Feel the purse

Hey there, all you cool cats and kittens.

^^^ Obviously, I watched Tiger King, finally. Holy … cats. So to speak.

And now, the happiest moment of my life, the day I held a baby lion, is marred. MARRED, I tell you, knowing that baby was harmed by being petted for cash. Goddammit. I can never have anything nice.

I put this photo on Facebook the other day and someone asked, “Is that a tiger?”

Does it … look like a tiger to you? Let me feel your forehead. No, wait, I can’t. Let me feel your forehead with this 6-foot arm.

Let’s all look at a tiger together, class.

Tigers have stripes. Stop eating that Elmer’s Glue.

That day when I pulled on my mother’s sweatpants with pockets and headed to a county fair (there was a period, so to speak, from like 1999 to 2014, when every time I went to visit my mother I’d get my, you know, monthlies. EVERY TIME. Even when it wasn’t time. In this particular case, we were at her cabin in Northern Michigan, or as they redundantly say in Michigan, “up north.” And I ran out of pants, as all the ladies know can happen. So I borrowed mom’s sweatpants. DID I KNOW I WAS ABOUT TO HAVE THE HAPPIEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE?

I did not. As one often does not. And now this moment of sweatpants with pockets is engraved in my mind forever.)

THAT DAY, when I pulled on my mother’s sweatpants with pockets and headed to the county fair, they had lion and tiger petting for like 10 bucks or something. I waited in line for an hour, so excited I could hardly stand it. They told me it was a rescue situation.

I was more drawn to the lion. Tigers just seem so predictable.

Her name was Savannah, and she was 14 weeks old. It’s been well over 10 years, maybe even 15, and I still remember that.

In the documentary Tiger King, they talk about the addiction of petting one of those big cats. I know what they mean. I don’t know how I didn’t end up one of those women with hair too long for my age, wearing cat print all the time and owning 15 leopards. It’s still kind of my dream.

Leopards are really my favorite, followed by black panthers because they’re so cool. But you bring me over a serval and I’d be fine as frog’s fur. Any big cat, really. Yes, I will take that big cat off your hands. And why can’t they be released back into “the wild,” as if there’s wild left? Can’t we sort of work out a plan to introduce them back in or something?

I’m writing you outside, right now, as I am introducing myself into the wild. The sky is sick with singing birds, including some sort of hawk, and there’s a pigeon on the telephone line over my house. Calling her friend with her feets.

My own big cats, who are not big at all, have been leaping onto and off of my chair, here, because they’re probably pissed off that I’m not discussing them.

I have to hand it to Eds, who tried 47 times to get on his hind legs, what with his back trouble and all. But he did it, just so he could woo/eat his brother. Not entirely sure of his motive ATM. He was totally that “Perseverance” poster people have at work.

If you’ve read me awhile you know how many times I’ve painted that metal chair. I sort of like it like that, actually. Even if you haven’t read me awhile you can see three colors, there, so you could probably hazard a guess about how many times I’ve painted it.

“Is that a lion?”

I’d better go. They sent me something Friday to work on this morning at work, and I like it when they do that. When you’re the copy editor, you’re the last person to get the job before it goes out there into the world. So as you can imagine, Monday mornings aren’t the busiest. And yet if you put on your timesheet that you sat around waiting for work, you get the pursed-lips look. I mean, you get no look at all because quarantine, but you FEEL the pursed lips.

Anyway today I have a task to do straightaway, which is exciting and I can avoid the purse. It’s 13 minutes to 8 as I write this, so I’ll start right at 8 and then I can knock off right at 5, which is good because I have my trainer at 5:30. She broke her ding-dang FINGER last week, walking her giant dogs, and that is why I injected Edsel with back poison, so I don’t have to walk him.

That’s not true. I’m to give him “controlled walks,” per my vet. You know about my iron fist of control.

I got my Stitch Fix box and it’s really very hard to take full-body pictures of yourself, but I did take some and I’ll do a vote-on-Stitch-Fix soon. Maybe.

Pandemically,
June

34 Comments

  1. The tiger king made me sad for the tigers. I held a monkey in a parking lot once–also one of my happiest moments. I still have that picture–a polaroid! Now I feel bad about that too. I also thought about how it is just like a CULT! OMG. I can’t really get past the lack of teeth either.

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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  2. Love this post, June. All the pets in one post. Do mothers still purse their lips? I want to watch Tiger King but if one animal even gets sad I won’t get over it for 15 years. Ozark, on the other hand…

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  3. Tiger King.. yes – but weird. I loved Ozark though! Waiting for 4th season.
    Hair – I don’t think there is an age limit on long hair – June – your hair is so amazing – I cannot imagine it ever getting thin!
    Pursed lips …. haha… too funny

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  4. I was saddened by the Tiger King, strictly for the animals. I have been following Big Cat Rescue for years but now I don’t know what to think. Poor kitties. I luff them.

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  5. Years ago when I was a teenager, my mom took my sister and I over to a coworkers house in Tustin CA. The reason she took us was so we could meet his pet LION. Or should I say, “Lioness.” Her name was Jessica and she was either a daughter or granddaughter (I can’t remember) of the famous Frasier of Lion Country Safari. Google “Frasier the Sensuous Lion” to know who that was.
    Anyway, this guy had somehow acquired himself a lioness and was raising her as a pet in his house. The guy would take her for walks on a leash and she slept on the bed with his kid. Jessica was about the size of a Great Dane and was completely unaware of her size. She loved to play fetch and swim in the pool. But she would get pissy if you didn’t throw the ball when she retrieved it and when I didn’t immediately throw the ball, she bit me in my side. I had the scars for years. But she was so cute and playful and BIG and oh, the size of her paws!
    Eventually, Jessica became too big to be a pet and I’m sure the neighbors complained so she was sent to live at Tippi Hedren’s Shambala preserve.
    And that is the story of how I got bit by a lioness and lived to tell the tale.

    Liked by 2 people

  6. I love how you title your posts. And how you bring your stories full circle. Really just your writing style in general.
    Have a great week!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Somewhere there is a picture of my daughter with a lion Cub. She looked pretty darn happy, too. Looking back, the cats were in small cages and probably pretty miserable, but the baby was cute. One of the big cats backed up to the bars of the cage and peed on us. Ugh.

    It’s nice to see your large beasts (and you) are able to be out in the wild.

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  8. Dude, I live right down the road from Tiger Joe and followed him on FB for years. Well, come to find out one of my best friends worked for him and had a huge crush on him. And yes, I totally voted for Joe Exotic for governor.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. I think owning several pets, ie: cats and a dog, is the new tiger king . . . so I think you are living your fantasy, but thank you for upgrading the look to eliminate the leopard prints and the scraggly gray hair and bad makeup. That Carol person needs her some stitch fix. Operative word here: FIX.

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  10. When I read the title I expected this one to be about petting handbags and I got a little too excited. I am entirely too literal minded and my love of accessories knows no bounds.

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    1. In my defense a friend’s sister worked in the handbag area of a department store and a woman missing several teeth came in weekly to pet the purses she could not afford. The ones behind glass. You can’t make this stuff up.

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  11. I did think of you when we watched The Tiger King. What a story. And I’m sure you caught the fact that at 10 bucks you got yourself a real bargain. Some of those folks were paying 1500 a crack, and coming back more than once. And you KNOW they didn’t have that cash to blow. (What a writer I am, getting both “crack” and “blow” in the same sentence. Because there was a lot of both in that there story.) The women did fascinate me. The one who’s dad drove her there and dropped her off. Like what happened to actually caring what happens to your kid? People do be weird.

    What a glorious day in June’s backyard. We had a picture perfect weekend and today – 36 a degrees and gloomy.

    Lovely post lovely June! Gonna try to avoid the purse here myself today!

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  12. For the entire first episode of Tiger King all I could do was make noises of confusion, concern, consternation and something akin to horror. “Hmmmm?”. “Huhhhh?!”. “Hu-UH????”.
    The only words I could muster were, “Where- where are…. his teeth??” and “Is that? Is that tattooed eyeliner- that’s tattooed eyeliner!”.
    It was something. I hate to say entertaining, but it was.

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  13. Love how happy you looked while feeding the baby lion. And your backyard now with pets is amazing with the thick carpet of green grass. What a perfect spot to work outdoors.

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  14. That sweet face on that little tiger. Do you remember Tony the Tiger? He advertised Frosted Flakes cereal… you might be too young. Tony had stripes. Love all the animals in your backyard jungle.
    Tee

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    1. Do you remember getting a tiger tail to put in your gas tank from a gas station? “Put a tiger in your tank”. I don’t but my late husband was obsessed with it. He was only 2.5 years older but he was male so… I remember Tony The Tiger very well. Frosted Flakes was one of our favorite cereals!

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  15. We were aghast at the Lion King what with all the gay husbands and the general what-the-fuck?!
    I think the real sad story of the animals was lost to that circus. It made for interesting watching though.

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  16. Good thing you got your 10 dollars with of the lion then. I doubt seriously you would be able to do anything remotely similar now.
    Stitch fix… can’t wait. No, really.
    Hair to long for your age. Is that a thing?

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        1. I did Google her. She is a bit old for her hippie look but her hair is blonde. I need to see that now.

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          1. Yes–you mentioned long gray hair. I didn’t– just said her hair was long for her age. I find hair that long looks bad on anyone older than, say, 19, regardless of the color.

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    1. Tiger King could be written by Steven King. Just yesterday my husband asked me what was sticking out of my shirt. It was my phone stuck in my bra and he said well put it in your pocket. Then I had to go through a long dissertation about the lack of pockets in women’s clothing. So not only did you get $10 lion petting, you had pockets!

      Liked by 2 people

      1. This lack of pockets is akin to the lack of sleeves in womens clothing, or as June would say “sleeves for amputees”. What I did was purchase skinny jeans for Men and there you have it, they fit me great and have ample pockets

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