June's stupid life

In a stunning display of tone-deafness, June asks you to vote on her StitchFix.

by June

Perhaps it feels like only yesterday-ish that we all voted on what to keep from my last StitchFix box. It really wasn’t that long ago.

But you may also recall, while you’re recalling things, that I got that box of clothes right after my

SURGERY

and asked the nice people of fixing stitches if they’d let me put off deciding on that particular batch, and they did. So a mere 3 weeks ago we voted on those clothes. Twenty-hundred people said, You can get that for six cents at Marshall’s, and that was how voting went.

Then this new box came, a new box of clothes to wear to the many places I’m going during this, my pandemic. I’m headed out to see and be seen. Maybe I can wear these to urgent care.

Anyway, today I tried them on, because what the hell else I got to do, and then I photographed myself in them, which by the way went swimmingly.

Behold my first attempt. Also, let’s talk about my hair. As you know, from your enormous book of June events, I have been growing out my roots. It’s been four months, I have two glorious inches of pretty much pure-white hair, and it turns out, I hate it.

I don’t know if you’ve put down your June events book long enough to notice that we are having a pandemic, and we’re not supposed to go anywhere, and I’m looking at you, people swarming Lowe’s, you

FEKKING ASSHOLES.

So that means I cannot FIX my hair, which further means you are stuck looking at my giant roots throughout this whole photo sesh, and yes I just said sesh. For that I am sorry.

Also, I’m writing this on a breezy Sunday evening on my patio, where I am being devoured by mosquitoes (IT’S MARCH), and someone is letting his or her child scream endlessly on my street. I got up to frown socially distantly at said screaming child, who by the way I did not find and now I’m hallucinating screams which, yay. But here’s my upbeat news of the day. Look!

  • I have TOOOLIPS
  • Yellow TOOOLIPS
  • To stop saying, “toolip,” Lillee beg yu.

Anyway, let’s look at my clothes. And fucking roots.

I know that when one looks like I do, it’s easy for others to assume I’ve spent my whole life modeling for various enterprises such as No Life magazine and even Sporks Illustrated. I have not. Instead I’ve spent my life in the pursuit of the arts, if by the arts we mean the Real Housewives.

I offer you this to explain that I don’t know what the hell these poses are.

Long ago, my friend Renee and I shared a masseuse who had been a DOCTOR in her country. She was great. The point is, she vacationed to her country—I forget where she was from—and when she returned asked if I wanted to see her pictures, back when you actually held pictures in your hand.

Dudes.

This woman, who before this moment was normal-seeming, did these ABSURD POSES in each shot. Her toes were pointed. Her arms would be up over her head. It was like she was a member of the Ice Capades or was auditioning for a lobotomy. I could not WAIT for Renee to check out our masseuseinist’s vacation shot contortions.

I think she was my muse for these poses today. In summation.

Here it is again, in case you missed this hard-hitting pose. This little pose of mine. I’m gonna let it shine.

This shirt ties in the back. It has white roots in the front.

That smile is sincere, for once, as I was laughing at the animals but I forget why now. It’s just a laugh riot over here what with being confined to my house for 6 weeks and all.

Once I looked this shirt’s description up on my invoice from the StitchFix, there, I saw it’s called a front-tie shirt, so I guess I should be tying it in the front and SUE ME.

Also, I am going to always offer the option of how cheap you can get this at Marshall’s just so I don’t have to hear it in the comments.

Moving on!

I love everything about this photo, from the look on Edsel’s face to Iris’s Deeetroit leanin’ to my catalog-model glance to the side. Everything other than this unflattering shirt. Also, the jeans are part of the StitchFix, so note them from here on and we’ll vote on them eventually.

I mean, is there a BEAVER over in that corner of the room? What’m I LOOKING at?

Here is a ruffly-sleeved back top with a keyhole neck, in case you want to walk into my collarbone with your key. I got a brand new pair of roller skates, you got a brand new keyhole.

Here’s the shirt, my jeans, my tortured cat and my apprehensive dog. Now with roots!

Let’s end by addressing the situation.

I can make dress jokes like this. For I know you are stuck at home and cannot escape my wrapth.

  • Come on. I lean.

Even Edsel’s like, “Wat wif dat poze?” And BY THE WAY, I would not wear these shoes with this dress, but I was so not in the mood to buckle a whole pair of shoes. I realize I should put more effort into this, my blog, but do you have any idea what a time-consuming pain in my ass these StitchFix posts are? I had to prop my phone up in my glasses cupboard, for feck’s sake.

That is all. I won’t give you the “buy everything” voting option, as I know I’m not getting the white “I’m a triangle” shirt.

Talk to you tomorrow, which marks six weeks since my

SURGERY

and a lifting of various prohibitions. For one thing, I can return to work!

…Oh. ….Wait.

Pandemically,
June

44 thoughts on “In a stunning display of tone-deafness, June asks you to vote on her StitchFix.”

  2. You can rock a wrap dress, June! If I had your silhouette I’d have a closet full of wrap dresses.
    Congratulations on the 6-week milestone. You made it!
    Sporks Illustrated!! Bah!

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  3. I defend the white tee, it looks pretty good just need a different bra and perhaps a shell underneath. I love the jeans though.

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  4. Beautiful tulips! Thanks for the laughs…No Life Magazine and Sporks Illustrated! So, so funny! Also, I’m confused about the front-tie shirt? How would you tie that in front…like under your boobs and then have a bow in the middle? Nope1

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  5. This was a good batch – except for,the white shirt as most of us agreed. I go to black – have at least a thousand black shirts…. lol
    I think maybe let the hair grow a little longer…. it is your decision – see if you like it when it is a little longer….

    I love tulips too! And Irises… and… well… all flowers!

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  6. Hooo boy, thanks for the laughs. I think after going through that, your convalescence and this, our pandemic, you have sharpened your wit. As if that was even possible!

    I liked the white shirt, but that is because I have a belly to hide and shirts that do that are hard for me to find. Does anybody else have that problem? I hate it.

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  8. The first two tops look like cheap maternity tops but I’m loving the black one with ruffled sleeves.

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  9. You might reconsider once you get rid of the contrast in the hair. That white shirt is ridic. And jeans – yea, we can tell you if you look fat in them or something else obvious, but really the fit is the key. You know best!

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  10. I just went back and realized how much that black top is, so although I thought it looked great on you, I’ll have to say pass on the $78 price tag. “You can get that at M..”-Oh forget it Ha Ha

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  11. That was a good batch. Especially the black ruffles with the jeans.

    I’d guess your hair person can do some kind of transition thing with your color. It’s coming along nicely, and will look really pretty when it’s all done. Look at your mother’s. It’s so attractive. Pretend it’s like Iris’ bib/chest in front, luxurious, full, with contrasting color.

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  12. The only one I swooned over was the fabulous black shirt. You MUST have it. It is so YOU. You are young for the florals and the white hair. I like you blondish for now. You will have gorgeous white hair one day and I am jelly. Thanks for the very entertaining post. PS It looks like the jeans are lighter on the ass region that is why I didn’t vote for them. If it’s a trick of the light then they are good. I like my jeans dark and slimming.

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  13. I might have accidentally voted no for the jeans- they were a definite yes (I might have been distracted. Would like to blame being here with my wall to wall children but they are mostly still sleeping, so just lost my focus) and the jean price is not awful. I like the black ruffle. It is perfect but the price. Ugh. I LOVE to shop and staying home from the mall hurts so thanks for letting me live vicariously through you.

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  14. As someone who literally wears the same thing every day (pajama pants and a Life is Good t-shirt; v-neck and long sleeve only, I’m a slob but I have STANDARDS)(I mix it up and change from the pajama pants to jeans if I have to go out in public), I’m shocked to find that I even have an opinion about your Stitch Fix clothes, but I do. And I think you always look smashing in dresses.

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  15. I love the black ruffle sleeve top! Best part about the hair is that you’re not alone–you started this trend. 🙂

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  16. Love the picture of you smiling uncontrollably. It made you look so “approachable” in these stay away from me times.

    Glad you posted to give us some fun reading!

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  17. I’m so glad you still have your funny. We certainly need it right now. Your hair is really beautiful and you look so slim.
    Tee

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      1. I try to be like Tee. I even went to her house and studied her up close and personal. Alas, when God made Tee she (God, not Tee) broke the mold. And I say bad words sometimes, not the Lord’s name, but bad words. Tee just smiles and drives you around to a local barbeque place, and cute country store and fascinating little museum and into the city to meet people and then you find out she did it all with a fever and a sinus infection and never let on and looked adorable the whole time. I whine. If I have a fever you will know it. And I won’t look adorable.

        I love the white roots and knowing how beautiful your mother is with her white hair I’m a vote on the yay side.
        The black ruffle sleeve shirt is cute but will go out of style in about 20 minutes and will look really dated. Then of course you can walk it over to Kit’s and have her sell it as vintage.

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  19. I am one of the people who was vehemently against growing out the natural grey but when you final do go grey, you have that great pretty white like Pam.

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    1. I liked the white shirt also – maybe the material isn’t nice? I like the black ruffles, the jeans and the white shirt the rest can go,

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  23. Love your tulips. Mine are blooming as well and they make me smile as I get into my car to go to work. Yes, I am “Essential” and I’m not happy about it. I would like to be stuck at home getting a check from the government. Anyway, that white shirt is stupid. I think they just put it in there so you wouldn’t take the discount and get the whole box. The black shirt and jeans are great.

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  24. All the hair stylists are going to have so much work to do when we get back to something considered normal. At least now you know you don’t like the gray/white. The black ruffled top is cute but I’d have to get rid of the piece holding the keyhole together because I would feel like it’s strangling me! Thanks for posting!

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  25. I can see I’m in the minority, but I like the white shirt. It’s good to have something basic & it can always be enhanced with a few stains for that pop of color.

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    1. I would like the white shirt if it weren’t so thin and see-through, but maybe that’s just me.

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  26. That first pic had me giggling like an idiot…my cats were not amused. I like all the stuff except that hideous white shirt. You look like you’ve lost weight in this, your convalescence and now pandemic. Wish I could, all I want to do it eat!! Thanks for letting us vote!

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  29. Hello, June! It’s wonderful to “hear” your voice. Thank you for heroically rising from your sickbed (SURGERY) to entertain us.

    We are not worthy! (bowing in your direction)

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  30. Eds was bewildered, poor dude.

    The black shirt with the ruffles on the sleeves was my favorite — it seemed like it fit your personality. I generally like wrap dresses and it looks good on you generally, I just felt like the placement of the florals was weird.

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    2. Agree. Black shirt looks terrific on you as do the jeans. And I was going to say the same about floral placement on the dress. The shape looks pretty, but not the cluster of flowers below your chestal region. If not for that, I would have voted for the dress.

      Did you have surgery?

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  31. Why would they even bother with that white shirt? Who doesn’t already have 26 white tops in their closet – and if you’re like me, each one has at least one coffee stain on it. I love the flower top – I’d tie it in the back too, but I don’t need to call any attention to meh belleh, especially right now on my new Pandemic Diet.

    So glad to see you’ve still got the funny June. Laughs are a bit hard to come by these days!

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    1. I have lost weight on The Pandemic Diet, as there is no Sonic. But oh my god with the no workouts. It’s a flabdemic.

      >

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  32. Wow – I LOVE being the first to vote . . . all my choices were 100%!!! They sent you some great stuff this time, except for that white one. THAT was tragic.

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