The llama between us

I keep meaning to write you–it’s not like I’m on the go. “Oh, sorry I didn’t write, I was at the Met! Followed by a quick jaunt to Turkey!”

But I started working again (from home, natch) and it’s really really King Kamehameha busy at work, so once I’m done I just sort of drain-ed-ly lie on the couch listlessly. And take my temperature. I like how I’m still taking my temperature. I’ve not left the house since God was a child. Where Ima get it? But still. And my, what a reliable thermometer. Sometimes it says 94.9, which means I’m Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining.

Are all y’all who work working from home? How’s that going? Mostly my coworker Lily insists on being atop me, as she is a barnacle. She’s like Gazoo, from when the Flintstones jumped the shark. Although he sort of hovered, he didn’t clamber atop anyone, did he?

What made the writers of the Flintstones decide to add an alien to something prehistoric? The maryjane. That’s what made them do it. Although we don’t know. Maybe aliens came to visit during prehistoric times. Aren’t there, like, weird hieroglyphics that look alien-ish?

Who’s on the maryjane now?

Anyway, it’s kind of hard to type about what’s new since my whole world has been this 999-square-foot dwelling and a rapier-sharp accurate thermometer.

Faithful Reader Paula has been sending me hilarious cards from who knows where, and I have been most enjoying them. Given that I’ve not seen another human since God wore a onesie, it’s def not syphilis.

I guess technically I’ve SEEN people. I took a walk Sunday with my neighbor, R. I kept stopping because she’d get too close, but then when I stopped SHE’D stop and I kept saying, “You’re too close again” and she wouldn’t respond but she’d keep walking and then next thing you know she’s Gazoo again and OH MY GOD IT’S A LLAMA. You’re supposed to stay one llama away from people. Jesus.

Oddly, she hasn’t phoned me for a walk since. If there is a next time, I am literally bringing a llama.

So what’s everyone’s story? What are you all doing? I had to get off Facebook while this is all happening because in case you hadn’t known this about me I’m a trifle anxious about medical things and WHY ALL THE UNSUBSTANTIATED DOOM, people? Stick to the facts, not the “Here’s an article from some place I’ve never heard of saying each one of us is going to die forever” articles. Anyway, I had to get off there for the time being lest I crawl into a panicky ball.

I’d better go. I’m writing this during “lunch,” a thing I’ve only taken as of today. Before this I was working straight through, mindlessly eating as I plowed through work I was trying to get done while I simultaneously got endless “Are you done yet?” messages, which is excellent for your concentration. So today I decided to actually break and look what I did. More typing on the computer. What a break!

You know what I want? Mashed potatoes. I stocked up on all the spaghetti-Os in the world, and all the soy chicken nuggets, and all I want is mashed potatoes.

Isn’t that just the way it is?

Oh! And in exciting news, I got a new StitchFix box, so I will try the clothes on and we can vote on them, and everyone can say, You can get that same shirt for 17 cents at Marshall’s and I will ignore that and yay.

Talk to you tomorrow. Or whenever I post again.

Oh! I know I already said “Oh!” but what can I tell you about the splendor of me. If anyone you know has a small business and has gone online with it during this, our pandemic, list it below. My friend Kit’s store is online-only for now, and here are her vintage and locally made wares.

Okay, really going now.

Oh!

Just kidding. Splendor of me.

XO,
June “Was that a dry cough?” Gardens

51 Comments

  1. I have been on Match. I’m 49, and originally I was cruising for strange in the age range of 45-60. I was worried they’d all look like Elmer Fudd, but there are a lot of hot guys in their 50s. Who knew? And also too, the 40 year olds look like babies. Weird.

    My biggest problem is that the 55+ guys want to break quarantine and get very huffy about it when you say no. I was only talking to one guy for TWO day when he flounced off into the sunset.

    I adjusted the age range from 38 to 55. If one more over 50 guy wants to #Quarantine&Chill, I may go full cougar. I thought I wouldn’t have the patience for a younger guy, but it’s the older ones who are acting like they’re invincible teenagers.

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  2. “Stick to the facts, not the “Here’s an article from some place I’ve never heard of saying each one of us is going to die forever” articles. Anyway, I had to get off there for the time being lest I crawl into a panicky ball.”

    I’m going to need this on a big ass bumper sticker.

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  3. Looking forward to the NC “ski.” T-shirt I ordered from Kit’s store to wear in flat-as-a-pancake Illinois!

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  4. Very late to the party. I loved seeing you all here. June, I’m glad you’re not dead. I was worried – I kept telling myself “she’s working now” but then I missed you on The Facebook but duh, should have realized you are not participating in doomsdaybook right now.

    Everyone where I work was laid off 20 hours a week as of this week, so off we all trop to the unemployment website. So that’s how it’s affecting me, but I’m also eager to be home (freaking everyone in the wide world is home but me and husband, who is a prison guard and you don’t do that from home) and do the cleaning and the closet purging, etc.

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  5. Working from home as of Monday. However, yesterday I went in “briefly” to check the mail, etc,. and was there almost five hours. Tomorrow I am going in “briefly” again. HH is home effective today. This is a trial retirement scenario for us I guess. So far we’ve been in separate rooms doing different things. This could explain why we’ve been married for almost 36 years.

    One of my cats, Phyllis, keeps looking at me like: Why Are You Here. I thought she stayed downstairs all the time, but since she is so irked/unnerved at our being around, maybe she does stuff during the day and now we are in her way. My other cat, Albert, is still looking for Nova. He doesn’t seem to have noticed that people are home.

    I’ll definitely be visiting the sites/shops mentioned in the comments.

    If you’re of a mind, we have a local organic coffee roaster that is especially feeling the hit. I can highly recommend them. They roast to order, the coffee is super fresh and delicious and they have a flat shipping fee ($2). Here is their website:

    https://bigbangcoffeeroasters.com/

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  6. I was at the grocery store at 7:00 this morning to take advantage of their senior shopping hour. That should hold us for another two weeks.

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  7. This is the second week home for me. My district is trying to come up with a distance learning plan that is equitable. I got to go to school today to pick up some stuff. It was like the grocery store where you have 30 minutes to grab as much stuff as you can. I did start watching Tiger King on Netflix. It is insane, strange, and is like going on a high speed roller coaster.

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  8. Nice to hear from all you guys.

    Pre-virus, I used to teach languages at an office. Now we are doing it via Zoom. Anyone want to take this time to learn/improve a language online?
    http://www.journeylanguagecenter.com

    I also am a painter. Prices not listed on my website, but if you’re curious:
    jalapfaff.com

    Also, I make miniatures from all natural materials:
    MiniaturesNaturally.etsy.com

    Taking some hits financially, but trying to be grateful for things I do have, especially my animals. I’m not a very social person anyway, so the isolation isn’t terrible for me, but I do miss teaching my students in person and seeing a good friend.

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  9. We worked 2 days at home already. Working from home is not bad except we have 2 visual check ins a day. Today i wore a baseball cap. Whatevs. I miss peopling. I just need a little quick fix to get me thru. But that’s not happening. I talk to my daughter every say face to face and we often work out at the same time. Im having to monitor my mental more. I’m very blessed to say that either all of the family is employed or employed enough to help the one that is not. Oh. The cat thinks I am home to do her bidding. She had randomly jumped up onto the desk while im in a visual zoom meeting. Thanks for writing as i am also not on the face or watching the news.

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  10. Working from home, but not full time. Reading a lot. Exercising. Shaking my head a lot at the antics of some people. We have gone out in the boonies to get some fresh air and exercise, but while That Man is following the Prez’s two-week isolation plan, I’m following our governor’s direction to hide away for a month. Be well everyone!

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  11. I have been working from home AND my office. In some instances there have been fewer people in my office than in my home.
    I cook every day anyway, so this is nothing new, but now that our college student is home it feels like we are running the dishwasher every fifteen minutes! Right now loading and unloading the dishwasher is our most frequent chore by far. Gah!
    I watch as little news as possible b/c my brain can’t handle it. Tomorrow our city begins shelter-in-place so I went to the nursery and bought a ton of plants for my yard. I got myself a project!!
    Be well, friends!

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  12. I’ve been working from home (mostly) since last Wednesday and up until today had been pretty productive. I’m actually relishing the silence during the day as it is NEVER quiet when The Husband is home. And now, he has decided, is THE PERFECT time to take some vacation. To be at home – with me, while I’m trying to work. He may not survive.

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  13. I’m mostly working from home and luckily I am salaried because due to a bunch of changes in the last year I have absorbed a lot of receptionist duties which I hate and can’t be done from home. So I am bored and trying to find a comfortable area to work and hanging out in my little house with my retired husband who never left the house anyway. My dog is saving my sanity. That, and also avoiding most of the virus news. My state has low numbers so far which kind of comforts me even though I know that doesn’t mean much.

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  14. No work to go to as all school testing has been cancelled, so nothing for me to do (educational test scoring). It distinctly looks like I’ve got some free time ahead. Working on my big needlepoint project, some cooking, walking, petting the cat, reading. Yesterday was my birthday, pretty subdued. Planning for some big household purging activities, maybe that’s a bit fun? Looking forward to spring & opening all the windows up!

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  15. I coincidentally had last week off. Now I am two days in working from home and my back is killing me. Of course, I am set up at a card table and kitchen chair. I actually got a desk delivered today and a chair that should hopefully be here Friday.

    Prepared is what I was.

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  16. 12th day of solidarity confinement for me. Big event every day is cooking dinner. Second in line is constantly cleaning dogs paws when he comes in from our yard, which we affectionately call the mudhole.
    No television for two days is a saving grace. I feel better already!
    My daughter is a small business owner who is working very hard putting stuff on Etsy….Arty All the Time. She’s also a teacher and reads to her kiddos every day and tells them how much she misses them (online).
    Now I’m headed to see what all Kit has online. I’m so old I probably still have one of each in my closet!
    Ya’ll stay positive…we are bigger than this!

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  17. Thank you for writing, and I too, am glad that it is not syphilis.

    In other news, we had more snow today.

    Laurie in NB Canada

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  18. I am in Chicago where it snowed a few inches on Sunday. It melted yesterday, thank goodness. Walked outside today. Miss the health club, but my husband is a physical therapist so we go in and workout on his equipment when patients are not there.

    My 6 kids are home. Ages 21-12. Husband is at work most of the time. Lots of personalities lots of loud noises and lots of food eaten. Everyone is e-learning including me because I am doing an online writing class. The internet is groaning and barely able to keep up.

    I have decided all the kids need to learn to make a meal. They have turned it into a competition. They underestimate how long it take to make a meal since they know nothing and we end up eating between 8 and 9 pm most nights which is interesting.

    We still go to the grocery store a lot because all they do is eat and fail to tell me what they just finished off. Plus all the ingredients for their meals. God forbid they all figure that out at once.

    Oh, and I usually babysit during the day and no one is bringing their babies but they are still paying me, which is nice. Well two families offered to pay me and the other one I had to tell that it was expected, since they had already used their two weeks worth of discretionary days when I do not charge them if they don’t need me. The mom is a teacher and she is still getting paid. If she doesn’t pay me, then I cannot guarantee her kids’ spot here when this is all done.

    Need as in NEED the soon-to-be college grad to get a job and move out. Pray for me.

    Oh, and Coach has the afternoon off (his company is forcing people to take their vacation days – guessing the big wigs are not doing that nor are they putting themselves in harm’s way to treat patients) and he keeps tracking what I am doing. ‘I thought you said you were going to get in the shower?’ He doesn’t understand my need to comment on June’s non-blog as soon as possible. Sigh.

    And I am still writing my blog. Upcoming posts will include the political conversation my kids just had that included discussing socialism and Bernie and one kid insisting that he isn’t a socialist but that he just represents the people at the bottom . . . and then Tank calls out: so just the people in Ant Arctica then?

    Never dull over here.

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  19. My son has lost his regular job and is depending on his artwork to pay the bills. He is adding new stuff to his Etsy shop daily if you are looking for something for a gift or for your own self. He is JonathonHinojosaArt. Check out his page. He has some really creative things available.

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  20. I was just Gladys Kravitzing out my front window. Speaking of Gladys, that is what I named my new dog!! I have been trying to trap that dog for almost 2 flipping years! And 3 weeks ago she wandered in to my backyard with the deer and we leashed her up and now we have a Gladys. Her full name is now Gladys Gertrude Gardenia. Formerly known as Black and White Doggy! And once we got her here in the house we found out that she’s not black but a really deep dark sable mink-y brown. She is a joy and she is besotted with our old dog Ernest T. Bass. All this time we have been feeding her and trying to catch her all she really wanted was an alpha dog to follow around. They are very sweet together. That’s what’s going on in my little world.

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  21. I found something super great-it’s an app called Supercook. You download the app, tell it what’s in your pantry, and it comes up with recipes you can use based on what you have on hand. I have 93 ingredients (it includes spices, dairy, canned goods, frozen goods, etc) and I have 8,467 different recipes I can make with them. Considering all I want to do is eat (one would think I’m gearing up for hibernation not social distancing), this is perfect for me!!

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    1. Ooooo! I need that. I’m still not hungry, which apparently is a postsurgery thing that can last a while. Did you know I had surgery?

      >

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    2. What a sweet story of Gladys Gertrude’s new life with your family and Ernest T. Bass. Is Ernest T. as happy with Gladys as she is with him?

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  22. I love Paula’s card! Glad you are able to work from home as I’m sure the days seem much shorter now that you are busy, busy, busy.

    Looking forward to your next StitchFix modeling. Did you keep any or all of your last box? And speaking of your last box, I’m sure you’ve been inundated with modeling offers. Coworker Lily will have to do double duty as your agent.

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  23. Welp, that “At Least it’s not Syphilis” card just about killed me.

    As someone who works from home anyway, my routine has not changed one iota. The dogs and cat(s) aren’t staring at me like “Uh, what are you doing here?” because I’m always here. About the only behavioral pattern that has changed for me is I’m not schlepping up to Target whenever I get the urge. So that’s saving me a little money and we aren’t going out to eat the way we did before so that’s also saving me a little money. I just need to avoid the Amazon as well.

    Oh, one of my dogs has been extra clingy, though. She wants in my lap when I’m trying to work and since she can’t type, she’s not helping. She’s lucky she’s cute. But now she needs to go and bother her daddy. He loves it when she snuggles in his lap while he’s bidding plans.

    I’ve also stopped watching the news for my own sanity. It’s nothing but doom and gloom and one person in particular bragging about how wonderful he is for the way he’s handling the worldwide crisis.

    When I’m not working, my new obsession is the Marine Traffic Global Map. It shows the location of every ship in the world that has satellite tracking. I’m currently tracking the USNS Mercy that is supposed to be heading from San Diego to LA any day as a floating hospital. Anyway, that website is absolutely fascinating for me. The number of cruise ships that are just drifting aimlessly or anchored miles offshore is staggering.

    And that’s how I’m spending my quarantine.

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    1. Love that site! Years ago, I wasted a whole day of work watching the cargo ship with my boss’s car on it go through the Panama Canal. More recently, we’ve been watching the Navy ship with my father’s ashes on it. Zumwalt!

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  24. Oh my gosh! I’m so happy to “see” you all!

    My husband is retired and apparently watches YouTube videos all day like that’s HIS job. And saunters into the kitchen for a handful of mixed nuts now and again. He’s in that group that really cannot get this virus, so we locked him down early. He hasn’t left the house since early March.

    I’m home for the foreseeable future. School shut down on March 13. I shopped for a month’s worth of groceries on the 18th and have been home ever since. I got a few snide comments in the grocery store over my overfilled grocery cart, but to me the idea was to shop a lot all at one time and then stay home. Less exposures means less chance of contagion, right? I’ve always been a believer in having a back stock at home of every day essentials, so we weren’t concerned about the toilet paper or things like that. But remember in January when we were talking about the things we were going to not buy… or something like that? I had pledged to not buy any more meat until the freezer was empty… well, we did it! So we needed to get some meat in the freezer. And now we really will be fine until mid-April. We’ll run out of fresh produce but we have frozen, and our local grocery stores are still doing online ordering. I’ll place an order next week and replenish the fresh stuff.

    I’m “working” in that we are checking in, reading updates, working on any projects they send us… but mostly I’m just crossing things off my own personal to-do list This is spring break week… I was supposed to be in Florida. Sigh. But we’re safe, we have a home, we have Netflix and the internet and the weather is getting better. We’ll make it.

    I am feeling terrible for all the people who have lost or are losing jobs… that’s a stress on top of stress. I hope we can get past this quickly and get things back to normal.

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  25. Our dental office has been seeing patients until yesterday when the guvnah said we could only see emergencies or patients in pain until April 14. We were being very very careful and masking up and glove-ing up and wiping everything 600 times after we touched it. Nobody in our office is sick, and there are only four of us, so we’d know if one of us was sick. So now our world is upside down. Completely turned on its head. Dentistry cannot be done from home. This is not a nice thing to wish on anyone, but I hope some people call with bad-awful-terrible-can’t-wait-toothaches.

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  26. Who’s on the maryjane now? !!

    Not a lot has changed since I’m retired, except I just don’t run to the grocery store for every little thing. I got up at 5:45 am this morning in order to go to the grocery store with the early hours (7-8 am) for senior citizens only (I am one). A close friend was shopping as well and brought me a dozen of eggs, so I’m exchanging a quart of green beans I canned last summer. She asked me if I knew a hair dresser with six-foot arms. We have had more rain so the last couple of days we have been forced to stay inside. The only positive part of the rain is keeping all the pollen washed out of the air, All the trees are in bloom here [cough, cough] so the pollen is really bad. I have been cooking more trying to create new recipes but it seems like it keep resorting back to the same old things.
    Tee

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  27. Well, not much changed here really but it feels like it! I haven’t left the house for 11 days now and it feels like 6 months. I work from home anyway, as an online therapist for Talkspace and Better Help. But I used to also go to a private school once a week to counsel some teens and of course that is on hold for who know how long. I miss just running out to shop… but then, I do consider myself lucky in some ways, not to HAVE to go to work like my daughter (in NC) who must go in as she is essential – she works in social services… I can’t talk about that more as it makes me mad!
    I am mostly distraught today as NY needs ventilators – things are getting worse – and someone wants to lift the isolation order. I am not sure what country this is… Sorry for the rant! Oh and by the way – my online clients – it is tedious as they are falling apart! Sad.
    So – June – thanks for the online store info – I think it is so important to keep these guys in business! Enuff

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    1. I guess I should mention that I am really really anxious and while you can all talk on Facebook and so on about “how bad things are” I really can’t. Like, I can’t. So can we keep anything bad going on to not this blog? I check the CDC and WHO every day and do not check beyond that. I really can’t handle it. Thanks.

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  28. I see some non binding apparel on Kit’s website. There is a baby bunny onesie or a cute foxy top if you want your legs covered..
    Maybe she could send you a Stitch Kit box .
    Lots of comfy things on her online store.

    Nice of you to help the stores that have had to go online only.

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  29. Retired so not much has changed for us except we only get out for doctor appointments and to take food to my mom. My husband has raked the yard with an actual rake instead of a blower which was nice (I hate the noise those things make). I’ve cooked every day and we need to step away from the fridge for a while. I had purchased 16 boxes of Girl Scout cookies to take to a quilting retreat that got canceled so we are stuck at home with these 16 boxes – well, now 15 boxes. I don’t see this ending well!

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  30. I’m working from home and it’s so fucking boring I might die from that and not the ‘rona.

    My husband is working upstairs and can’t be bothered to shut his door while on a conference call.

    Kids are sloth-like beings that do nothing and complain about everything.

    We may not survive this.

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    1. Speaking of sloths… Kit has a sloth onesie on her online store.
      Do you remember the push me pull you on Dr. Doolittle ? Llama with two heads, one on each end.

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  31. I’m an adoption caseworker and with countries closing their borders, parents who might of been only days away from seeing their new child are now shut out. It’s heartbreaking to see and with no guarantee of anything, these families are completely broken up about it. If there is anything good that has come out of this shi$$y mess, is that I get to work from home. My 2 dogs and even my 2 cats seem overjoyed to have me home all day. The weather has been delightful so we take lots of walks. Good for the dogs, essential for my peace of mind. Hang in there.

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  32. I am a work from home most of the time person so not much has changed for me except we are forbidden to go into the office for the time being if we are able to work from home. My husband and I are both considered “essential” so will be working, me from home, he has to go in so pretty much business as usual for us. The kids are all older and don’t live here so aside from not going out, not much as changed. Very grateful for that as I wouldn’t want financial woes on top of everything going on. My heart goes out to people struggling financially because of this.

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  33. Oh, there is one new thing. A mama goose has decided to nest right outside the front door to my office so I have to fight a papa goose every day just to get in and out the door. And yes, there is security camera video and no, you can’t see it!

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  34. Not much has changed for me. I still have to work every day (People need their paychecks!). Except now, my teenage son is staying up late and sleeping in and I am jealous. I wake him up every morning when I leave for work but I am sure he goes right back to sleep – the bum. Enjoy it now buddy because come April 7 you will be doing online school!

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