Dawn

Now my dishwasher is broken.

Careful readers, meaning readers who’ve read me for the last two days, will note my refrigerator stopped running this weekend. I now have the fridge plugged into my orange Christmas lights extension cord, and it’s draped becomingly across my kitchen floor and up onto the cupboards where it’s joined in holy matrimony with a power strip. Won’t you join my tour of homes?

That was hideous enough. Now the dishwasher just up and died. Up and died like Mr. Bojangles’ dog. So once again, to avoid a repair person coming in here and infecting me and all my children

[I totally just Erica Kane’d your ass]

I’ve gone ahead and ordered dish soap, a tub and a rack to do dishes by hand. Goddammit. This shit is getting more Little House by the minute. You remember all the stories of Laura ordering Palmolive through Amazon.

What could be wrong? Why the fridge plug and now my dishwasher? You don’t plug in a dishwasher, or do you? Oh, GOD.

The good news is, my footstool is done, so I’ve helped that small business, along with my giant contribution to Kit with my $15 flower paintings. Hey, Kit, do you have a nice small side table? I can’t afford it yet because foot$tool. Still. Keep me informed for next pay period.

I also ordered a t-shirt from my friend’s general store out in the country. I already had one in blue and it’s the softest t-shirt I own. So I ordered one in salmon and it came yesterday. I’m swimmin’ upstream in it!

Am I ever.

Also, while we’re up, here’s my tarot reading for this month, under the category “The home.” I keep the notes from my readings on my phone, for quick access.

“Major” doesn’t mean a major appliance. It’s me telling myself that this was a major arcana card.

This is a major arcana card. It’s the ones that read The Emperor or The Fool or what have you instead of six of wands or eight of cups, etc. When you draw a major arcana, it means this part will have more of an influence on your life than if you’d drawn, say, a Page of Swords.

You THINK?

Back in the late ’90s, Marvin and I moved into a cool 1940s-era duplex in LA. It was absolutely magnificent, favorite place I ever lived, except for one thing: No dishwasher.

So Marvin and I, being the modern equitable couple we were, decided to take turns doing dishes. The thing is, we’d eat something and then I’d go do dishes. Then it’d be his turn.

Breakfast? No dish-doing after. Lunch? Eh, do them later.

Marvin would wait until we were using clothespins as cutlery and measuring cups for, you know, cups. And then he’d stand there and complain about how long it took to do dishes.

We lived in that place for six years. Did he ever learn? He did not.

I remember out that kitchen window you could see the triplex of our neighbor, Mr. Robert, and his wife, Mrs. Robert. According to Alicia, who lived across the street, they once got into a fight and she heard Mrs. Robert screeching, “Fuck-a you! FUCK-A YOU!”

They were foreign. I forget where they were from. Everybody was foreign in LA. I once counted how many people at work spoke with accents and I had more coworkers with accents than without. It was cool.

Anyway, Mr. and Mrs. Robert (his real name was so not Robert, but he said it was Robert, so okay) had a mother who lived in the front apartment of the triplex, and a caretaker came every day to help out. The caretaker would go in the yard and do tai chi, and sometimes I’d take my hands out of the soapy water and do tai chi with her in my kitchen.

The Mrs. Robert mother watched very loud Korean dramas, and eventually I got into them too, a thing that annoyed the bejeesus out of Marvin, as apparently it’s hard to tune out Korean from another room. Maybe Mr. and Mrs. and Mother Robert were Korean. See how nothing gets past this rapier mind?

When I should have had a blog is back then, when I lived in that cool neighborhood in that cool apartment. Life was just more interesting then. But then and now I am dishwasherless and pandemicky and goddammit.

Brokenly,
Juan Robert

64 Comments

  1. My dishwasher has been on the fritz since March 15th. I’ve been hand washing through this pandemic. Uhhh

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  2. Pandemicky has just been added to my vocabulary. The perfect word for that feeling.

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  3. I think everyone here is right. Also, no need to order a drying rack… I had a faulty dishwasher for years and it would break and Sears would be too busy for MONTHS before they sent anyone to fix it (another story for another day) so I used the racks in the dishwasher as drying racks–the dishwasher just always had clean dishes in it. It took me a while to figure that strategy out, but dang, it worked great! We now have a fully functioning dishwasher–thank goodness!

    Lovely post, lovely June!

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    1. My BFF who rarely uses her dishwasher (WHY?!) Uses it for drying dishes as well.

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  4. If you use an extension cord for the dishwasher, then make sure to unplug in between loads because the cord can catch on fire. I guess you don’t have a choice when it comes to the refrigerator. Cords plugged into another cord amplifies the power (a surge?) and overloads something…resulting in flames, smoke, and melting cord. I had a portable heater implode in front of my eyes after I connected it to a yellow extension cord. I don’t know the technical explanation but I guess it can be Googled. As I did Google after the fire. I’ve banned all extension cords from my house.

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    1. P.S. I love the worried neurotic hound dog Icon on my comment. It really fit with my “The sky is falling…your extension cords will implode…” comment. Didn’t mean to sound like a Debbie Downer Hound…but still… it’s a real deal…those extension cord dangers. : / OK…going back to Self Isolation with my no dishwasher house (and I hate to wash dishes by hand too).

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  5. Mrs. Munroe requested that I add my 2 cents on mansplainers. Those usually end up being the tiniest of men. If you know what I mean.
    As for your fridge & dishwasher, I think “yetanotherkelly” is on the right track with them being on the same circuit. Look under your sink & see if there’s a cord from your dishwasher that’s plugged in. If there is, you can try plugging it into another outlet with an extension cord. I hope it’s something simple!

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  6. Umm yes, the dishwasher does plug in – under the sink somewhere.
    I lived most of my life without a dishwasher… And it was not bad. I actually thought we had a lot of fun when I lived on Holly Street and we would have huge gatherings and lots and lots of food – and a very tiny kitchen. We would cram into the kitchen (all the girls) and have a blast doing those dishes! Those were sweet days. But I do opt for using one at the moment – just because it is here… but I am not attached. I do hope you can get all that electrical fixed there!

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  7. Without reading all of the comments, I’m going to say that your dishwasher is NOT broken. It’s probably on the same circuit as your fridge and that circuit needs replacing which is why your fridge is plugged into an extension cord right now. Source: my kid is an electrician.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. We’ve had painters in the house for nearly a week–2 coats of oil primer, 2 coats of latex. Woke up and first thought was “What smells paint?” I laughed out loud and patted my own cheek.

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    1. Mainsplaining is as welcome as man spreading. Eff off.

      Also I loathe doing dishes by hand too.

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    2. As far as I can tell, dishwashing spray is just watered down dishwashing soap in a spray bottle? I’ma try that because the kid cannot seem to master rinsing and I’m tired of a nasty-smelling sink.

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      1. It is a watery spray. The spray mechanism works like the spray on that super duper mr clean spray. One long satisfying spray with just one pull.

        What I really need is a life. Lol

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  9. Is mansplaining allowed around here? What did the home inspector tell you about the outdated wiring in what is looking more like a ‘lipstick on a pig’ flip …rather than the actual remodel/update that cute old houses really need. Good luck with it.

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    1. Um, This house was not a “flip.” The 75-year-old man who owned it had lived here since junior high. Also most of the house has, in fact, a modern fuseb—who are you and why am I talking to you?

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      1. FURTHERMORE, this is the first thing that’s gone wrong here in two years. They appear to be related, so it’s ONE THING. Geez. The house is 98 years old, dude.

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        1. ALSO, she says, getting warmed up, the inspection was really good. The inspector said, “I have almost nothing to say.” The only thing was a furnace, and I got them to replace it. The insinuation is that I’m some idiot woman who wasn’t careful about what she bought, and it really pisses me off. I was going to purchase a different house and it had dangerous wiring and I didn’t buy it just because of that.

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          1. The insinuation goes further, suggesting that you bought the house because it was “pretty”, ignoring any red flags concerning the “guts” of the house. BAH!

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    2. Why is there always one turd? Is mansplaining allowed around here? Is it allowed or recommended anywhere? Is it rude and unwarranted? Why yes, it is.

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    3. For future reference, mansplaining is never appropriate. If you have some valid input or advice, and are capable of offering without being a condescending ass, then it isn’t mansplaining.

      But you clearly don’t have that ability, so no. Your input is not valid. Especially if you don’t have balls enough to be an actual man and say who you are.

      Liked by 1 person

    4. The fact that you know you’re about to mansplain and still went ahead and did it anyway, makes you doubly douchy.

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  10. My husband hates when the kids use more than one cup a day. We call him the kitchen nazi. When we redid our kitchen I had the option to put in 2 dishwashers. Seems excessive but there are 8 of us. He was opposed. The next night he lost his shit over how many cups were filling the dishwasher. I called the kitchen people and said “Make that two dishwashers.”

    I am betting it is an electrical thing in the wall not the appliance. Hope it is up and running soon.

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    1. 2 dishwashers! I never even thought of that…. We were a family of 6 but down to just husband and I full-time with 2 kids having rooms here but never staying here. But that would have been a lifesaver back in the day!

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    2. Two dishwashers is a dream of mine. There are only two of us plus a cat dish or two per day. I still want two dishwashers. My dream: one will always be available for dirty dishes. My probably reality if I had two dishwashers: both would be full of clean dishes neither of us wants to put away and there would be dirty dishes in the sink and on the counter.

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  11. I’ve not lived in a home with a dishwasher since I was in my 20s and even then I usually did dishes by hand. I hope it’s a flip of the switch and not the appliance that needs remedy. I was just bragging that our fridge is almost 22 years old and still going strong which means it will die in the next week, likely when I’m out of town.
    You look good in that shirt, Joon.

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  12. My dishwasher laid down and died a few months ago. Such dishpan hands I have.

    Then I discovered Dawn dish spray. It’s the greatest invention ever. I still have regular Dawm for when I have a sink full but fir the few dishes that get created during the day time its AH MAZING

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    1. Really! Good to know!

      Delightful post, June! Sorry about your appliances. My parents’ refrigerator ran for 60 years. I sold it, not realizing what a treasure it was. Oh, those Cold Spots were good!

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  13. I’m glad you called the electrician. I know you don’t want anyone up in your house but I feel this qualifies as essential. Hopefully it’s something very small, easy and cheap to fix and he’s in and out in a few minutes (that’s what she said).

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  14. Juan, I am so sorry yet another appliance is not working! I agree with Betty up there, could be on the same electrical circuit as the refrigerator. Have you used the dishwasher since you discovered the refrigerator wasn’t working? Could be a tripped GFCI. Easy fix, just push the button, unless the outlet is behind the dishwasher. Poor darling, now you have to wash dishes. I don’t know about you, but since all this hand washing and sanitizing has started, I’ve always been a hand washer (Howard Hughes without the cash…one of my favorite things to say now), my hands are suffering greatly from dryness and cracking.
    Great post.
    Tee

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  15. I’ve always told myself that one day I will have a Formica topped table and chairs whether it fits into my decor or not. What happened to yours?

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  16. I especially loved today’s post. Next time I get totally angry with my husband, I’m going to throw up my arms wildly and scream fuck-a you! I can hardly wait!

    Liked by 1 person

  17. I find it funny that most men don’t think having a dishwasher is a priority and yet they can’t be bothered to do the dishes. I once dated a guy that lived in a place that didn’t have a dishwasher. I remember visiting him at his house and he asked me to do his dishes. Ummmm nope! That was a contributing factor for ending that relationship. Men at this age just want someone to call come in like Mary Poppins and care for them. Uggg.

    Life was much more interesting in years past. Things definitely are not fun right now

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  18. I had a similar problem. Refrigerator, dishwasher and microwave went on the blitz one right after the other. I almost bought a new appliances but decided to have the electrical board checked out first. Turned out there was an electrical fault. Easily and cheaply fixed.

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  19. I know your situation isn’t funny but I spit hot tea out at this line:
    “You remember all the stories of Laura ordering Palmolive through Amazon.”

    I just…the day can officially start now, it seems like life used to a couple of months ago. Thank you!

    Liked by 4 people

  20. Well, Juan Robert, that is “Major”. I’d love to ride into your life tucked into this little comment box and tell you how easily all your problems can be fixed but I got nothin’. Except what a bitch it is when the appliances turn on you. In my experience they rarely do it singly but prefer to up and die in pairs or trios or trices or triplets or what have you.
    Another way to support the local economy.

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      1. I was going to suggest (not advice) to get Robert to take a look at the dishwasher electrical outlet, yes they plug in, it might be on the same circuit as the refrigerator. Electrical problems are such a headache, no pun intended.

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  21. Your gorgeous cats! Yes, Francis was a fucker, but a good-looking one. I have never had a long-haired cat, always very sleek, short-haired cats. We had one rather fluffy buff tabby but he was still short-haired. Am now OBSESSED with long-haired cats. Possibly because Robyn, in addition to the GORGEOUS Kahl, is now on her second (in a row!!) litter of (possible) long-haired foster kittehs. (Technical term.) You NEED to see the whiskers and eyebrows on the new mom. Must have long-haired cat now. Or seven. Stay tuned for pending divorce action.

    Am now shopping online at Daily Basket. Maybe they have a long-haired cat.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Paula, you might be surprised at the amount of extra cat hair is produced by a long-hair cat, I’ve always had short-hair cats and couldn’t believe all the cat hair floating around on my floors. You would never sleep, because you would constantly be running the vacuum.
      Tee

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  22. Yes dishwashers plug in and it could be the same line as the refrigerator.
    Does it not do anything(such as hum) when you turn it on?
    It may be the fuse or the line for the whole area. Check outlets on that line… after the dishwasher and on the way to the breaker(fuse ) box. You may need an electrician sooner rather than later for safety’s sake. He will be masked and gloved and come in naked if need be.

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      1. It is probably just the same wonky electrical problem that your fridge had. Hopefully it is a cheap fix! My husband and I had a light over our sink that one day just stopped working. After changing the bulb like 3 times and thinking, man this whole box of bulbs is bad…… We were just like, well, no more light there, as this is an old house. One day years later we found a SECOND electric box in our basement, flipped a switch and we had light. We felt pretty dumb.

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Hard for a home inspector to predict everything that could go wrong. You went by what he said, definitely not your fault.

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    1. My husband is an electrician. I can send him masked and naked if need be.

      But I’d like to remain a faithful reader. He just did work for my sister. Her freezer died. But it wasnt the freezer it was indeed the outlet. I could have sent him masked and naked but that would have just been weird .

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    2. This was going to be my suggestion too (checking the outlet & the breaker in the box). It’s not unusual to have outlets or a breaker (or both) go bad/die.

      Hopefully your dishwasher is plugged in under the sink & you might be able to just replace the outlet. If it’s not, it may be hardwired in (& the wiring will be behind the dishwasher). If you want to check for a hardwired connection, you will have to remove the screws holding the dishwasher in place (it’s attached on the bottom of the counter) & you will need to open the front of the dishwasher & the screws holding it to the counter are in the top. Once the screws are removed, you can pull the dishwasher out. If the dishwasher is hardwired in, the wiring &/or breaker might be bad & it’s not an easy DIY for most people (unfortunately).

      Since your frig works while plugged in to the extension cord, there is a good chance that the issue is the outlet or breaker. The good news is that a new outlet is between $2 – 15 AMP Outlet or $7 – 20 AMP (Narrow Body) Grounded Outlet to a $15 – GFCI 20 AMP Outlet. The circuit breaker runs from $5 to $50 (depending on how fancy it is with GFCI, etc,). Provided all of your wiring is okay, it should be a quick fix!

      It’s relatively simple to replace an outlet – all you need is to turn off the circuit breaker (to that outlet/room), a quick set of instructions/YouTube video, a Phillips (Star) & flat screwdriver, pliers (to bend wire), & patience. You can test the wiring too (it’s also easy & tool is inexpensive). I promise that it’s really easy to replace the outlet (& switches too)! You could definitely try it yourself before calling an electrician, since everything was working without an issue prior to this.

      *Don’t be like me & decide that you don’t feel like shutting off the power to the whole house (because none of your breakers are labeled) & you don’t want to hike up & down the stairs from the 2nd floor to the basement multiple times… because you will probably get shocked… like me… despite my gloves. (Then your Dad gives you a lecture on electrical safety again.) I was fine & it only stung a little bit.*

      Good luck!

      https://www.theartofdoingstuff.com/how-to-replace-an-ugly-old-electrical-outlet/

      https://www.dummies.com/home-garden/home-improvement/electrical-wiring/how-to-replace-an-electrical-outlet/

      https://https//www.homedepot.com/c/ah/how-to-replace-an-electrical-outlet/9ba683603be9fa5395fab908943e20a

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