June's stupid life

Noah’s Ark loaves of banana bread

by June

The bad news is, my appetite has returned with a vengeance. Oh how I long for the postoperative* days of not feeling hungry and weighing less as a result. And I really got stupid groceries now that I’m hungry. If I see one more can of spaghetti-Os Ima scream.

[*News flash: I had surgery]

Anyway. I can’t recall now who sent me the banana bread during that, my convalescence, fmr., but whoever sent it made teensy little cute individual loaves, and put them two-by-two, like delicious Noah’s Ark loaves, into really nice plastic baggies.

My point is I froze a bunch of them and the other day I was pushing aside the frozen salmon I’ve been ignoring, I’ve been pushing it upstream, and what did I discover but a DEEEEEElicious Noah’s Ark banana bread couple! Oh, it was a fabulous discovery.

And that’s about as exciting as it gets, over here. I’ve been working like a demon, and you know how THEY work. I’ve been stroking my tail with an arrow at the end. Why do demons have tails with arrows at the end? Who decided that was a thing? Who decided they were red? Am I getting all my demon imagery from Underwood Deviled Ham? Why is anything mixed with mayonnaise suddenly “deviled”?

Also, while we’re delving into the depths of my thoughts, remember how I didn’t know England was an island till I was 25 and, you know, got to England?

And remember when I didn’t know the Underground Railroad wasn’t underground till I was, you know, 52?

Last time I wrote you, I asked for advice about making my African violet bloom, and I googled some follow-up stuff about it after I read your thoughts. I don’t mean I’m literally reading your thoughts now like Sylvia Browne or whatever.

Anyway, what I read mentioned that in Africa, where the violets originate …

And I was all, wait.

AFRICAN VIOLETS ARE FROM AFRICA?

And right then, I knew.

You know how everyone thinks they have good taste and a sense of humor and that they’re good drivers? Does everyone also think they’re a little smarter than average? Because I always did, but signs point to no. Signs point to Africa. Is Africa an island?

Oooo, this is a good theme. What’s a thing you learned that after you learned it you felt like an imbecile?

Tell all.

Brilliantly,
June

102 thoughts on “Noah’s Ark loaves of banana bread”

  1. I thought it was “chester” drawers…like some guy named Chester invented them or something. I didn’t find out the truth until I was well into adulthood and my husband laughed at me when I said it. Chest of drawers does make much more sense and I’m not as dumb as I seem, really I’m not.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’ve seen them advertised for sale online as Chester drawers, so you’re not alone. I did giggle a little when I first saw it written that way.

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  2. Re: olives, I learned it from my mother, who was visiting an Italian couple near Rome and when shown an olive tree in the backyard, asked

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    1. Ugh, my iPad cut my message short. … when shown a olive tree in the backyard with green olives in it, asked the hosts if they only had the green variety, or black olive trees as well. They were too polite to laugh as they explained the green olives would become black if she waited long enough…

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  3. I was like 30 before I found out green, yellow, orange, and red bell peppers are the SAME pepper, just at different stages of ripeness.
    I discovered this when I was planting a home garden and tried to find red bell pepper plants, duh.

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    2. I did not know this. My husband only eats red, orange, or yellow, so I never buy the green ones anymore. It makes sense though that a less ripe pepper would taste stronger. I thought they were different varieties!

      Liked by 1 person

    3. Same thing happened to me a few years ago! So that means I have to start all the plants at different times so that I can have a variety of colored peppers. ANNOYING.

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  4. I’m really really embarrassed to admit this.

    I didn’t understand until really recently the concept of water pressure when you’re swimming. I can understand that if you breathe in water you will sink (duh), but I always thought of being in water like actually floating, so why would submarines need to be made to withstand water pressure? Duh, because water is heavy. Like carrying a gallon of any liquid is heavy. So like when you swim down at the bottom of the pool, you have a lot of weight on top of you! That freaks me out. And makes me feel dumb. Oh well.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I am in Australia and everything is in grams and kilograms. My Mum had some old cook books from when measurements were imperial and I literally pronounced lbs and oz and elbs and ozes. I’d heard of pounds and ounces but I didn’t and still don’t know why their abbreviations are so different to the proper names.

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  8. I cannot think of any recent ones and it is driving me crazy not to think of a dumb moment of my very own. I am sure if I poll my kids they would come up with PLENTY, but I am alone in the study and I want to keep it that way.

    I will share one from my 17 year old. He wants to get a ROTC scholarship and he was looking at the website to see what the requirements were a few weeks ago. He is 6’2″ but when he scrolled down the height chart he read his height as 62 inches instead of 74 inches because he was reading it as 6 2 (as in 6 feet 2 inches). At that height he would be considered overweight. (He is not overweight at all – tall and slim). He started making a list of all the things he needed to stop eating in order to lose 35 pounds to meet the requirements.

    My daughter Mini just admitted to me that when she was younger she thought that when you moved from your house you switched places with the people in the house you were buying.

    I think the woman who got married at 18 and thought you were supposed to have relations every night should win some kind of prize, I cannot stop laughing at that.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. When I was a child we were going to Yellowstone and I told my parents how excited I was to see the geyser. Except I pronounced it ‘geezers.’ Probably the only reason my mom doesn’t still tease me about it is because she’s dead.

    Also, I worry about my kids. We had Chinese takeout the other night and they ordered orange chicken. While they were eating it they found mandarin orange segments in their chicken and couldn’t understand why there were oranges in their orange chicken.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Brooke, it might make you feel better to know that in American English, it has the pronunciation you’re familiar with. But in countries that speak UK-style English, it is pronounced “geezer” like Americans say for “really old person.”
      About your kids wondering why there was orange in their chicken dish, that cracks me up.

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  10. We were at a Chinese restaurant with my then boyfriend (now husband) and my sister and her new boyfriend, and my parents. We were looking at the menu and I was glancing and saw “Human Beef.” I was shocked and disgusted! I said to the entire table–loudly–“HUMAN BEEF?!!” and proceeded to show everyone where in the menu it was listed. My boyfriend (husband) whispered, “It says Hunan Beef.” I think I even might have argued, until he pointed at the “n” in the middle of the word.

    Why “Beef” didn’t give anything away I will never know. And I will NEVER live this down. Ever.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

    Liked by 3 people

  11. I’d hate to even guess how many times in my life I did this. When I would buy a new refill bottle of, say, Windex, I would carefully pour the new liquid into the original bottle with the sprayer. It never occurred to me that I could just transfer the spray top onto the new refill bottle.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I didn’t know most of my life that chipotle chilies are just ripe, dried jalapeños.

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  13. My family looooooooves this story. I’ve lived on the Great Lakes my entire life – mostly Michigan to be specific. But in any case, one day in the early days of the internet I stumbled upon a website offering whale watching tours on the Great Lakes. And I bought it hook line and sinker you might say. I was CONVINCED that I had just discovered some little known fact about my homeland and shared it with my whole family. I had NO IDEA that you could put shit on the internet that WASN’T TRUE. Completely MADE UP.

    My god. I have been the object of their derision ever since. Will they let me live it down? No. No they will not.

    Liked by 1 person

  14. A guy I know (a lawyer mind you) told me I was stupid when I told him not all rivers flow south. I asked him which way the Nile flowed and he still didn’t get it. Then he said, oh so there’s like a great divide? Yes, moron, there are divides north and south and east and west. He never admitted he was wrong, so he may still live in ignorance.

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  16. When I learned that the name ‘Amy’ was not pronounced ‘Am (as in I am) y’
    In my defense i was in elementary school.

    Laurie in NB, Canada

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  17. I thought that the sounds that crickets made at night were actually coming from the twinkling of the stars above.

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  18. My Husband and I were married when we were both 18, I didn’t realize until I was 24 and speaking with girlfriends, that you didn’t have sex every night! It never occurred to me to say no

    Liked by 2 people

      1. HAHAHA! Let’s just say he was surprised when I said no the 1st time. It’s all good 42 yrs last March!

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  19. I have a distant second cousin named Shim. I found out in my twenties that’s not his real name. It was a nickname given in utero, a mix of “she” and “him” cuz they didn’t want to call the baby “it”. Honestly I don’t know his legal name to this day (just turned 49), he still goes by Shim.

    Liked by 2 people

  21. I’ve been absent for forever, but try to read when I can, and I haven’t forgotten my promise to make you a window (!!!), everything went a bit upside down for a while. Perhaps by the time the corona is over the ship will have righted itself. I just had to drop everything for a bit and focus on one of my kiddos. I didn’t mean to fall off of the face of the earth.

    I am almost 50 years old and just found out LAST WEEK that black olives are RIPENED GREEN OLIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Mindblowing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I guess to some degree green means “not ripe” and not just reflective of color. They’re the same olive, green when they’re new, black when they’re ripe. I always thought there were maybe two different kinds of olive trees, or something.

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  22. This year I worked out that in the chicken crossing the road joke, “the other side” is heaven. Because he dies. I still find no humor in this joke; I just understand that the phrase works on two levels.

    Have a friend who, until college, believed homes for parent-less children were called orphilliges, as in orphan villages.

    Ex-husband called the mesquite turkey “MEESK-white,” which is how I say it all the time now.

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    1. That never occurred to me. However, this was the year I figured out this little piggy didn’t, like, go to the market to SHOP. He was the item being shopped for.

      Liked by 4 people

    2. I never knew the other side referred to heaven. I’m completely surprised by this. Also, I pictured a little pig with a little purse on her arm waddling off to the supermarket to buy groceries. I had no idea. I’m learning so much here.

      Liked by 2 people

  23. This is a two-parter.

    I grew up in Kansas City, so many highway signs would point in the direction of Des Moines. It took a long time before I realized it was not, in fact, pronounced as “deez monies”.

    Similarly, I often thought that once you passed such a sign, you were in that location.

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  24. I am famous in my family for my mispronunciations of certain words when I was a youngster. Apple-uh-CHEE-uh (Appalachia) and Fee-lone-ee (felony) were the biggest. Also, when I was in 2nd grade, I thought “Norwegian” was pronounced “Norway-an.” The country was NorWAY, not NorWEEG so I think it’s an honest mistake. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

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  25. Just last week, from my new home work schedule, I learned that our coffee pot starts brewing as soon as you close the reservoir on top. It does not wait until you place the carafe or the basket. Ask me how I learned that.

    I too said Penelope wrong when I was younger but it was more like PEN-uh-lope. Determine was DEE-Tur-Mine with a long I. Calliope was Cal-ee-ope with a long O until I watched Greys Anatomy. And the car brand Bonneville was Bonnie-ville until like a year ago when my husband asked why i kept saying it that way.

    Liked by 1 person

          1. My husband says “all the sudden” and many other offenses. I roll my eyes so much it hurts.

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  26. I had a co-worker who thought Africa was one big country. Didn’t believe me when I told her it was made up of smaller countries.

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      1. Haha….no…..but my sister and I as kids, would watch Pro Bowlers Tour every Saturday followed by Wide World of Sports. We loved Johnny Petraglia. Sally Petraglia became by pseudonym in college whenever I gave an “iffy” guy my name at a bar.

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  27. I pronounced collar and color the same way until someone pointed it out in my late teens. They were very smug about it. I was still dumb enough to marry him.

    Liked by 1 person

  28. Well, it was news to me that African violets were discovered in Africa, and I’ve known about them and how to water them as long as I can remember. I am 66 years old. Sigh.

    Liked by 1 person

  29. When I was in college, we were discussing the topic of Euthanasia in one of my courses. While the professor was talking, I was so confused why death was so prominent with the “Youth in Asia.” Man, did I feel like I an imbecile when it finally clicked. HA

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  30. Remember reading stories or articles when I was about 9 or 10. Sounding out unfamiliar words as I was being taught in school, I pronounced ‘spatula’ as ‘spaTOOlah’ and ‘Aborigine’ as ‘aBORijine.’ I believe my folks chuckled at me too, before correcting me. I’m better now…This was a great post and I loved reading others’ comments!

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  31. I always thought penguins were as tall as people until I went to a zoo with my friend. I asked why do they only have pygmy penguins here? What? I explained, they are all so short why aren’t they regular size? After a great laugh, she gave me a penguin lesson. I was fifty plus years and apparently stupid.

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  32. I had an aunt who we called Aunty Lien. We pronounced it Lee-In. It was much later that I found out her name was really Lillian. They were backwoods southern folks and didn’t pronounce much correctly!

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  33. It was about 3 years ago when I was opening a new deodorant and my husband was also in the bathroom when I was pulling and pulling at that plastic thing to get it off and I asked my husband to help pull it off. He very nonchalantly turned the bottom to roll the deodorant up and it popped off. I was dumbfounded….. Also when I was young I was reading a book with a character named Penelope. In my head I was pronouncing it Penny – Lope. Years later it occurred to me that is was Penelope. Also my family is famous for making up names to stuff, like dry skin was the crud and they said Grampa had gout and I thought that was just a made up thing and not really for years.

    Liked by 1 person

    2. OMG! S that’s how it’s done. I’ve actually thrown out deodorant ’cause I couldn’t get the plastic top off. I’m 75 (but don’t tell anyone).
      DUUUUUUUHHHHHHH.

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    3. DG you just made me feel better about my mispronunciation of Penelope! I too thought it was penny lope until I said it that way in college and a friend looked at me like I had two heads. I was so embarrassed. I’d been saying it that way in my head for years!

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  34. I am 52 and learned that a package store is actually a liquor store at about age 50. I seriously thought it was like a package store….like UPS or FedEx or something. My husband still teases me every time we drive by one and asks me if I have any packages to send.

    Liked by 1 person

      2. I don’t know the real reason, but I’ve always assumed it was called a package store as to be discreet about purchasing alcohol.

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  35. I was married before I realized South Africa was a separate country. I just thought it was, you know, the southern part of Africa; like the southern part of the United States.

    Liked by 1 person

  36. I am also sure I’ve had a more recent one . . . but when I was growing up, my mom would say “merci beaucoup” to my dad when he would do something helpful around the house (just to be funny) and he would always respond “chevrolet coupe” (rhymes with toupee.) I was in college before I realized that that “chevrolet coupe” was not a French phrase.

    Liked by 3 people

  37. When I was growing up, every so often there would be a tremendous smell in our neighborhood, and my parents referred to it as “bow water”. I thought that’ what the smell was called. I was 55 or 56 when I discovered the name of the plant that made the paper that made the smell was called “Bowe Water Paper Co.” Picked up a paper sample at work and my life was turned upside down.

    Liked by 1 person

  38. I just discovered last year that there is a cancel button on my toaster. Before this in order to get my toast the right color I always kept pulling the plug to stop the toaster and pop the toast so I could check it. Then if it needed more time I would plug the toaster back in and let it toast more. Then I really felt stupid after I figured out I could use the cancel button. I am 71 years old………

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Not long ago on Reddit, I read a whole thread where people were AMAZED you could turn on the shower and wait for it to get the right temp. “I always hated getting into that freezing water,” someone wrote.

        Wow. Also, South Africa is a country.

        Liked by 3 people

        1. My friend has a shower that you can set to the temp you want. She’s not rich. I would think you’d have to be rich to have a shower like that.

          Liked by 2 people

          1. Oh, like I KNOW what temperature I want my water to be? I have to adjust it several times to get the proper amount of scalding and it varies depending on what part I’m washing.

            Liked by 1 person

  39. The Noah’s Ark banana bread was from me! 🙂 I love that you call it that. I’m cranking out a batch next week to send up to the college boy who’s currently SIP in very rural Montana, I’ll route some more your way. They are delish sliced in half, warmed up and slathered in butter…..which probably doesn’t help the post surgery current appetite eating practices, but oh well, you only live once!

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  41. I’ll have to think of a more recent one as I am sure there are more but the immediate one was when I was a child and one of my grandparents had to explain to me that puppies weren’t all boys, and cats weren’t all girls. I was shocked that puppies could be girl puppies and cats could be boy cats. Sure didn’t seem like it to me.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. When I was a kid I thought the word “awry” was pronounced “AWW-ree.” Then I spoke it aloud to my mother, who literally LAUGHED at my stupidity. Right then I knew….I am an imbecile. Thanks Mom.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Me, too!!! I guess I learned it from reading. My mother corrected me when I was in college, and I still think of this and go red in the face nearly 20 years later.

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      2. JOON – you have too remember – I was about SIX YEARS OLD when I thought you could get your hair cut long. While that realization that this is not possible scarred me for life, I did not suddenly become aware of my imbecility when I learned it. Unlike when things went AWW-ree and my own mother laughed at me.

        Liked by 1 person

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