I just caught sight of myself in my robe just now and thought, man, this robe is kind of bulky.
…’twasn’t the robe.
It was so great when I had no appetite for six weeks after my SURGERY, and I’d go all day nibbling on one biscuit or what have you. The last time I ordered groceries, I ordered a box of Drumsticks, FFS.
God, Drumsticks are delicious. Ironically, eating Drumsticks is what makes me unattractive to Tommy Lee.
Did you ever watch that video, that Pamela Anderson/Tommy Lee video? They were both very pretty people. They never say one intelligent thing through the whole video. “Hey, gorge-ass.” “You’re so hot, Tommy.”
How do people get through life not bored to tears if they never say anything? It’s the same with the one dating site I’m on.
And, I mean, I’ll grant you the first time you contact someone, you might say something banal. But after I say hello back, to just get another version of “Happy Sunday” or “How are you?” is enough to make me delete. The other day, after about four of these exchanges, with me carrying the entire conversation on my bulky-robed back, I said, “Could you say something resembling anything? I’m dying, here.”
So that’s how that’s going.
How are all 10 of you? What’s going on over there in your houses, where I hope you’re staying? Since I had two electricians, two neighbors and 824834240 boxes delivered in the past week, including that box of Drumsticks, I’m just sittin’ here waitin’ for symptoms. Do you do that, or is it just me?
It doesn’t help that I have a sore throat every day. It’s not like when you have a cold and it hurts to swallow, it’s just sort of slightly irritated back there. It’s enough so that every day I can panic mildly.
Both my parents are allergic to cats; do you think I have an allergy to cats and I don’t know it? I’ve had those allergy tests where they pick your back and I just keep getting that I’m allergic to trees. But maybe I grew into a cat allergy and I’ll have to drive these creatures to a field.
And of course we all know about my dust allergy. Maybe I don’t dust enough, seeing as I dust never. Maybe that’s why my throat hurts every day. The grandmother I turned into was allergic to dust and she wasn’t supposed to dust, which is a conundrum. Also she had trouble wearing earrings that weren’t fancy metal, and I do too.
All earrings just hurt me after awhile; do they hurt you?
I haven’t worn jewelry since god was a child. Nor do I put on makeup. Maybe we should all make an effort to gussy up more, even if we’re all home. What say you? Unless a whole mess of work shows up on my computer, I’ll put on makeup after I write this.
So, basically, I’ve gotten fat, I wear no makeup, my hair is half-white/half dyed blonde, I’m free of adornments and I never dust. Wait, why is my one dating site not working again?
P.S. I put on makeup!