I keep meaning to write you–it’s not like I’m on the go. “Oh, sorry I didn’t write, I was at the Met! Followed by a quick jaunt to Turkey!”
But I started working again (from home, natch) and it’s really really King Kamehameha busy at work, so once I’m done I just sort of drain-ed-ly lie on the couch listlessly. And take my temperature. I like how I’m still taking my temperature. I’ve not left the house since God was a child. Where Ima get it? But still. And my, what a reliable thermometer. Sometimes it says 94.9, which means I’m Jack Nicholson at the end of The Shining.
Are all y’all who work working from home? How’s that going? Mostly my coworker Lily insists on being atop me, as she is a barnacle. She’s like Gazoo, from when the Flintstones jumped the shark. Although he sort of hovered, he didn’t clamber atop anyone, did he?
What made the writers of the Flintstones decide to add an alien to something prehistoric? The maryjane. That’s what made them do it. Although we don’t know. Maybe aliens came to visit during prehistoric times. Aren’t there, like, weird hieroglyphics that look alien-ish?
Who’s on the maryjane now?
Anyway, it’s kind of hard to type about what’s new since my whole world has been this 999-square-foot dwelling and a rapier-sharp accurate thermometer.
Faithful Reader Paula has been sending me hilarious cards from who knows where, and I have been most enjoying them. Given that I’ve not seen another human since God wore a onesie, it’s def not syphilis.
I guess technically I’ve SEEN people. I took a walk Sunday with my neighbor, R. I kept stopping because she’d get too close, but then when I stopped SHE’D stop and I kept saying, “You’re too close again” and she wouldn’t respond but she’d keep walking and then next thing you know she’s Gazoo again and OH MY GOD IT’S A LLAMA. You’re supposed to stay one llama away from people. Jesus.
Oddly, she hasn’t phoned me for a walk since. If there is a next time, I am literally bringing a llama.
So what’s everyone’s story? What are you all doing? I had to get off Facebook while this is all happening because in case you hadn’t known this about me I’m a trifle anxious about medical things and WHY ALL THE UNSUBSTANTIATED DOOM, people? Stick to the facts, not the “Here’s an article from some place I’ve never heard of saying each one of us is going to die forever” articles. Anyway, I had to get off there for the time being lest I crawl into a panicky ball.
I’d better go. I’m writing this during “lunch,” a thing I’ve only taken as of today. Before this I was working straight through, mindlessly eating as I plowed through work I was trying to get done while I simultaneously got endless “Are you done yet?” messages, which is excellent for your concentration. So today I decided to actually break and look what I did. More typing on the computer. What a break!
You know what I want? Mashed potatoes. I stocked up on all the spaghetti-Os in the world, and all the soy chicken nuggets, and all I want is mashed potatoes.
Isn’t that just the way it is?
Oh! And in exciting news, I got a new StitchFix box, so I will try the clothes on and we can vote on them, and everyone can say, You can get that same shirt for 17 cents at Marshall’s and I will ignore that and yay.
Talk to you tomorrow. Or whenever I post again.
Oh! I know I already said “Oh!” but what can I tell you about the splendor of me. If anyone you know has a small business and has gone online with it during this, our pandemic, list it below. My friend Kit’s store is online-only for now, and here are her vintage and locally made wares.
Okay, really going now.
Just kidding. Splendor of me.
June “Was that a dry cough?” Gardens