would be a lot more fun than this.

I was convinced it would be done laparoscopically, despite the warnings that it might not. I thought I’d feel a little tired for a day or two and then I could enjoy my visit with my mother and then take an additional week off work and relax and get a pedicure and wooo, what fun.

Yeah.

I guess the one silver lining here is that in three weeks I have left the house four times. I picked a fine time to have to be tethered to the house, basically. And my mother has a different idea of being “almost out of” something than I do, so coincidentally she stocked me up with toilet paper. She also told me that I was “practically out of” toothpaste and I’m still using that tube that she told me I was practically out of. It’s been almost 3 weeks since she said that. But two new tubes await me.

Of course it’ll be just my luck that the four things I did—a house party, a trip to the garden store, a checkup at my OB/GYN and today’s visit to the vet—will somehow render me riddled with virus.

I probably got a virus with Iris.

Iris hasn’t been feeling up to snuff. It would appear she now has a chronic case of pancreatitis, and she also keeps getting a terrible upper respiratory thing, so now every six weeks she has been getting intranasal drops. You know how lately at the vet they take the pets away and do stuff to them and bring them back? This vet doesn’t do that. It turns out I’m not really good at watching them torture Iris with nose drops and shots. I sort of felt a little fainty. I was thinking of people with real human children who get sick. I don’t know how you guys stand to watch them undergo anything that upsets them.

We are trying a new prescription food on Iris, as she won’t eat the stuff I got her, so $200 later we’re home from the vet and she is lying on the chair exhausted and I myself don’t feel that great. I’m less shaky and cold than I have been when I actually venture out, but the whole pants rubbing against my incision thing is just a pain in the ass. Or more accurately a pain in the front.

I’m really trying to stay off my phone for myriad reasons. One, I’m already an anxious person. I’m pretty much isolating here as much as I can and I don’t want to read about this damn pandemic. It just makes me scared.

Two, I seem to have a problem with my phone and the fact that I’m home. Every time I look at my phone I’ve got 624 Facebook messages and some Instagram messages and a whole bunch of texts and a bunch of emails. I know people think I’m just sitting here dying to talk but I don’t really feel that talkative. I’ve been reading and, oh! Have you watched High Fidelity on Hulu? I just love it. I love all the music. And who doesn’t want to look at Zoe Kravitz? I have seen instances of two pretties making an ugly, but the two pretties Lisa Bonet and Lenny Kravitz made a pretty, man.

Anyway, I figure it’s just a matter of time before I lose my mind being this isolated. So far I don’t really mind it other than it annoys me that I can’t do much without getting pain and nausea. My goal today, other than putting on pants and leaving the house as I already did, is to try to replace my doorknob. I bought a new doorknob for my front door before this, my convalescence, but I haven’t felt up to working on it. I think today maybe I can.

Is anyone making any changes out there yet? Are you working from home? Are you canceling plans? I wish everyone would just stay home for a few weeks and then maybe things will calm the hell down.

I just noticed Mr. Sympathy joined Iris. Oh my god, that is so sweet. He didn’t even TRY to kick her off that chair.

I guess I will go work on the doorknob. I know this is pretty exciting for us all. But really, I have this flimsy-ass gold doorknob on the front door and it’s been bugging me for a while. This is a great time to tackle all those “bugging me for a while” things. As long as they don’t cost. Or rub against my incision. Goddamnit.

Giving you a lot of hugs and intruding your personal space,

Typhoid June

54 Comments

  1. I’m a full time student, and my university has spring break this week. They extended it through next week, and then we will have classes online for the following two weeks. I also have an internship for a private company that rents space on campus. Their policy is that when the school is closed, our office is also closed, with the exception of spring break. Wednesday evening they told us the office will be closed the rest of this week and next week. Today they told us they are trying to get us the ability to work from home, as they are aware that poor college students can’t afford to go three and a half weeks without paychecks (My employer is a bit of a unicorn – a multibillion dollar company that actually cares about employees and treats them well). I’m not as bad off as a lot of the students because my husband has a full-time job and we have savings money to use if we need it.

    My daughter’s school has only cancelled after school activities and stopped allowing visitors. They apparently want to wait until there’s a confirmed case in our county before shutting down, so the virus can have a week to infect the kids. Two counties adjacent to ours have confirmed cases, so it’s highly unlikely that nobody in our county has it.

    The other thing I’m dealing with is the damn toilet paper shortage. I went to four different stores today trying to buy some (this was after going to a grocery store yesterday that was, shockingly, completely out of toilet paper. Thank you, idiots! Now the rational people have to stockpile toilet paper now, causing even more of a shortage. I’m about to order some online. I hope to get it delivered before the end of the year.

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  2. I work in a supermarket so have experienced the panic buying and endless questions .. “Is there and toilet paper out the back?” .. “No if it isn’t on the shelf we don’t have it” .. “Can you go and check?” .. FFS I am also at a higher risk of catching the fucking virus because I work on the registers. FFS. Iris is a cutie and Ed very much a gentleman. You will be feeling a little bit better every day June. Enjoy the solitude. I know I would.

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  3. I am 67 and my husband is 77 and has copd. We both still work part time but his physician ordered him to self quarantine for 30 days and then play it by ear. Actually my son is our physician and he has told me to quarantine as well. At our age our home is paid and also our autos and we really don’t have any debt. I have been a prepper for 6 years and have tons of food, water, toilet paper, etc. stocked up. So for us, thankfully this will just be a restful vacation or dare I say staycation. I feel bad for those who are younger with children at home who will have to stay home and miss work and are not financially prepared or stocked up. My grown sons thought I was a nut for preparing and stocking food and supplies all these years, but they have changed their minds. We will all get through this but I implore people to stock up on the necessities of life for future possibilities of a crisis.

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  4. Stores here are out of everything. People at work are talking about how the can’t work from home and what will they do with the children who will now be home for at least three weeks since our governor closed schools.

    It’s been fun.

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  5. Wishing continued recovery for you and the lovely Iris. Eds is a good boy. So far I’ve purchased extra toilet paper and feminine supplies. This weekend I think I will start buying extra food. It’s looking like our school district might close for the two weeks prior to spring break, so it would be closed for three weeks. So far I am still working at my workplace, but might go to telework at some point. I would prefer that and honestly feel like I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Wishing good health for everyone here.

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  6. I was in disbelief at the hoards of shoppers at our local grocery store when I stopped by after work to pick up a few things. Afterwards, I learned that the schools will be closed beginning next week so that means extra food and toilet paper needed at home.

    Hope you, Iris and Edsel feel better soon.

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  7. I’m pretty sure I saw cute overalls at Target. You can buy online and never have to leave the comfort of your couch.
    I deactivated my Facebook account and that greatly reduced my stress levels. I’ve never watched the news so no change there. I’m leaving on the 28th for Mexico. All Inclusive resort in Playa Del Carmen with my best friend to celebrate our 55th. So far no plans to cancel.

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  8. Iris is so pretty! I hope she can get to feeling better. I also hope you continue to do well during this your convalescence. You need some maternity pants for that incision. Those giant pants that come just under your bosom are heavenly for an abdominal incision!

    As for the Corona craziness, we have decided to hold off on booking our anniversary trip. We’d planned to go watch some college soccer games this spring, but those are all on hold for now. I’m wondering if my kids’ activities will get cancelled – soccer games and dance recitals. We have tickets to a musical on Saturday and we aren’t sure whether to go. It’s a small theater and we have friends in the cast, so it’s a hard decision.

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  9. Hi June!

    Yes. The Virus has struck! We had to cancel our trip to CA to visit my mom–who is 85. She is in turn coming home early, thank goodness. My school has extended spring break for another week for students, but we have to go in to figure out what to do. School will resume (at this point) on the 23rd. My daughter’s play that was to be performed tomorrow night and Saturday night was cancelled. She is super sad about that. And my other daughter was home today with a cough and fever. I grocery shopped. We have food now in case we need to self-isolate. I had to go to 4 different stores to get everything on my list! It’s crazy!

    I am sending both you and Iris healing thoughts.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  10. SO sorry for sweet Iris, but dear Edsel is right there for comfort and support. So cute. I’m sorry you’re still in pain and pray that you’ll feel better and stronger very soon. Hang in there!

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  11. I, too, loved High Fidelity. Man, Zoey is just beautiful. You might also like Good Girls if you haven’t yet watched. Surgery and all the meds are no fun and it will be 6 or 8 weeks before you’re back to your upbeat self. (Insert smiley face emoji)

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  12. P.S. I didn’t mean that as flippant.’
    Also, I myself haven’t stocked up on anything. So maybe I’ll be screwed.

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  13. What’s weird is that my life hasn’t changed a bit, in spite of all the mass hysteria and hoarding of TP.

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  14. That sweet Iris is a very special girl. I really hope the new food helps her. I understand completely your thoughts about fast recovery from surgery, I had those same thoughts, didn’t quite work out the way I thought it would. I hope you will continue to allow your body to heal and not push yourself, it’s boring, but it’s better to heal properly. My age puts me and my husband in the high risk group, but we are both pretty healthy. I’ve always been a hand washer maybe a bit obsessively, so that has intensified a bit. We are trying to stay out of crowds, eat well, get a little exercise and are content to stay home, we have plenty to do here. I haven’t been a news watcher for several years, so that will continue to keep the stress level down. I have plenty of toilet paper and food.
    Tee

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  15. I’m in Sacramento. For a couple weeks it was like coronavirus was following me around. First my I had my daughter at the dentist less than 10 minutes from UC Davis medical center the day before that happened. Then the patient that was driven back to Utah spent the night at the hospital in Folsom – again the day before I was two parking lots over from the hospital with my son at his doctor’s office. Then a few days later I went to the health food store right across the street from the hospital in Roseville on the same day that patient passed away.

    I had been watching how crazy it had been getting in China when it wasn’t here yet, so when I saw that they were bringing the cruise ship passengers to Travis air force base about an hour away, my alarm bells started ringing. So I went and bought a reasonable amount of extra supplies and I think we’ll be good for over a month if needed.

    Shit’s fucky y’all.

    Stay safe and healthy everybody.

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  16. I had to stay home today as part of a “tele-work” test, but our university is stopping all classroom instruction next week. Staff is to switch to at-home work to the fullest extent possible. I have never worked from home so now taking a laptop home is new for me. It went okay today except for the fact that the laptop is the size of a postage stamp, and my eyes are not what they used to be. Also? I have a wireless printer of my own, but of course, the laptop does not pick up on its existence, so I will have to figure out how to get that working. It is also “until further notice” and I am nervous because I have no idea how long this could go on.

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  17. I haven’t had time to read the comments, but am sad that you’re suffering so, Joon. I hope things get right for you very soon. Iris looks so pretty in the vet pictures. I hope she’s feeling better soon, too. My daughter thinks I should quarantine myself for 10 – 14 days because I’m in the high-risk group. I wasn’t really worried about the virus until she said that. Now, I’m wondering if she’s right. I’ve seen several photos of the empty TP shelves at Wal-Mart and Target. I’ve got lots in the trunk of my car, or what I call my pantry.

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  18. After our sweet puppy died, my son decided he had to do something so we would get out of the house and not be so sad and focused on her loss. So for Christmas he bought us tickets to Paris for May. Oh we were so excited. And now, not. Maybe I was never destined to leave my house.

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  19. A lot changes in a day. I live in Arkansas and yesterday we had our first case. Today now there are 6, including one in my home county. My daughter has been home from out of state college on spring break. So happy that they moved her classes online until further notice and she is home. I was afraid I’d take her back to Texas and then they would close the campus. Her chancellor kept repeating that Texas is a low risk state. Being Momma I would rather her be home.My nephews just had school cancelled until March 30 which closes all the school districts in our area. Tried to get cleaning supplies because I needed to shop/out and boom shelves are empty at Target and Walmart. A lot of workers are moving to work from home. I work for a religious organization and they are trying to help congregations know what to do about church services. Larger churches are opting for streaming their services. Another similar religion is also canceling their services and opting for streaming. I am not so worried about what would happen to me as a diabetic but don’t want to be a vector for my dad who has diabetes and kidney failure and is at the age complications hit.

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  20. Distinguished and I are both high risk so we’re self isolating which means pretty much business as usual. I am concerned about hourly folks who are going to carry the big financial burden of this. Also had to cancel a trip to GA to help take care of my chemo suffering younger sister with an aggressive tumor they are hitting with everything they have but a baseball bat.

    June, I’m so sorry you are having a tough recovery. Abdominal surgery is no party. Yes, Iris is adorable and Edsel is to be admired. Say, where’s fluffy little what’s her name?
    Thanks for the hugs, June. You’re such a sweetie.
    Flatten the curve, everybody.

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  21. I am in the high risk group and concerned. I went to a concert in a nearby town on Saturday and two cases were just diagnosed there. It’s five days and that is the beginning of the incubation period. I am sneezing but there are things blooming so I’m 98% sure it’s allergies. I have to go get prescriptions and necessities at Walmart. That worries me more. They are closing the school my boyfriend drives a bus for next Wednesday to clean it thoroughly. My friend’s son’s last day at school college classes are Friday. They are going remote too. I had the TV off all day yesterday and felt much better. It makes me quite anxious too. My paternal grandparents were children during the Spanish flu pandemic and they shuddered telling me stories about it. The whole thing just freaks me out.
    I am quite the homebody and do not mine staying at home one bit.
    Iris is a very pretty kitty.

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  22. Starting tomorrow all public schools in Seattle and surrounding areas are closed for two weeks. Hope that helps

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  23. Iris, beautiful Iris. Standing so proud.

    My mother was a hospital dietician, so her mantra is burned into my brain: “Wash your hands, wash your hands, wash your hands.” Always three times. And I do. All the time. Also drink lots of water.

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  24. Yes, Thursday was our 1st initial work from home until further notice day. I don’t mind. We already work at home 2 days a week and I am a semi introvert. My daughter has been in wait service her whole working life. Most wait staff live from pay check to pay check or from tip to tip as there is never a consistent time of pay. They are already feeling the effects as no one is going out to restaurants to eat or bars to drink. So much money is being lost by canceling major conventions, Saint Patrick’s day parade, sports, just a lot of money lost. That’s where it will hit the hardest.

    I love Iris.

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  25. I’m standing in the doorway squeezing you and Iris so hard. I hope that you both feel better. I hate the thought of having to watch the vet do stuff to my cats. I cannot. Nope. My two grown teenagers are twice my size and blessed with amazing immune systems so we haven’t had to do that whole moms gotta leave the room thing yet.
    As for the changing of my routine. Well shit. I work for the Defense Logistics Agency here in Richmond. Specifically the classified mapping section and apparently I am one of two people that are mission essential. This means that unless I am dying, I HAVE to go in. I’m pissed. But hey, I bought more toilet paper so that means that I am prepared, right? And beans!!

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  26. Sorry it is taking you so long to bounce back. I wish you had gotten the imagined lapro-thingy and been back up and around before your mom left. Bummer. I am not a cat person, achoo – but Irish is rather fetching. Poor thing.

    My 12 year old qualified to compete at the World Championships of Irish Dancing in Dublin on April 5th. They have not cancelled the competition yet, but I am guessing that they will. I feel bad for all of her hard work. Not to mention all of my planning and ticket buying, etc. It is the one stinking time that I could stay with friends in Dublin vs all other competitions where I know no one and the hotel expense (added to the dancing dress expense) is a killer.

    My son goes to school in New Rochelle, NY – he flew home yesterday. His apartment was within the 1 mile radius of the quarantine. He is a senior. I wonder if they will finish the year. My freshman son has two weeks added to his spring break. He is hoping that they go back and that he isn’t saying ‘see you next year.’ Of course our house is ultra boring to these two college kids.

    My 2 high school kids and 2 junior high kids had no school today because one student was being tested for the virus. Turns out he didn’t have it, so school is back on tomorrow. So I had 5 of my kids home (freshman still at college – heading to Houston for a mission trip that has not been cancelled for spring break) and then I had the 3 babies and one preschooler that I babysit for. Tons of fun. I went to the grocery store and left a couple of them in charge. It looks like I was stocking up, but really it was only a bit of extra stuff. Most of it was stuff we really legit needed. I hadn’t done a full shopping trip in weeks. I spent $488. Yes, I did buy toilet paper but we were about to need some.

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  27. At one time my plan was to visit my kid and family in the Bay Area of California this week. I’m kinda glad I had to cancel that plan. My kid has been talking about how crazy people are being out there.

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  28. I can relate to how you felt post surgery. Way back when I still had ovaries, I had to have a cyst removed. Thinking it would be laparoscopic surgery, I took a couple of days off, drove 200+ miles to have the operation and planned to drive back home after the weekend. I woke up with a large incision and minus my appendix and the cyst.
    Being 21 and invincible, I drove back home the following weekend for work. (Not recommended!)
    I applaud you for listening to your body and your doctor and allowing yourself to heal properly.

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  29. I am in the risk group of over 60, asthma, heart problems, diabetes. And I informed my husband that he must avoid crowds as well since he could easily bring it home to me. The only crowd he enjoys much is at the golf course. He is playing today as the sun actually came out for the 19th day this year (not kidding). I don’t much care for crowds anyway so this isn’t a huge deal to me. I can occupy myself doing jigsaw puzzles, reading, quilting, etc, and I am actually enjoying cooking at home more. My mom, however, will lose her mind if she has to stay home alone. She is a very social person. And she has lots of underlying problems and is 83.

    Hope Iris feels better soon. She is such a sweet kitty. I have lots of empathy for her with my right eye being blind right now. I went out with my mom driving today and was a nervous wreck. My visual depth perception is not good and it looked like she was about to run into every other vehicle on the road but she wasn’t. I think I’ll try to stay home just so I don’t become a nervous Nelly with not being able to see well. My vision is improving some, doctor just says it could be months before it is back to where it was before. So no driving for a while (ugh). I hate being dependent on someone else for travel.

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  30. I’ve been avoiding people my whole life, so no big changes for me, now it’s just trendy. (I’ve also been washing my hands and can’t even think about why that’s so novel now and needs instructions.) My office building had a diagnosed case so my boss immediately issued HazMat suits. Not really, but we suddenly got the ability to work from home. My son left for California last week and if all goes well and TPTB close New York, he’ll have to live there now.

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  31. Good luck with Iris and good luck with the door handle. The one time I tried to change one it turned out to be a huge pain in the butt because something was jammed. Everybody told me it should be very simple.

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    1. This is not my first doorknob. At my old house, I methodically replaced all the gold doorknobs with black or white ones. Basically I got the entire house just exactly how I wanted it and then moved. Sometimes I wonder if I didn’t move just so I would have a new house to fuck with.

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      1. I read once that the minute you have everything about your home exactly the way you want it – you decide you want to move. I now use that as my excuse to make changes very slowly!

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  32. I did hear that somewhere – maybe Seattle – is setting up some kind of stations ? for kids to get food while the schools are closed there. This is a royal mess of course. Maybe if we would get on with more testing it could plateau so we could get back to normal. I don’t know.
    I am in one of those at-risk groups – old, have diabetes type 2 and a touch of asthma. But, I am not panicking. I think my immune system is strong and I am using common sense about being around people. And geez – we should all have enough common sense to know the value of hand washing, right? Being stuck at home is kind of a pain – but it will pass. It worked well for you in a way, June – being stuck at home anyway!
    And btw – Iris is so freaking adorable! I also just fell in love with her when I saw that picture… pretty little thing.
    And sweet Eds kind of like my animals – they are so full of love!
    So I hope we can all keep our patience – I just feel myself getting cabin fever! I am working on patience —- breathe – breathe – breathe.
    And June – Please keep writing! hugs

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  33. I’m monitoring my phone for the middle child texts. Bless her heart, this is her senior year of college. They just extended spring break (which is this week) a week, and if they go to all online, I’m going into witness protection to avoid her reaction. I get it, it’s her senior year and a good bit of college hoopla is being there with all the people and doing all the things. But dear heavens she’s dramatic, which she gets from me.
    Seriously, if the NHL and NBA stopped everything, and the MLB is postponing baseball season – these are big money people (team and stadium owners) losing MILLIONS OF DOLLARS so there’s got to be some legit shit going down.

    Right now I’m all about social distancing, it sounds like a perfect world. As long as the Tom Hanks family survives I’m good with it.

    I just want to hold Iris every time I see her photos.

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  34. Prepared not panicked. That is the mantra. My college kids now will be off for several weeks after spring break next week to do classes online. Not sure how that works for my Dance major daughter! I am worried that my son is still driving down to the gulf coast with friends. I keep trying to put scenarios into his brain but he is an adult and there is only so much I can do. I do hope that Iris feels better. And you, too! All we can do is take each day as it comes, practice good hygiene, be kind and compassionate and concerned about each other, and not lose our sense of humor. And wash your hands, goddammit!

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  35. When all this started, I was of the “media is blowing everything out of proportion and fear mongering, don’t let it change your life” camp. (What can I say, I’m a nurse, we’re a jaded bunch.) However, as I’ve learned more from reputable sources (I’m looking at you, CDC) I’ve found my view is changing. I’m not worried about me or my kids getting the virus, I’m concerned about my parents, those over 60 or who are otherwise immunocompromised. If I can keep someone like that from getting sick and potentially dying by NOT continuing my normal activities, it’s a small (but inconvenient) price to pay.
    Quite honestly, I’m more worried about the effects of all this on the economy.

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  36. My college kid now has a 3 week Spring Break, and I’m delighted! Apparently there will be online classes, but I’m not sure how that’s gonna work for science/lab classes of which she has 3. Regardless she is home!!!
    Tons of stuff in my city has been canceled like huge conventions, sports, etc. Public school is still open for now.
    My mom lives basically next door, and she has a compromised immune system. I don’t really like crowds anyway so limiting my life to small groups sounds divine.
    June, I’m glad you are feeling better slowly but surely! It’s hard to be patient with healing, right?!

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  37. Iris is so dang cute and pretty I just can’t stand it. That first photo of her at the vet makes me want to scoop her up and kiss on her for hours. Fingers crossed the new food helps.

    Since I work in a health care environment, you’d think the sky is falling. I personally don’t think it’s that serious unless you fall into one of the at-risk groups, but that’s me. A teeny, tiny part of me wishes our office would institute working from home, but that’s mainly because my great-grand-boss is more concerned with such things as people being IN THE OFFICE by 8:30 am. (Doesn’t matter if you are working or to what level, you need to be here.) And the contrary part of me would derive great satisfaction from the frustration that would ensue at not being able to physically monitor us all the time. However, if they close schools, I don’t know what we would do for my child with special needs. The typically developing one could do online classes, but not the other child.

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    1. There is something very appealing about Iris. I’m not just saying that because she’s my cat. Anytime anyone sees her they talk about how pretty she is, and she doesn’t have any eyeballs so I figure she has to be extra pretty.

      I abhor bosses who need you to be on time for no reason other than they have control issues. You know what that makes me do? It makes me leave exactly on time. If you’re going to demand I get there exactly on time, then I’m going to leave exactly on time.

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  38. we have mandatory telework tomorrow as a “test.” (which is code for, we gave you all laptops, so now use them!) I fully expect we will go to mandatory two week telework over the weekend/Monday. So … self quarantining abounds here in DC. My work has slowed to a crawl so I’m not even sure how I’ll work full time…

    When I had my hytericalectomy in 2004, I wore overalls (!!!) at home for 6 weeks bc anything on my incision was torture. Yay for you, for wearing big girl pants!

    Hope Iris feels better soon!

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    1. Holy crap, overalls would be great. I have been wearing pajama bottoms and yoga pants when I’m at home. The minute I got back from the vet today I slapped on some loose pants again.

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  39. My dog plopped herself on the floor like that a bit ago and I did the same thing…it looked so good.
    Talk about hurty.

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  40. We have a 3PM meeting scheduled. I’m guessing a long spring break is coming our way. And yet, no one here is sick. But I guess that’s the goal, so I will be social and anti-social distancing myself. We have a Florida vacation scheduled for next week that is probably in the crapper. I don’t really mind staying home, but I was looking forward to some sun and pool time. I always feel healthier when I’m tan.

    Take it easy with the doorknob June. I mean, I think you can handle it. Har!

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  41. Cancelled plans for me due to the pandemic. I was supposed to leave on a girls’ trip today for my friend’s 50th. We were going to visit all the Vanderpump restaurants in Hollywood (Sur, Pump, Villa Blanca and Tom Tom). Had tickets for the Dr. Phil show. All cancelled. I cried. I know we are doing the smart and right thing, but had it been left up to me, I’d be in an airplane to Burbank right now.

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    1. Aw, man. First of all, good choice on flying into Burbank airport. It’s always the better choice. Second of all, I would absolutely fucking love that trip. You guys will be able to do it eventually.

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  42. I’m with you June – everything shut down and everyone stay home for two weeks. I bet it would help. Of course, ordinary humans can’t afford that and as my daughter, who works on healthy family issues for a non-profit said, closing schools means that there is a whole other issue with children going hungry. For many the only food they get is at school. Seems like our first world country should have a better handle on that, don’t you think? (See what I did there?)

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