June's stupid life

June makes employee badges for the pets, officially goes around bend. Story at 11.

by June

Last night, as I shoved a pet off me so I could recharge my laptop so I could work it to death again the next day, it dawned on me they need titles and badges. My pets do. If they’re gonna be my coworkers.

I mean, I have a title. I’m a senior copy editor. Back when I first got promoted to “senior,” I changed my work email signature to señor copy editor, and loved self el longo time-o. Then I had to actually start emailing people outside the office and changed it back like I was dignified.

Anyway, I made employee badges.

Even posthumously, Talu is in charge, and can still obtain toilet paper, as careful observers will note. If she were alive she’d never show up unless it was release-live-squirrels day at the office.

Edsel tirelessly monitors Global Gardens’ pee and pee holdings. He keeps his ear to the ground—and to the ceiling. Despite his lofty title, Eds is always willing to lend a paw to the kitten newcomers.

After a brief stint in outside sales, Lily finds inside sales a better fit. Lily’s desk is near the break room, and she’d like to emphasize she was not at all drunk when her badge photo was made.

“Dis not funnee.”

No one has any idea what he does here all day.

There are currently no openings at Global Gardens Integration, but check back as our needs change often.

63 thoughts on “June makes employee badges for the pets, officially goes around bend. Story at 11.”

  1. The expressions of the “employees” kills me dead. 💕😻🙀🤣🤣🤣
    *** Website won’t let me post under my regular nickname “L. in CA” error message “duplicate post” huh???

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  4. It took me two whole days to comprehend the site manager joke. Lilly’s scrunched up eyes made me confuse her for Iris. Not too swift on the uptake sometimes, am I? Love this whole post, such a brilliant idea. You are so very clever, lovely Joon.

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  9. Man, don’t your pets make this quarantine situation so much more bearable, though?? Of course it would be nice to occasionally pee alone, but I know I’m loved!

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  13. This post is hilarious. I keep going back to reread it to see the jib titles and descriptions again. Thank you for the laughs!!

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  17. I recently came across a play my now deceased best friend wrote about us and some friends. It occurs to me that you are clever like Lynne was. Aunt Kathy

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  19. Had a really emotional day today. Just read this and feel so much better now. Thanks June!

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  20. Look how clever and technical you are to be able to make those badges! Color me impressed. I haven’t even showered yet today. I am a slacker.

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  23. Francis should be Public Relations Manager, Emeritus. I once had a job as a Program Support Technician. Even I don’t know what the hell I did.

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  24. Essential these days to have an employee who has access to the toilet paper storage closet. If only he would/could actually come to work.

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  29. Those look so fancy! My cats, we have decided, are in kitty-garden. Maybe when they graduate they can work for somewhere as professional as GGI. But I’m not holding out much hope, since Socks is going on 16, and still in kitty-garden.

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  30. You do not wish to know how long it took me to get “Site Manager”.

    I think I am going to make an employee of the month sign as well to put in front of my barely used car.

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  33. These employee badges just made me laugh.
    Laurie in NB, Canada (currently at my place of work, the only employee in the building but still wearing a name tag.)

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  34. It’s the corporate infrastructure that keeps your company running so smoothly. They earn all those trips outside, inside, outside, inside, outside, inside. At this point I would be Chief Layabout Officer. And these avitars!?!

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  35. This is fabulous!

    Just want I needed to see as my company has now sent zoom exercise meetings – totally optional – but no – just no – GGI is definitely one of the best companies to work.

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  38. Hilarious! Site Manager! Sweet Iris, don’t listen to her. Oh my goodness, I started laughing at the title. This is one of your tops posts. I really needed this laugh, I’ve resorted to sharpening all my pencils, yes, I have and use pencils.
    Tee

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  45. This is hilarious – I totally needed this laugh amid snow flurries up Canada way. It reminds me of a friend who is a massage therapist and works from a lovely studio in her home. During a massage we decided she should start an employee of the month campaign. Both of us laughed uncontrollably at the thought of framed pics of her going through her entranceway, each with a little plaque for the month.

    Liked by 1 person

  50. You have done a great job with staffing. I think we need to move you over to HR, it’s more of a lateral promotion…
    Did I miss the Zoom netflix viewing????

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      1. Oh, how I loved this! Thank you. I had a mini meltdown today like a toddler and this was very much needed.
        Maybe save a place for Steeley Dan- the original Importer/ Exporter. Thank you.

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  53. You have clearly gone round the bend June Gardens. And I’m right behind ya.

    “Site manager”. Oh my god.

    The highlight of my day? Seeing what little monster posts with my name today on June’s not-blog.

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