This morning, I was admiring my rose bush again, so I went outside to film it for you. I’ve no idea why I decided on making a whole movie for you, but I did, and once we see Edsel? Listen for the neighbor’s rooster. I love hearing the rooster.
Oh, I hope you can hear him. But if you can’t, he sounds like this: Errr-er-er-er-ERRRRR!
I’m hearing him, like, 70 times while I type this, and he must be in a good mood. Maybe he’s modeling for the new box of Corn Flakes. How processed does corn have to get to become a flake? Maybe it’s just corn that never shows up when it says it will.
Anyway, I’m sitting at the laptop again, petless ATM because everyone went to the back yard to hang about. Lily, who only started venturing out last week, and who can’t even haul her girth up to the dryer to eat so I know she REALLY can’t jump the six-foot fence, is out there looking sort of like how I look at a sled hill or a pool. Sort of uncertain and waiting to see if anyone else thinks it’s fun. I watched her the other day out there, and she watched Milhous stretch so she did too.
Oh! Here’s the other thing that’s new, thanks to those GODDAMN CATS.
After all my hard work, and placing spare pieces back in the box like a miser, THIS IS WHAT I GET. HOWWWWW did they lose this piece? And awwwww, dawgs, I looked for it. I looked under the fridge with a flashlight, under the stove, under the area rug, under the candlestick where Mil likes to store his kill such as water bottle caps.
Nothing. That piece is gone. I suggested Mil may have eaten the puzzle piece, like Curious George. Maybe that guy who insists on yellow 24/7 can visit him in the hospital.
Have you ever been that happy to drink barium in your life?
Also, I would like a monkey. And if you’re going to annoy me and tell me Curious George is a chimp or an orangutan or whatever, I have no use for you. Same as people who insist on telling me something is an insect and not a bug. Oh my god go give yourself a barium enema, know-it-all.
And I like how simple house cats have gone ahead and RUINED MY LIFE but eight seconds later I want a monkey.
It’s an APE, June.
I guess I always think the next pet will fill the hole in my soul, when we all know that apex is unfillable.
An apex isn’t a hole, June, it’s—
Why so dead RN?
Also, my throat hurts, as usual, and it’s been hurting every day since March and yet every day I wake up with a sore throat and say, I’m Corona Barrett.
Why such a simple sleeve?
Anyway, it’s almost the weekend. What a relief. Can’t wait to just chill around the house. We have our Friday work happy hour today, where we all get on our computers and look at each other, and someone’s usually funny, so that will be like half an hour where I feel relatively normal. Then tomorrow morning I have my trainer.
We also worked out Wednesday, for the first time since my
and oh my god. Pain.
She and I spent an inordinate amount of time trying to get her dog to notice my dog and it never worked.
At some point in the workout, Iris wandered in. “Oh, is that the blind one?” Everyone knows entirely too much about me.
Iris likes me to open the closet so she can sit on the folded comforters in there. I let her, but after while I noticed she’d opted for the uncomfortable wooden chair I’d rolled out of my way, instead.
“Are you taking a selfie?” asked my trainer, who is shocked by nothing anymore. But I was NOT. I was taking an Iris-y. And I hang things inside-out to avoid pet fur, Curious George. Since I have 20 fur-filled creatures and now I’m getting a gibbon.
“Curious George was not a gibbon, June. He—“