I ask you this not because I wish to enjoy some phone fornication with you, but because here’s what I have on and we must discuss this travesty.

I’m sporting a floral pajama top that my Aunt Mary sent me for this, my convalescence, along with a DIFFERENT floral pajama bottom she sent to be worn during this, my—oh, you know the drill.

The point is, I’m dueling flowers, right now. Ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding ding.

I have had this outfit on all day. I haven’t showered. I’ve been in the yard with the pets. Soon I’ll be the house kids will dare each other to go up to.

Mostly I’ve showered each day since being homebound, and I always shave my legs. Which, why? The only people seeing me now are in fact not people, and have unshaven legs themselves.

I guess if I do stop shaving my legs it means I’ve given up on the niceties in life, and we have approximately 7 niceties left at this juncture. So I cling to what I have: grooming.

I don’t know what you’ve been doing to pass the time but one thing I’m NOT doing is reading doomsday social media posts. If that’s how you handle things, go on witch yer bad self, gloom-shedder. I’m looking at the CDC once a day and going on with the day. Here in the house. But whatever.

Today I made biscuits. No, that was yesterday. Yesterday I made biscuits.

Today I made quiche. In my continuing trend of being oddly prepared for this sort of thing, my mother left a pie crust behind, as you do. So I used the eggs she also bought while she was here, along with the half and half she purchased to render her coffee as heart unhealthy as possible. Both items were nearing expiration, like her heart, so I wanted to use them.

I also had frozen broccoli on hand and also much cheese, so a quiche was born. Quiche. Soft as an easy chair.

ONNNNNNNE quiche that is shared by…no one.

Given that I have eaten in a restaurant not at all since early February, I have lost some pounds. Not, like, oh my good look how good I look pounds, but like five. Also, I have not raided the work vending machine, which was a daily habit that’s now gone. Also, too, the only drinks I have here are coffee and water. It’s like I’m at a conference each day.

Other than cook and work—which is nice to be doing again, actually—I’ve found a bunch of online classes from Harvard and Dartmouth and so on that you can take for free.

I signed up for Intro to Italian Opera, because my only knowledge of opera is Gayle King.

No.

My opera knowledge is the following: I’ve got the orange that rolls around and gets eyelashes

And also Bugs Bunny with the Barber of Seville.

And then finally both Cher and Julia Roberts being taken to the opera for the first time and finding it delightful and moving and WHY?

That’s it. Mostly I’ve learned you must wear red lipstick to the opera.

So I started my first class tonight and have already learned a few things. One, Mozart lived in Austria but did Italian opera because that was the thing to do then. He followed some 1770s influencer on TakesALongTimeStagram and did what everyone else was doing. He saw cute Austrian lifestyles on Bayonet-terest.

Hey, you know, I started staying home in February and now you all are doing it. I’m totally an influenza-er. My staying at home thing went viral. I did it and it spread.

Okay, class. Back to Mozart. Don’t make me write names on the board.

The music Mozart wrote was for instruments we don’t use now and for voices that were trained differently. So probably his stuff sounded different then. Also also I learned that someone writes the libretto, and those are the words to the opera written by a liberal snowflake.

The words aren’t as important as the music. Turns out—according to my online professor with whom I plan to have a giant cyber affair and it will be scandalous and many operas will be written, mostly by Stedman—the music conveys the drama just as much or better than the words themselves. So you don’t need to know Italian to enjoy an Italian opera.

Next I’m going to learn close listening. …Did you just say something?

Anyway, that’s what I’ve learned thus far, and thank you for coming to my Sted Talk.

The other thing I’ve done is play with my Google Arts & Culture app. You know how I’m forever going on there and taking a selfie that they match with some art, and they always find some painting I allegedly resemble that’s some dude with June hair?

Turns out that app does all sorts of other cool things, too, like take you on virtual tours of museums and OH! Look at THIS!!

You can take paintings and project them onto anything you’re looking at through your camera! Here’s Edsel under Bild mit zoo rhinoplasty or whatever.

Oh, oh, oh, and here’s another thing the app will do! Take a picture of anything, and it will find art that matches the colors of your photo!

Okay, so I just aimed my camera randomly. And here’s the art it found that had these colors.

Let me do it again with this room. Hang on.

Oh my god, that’s so much fun. Okay, here’s what they found…

One more!

Squeee! Oh, that’s fun.

I’ll talk to you soon, when I will have more things to tell you about opera that you never wanted to hear. Now I must go do a lot of work, and check in with me later on whether I’m glad to be back.

Homebodily,
June il Vecchio

56 thoughts on “What’re you wearing, “Jake from State Farm”?

  1. Lisa. Not THAT Lisa says:

    Just wanted to say I MISS YOU JUNE! I am enjoying your duck porn posts on Insta. Pam – keeping us entertained during This, Our Containment.

    Like

  2. Lisa L Grinnell says:

    I know I’m late with this, but TakesALongTimeStagram!!!! That made me giggle for far too long.

    Like

  3. Angie P says:

    I’ve been on spring break this week and the weather has been crummy. Aside from 2 trips to the store, I haven’t done much of anything. Read a book, put up spring decorations, and look at the pets. Our school district is closed for another 2 weeks and all the young teachers are all about setting up e learning stuff. If the rest of the school year comes to that, I guess I’ll be forced to do hair and makeup because no one should have to look at my hot mess self.

    Like

  4. L. in CA says:

    Hi June, adorable post. Thank you for the XSeries link!

    Like

  5. Elsie says:

    Coursera also has a wide variety of online courses that are free for those who don’t want a certificate. I’ve learned so much from professors from universities all over the world.
    https://www.coursera.org/

    Liked by 1 person

    1. L. in CA says:

      Thank you!

      Like

  6. You should buy yourself a promise ring – you’re a keeper

    Thank you, June

    Like

  7. Another Unruly-Haired Person says:

    P.S.
    I hate musicals, but a good aria makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand up (in a good way).

    Like

  8. Another Unruly-Haired Person says:

    Hmm, none of your photos show up for me today.
    I hate musicals. Yes, I’m weird.
    Greetings, fellow quarantiners!

    Like

  9. Florence says:

    Please, oh, please, if you didn’t just forget to mention it, watch Bugs Bunny and Elmer Fudd in “What’s Opera, Doc?” right NOW. Please?

    Hard to find a link that has the entire 6:53 minute length. Daughter suggests this:
    https://www.topcartoons.tv/whats-opera-doc/

    Like

    1. Sadie says:

      Florence, I just watched “What’s Opera, Doc?” and am now singing, “Kill the wab-bit, kill the wab-bit.” Actually, I’m only singing it in my head so as not to scare SadieDog. Thanks for posting the link as that was fun to watch. I don’t remember ever seeing it, but I’ll never look at opera in the same way again.

      Like

      1. Florence says:

        Sadie, I’m so glad you liked it!

        Like

  10. Gretchen Meyer says:

    That orange is strange but the Arts & Culture app looks very cool. Thank you for going on ahead of us all to show us the way!

    Like

  11. Sapphire Anastasia says:

    1. I love your green clock. CLOCK. Get your head out of the gutter.
    B. I now have the Nair jingle stuck in my head.
    $. I have to buy a desk so I can work from home. And of course I would like a cool vintage one but now can’t stop for one. Dang it.

    Like

    1. Sapphire Anastasia says:

      Shop. Not stop.

      Like

  12. yetanotherkelly says:

    I already work from home so my routine really hasn’t been disrupted, other than I can’t just run up to Target when I get bored. I mean, I CAN but it wouldn’t be a good idea. I’m also trying very hard to avoid the convenience of Amazon although I did order a coffee maker and filters. My husband always gets his coffee from the corner donut shop every morning and while they do have a walk-up window so you don’t have to go in and mingle with the masses, he’d rather not take a chance. I’m also tempted to order (from Amazon dammit) a Nerf gun with suction cup bullets so I can shoot the TV whenever a certain person appears on my screen with his vocal diarrhea.

    And since I work from home, my standard work uniform is yoga pants and a t-shirt along with an old flannel shirt if I get chilled. The dog door is in my office and it does let in a lot of cold air, hence wearing the flannel shirt.

    I will have to check out those free online classes.

    Wash your hands!

    Like

    1. Bobb1jd says:

      I never thought of a Nerf Gun for that particular annoyance. Great idea.

      Like

  13. yetanotherkelly says:

    I’m not going to lie, I love opera. I have no idea what they’re singing but I love it. The Marriage of Figaro (by W.A. Mozart) has 2 of the most beautiful pieces of music I have ever heard in my life: “Dove sono i bei momenti” and “Che Soave Zefferetto.” I get chills whenever I hear them.

    Like

  14. amarabray says:

    Hey thanks for the Harvard classes link and the metopera link someone else posted! Audible.com is doing free “kids books” to listen to, but a lot are classics. https://stories.audible.com/
    Also is that orange singing in French?? I assumed it was Italian all these years but one other free thing: Duolingo it’s an app, you can learn almost any language you want on there. I learned Italian well enough to converse with my Italian neighbor and have her teach me to cook stuff. That orange ain’t singin Italian.

    Like

  15. Laurie says:

    Thank you for being such an influenzer. I love that color match app, and I LOVE the pics of the pets!

    Laurie in NB Canada

    Like

  16. Sadie says:

    He followed some 1770s influencer on TakesALongTimeStagram and did what everyone else was doing. He saw cute Austrian lifestyles on Bayonet-terest.

    My favorite lines.

    Like

  17. Sadie says:

    Enjoyed the excellent pet photos and your art app. Excellent way to discover what matches existing furniture to get ideas for decorating. And thanks for the tip for free on-line classes.

    I get dressed each morning before taking SadieDog on her walk. I don’t think I’m ready to walk through the neighborhood in pajamas quite yet.

    Like

  18. Anonymous says:

    So I loved theater and musicals for a long time and assumed opera would be foreign and hard to understand. I went to my first and did the full Cher/Julia Roberts. I even wailed to my husband “That’s so unfair to a regular play! How can they compete with this?” Like somehow opera was a new competitor. If anyone is interested, metopera.com is streaming operas for 20 hours of availability each so you can try one from home.

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Lisa Pie in TX, specifically in my house says:

    Bayoneterest!!!! You have outdone yourself with that one. I would bet that you patted yourself on the back.

    Like

  20. Georgia says:

    I’m particularly tickled by influenzaer.
    Also haven’t shaved my legs in 3 years because the hair just randomly stopped growing. It’s weird.

    Like

    1. yetanotherkelly says:

      Same here. I think I shave my legs maybe twice a year. My armpits, however, need to be defuzzed daily. I also rarely need to pluck my eyebrows. They’ve always had a natural good shape and I only need to pluck one or two strays every few weeks. I’m just not a hairy person, thank God.

      Like

    2. Koala Raspberry says:

      SO envious! I am hairy on my legs and I hate it. Not gorilla hairy but hairy enough to need to shave every second or third day in shorts season. I have friends with almost no leg hair too. I wish that would happen to me too!

      Like

  21. banne4 says:

    I found that I have to put on some clothes to get my day going. I prefer not to be bothered but I do have some online work and, not sure why, but I can’t seem to do it in my PJ’s. So I put on my yoga pants instead! Cream on face and maybe – maybe lip gloss. Comb hair. Sort of. Ugh. Cabin fever is so bad. I am not sure why as I don’t go out much at all. But the school I counsel at is on Spring Break and probably on break till fall now… so even that reason for dressing up (a little) is gone. And who cares. Marley and Peaches love me as-is….
    This is really a strange way of living.
    Thanks for the opera info and the art! Delightful stuff for a Friday that seems to have no destinations.
    Saw the best “Jake from State Farm” on FB last night! Gorgeous man at a glass desk – totally naked. Did anyone see that? Nice….

    Like

  22. Beth from the woods says:

    Thank you. I chuckled and awed, all the way through.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Nicole says:

    I am in Boston and am one of those people who didn’t stock up on TP. I have one roll left under the sink, and a third of one on the holder. I’m debating no longer drinking anything to prevent having to use the loo.

    Like

  24. Dad says:

    So your studying opera & taking random photos with floating colors balls.

    Are you sure you’re not doing acid?

    Like

  25. Your at-home thing went viral. That is so clever and so ironic – totally cracked me up. Coach and I driving from Chicago to NY right now. Oldest hopped on a plane last minute against our wishes. His college stuff was out there but the plan was for Coach to drive with him and come back together. He decided he wanted to see a prof face to face. Why not skype? Makes no sense. Used our $ for the flight too.

    Now I hopped in to share the driving with Coach. Last- like very last- thing I want to do but 12 hrs of driving for Coach was not fair. This kid better get a job and get his shit together. For me this was the last straw. Sigh.

    Like

  26. Megsie says:

    I loved this!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

    Like

  27. Dot says:

    Maybe put the close listening on hold for now and study up on the 6′ listening.

    Like

  28. LaUral says:

    Working like a crazy person here, but at least I don’t have to put on makeup and can wear leggings and t-shirts. With all of us home (me, husband, two kids) and adding a second dog, our house is in total chaos. You’d think we’d hace time to clean daily, since we are all here, but work and trying to function as a substitute teacher (in special ed, no less), it’s not happening. My goal for the weekend is to collaboratively pput together a schedule for the weekdays.

    Husband teaches high school English, and he’s giving classes over Zoom, so I get to hear him teach. Last period was Faulkner’s As I Lay Dying. I continue to loathe Faulkner every bit as much as I did in high school. It took all of my willpower not to yell down the stairs “Faulkner sucks!” “His mother WISHES she was a fish!” “Pretentiousness is not a sign of genius” and so forth.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nicole says:

      Okay, I just spit Diet Coke on my keyboard. Please, please, please tell me you eventually break down and do this! 😀

      Like

  29. Jeanie Herkomer says:

    I am still in my flannel jammers. With dogs on them, of course. No need to rush to put on makeup and get dressed since I can’t go anywhere. Are you still going to not-blog now that you’re Harvard-educated, Joon?

    Like

  30. ClgInAZ says:

    When listening to opera, I discovered that I really appreciate the male voices and really dislike the women’s.
    I think that’s why I like La bohème so much…mostly male.
    Poor Mimi though.
    Also, I don’t have to know the words, but I enjoy it more if I know the “story”.

    Like

  31. Bettydh says:

    I’m sitting here in black pajama pants and a grey tee shirt. Yoga pants and pajamas has been my dress code for social distancing. Laundry is going and I’ve been considering deep spring cleaning but haven’t gotten that desperate for something to do yet. Maybe I should research crop circles or something.

    Like

  32. MissPam says:

    Mostly by Stedman and Bayonet-ertest kilt me dead like a hillbilly cousin pickin’ bluegrass.

    Like

  33. teesmithii says:

    Normally, I get dressed as soon as I get up and start my day. I’m still in my old Lands’ End gown, ahh, such comfort. Their old gowns are better than the new ones I have, which are not as long or cut as full. What’s with that Lands’ End? I’ve been cooking more since I stocked up at the grocery store last Friday (it was crazy). Today the exciting activity is laundry and I’m cooking a meal for a friend that had major surgery yesterday and is going home today. My husband and next-door neighbor have decided they want to start oil painting, they have been watching Bob Ross paint. I just need to get inspired to sew again and clean out a kitchen cabinet. We have not watched news for several years, we have an app we use. We listen to a lot of music and love Mozart, he’s one of our favs (can I say there here?). We are staying in touch with friends via telephone. Old fashion, I know.
    Tee

    Like

  34. Letty says:

    I have enjoyed (loved) not wearing a bra. Also, for those who like to learn stuff you never thought you needed to know: I’m completely enchanted with Coast on Britbox. It’s just cool mini-documentaries on different aspects of the UK coast – with occasional forays to other coasts that have been influenced by stuff in the UK (e.g. France and the U.S.) Also on the Britbox is a series of “Watch” shows, “Autumn Watch,” “Winter Watch,” etc.

    Like

  35. The Metropolitan Opera is streaming a different opera every night on their website in HD for free. Each one is then available until 3:30 PM the next day. Last night’s offering was La Traviata by Verdi. https://www.metopera.org/about/press-releases/met-to-launch-nightly-met-opera-streams-a-free-series-of-encore-live-in-hd-presentations-streamed-on-the-company-website-during-the-coronavirus-closure/

    Liked by 2 people

  36. elsiejb says:

    I’ve learned this week that I’d be a terrible work from home person. I’ve been retired since 2007 but most months I have only about 10 days when I don’t have to be somewhere. Now that I have nowhere to be at all, I feel untethered. I’ve done nothing that amounts to a hill of beans the past week except go to the pharmacy and grocery store yesterday. I finally washed my hair and wore decent clothes.

    So, stay-at-home expert June or others who have worked at home, what do you recommend? I have so many projects to work on and they just sit there. Help!

    Like

    1. June says:

      I think eventually you’ll just get so sick of yourself that you’ll do those home projects. You just have to get used to the idea first.

      Like

    2. Gretchen Meyer says:

      I’m “working” from home now but don’t have anywhere near enough work to fill up the day. So I decided I’d do one housekeeping type project each day. Vacuumed the basement stairs yesterday. Dusted/cleaned most of the finished room in the basement today but got sick of it and allowed myself to finish tomorrow. Make a list of little things and start picking them off. You’ll get more done than you think.

      Like

  37. Anonymous says:

    I always loved the Jake from State Farm commercials. When my son was in grade school and had to wear uniforms they never wanted to wear the red polo shirts with their khakis because they did not want to look like Jake from State Farm!

    Like

    1. Anonymous says:

      Not anonymous, Cheryl

      Like

  38. Lisa. Not THAT Lisa says:

    I Just realized I missed a whole post. When I have to go to work, I read June first thing. Here I am at home with nothing to do and I miss the entire thing.

    I just told my husband “I should have bought more pajama pants while I had the chance”. Because I”m not changing out of them in the foreseeable future. And when I do it will be to put on yoga pants.

    I don’t have fancy pjs. I just buy the two packs of cotton sleep pants from Costco whenever they have them and throw and old t-shirt on top. I do wish I had some house dresses like my grandmas had. Those would be the perfect thing to wear right now.

    Thanks for posting June. I’m with you – avoiding the social media frenzy and only reading things that are factual. And hoping for the best.

    Stay well!

    Like

    1. June says:

      I think they literally have housedresses on Vermont Country Store’s site. And Tee linked me to some inexpensive pajams at some point here recently, I think maybe on LL Bean. Tee? Where was it?

      Like

      1. teesmithii says:

        Might have been Lands’ End (Land’s?).

        Like

  39. teesmithii says:

    I can’t believe I am the first to comment, everybody must be sleeping late. Liberal snowflake! Flomp.

    I haven’t been doing much, I went to the grocery store last Friday and it was a zoo! Especially at Aldi probably because the store is must smaller than the other grocery store where I shop. There were a lot of people in the Ingles, but spread out only the lines were sort of long.

    I listen to the daily news conference, if I happen to catch it while it’s live. Only other thing I check is the stats for Georgia listed by county. Otherwise, the TV is off unless my husband is watching a woodworking program or This Old House. Most of those are re-runs. Oh, we have been watching Bob Ross paint and my husband and nextdoor neighbor have decided they want to start painting again, they took a painting class years ago with a bunch of women from my workplace, fmr. The most exciting thing I have done… I pulled weeds out of the crack of the wall of our parking spot and scraped moss off the area around the flower pots at my back door. Really exciting. Today I am going to make a big pot of vegetable soup for my husband’s woodworking student’s family because his mom had major surgery yesterday, yet she’s probably going home today. And I have to do laundry. Isn’t that exciting! We have walked this week, no rain, but now we need the rain to wash away all the pollen.

    What am I wearing? My Land’s End nightgown, which I love but the new gowns aren’t the same, they aren’t as long or cut as big. I’ve decided to try the next size up in a tall, normally I wear petite. Land’s End why?

    Tee

    Like

  40. Mel says:

    I have a nice selection of mismatched vintage floral sheets and pillowcases. I like making the bed with them. A flower bed, you might say.

    Like

  41. Texas Kari says:

    Did you know that Hamilton is actually an opera, not a musical?
    I have a college student who will be finishing all classes online from home. Mr. Texas and I are excited to “sit in” on some of her video lectures. We’ll soon find out our interest level in cell biology, organic chemistry ( with lab!), physics ( with lab!) and anthropology. (I already know I like Anthropologie. It’s the same, right?!)
    I’ve recently come to the realization that I need to up my pajama game. I have some that are lonnnng past retirement age, but I just don’t like spending $$ on pjs. It’s time.
    The art app is super cool, and I’m very glad you are feeling better.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Nicole says:

      What makes it an opera and not a musical?

      Like

      1. Texas Kari says:

        Hamilton has no spoken dialog. It’s all songs. Musicals are a combination of spoken word and songs; operas are typically only songs.
        “There’s a million things I haven’t done, just you wait. Just youuu waaaaait.”

        Like

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