International blog of pancakes

I’m waiting for work. And Godot. Once work gets here, it’s 10 hours’ worth. It’s not due today, thank goodness. I checked with the other copy editors and they don’t have work to share with me in the meantime, so I thought I’d get up on this and get up with you.

I guess one thing that’s good about having a pandemic right now is we have internet access. I’m aware not everyone does, but many working people do, and we can carry on with our jobs as necessary. I’ll bet nurses wish they could do their jobs online. Yeesch.

I would always have made a terrible nurse, as I am a nervous, unnurturing person. But if I were a nurse now, as my cousin Katie is, I’d just quit in a huff. This is why I am a terrible human who no one will mention fondly after I’ve shuffled off to Buffalo.

Why is that a phrase? “Shuffle off to Buffalo”? I mean, I know it’s a dance thing, but why? Why Buffalo?

At least I didn’t load my family into an RV and leave New York like that asshole influencer did. Did you see that? It was for her own “mental health” that she’s spreading New York City germs across America. They are headed “West.” So pretty much all of us from New York to “West” get to experience all seven of them shedding coronavirus across this great land. This land is your land, this land is my land. Now I’ve a fever, you fucking damp ham.

Speaking of travel, yesterday was a pretty exciting day where I got out and really lived life. I got in my car, while I was wearing a robe, and drove said car around the block so the battery wouldn’t die and the tires wouldn’t get flat. The last time I left my house to actually leave for anywhere was 20 days ago when I took Iris to the vet.

If these were normal times I’d be calling the vet about both Edsel and Iris. Eds is due for his six-month bad-heart checkup and I can tell his bad heart is progressing. Iris is seeming uncomfortable with her IBD, and I say this because she meows a lot, which she never did, and she wants to be either on me or sleeping on something of mine, like the laundry or my slippers.

I know vets are technically open for emergencies but neither of these seem like emergencies. Iris has been to the doctor 97 times and is getting medication and prescription food and the only thing left would be to biopsy her but I’m not doing that. The fact that she tested positive for pancreatitis is a good sign that she really does have IBD and not cancer, so. And I think it’s just uncomfortable for her, which breaks my heart.

And if Eds gets bad I WILL take him in as an emergency. But he’s got his medication, too, and his old man food. And his hip chews. Not that he literally chews hips.

Meanwhile, Milhous is a blur of young boy energy all the time and Lily is a gray lump. I don’t have to worry about either of them.

So tell me what life’s been like where you are. Is anyone reading anywhere where you AREN’T on lockdown? You know this blog is an international success. It’s the international blog of pancakes.

Speaking of which, I get my new grocery delivery today. I HAVE some food, really. I have cans of tuna and bread and Spaghetti-Os and Cream of Wheat and a whole mess of frozen blueberries. But you know what I am 100% sick of? Tuna and bread and Spaghetti-Os and Cream of Wheat and frozen blueberries. I bought too much of those things and do not ever want to see them again.

Someone mentioned they were less worried about their cat, I think it was, who had surgery and no appetite, because neither did I.

Maybe it was a dog, now that I’m thinking of it. Wasn’t it her child’s dog, and said child left it behind? Oh my god I’m a terrible listener. Anyway she saw that I had zero appetite after surgery and felt less worried about the cat or dog. THE POINT IS, appetite coming back. Unfortunately.

I was in need of mosquito spray (we already have fekking mosquitoes here) and scrubby things for the dishes and dairy products, so I got groceries. It’s been a few weeks since I last ordered, and now you can only get 2 of anything, which is good, stupid hoarders. And also, now there’s the option of “Leave groceries at door.”

I have a whole plan for when the groceries get here. Ima wear my rubber gloves since that’s all I’ve got. I will throw out all the grocery bags immediately. I will leave what I can outside for all the GERMS to die. The things I have to bring in I will wipe down with my wipes.

We’ve all become Howard Hughes. Without the cash.

I have to go nag Griff about what’s taking him so long to get this work to me. The highlight of my day is going to be nagging Griff.

Oh, before I go, two things: Did you see I found a feature where I can add a drop cap to my posts? Exciting. I think today if I have time I’ll play with a new template. This one screws up comments on the phone. At least I think it’s the template’s fault. The date crashes into the comment and Lu annoy.

The other thing is, did you see the Twitter thread where everyone is talking about how mean Ellen is? Just Google “Ellen mean.” I don’t want her to find this and kill me. Because apparently she meeeeeeen. My friend Gertrude’s kid used to say that. She’d screw up her face and say, “He meeeeeeeen.”

Anyway, I have always HAD an Ellen story. I figured it was an isolated incident. But perhaps not. Ellen used to date someone I knew secondhand, and when she, Ellen, met Portia, she basically came home and said, Get out. I’ve met someone else.

I always thought, well, I don’t know about their relationship. Maybe it had been bad for awhile. Or maybe all’s fair in love and war, and she was terrible about this because she was so in love with Portia. In other words, for decades I’ve given her the benefit of the doubt. She seems so likeable and does so many nice things!

But read that Twitter thread, y’all. Holy cats.

Okay, I have to do work. Get out. Shuffle off to Buffalo.

Juan

47 thoughts on “International blog of pancakes

  1. Hello June and fellow commenters. Well I have 13 cans of tuna and yikes that’s a lot. I have 5 packs of toilet paper (12 rolls per pack). I’m starting to get anxious because I “feel” like I should add to my collection. I have enough assorted dried beans, rice, canned and frozen vegetables to last me over 6 months. Plus I have enough cat supplies for 4 months. I’m worried about my daughters because they each only have 2 weeks worth of groceries.They consider that to be well stocked up.

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  2. P.S. I thought about trying the online groceries thing, but those services are overloaded, so no guarantees when you might get your stuff delivered.

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  3. The other night my internet went out for about an hour (I never found out why), and I freaked. If THAT goes, then any remaining semblance of normal society goes out the window.
    I think you could make something either truly disgusting or truly amazing with the combination of Bisquick, balsamic, and Spaghetti-Os.
    Lockdown here for the past week or so. I still have to go places sometimes for groceries and pharmacy. Everyone is acting like everyone else has Ebola. Today my goal is to go out to find a very specific brand of peanut butter which I MUST have.
    I teach languages to adults and we had to switch to online about two weeks ago, which was a shock for everyone. I’ve always taught in person. So it’s still weird, and I don’t like it, and the company I work for has lost some students who also don’t like it, but it is SOME work, which thank ye gods.

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  4. All good here and thankfully, That Man has work or Houston, we’d have a problem. Yesterday, our Guv said “Yee who shall returnth to the state shalt quarantine thyself for 14 days.” Today, we are ORDERED to stay home. About damn time. HAD to go into the office yesterday because the remote thang works better when it’s not suffering from technical difficulties. As I drove, I felt like everyone was way too close and covered with cooties. Lovely feeling.

    So, I understand you had some sort of surgery not awfully long ago. Did it address the urinary problem and you can now call yourself I.P. Freelee? I feel creepy even asking this.

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  5. I’ve always been a Howard Hughes without the cash. As you can imagine, this virus doesn’t help that situation at all. A shelter in place order went into effect at midnight so we are staying home and cleaning up the yard from the storm that we had yesterday. The weather is beautiful and it’s really nice to be outside.
    Tee

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    1. It’s so funny you mentioned Cream of Wheat because I had been scouring the stores for it and would love a huge warm bowl dripping with sugar and banana. Other than that having a hard time with all of this I am a mess. But today for some reason I survived a furlough. Doesn’t my company know am I’m a mess ? Ok Off to investigate mean Ellen. Miss you on social media !

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  6. I’ve been hearing about Mean Ellen for several years now. At first, I didn’t want to believe it because everyone LOVES Ellen but now? I totally believe she’s a megalomaniac.

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  7. We had a week of e-learning and me working from home which consisted of watching these horrible training veedeeos on line and scoring above 80% on the quiz. Then last week we were technically on spring break. This week it’s been a struggle to get back to our new normal but I feel today we’ve gotten a handle on it. Kids are both e-learning and I’m having Zoom meetings and anticipate having to start doing real work from home.

    I’ll be able to comment more (I hear you all groaning).

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  8. Ooo, I’m on my way out to pick up meds. I have my mask and gloves, because I know people will not social distance. As soon as I get back I am all over Ellen being mean. Personally, I don’t trust someone who is always that happy!

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  9. What a shame about Ellen. I just finished reading some of the things posted on Twitter. I’ve read, in the past, hate articles about her scaring people and making Andy go through haunted houses but always dismissed it as the guest/Andy agreeing to play along. Maybe not, maybe Andy does it to keep a job and guests are completely caught off guard. Something for me to think about other than Carole and her deceased husband.
    I’ve got enough food to last a few more weeks. When things first started to get interesting my two older kids were in CA. I went grocery shopping anticipating they, and my son’s girlfriend, may all end up here. They didn’t. And I now have plenty of food for us three (however the teenager still thinks he needs ChickFilA once a week).
    My husband is still working. My high school senior just started virtual learning this week. I’ve enjoyed hearing his teachers and classmates chat and laugh with one another. They’re all so happy to have the interaction and it’s obvious they’ve missed each other. I thrive on routine and haven’t found one that works, yet. I’m definitely playing a lot more Candy Crush. And reading more mindless books. And eating more snack food. I miss the no appetite days after my hysterectomy-I Lost 15 pounds but then found 20 to replace it. I guess it’s a good thing our beaches are closed. Unless of course you’re fishing or exercising. So, I’m going to take up fishing.
    Off to read about this influencer. I hope she loses her following.

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  10. On lockdown, bored and depressed. The parks and beaches were all shut down on Monday. Groups of idiots repeatedly disobey the rules and everyone has to pay the price. NJ is the second worse state. I no longer watch the news because my GAD gets worse from it. I read it online like you, Joon. Thanks for the great idea. Significant others can drive to see one another still. We do it a couple of times a week. The internet and the phone are my social connections. Thankful for my pets. Not out of food yet, not for a bit. I miss fun window shopping, thrifting, restaurants meals, etc. Real life. I am a homebody by nature but DO enjoy getting out now and again. My guy is a doer and we had fun going out. Looking forward to things going back to normal, I hope.
    Sorry about Edz and Lily. Scrappy Doo is shaking his ears, I have some medication left. The vet is only open for emergencies. My poor sister had to put her nine year old cocker spaniel to sleep last work. Poor baby had cancer. All my loved ones are OK so far and I am grateful for that.

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    1. I’m in NJ, too. I’ve been walking on the boards a couple of times a week for years! Last week on a day when I might see 5 people I saw about 15. So I know we were screwed. Thanks a holes! Now I walk in my sidewalk less neighborhood.

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  11. “you fucking damp ham” is the best thing. I want it on a shirt. and a coffee mug. And perhaps a billboard.

    Work continues at work, but we are all laid off 20 hours per week, so I am doing many cleaning/purging/sorting projects at home during those hours. My college senior is sure this is ruining her life, and there is no point to anything, with the rest of the semester classes shifted to online and no commencement now (including no senior bar crawl, no senior this, no senior that). Every time she beings to lament loudly my husband says “but people are dying” and then she’s mad. joyous times.

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  12. My mother would have had the solution for you. Back in my most definitely not affluent childhood sometimes my mother’s cupboard would run pretty close to empty. One night for dinner all she had was canned vegetable soup and, yes, Bisquick. She poured a couple cans of vegetable soup into a pie plate and made biscuits and placed them on top of the vegetable soup and put it in the oven. For a family of 4. I liked it and when I said it was good she burst into tears and when I asked her what was wrong she said she was so ashamed of feeding her family like that. Poor mama. I really did like it. So Spaghetti-Os and Bisquick? No problem-O.

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    1. All three of us vividly remember a breakfast that consisted of Sugar Crisp topped with the syrup from a can of peaches. For years, my mother would declare that nothing of the sort had ever happened.She has finally caved.

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    2. PJ–This made me tear up. If your dear mom is still alive, tell her a stranger out here loves her. And if she’s gone, I’ll say a little prayer for her. And you too.

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    3. Your Mom’s idea rocks. I have canned soup and Bisquick and if it comes to that, I will definitely try this idea. (We are fine for food. Tried out Walmart’s pick-up service for the first time and was very grateful for it. We usually shop at another store, but getting a pick-up slot is akin to buying hot concert tickets. They open up a day or two at a time and are gone within a minute.

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  13. My husband decided to stop smoking…his last cigarette was Monday night. Lord, help me – this is NOT going to be pretty. He’s not cranky yet, but we all know it’s coming. lol! He’s essential, so he has to go into work. The 2 older teens don’t understand the concept of stay the f*** at home, then there’s a young teen that has ATTITUDE about EVERYTHING, and a young’un that’s keeping me sane. The two younger kids and I are staying home, with me only running out to the grocery store maybe once a week. I’m not minding it much at all – no business clothes, wearing makeup less often, finding more time to exercise!

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  14. I had never heard shuffle to Buffalo. I have also not heard of this ‘influencer’ idiot. Groan.

    My sister is a nurse. My dad wrote me every week in college and said he wanted another nurse. I pass out at the sight of blood/needles. Like there is a legit term for this: vaso vagel. So, yeah that was NOT gonna happen. Talk about occupational hazzard.

    Coach is a PT. He is thinking of volunteering over the weekends as a healthcare worker. My kids were like sure dad. Someone comes in coughing with corona and you can offer to stretch them out.

    What else are we up to: teaching my girls to sew masks for hospitals. And feeding the small army I live with. People calling dibbs on leftover foods almost comes to blows.

    Sorry about the failing health of the pets.

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    1. Do you watch Doc Martin on PBS? He has that sick at the sight of blood issue. It’s fascinating and a very well done show. I hate blood and guts too.

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  15. This pandemic is scaring the shit out of me. I recently saw my doctor and was told that because I work in a supermarket I have an increased risk of catching the virus AND because I have a couple of serious health issues the likelihood of not surviving said fucking virus is much higher, I still went to work for one week after hearing that then had the mother of all panic attacks and just couldn’t go anymore. Work has been really good and are paying me my full wage until this shit is over. We are in stage two lockdown here in Queensland and about to go to stage three. I only go out to the supermarket to get what I need and apart from seeing my partner Mark haven’t seen anyone for over a week. It amazes/annoys me that people put into to isolation because they have just returned from overseas are ignoring the government and still going out spreading the virus. They have now got high fines if they are found breaking the rules. Stay safe June

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  16. My work is crazy because I work in insurance. But my kids are loving it. Two teenaged boys. They are each other’s best friends and we have a pool table and they do football workouts in the backyard.

    My husband, however, is making me crazy. He just returned from Iraq and must stay inside the house for 14 days. He has extreme ADHD and typically can’t manage a weekend inside the house without running some errand or going out for a bike ride. We are on day 8. Heaven help me.

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  17. My brother is the head of the ICU at one of the very few rural hospitals in this are and I’m worried sick for his safety. I miss my family, one is a preemie with a compromised immune system. Our state has done the bare minimum to suggest any form of lockdown, except to close churches and encourages those 65 + to shelter i place and I feel like a sitting duck waiting for whoever the influencer to get her kicks on Route 66. Thanks June, for helping us have some sense of normalcy.

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  18. THAT WAS MEEEEEE! And my daughter’s annoying DOOOOGS! They both got the spay treatment (haha! I kill myself DED with that one) just as we went into QUARANTINO and the drugs they got made them MUCH BETTER DOGS. Then they ran out of the pills. But anyway, the appetite is still not back for either of them. They also got the old teeth cleaning while they were under so we thought maybe too they have sore mouths. But I’ll tell you what – for having full on dog-erectomies these two were up and about pretty darn quick.

    IBOP – oh my gosh. Too funny. We went grocery shopping yesterday for the first time since the first week of March. The stores were fine, fully stocked, everyone was calm. Lots of people wearing gloves, which is dumb. And here’s the thing – I would much rather NOT go to the store, but we’ve tried online ordering and both times we waited five days for our pick up day and then we got cancelled. And then we go to the store in person and there’s plenty of stuff… so it’s confusing. Maybe they don’t have enough people to fill orders? I’d be happy if they went 100% online – one less place for my MOTHER to go.

    Thank you June for bringing the funny… it’s a bright spot in my day! I’m sure Griff feels the same way!

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  19. My household is okay but I worry about my kids. Son is in construction which is shut down because inspectors aren’t working. Daughter manages a wedding venue…dead in the water for this year’s season. I’m planning on setting aside the pandemic$$$ for them.

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  20. I’m glad you were able to have groceries delivered. About a week and a half ago I placed two orders, one from a supermarket and one from Costco and after waiting a few days, both let me know that thy cancelled my order. They did not say why.
    Anyway, I have ordered various things from Amazon (not groceries) and Amazon sent everything with no problem and no delay. It was amazing. For groceries I have to go to the store. Everyone has been very good about keeping apart.

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  21. I live in a college town. Spring break was mid-March, just as it was becoming apparent to even the idiots that this thing was spreading across the country (hello I-80 corridor). So they sent everybody home, moved to online-only classes, and told anybody who came back to town they had to isolate for 14 days after they returned. Stores aren’t super crowded, no tp here either, and we’re pretty much keeping our distance except for some groups of kids at the parks. Businesses that aren’t closed switched right over to curbside pickup or delivery. People are out walking because it’s finally nice out but respecting the 6 ft+ distance. I’m not saying we’re doing it all right, but it’s possible we managed to beat the curve a little just by lagging behind the rest of the country a bit. I’m hopeful.

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    1. Hi Gretchen,

      You are making me a bit nostalgic for my old hometown. So pretty in the springtime when the flowers wake up. Thankfully, there is so much outdoor space for you to enjoy. I’ll assume VEISHEA is being cancelled. No cherry pies… I hope The Cafe is open for pickup. My fav.

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      1. I’m so sad campus will be empty for the prettiest time of year. I will have to pick a nice day to go walk around when the trees are blooming. VEISHEA got killed off a few years ago after the last riot. Think they still sell pies at some point as a fundraiser, though. But yes, all that is off this year. The Cafe was open for pickup/delivery but just recently closed. Probably not enough business to stay open, it’s pretty quiet here now.

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  22. psssst. June. Are you April fooling us that we’ll think that you aren’t aware of what day it is and I’m afraid to even mention it because you’ll say I’m Bogarting you, I think that’s the wrong term, but I think this will probably be a very low key, you know, some people’s favorite day. But not mine.

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    1. I’ve been trying to do distance learning for my students. It’s like trying to swim with handcuffs. So this morning I’ve decided I needed a break. There’s a RHOC marathon and I’m watching the first season. It’s so different and how this empire caught on is beyond me. Oh I’ve also talked two of three daughters off the ledge this morning so I have accomplished something useful. Also, do people not know how to stay home anymore?

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  23. “We’ve all become Howard Hughes without the cash”!!!! I love this!!! And you’re right. We’re coming out of this thing as a nation of germaphobes!

    I’m a nurse and I’d love to peace out of this, but I can’t. Luckily my kids are grown and I live alone so I don’t have to worry about bringing disease home.

    This week I’m working nights which sucks because I can’t sleep during the day and I’m prone to migraines when my sleep is messed up. So I see a weekend of social isolation and puking in my future.

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  24. Great post. My theatre director husband suggests that Buffalo, NY, was a popular area where hopeful theatre productions ‘tried out’ before – hopefully – heading to Broadway. So, if a show was in final rehearsals they were prepping to ‘shuffle off to Buffalo’ to see how the production played to a live audience. That phrase has also been used in a couple of Broadway musicals (‘42nd Street’ for one) where the cast is, indeed, in rehearsal and hoping for the best! Okay, enough theatre 101. Enjoy your day!

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  25. I’m about to go pick up groceries. God bless curbside pick up!!
    I have not been sanitizing my groceries. Is that a thing I should be doing? Oy.
    I’m sorry 50% of the pets are unwell. I know you’re sad. I would be too.
    I’ll be doing some work from home today, too. Today technology is my friend.
    Adios!

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    1. Re: sanitizing groceries — There was an article in the New England Journal of Medicine that talked about how long the virus could live on various surfaces. Cue everyone freaking out, as this got picked up in the mainstream media. I saw a virologist provide context — that just because it’s still present doesn’t mean it can infect you. Then a surgeon posted a video on YouTube showing how to clean all your groceries: https://youtu.be/Sryj2VsuKns — which we are now doing. It may not be necessary, but at least when I pull something out of the cupboard or refrigerator I don’t have to wonder if it’s clean.

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  26. I hate-follow that “influencer” (what a horrific term) (and I don’t want to use her name here for SEO purposes) and was APPALLED at her incredibly selfish and totally socially irresponsible behavior. I mean, I am (not) sorry she and her husband chose to live in Manhattan and chose to have five kids and whoops! Out of room! WTELF???

    Anyway.

    I live in VA and wanted to go see my daughter in MD (30 mins away) and while incredibly sad, am choosing to not go. Bc that’s how I’m going to be able to leave my house after June 10, which is the end date for our current “shelter-in-place” order.

    Work continues… life continues… and like you, we’ve got enough groceries to last a few weeks but nothing to eat! I’m about to hit up a site like Fridge to Table dot Com, where you plug in what you have on hand and they give you options for menus. Bc I am OUT of ideas.

    I hope you don’t need to see the emergency vet ❤

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    1. I ordered a bottle of balsamic vinegar and then today found…a bottle of balsamic vinegar and realized I have no sugar at all. And it’s too late to change my order. So.

      I have wanted to use that site, to see what I can do with Bisquick, balsamic vinegar and cans of generic Spaghetti-Os.

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