The tale of Mr. IP Freely and the beee beee peeee birds

Let’s talk about guilt.

Yesterday, I was in my back yard throwing Blu for Edsel, which in and of itself causes guilt, because he loves it yet it’s bad for his bad heart. I made the decision to play it with him anyway, just a little, because who wants years of NOT getting to do what you love followed by heart failure?

Anyway, I’d seen some activity at my birdhouse as of late, with birds flitting in and out of it. And last night, I heard

PEEE PEEEE BEEEE BEEEE PEEEE!

which is one of my favorite sounds, along with coffee finishing brewing and the snap of a lipstick lid going back on.

BABY BIRDS!

Not snapping their lipstick. Beeee beeee peeeee beeeing in my birdhouse!

And then I remembered old murder paws, over here, and why I always gotta have cats? Lily, who never caught anything ever, hardly, is too fat to murder now. She’d have to get a gun, like Tony Soprano. And Iris, who used to kill everything in her sight, so to speak, has also gotten older and certainly blinder, and her killing days are over.

But Milhous.

To be fair, Mil has only killed hisself one rat, and that was a quote from my neighbor last summer. “Milhous done got hisself a rat!” He seems to be more of a lover than a fighter, and joins Michael Jackson in many duets.

That doesn’t mean, however, that a birdhouse full of bald tasty helpless birds wouldn’t, you know, appeal.

So, last night, after dinner, I wouldn’t let Milhous back out into the yard. He likes to take a constitutional back there after he’s dined, but no. And, oh, that did not go over. He stomped about, mowing. He was driving me berserk, frankly.

He jumped onto the dresser by the front door and pawed at the blinds, peeking out through them the way my gramma did when her police radio told her trouble was near.

He jumped onto the tassel I have on my front door, swinging his whole body on it like Miley Cyrus with a wrecking ball.

But I stayed resolute, which actually isn’t like me, but I can’t stand to think of those

BEEEEPEEEEBEEEEPEEEs

getting munched on by stupid Milhous.

This morning, as I let Edsel out, Milhous came

LEAPING

out of nowhere, and ran out the door.

“Godda—” I headed toward him to bring him back in, and you know what he did?

He peed.

He peed in the flower bed.

He peed and peed and peed.

“Oh, Milhous. Honey. I’m so sorry,” I said, and for what I think is a first for me, petted a cat whilst he peed.

Does Mil only pee outside? I tried to think if I ever saw him in the litterbox. But it’s at the back of the house where the laundry is, so I don’t really, you know, hang out over in the vicinity very often.

So there was my guilt. Oh, I’m RIDDEN with guilt, and why is it always ridden, guilt-ridden, like how it’s always voracious reader and not some other word? Seems like if you were a reader you’d know another word, like avid, for example.

Did he have to pee all night? Clearly he did. He peee peeee peeee peeeeee!d

Oh, it makes me feel terrible for him.

And then, when he was done, he dashed off, like he does, into the back of the yard, ears back like a devil.

So now I’ve set up a roomy workstation at the window, so I can work and look out at the feeder, to make sure he doesn’t turn into Sylvester the Cat, climbing that pole to get to the birdhouse.

…There he is! That MFer. Birdhouse behind him. That’s good. He’s not concentrating on it.

I’ve been spotted!!

Nothing gets past this creature.

…I just got up to see if I can lure him back in.

But he’s dashed into the morning. Probably so he can pee freely, poor thing. So I’ll be on watch here, working on boxes of water.

What’s your guilt today?

51 thoughts on “The tale of Mr. IP Freely and the beee beee peeee birds

  1. Oh, the guilt. I’m working from home, but that’s suffering because I have to help my kids with their distance learning. The kids could probably use more help than I’m giving them. The kids are spending more time playing games on the computers than they probably should; hell, I’m glad the computers are keeping them occupied and allowing me to get some work done. My husband has started multiple huge projects around the house and wants my help; I’m helping where I can, but he wants more, and I just can’t. I thought this sheltering in place thing was going to be great….but it’s just even more stress than usual!!

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  2. I cannot tell you how excited we are that you have baby birds! Any clue what kind of birds?

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    1. My best guess would be chickadees. There are those teeny tiny ones who have little tuxedos on, right? I have seen them flitting around a lot.

      >

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  3. If I had a backyard like yours I would eat outside every day. It’s gorgeous . Guilt – I have exercised twice since the shutdown. Starting again is going to be a bitch.

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  4. Totally off the wall I know. I spray Pam all over the shepherd’s hook that holds my hummingbird feeder. Those nasty ants can’t crawl up the hook now and get the food. Perhaps a few squirts would make Mil have second thoughts on the babies.

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  5. I’m working from home with a four month old. My guilt is I’m failing at both while neglecting my husband and older dog.

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  6. I don’t feed outdoor critters because fixed income and three pets. My sister feeds the birds and even gets deer. Her property is way more rural than mind.
    I have so many undone things to feel guilty about if I started I’d never stop.

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  7. I have given up on guilt. Living alone – well no – have large furry dog and little affection-craving cat – house needs to be completely cleaned but instead I just hit and miss. Mostly miss. But June! Your pictures – your paradise of a yard – just make me want to pack up and go back to North Carolina! So beautiful and inspiring —

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  8. My guilt? Oh, there is SO MUCH!
    1. Letting my 16-year-old son go to the driving range with his friends yesterday. (I have said no and no and no–and THAT guilt got to me.) (Lose-Lose situation)
    2. Not being caught up on Grading yet–and still here I am playing.
    3. MY HOUSE NEEDS TO BE CLEANED. Seriously.
    4. Not doing enough for my mom. She is 85, and isolated. I feel like we should do more, but what?

    I guess I will stop there. I could go on…

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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    1. I know how you feel. My Dad is 88 and lives alone- I am delivering his groceries to him weekly and I talk to him on the phone almost every day, but still feel like I should be doing something else, but I know, the question is “what?”. Will be so glad when things get back to normal. He still drives, but now after not driving for so long, I worry about will he be able to when we are over this? So much quilt and worry combined.

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  9. My husband feels so guilty about one of our cats pooping and peeing right next to his side of the bed. He had installed a quiet little exhaust fan in the litter box closet and she didn’t like it. But he thought she had become used to it because he caught her napping in the closet. Then this last Monday morning around 4am, she started howling. He got up, but while he was investigating the litter box closet, she did her thing. Then she was freaked out and ashamed. That was awful for both of them.

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  10. *is too fat to murder now.* – love this!
    I feel guilty, well just ticked off at myself for not working out yet this morning. I am gonna do it in a minute but I wish at this point of the morning it was over. I was hungry and wanted to eat first, and then wanted to wait till I digested.

    I should feel guilty about missing my kid’s 8th grade graduation ceremony, but they suck – plain and simple, so I am happy that it is virtual and I don’t have to listen to some girl sing a solo of a sappy song so screechy and high pitched that she could break glass. They ceremonies at the 8th grade level are so BORING. There I said it and I don’t care who knows.

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    1. I grew up in an era when you graduated once: from high school. And then from college if you went to college. As a result, I find these “graduations” from anything else simply absurd.

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      1. THANK YOU! My sister keeps whining about my niece not being able to “graduate” into high school. I was very confused. “Well, she won’t be able to see any of these kids again!” (What, are you moving? You live in a small neighbourhood crawling with kids, are none of those in school with her? Are none of them going to her high school?) Just a little bit dramatic!

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        1. I’m a little annoyed with the whole “But they are missing their PROMMMMM!!”. Really? Does everyone go to prom all three years, or even once? I don’t think so. No they don’t. Lu annoy so bad!

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      2. Hmmm Well, Catholic School… I graduated from 8th grade! no caps and gowns though – just frilly dresses! But I do agree – too many graduations!

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      3. We had a Mass for eighth grade graduation from Roman Catholic Parochial school. I recall that they rang the bells during communion and tears were rolling down my face. I hated the thought of leaving the only school I had attended since kindergarten. No screechy solos. No caps and gowns, boys wore suits, girls wore dresses, color our choice. (It had been all white dresses at one time). We’d had a day trip to Washington DC and a class photo taken.
        I was appalled when my nephews now in their twenties had preschool graduations in tiny caps and gowns. Adorable, but REALLY? Who knows what they do now!

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  11. Guilt. Covid weight gain. Not going to see my family, even though we aren’t supposed to right now. Oversleeping today because I just did not want to get up and work. I don’t know what to make for dinner.

    I have bird house that has never housed a bird family. I don’t know why. I don’t feel guilty about that though.

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  12. I want to say something about playing with Edsel (and maybe about my guilt too, but stick with me).

    I’m living with my mother-in-law right now. She is dying. She has a rare form of Parkinson’s and her muscles are increasingly stiff and don’t work. She can move her right hand and turn her head, and that’s pretty much it.

    The hardest part is that she can barely swallow. But she still wants to eat. She’s been very clear about that, and she’s absolutely mentally competent to make her own decisions. In fact, we often ask her what day it is, because who the hell knows what day it is right now? Connie. Connie knows.

    Anyway, she wants to eat, but the muscles in her throat don’t work, so she chokes. We’ve had to do the heimlich multiple times. I’ve stood at her shoulder, trying to swipe food out of her mouth, watching her lips turn blue. But it’s what she wants.

    One time she choked and when we got her airway clear, as soon as her breath steadied she asked for a bite of sandwich.

    My point is that it’s hard. It’s REALLY hard. But if Connie dies on a bite of food I give her, I didn’t kill her, this damn disease did. And if Edsel dies because he’s chasing his beloved Blu you didn’t kill him. He’s as mentally competent as he ever was, and I’m pretty sure that’s what he wants to spend his life on.
    Well, that and adoring you.

    (Shes actually not eating solid food – or hardly anything – anymore. We’re not far from the end.)

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      1. Hugs Kira Martin. I am sure she appreciates every little thing you are doing for her. It is very hard on those around her. You are a strong person. Good for you for being with her.

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    1. Kira, I liked your comment, because I felt you were giving good advice… and then I read the last sentence. Oh honey, that’s so tough. 😦 I did not mean to like that part.

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    2. Prayers and air hugs, Kira. You are doing a wonderful by respecting the wishes of your mother-in-law. I am far away from my family member who has a limited time left and how I wish I could go and help, but they don’t want me to come due to that dratted virus. Kira, you will never have cause to regret this. Blessed be the care-givers.

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  13. Poor Mil. I know, adding more guilt. He might not be interested in the peep peep peeping until they start to fledge. My Sweet Pea kitty thought she was going to have a take out meal (baby birds) until I put a window screen under the bird house as a barrier between her and those babies. It worked really well.
    Tee

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    1. Poet, I love this suggestion. The grease on his fur might distract him from wanting a baby bird, maybe.

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  14. My guilt? For two months, I haven’t visited my poor recently-widowed 80-year-old mother who lives on nine acres, is over-run with weeds, and doesn’t know how to run the lawnmower. Granted she only just told me about the weeds, but still… Stupid lockdown. And she’s only an hour and a half away.

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  15. Reasons to feel guilty today:
    Having difficulty getting motivated to work diligently and am, in fact, really looking forward to a furlough week. Which is awful, because so many people are furloughed against their will.

    Homeschooling and how inadequate of a job I’ve done regarding my child with special needs

    Weight

    Didn’t take the dogs for a walk this morning

    Got irked with Jinx, our sweetheart of a cat who is also a total pest about attention

    Not reaching out to more friends to talk/videocall/etc. during this time

    The state of cleanliness (or lack of) in my house

    How much screen time child with special needs is getting (both husband and I are working from home)

    It’s a never-ending list, really. I wonder how Milhous would do with a harness and leash…

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  16. One of our dogs is currently OBSESSED with the backyard. And we are in the midst of that fifth fine season in the midwest that we call “Mud”. So we have to take her out on a leash to keep her from charging around the yard chasing whatever she is seeking to catch and taking a mud bath at the same time – which is a PAIN in the hiney. So we say NO a lot. And she spends alllllll day laying by the back door, voicing her discontent. Yesterday she finally took a break from the door, walked into my bedroom, and peed on the floor. I’m still not sure if I feel guilty or if that was a revenge pee. “Go ahead and stay ‘No’ to me again, woman”.

    We have a pair of nesting ducks in our yard (could be what my dog is so crazed about TBH). They have laid two nests of eggs, only to see them both eaten by something. Life is hard when you’re a duck.

    If I were you, I’d be sitting out at that table working June. It looks so glorious in your backyard!

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  17. “the snap of a lipstick lid going back on”……brings up so many emotions. So many wonderful childhood memories of a long time ago. Thank you for the gift.

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  18. I had to bury a puppy this morning. 😦 There’s my guilt. My dog had puppies and one of them just didn’t make it. Oh, I tried, I sponge fed her every other hour, first puppy formula, then goat’s milk. I bought a heating pad and had them all set up right beside my bed. But per the vet there was nothing more I could do and after 2 very long weeks, she’s gone.

    I don’t know why I feel guilty but I do.

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    1. The same thing happened to my cousin with a six week old shiatsu puppy. She was going to breed them as a retirement thing but has probably changed her mind. She was the runt and had a bad heart. It was not their fault. We lost the runt in a liter when I was a child. It just happens sometimes.

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  19. So far I’m guilt free. Well, I did step on the scale and feel guilty about all the crap I’ve been eating I guess!
    I just want to tell you how much I love your backyard and that bright cheerful furniture!!

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  20. All along I thought you were referring to the birdhouse on your she-shed. I saw the photo, and right then I knew.

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    1. I *wish* someone would nestle there. I mean, maybe they have. I just haven’t seen anyone over there. But really I should make up my mind: Birdbaths, bird food and birdhouses or outdoor cats? PICK ONE, JOOOOON.

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