I’m over here like, Man, I guess I’d better say a few words. Like I’m Winston Churchill or something and everyone’s clamoring for my pith. It’s hard to find something to write about when we’re all (mostly all) living this Groundhog’s Day existence. Let’s see. I got up, let the dog out, started working here at home, let the dog back in, oh look it’s 5! Let the dog out, watch TV, bed. Get up. Let the dog out.
One thing Eds and I did that was out of the ordinary was on Friday—or Friyay, if you want to be someone who makes my nethers twitch—we went to the vet. I know! The many adventures of Eds and June.
As you know, from your scroll of June events—and do you know what I miss? I miss someone bursting into the town square with a scroll, announcing things. When did that go out of style?
Anyway, as you know, from someone bursting into your town square and announcing things from a scroll, Edsel was diagnosed with congestive heart failure six months ago, and he was supposed to go back for a checkup in, you know, six months. Which is now. How soon is now?
I wasn’t going to take him in till we weren’t riddled with pandemic, but on top of old smokey and his heart trouble, his hip trouble seemed to be bothering him more, despite the million-dollar dog bed for bad hips that I got him, and the $49-a-day hip chews that I similarly got him. For a dog I got in a gas-station parking lot, I sure do dole out the bucks on this creature.
I’d been doing dog massage I learned from YouTube videos, but that seemed to be, shockingly, not helping much. I couldn’t stand how miserable he seemed, so off we went, to the curbside vet service. I would have highly enjoyed my no-nonsense veterinarian rolling up to the car on skates, but she did not.
I wrote a tome for her to read once she was inside with my dog, and am certain she did not roll her eyes at all. Edsel. Based on the novel Push, by Sapphire.
She was gone with my dog for quite a while, and I sat in the car and felt hot, but finally she returned, Edsel cheerfully holding his leash in his mouth. It’s his signature move, and everyone is charmed by it, so I feel like he really plays it up for the crowd.
His CHF isn’t any worse, which is good. But now he has arrhythmia. I mean, of course he has no rhythm. His mom was a WHITE German shepherd. I took notes while my be-masked vet talked and wrote down that he was having “sinkable episodes.” When I got home and could Google, turns out the word is syncopal. Because I’m brilliant. The unsinkable Edsel Brown.
Anyway he gets faint. Is my point. Because he has no rhythm.
Also too, Eds has spondylosis, which sounds more fun than it is. Everybody do the spondylosis! Oh, swing your partner round and round…
It’s a bad sort of arthritis, is I guess the best way to describe. They gave him a free session of cold laser therapy, performed by Stone Cold Steve Austin. I actually have no idea who that is. Is that a wrestler? A football player? A freezer brand?
Anyway, she gave him that to see if it helped, but what I failed to ask was, “How soon should feeling better show up?” because he seemed the same. I did also give him a new pill she gave me a week’s worth of, and I think he’s…a little less bad? No matter what, if he wants to get up off the floor, he has to plan it for a month and a half. There’s no leaping up spontaneously for this dog. He’d be a terrible break dancer at this point.
Also, this weekend I threw Blu and he
over to get it. Has there been anything more awful to see than that creature walking across the lawn, when formerly he was a gazelle?
So that was our one outing, and really Eds seemed to enjoy the hell out of it, actually. so gud to see anyone other than mom.
The only other big news is that I started my cat astrology puzzle yesterday, and would you like to know what I’m not good at? Puzzles. Nevertheless, I persisted, and now my only fear is, ironically, a cat knocking down my cat puzzle.
I felt bad, cause ol’ lightening hips, up here, sat on the kitchen floor the whole time I was puzzling. “You can go to your beds, Edsel,” I told him, but he wouldn’t hear of it. He lay there spondylosisly, a faithful cur. Edsel’s got the floor.
Do you know what I’d like to do? Is get a new kitchen floor. Look at that depressing beige floor. What should I put down in its place, with all my dollars? Also, how much does it cost to put in a new floor? Also, can you even HAVE home repair right now? I’d assume no.
I’d best be off, to go do whatever it is I do all day.