June lays down a rule

I do not delude myself that anyone cares what I think. But you do have to care about my new rule.

If you’ve read me awhile, you know that one thing I try very hard to do is allow both sides of an opinion. I’ve had a few blog posts over the years where I say, “Today we’re going to say something nice about the other side. If you cloak your praise in sarcasm or backhanded compliments I will delete you.”

I deleted a sweet 90-year-old woman because she could not say one nice thing about the other side. And by the way, her other side was my other side.

People digging in and being convinced they’re right is my least-favorite thing and in my opinion the cause of all strife in the world. As a liberal, I know that every single thing I think may not be right. If you’re conservative, please know that I know you are right sometimes.

I do this exercise with myself and oh, it’s painful.

I read other opinions. Measured ones. The latest example is that I went to reputable breeder websites. Yes, I just called them reputable. I did it while we’ve been locked down. I looked at breeders, dog breeders, cat breeders. As someone who not only volunteers for the shelter and who just goes to the shelter in her off time for yucks, breeders are … not my cup of tea.

But what I do is ask myself, “Am I wrong? Could any of what I think be wrong?” and then I go look at the opposing side and get mad and sweaty and my heart races but keep looking anyway. It’s important to me.

Adopt don’t shop is something I dearly believe. But maybe my opinion is wrong. It’s true. It might be.

I tell you this because it’s how I usually think. It’s hard, and I get very angry, but I know the basis of all anger is fear. Fear that I might be wrong. Fear that I might be right and unable to change things.

So, really. I try to see both sides.

The last thing I’m going to do is be the condescending white savior lady and link you to sites where you might read things about racism to change your mind. If you’re a, “But all lives matter!” person you already don’t think you’re the problem and you won’t click any links. I know this.

So the only thing I can do is say this: I know George Floyd did not deserve to die. And while I have always welcomed all opinions, there will be no “All lives matter” comments here. There will also be no, “But why did they…?” Nope. Go tell it somewhere else. I won’t have it here.

That’s the first time I’ve not allowed other viewpoints—as far as I can recall, anyway—in 13 and a half years.

That said, my beloved downtown is hurt. Kit’s shop survived it, and she boarded her windows for now. She also said numerous times on her social media channels that the people destroying stores downtown were not black protestors.

That’s all I gotta say about that.

In other news, and is there actually any other news? Oh, right, we’re having a pandemic. That pesky thing.

At some point last week, the Fiat dealership called. They sold my teensy baby blue car, which will always be my favorite car ever, and they wondered if I had the spare key. I did! So I got my mask that best matched what I had on and drove down there.

Look how dusty everything looks. God. The camera adds 10 pounds. Of fur.

Anyway, the irony is the location of the dealership is the same street that my accident was on, so I had to screw up my courage, put on what was apparently a cat-fur-covered dress and head out into a pandemic and also Danger Street.

So that was relaxing. But I made myself do it, because the longer I’m in here scared the harder it’s gonna be. And I had been getting less scared of a car screaming into the back of me and then all this crap happened and it reared its head again. Reared its rear end again.

My most consistent relationship has been with anxiety.

Anyway, I headed over there, and both my yellow MINI Cooper and my baby blue Fiat are sold, and someone is going around driving MY cars. I bemasked myself and headed inside, and there were all the car dealers just unmasked as the day they were born, unless they were born to Zorro or what have you.

Really?

So I stood 87 feet from the dealer. My six feet is everyone else’s 87 feet. The dealer remembered me, since I’ve bought, you know, TWO cars from there in a year. Once I had a box of newborn kittens with me when I went in there to get the title or license plate or something, cause I was coming to or from the shelter on that same street. So I sort of stand out at that dealership.

As if being the yahoo who bought two cars in one year doesn’t make me stand out enough.

Anyway.

Since I was already out and about, I decided to go to work. I know! Festive.

I drove all around the building, and my nine years of memories there came flooding back. Here’s where the farmer puts up his stand on Fridays and sells me my strawberries, which I dearly miss.

Here’s the tree where Austin and I tried to save Squirrelly Maclaine.

There’s the entry to the park, where we take our 3 o’clock walks.

I even went inside, where I see people have added to the collection of solar figurines.

My desk calendar is still on February. There were signs up about distancing and washing your hands, left over from when people were still going to work but we knew the plague was upon us. I noted with some glee that no one stole the hand sanitizer on my desk. Good job, coworkers! I’d totally have stolen my hand sanitizer.

I took it with me, along with the Frida Kahlo nail polish my coworker Jane West gave me, so I can do my own pedicure. SIY. Screw it up yourself.

I took a fine, sharp shot of that polish. I used the June Gardens 2010 Photography Seminar Commemorative Camera. And yes, I do have a framed photo of myself that reads, “Her Royal Cuteness.” It was a gift from TinaDoris before she left. Plus also I just liked framed photos of m’self.

Anyway, it was nice to get out and about, and it’s a sad day when your out and about is going to an auto dealership and walking around your empty office. Now I gotta wait two weeks to see if either outing killed me.

That’s all I do now, wait two weeks to die of outings or visitations.

I’d better head to work, and by “head to work” I mean turn on my work email whilst I stay exactly where I am. I did buy one of those beanbag-bottomed desktops to hold my laptop and phone and I’m the very height of work-at-home sophistication now.

Elegantly, as elegance is learned, my friend,
June

68 thoughts on “June lays down a rule

  1. “So the only thing I can do is say this: I know George Floyd did not deserve to die. And while I have always welcomed all opinions, there will be no “All lives matter” comments here. There will also be no, “But why did they…?” Nope. Go tell it somewhere else. I won’t have it here.”

    From a white American woman who will not rest until we start seeing at least SOME racial equality in this country, THANK YOU. I need a place where I know I can read the comments without having my blood pressure go through the roof when someone starts with this shit.

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  2. Excellent rule. I always try to come at things from the opposite side; it’s a great exercise. You have to be able to understand other points of view; it is the only way to find common ground and underlines the truth that we are all more alike than different. Agree with you that the basis of all anger is fear and would add that the basis of most (all?) fear is ignorance.

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  3. I lost my car keys (temporarily for 2 hours) last month and desperately dug through my “emergency info” file folder for a spare key. In the last pocket, I found two new key fobs from the dealership, still wrapped up in plastic envelopes, next to two copies of my Social Security card. I have no clue about the origin of these duplicates but it’s nice to know they exist (in duplicate!).

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  4. I saw a woman marching on the news yesterday, with a sign that read “I’m 66 and we are still dealing with this shit?”. She could have been me.
    It makes me sad and mad that all this is hate and killing and destruction is still going on.
    It makes me mad that some people in my own family think the way to handle the looters is to just shoot them in order to deter them. I try to explain that a few bad apples shouldn’t destroy the whole barrel but it falls on deaf ears, which makes me sad.
    It makes me mad that a man died in the street with another man’s knee in his neck and sad that I wasn’t there to kick the officer in the chest and knock him off…although my husband says I would probably have been shot…and I say that’s okay because someone would have recorded it on their phone.
    It makes me so mad that this is still happening at my age and sad that I am getting too old to do anything but be sad and mad…and than I get anxious.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Yes, I love your rule. I try so hard to think “yes, I love this person. Surely there is a reason they believe X Y and Z” instead of yelling at them about why they are dead wrong. Then I snooze them for 30 days and feel better.

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  6. The political party situation is very frustrating to me, and thus not at all a party. Parties are supposed to be fun! And happy! And serve booze! BOTH groups make me want to bang my head against a wall and scream HOW ARE THESE MY ONLY CHOICES?! This country is fullll of kind-hearted, highly intelligent, compassionate, level-headed people, and yet our candidates are—not. sighhhhhh.
    My city has had protests and vigils, too. Thankfully they’ve been mostly peaceful apart from some graffiti and other minor things. I read that George Floyd was suspected of passing a counterfeit 20 dollar bill which is how the police got involved. Let me tell you, unless I simply printed one on my own home copier, I absolutely wouldn’t know if I had counterfeit money in my purse. No one needed to be hassled over that and certainly no one needed to die over that. It’s heartbreaking. I pray a lot.
    I’m glad you have rules. I don’t like it when people bicker in the comments. I come here for the recipes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I can’t understand why you don’t see Joe Biden as level headed, compassionate and intelligent. Not to start a controversy, but the choice seems clear.

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  7. I appreciate the thoughtful post, June. I love what you said about anger…that all anger is deep-down rooted in fear. I shared that observation with my grown son recently (when I could get a word in edgewise). I’ve never heard him get quiet that fast and he’s told me a couple of times since that it’s really made a difference when he allows himself to deal with the fear behind the intense emotions.

    There are two things that strike me about the George Floyd killing. Why are his hands in his pockets? (and furthermore you can’t be feeling threatened if your hands are in your pants.) Also there had to be signs long before this with these cops, that they shouldn’t be law enforcement officers (or at least retrained). They clearly no longer see the humanity in the population they’re paid to protect.

    I’m dismayed about the looting but you never hear anyone say, “But why did they had to throw 342 chests of perfectly good tea into that Boston harbor?”

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  8. Gonna go old school on you and say , I dig your outfit!
    Why are evil people out there and why do they take joy in the evil?
    I am so happy being a good person, it wouldn’t occur to me to press my knee on another persons throat like that . How do they live with themselves?

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  9. I deliberately avoided watching the news this weekend. But when I watched this morning, I was sickened by the deliberate acts of looting and violence. And I was touched by the footage of the swarms of people arriving to the looted and destroyed streets of my city this morning, armed with brooms, shovels, cleaning supplies and trash bags to clean up the mess.

    “Dark times lie ahead of us, and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.”

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  10. I’m cracking up over you going to the dealership with a box of kittens in tow.

    Buying a car is the biggest pain the ass. When I bought my car last year, I was the ONLY customer in the joint and it still took hours. Mostly because I fought them tooth and nail on the price, the interest rate and the financing and I would not compromise because I knew what I was doing because I had done my research. Also because the owner of the dealership had his Australian Shepherd there and well, I cannot pass up time to spend with a Good Doggy.

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    1. It was hot. I couldn’t leave them in the car. I know. Am ridic. But everyone wanted to look in there and see them. My memory is fuzzy, but it might have been those three filthy ones. Remember the filthy ones?

      Liked by 2 people

  11. Good rule! Actually I was (WAS!) one of those who sorta kinda thought “all lives matter” was ok. But my interpretation of that was that it doesn’t matter what color your skin is. Everyone is very important.

    During the past few months I’ve been reading more about the meaning behind Black Lives Matter, and I am getting a better understanding. I cannot understand the self-entitled people thinking that any POC in THEIR neighborhood is up to no good. That only people with THEIR skin color is of worth. I lived in a very ethnically diverse city for a few years. That is when my comprehension got a real education. One thing that caught my attention was the look in some driver’s eyes when I got into their shared ride car (I like to ride in the front seat). There was a distinct look of caution, which usually eased as I started nattering away and we could end up with a great conversation. I totally enjoyed visiting with people from all over the world and such different backgrounds. But so often I had to try to let them know by my words and actions I was not judging. Heck who am “I” to judge when I am so imperfect!

    My upbringing in a tiny, rural, lily-white community didn’t teach me how segregation actually works. I am still learning more about the nuances of those evils. I credit my mother for giving me an open mind, however some (most, if not all) of my siblings still don’t get it and probably never will. I pray for peace and love and understanding for ALL.

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    1. Do you remember Fleeta? She worked with me for a few years. She is black.

      One fall weekend, she was in a local bar here with her college sweatshirt on, cheering on her college, as the football game was on TV there and apparently that’s what people do. What do I know from sports?

      My point is, an older white woman said, “Oh, did you go to Carolina?”

      “Yes, ma’am, I did,” said Fleeta.

      “Did you graduate?”

      If you are a white person, I want you to think about any time anyone asked you where you went to school. Did they ever ask you if you actually made it all the way through? Wasn’t the assumption that you, you know, did?

      That’s the sort of shit we never have to think about. The sort of diminishing that doesn’t happen for us.

      Liked by 5 people

  12. Dee from Tennessee

    Old and retired so we are just sitting on the sidelines of life … at a distance . Bravo to your new rule .

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  13. Good rule Joon and I agree with you. I’ve both been angry and cried this past week over the state of this country. And the very people who should be setting examples are helping to destroy us. Well, we are stronger than that and we will prevail! Each one of us is a soul and souls have no race, ethnicity, creed or dogma. Love will win in the end. It has to.

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  14. June, it’s not overly bossy or restricting to say basic human decency and compassion is non-negotiable. I was wondering when people would take to the streets honestly, I feel that we’ve been sitting on a tinderbox. I don’t understand how some people have such ugly shriveled hearts that would lead them to hurt others. Why would a person squander their life in hate? Im 63 and counting down, no time for that $&it.
    I get a legal haircut on Friday. I hate the little hairs that itch afterwards and am already stressed about them getting in my mask.
    If that’s my biggest problem this week I’ll take it.

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  15. My work just sent a notice this morning that we are to continue working from home until further notice. Originally there had been talk of starting to move people back in June. Well, not in you. I kind of hope it stays this way. Plus I guess there was a protest a few blocks from my office and of course some vandalism.

    Your rule is excellent. I agree.

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  16. Good rule.
    I have vehicle envy for all of your cars.
    Isn’t it weird to walk into a space that hasn’t been inhabited for quite awhile ?
    For some reason it gives me a teeny tiny shiver.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. We just function better with a few good rules. I pray for peace to come to your cities. I am hoping that what with covid and these societal ills going on, that may mosquitoes and other natural disaster could be cancelled for the time being..

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  18. I live in metro Atlanta. I grew up not far from where all the violence took place Friday night. I know these streets, I’ve walked these places many, many times. I watched in disbelief Friday night as outsiders torched the CNN Center area and then looted Phipps Plaza in Buckhead. I think Atlanta’s Mayor said it well, this is not in the spirit of Martin Luther King, Jr., nor does it honor the memory of George Floyd and black-owned businesses are being destroyed. The Chief of Police also stated the outsiders were the ones destroying property, not the people of Atlanta who live here, she called them terrorists and anarchists. This entire situation breaks my heart on so many levels. All I know, I’m praying for our land to be healed. (I hope I haven’t over-stepped my bounds by violating your rules.)

    I am so thankful I am retired and don’t have to worry about when I’ll have to return to work and be around people. I’m concerned about the return to church, but I understand there are strict rules; social distancing, no singing, dismissal by rows, families sit together, no open restrooms (this alone might keep me home, no restrooms!), I don’t know if masks will be required. I desperately need new glasses. I have an eye appointment in late June, I’ll mask up and go. I’ve already been to the dentist couldn’t wear a mask there, but they required me to rinse my mouth out with hydrogen peroxide along with the taking my temp.

    Who could ever forget someone that had a box of kittens with them!
    Tee

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  19. I have been trying for a year or more to learn to keep my mouth shut. That includes on social media. It’s difficult.

    Screwing it up yourself is not difficult. I keep thinking I want to paint my nails, but then WHY BOTHER? takes over and my nails have been nekkid for the pandemic.

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  20. Born to Zorro.

    I have been watching my Second Pedicure With June Yay bright aqua polish grow out. It looks kind of like a French manicure upside down.

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  21. I am also one of the sequestered ones. I had be in since early March. Friday my son took me to lunch and it was wonderful even though it was crowded and no one had a mask. I guess I will be nervous for two weeks but dang that lasagna was good! I have decided to leave the tv off and not read anything the least bit frightening. Staying in my bunker!

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  22. It has been a horrible, horrible week.

    I am weeping for my beloved city, my beautiful neighborhood, and all the people that have worked so hard to make that happen. I am uplifted by the spirit of all of us. Staying up most of the night, watching and patrolling for the thugs who have caused trouble, not the peaceful protesters. Bringing thousands of sacks of groceries to churches and schools to help those that have no more grocery store to walk to. The outpouring of support, both personally and collectively, from across the country and beyond. I know we will rebuild, regroup, and become stronger. I know that we are better than this, however painful this moment feels like right now. I choose to look forward, to the future that comes next.

    Thanks June, and fellow Pieps!

    Liked by 5 people

    1. Prayers for you and all the helpers in your beautiful city. And prayers for all the helpers everywhere.

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  23. This is only tangentially related to your post but do you want to know what kind of bothers me now, in my little jealous heart? You see somebody with a “cute” mask and start wondering what kind of mask that is, and where did they get it, and could I maybe make something like that? But there’s no way in hell I’m going up to a stranger to ask where they got that cute mask. Because how effin’ weird is that? Sign of the times.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No shortage of people where I am asking about my mask. I don’t mind at all. I have a black cat mask and my husband almost falls over laughing when I check to make sure the nose is lined up so I don’t look silly.

      Liked by 1 person

    2. I have an aqua sequined mask that I get so many compliments on. And yes, I DID end that sentence with a preposition because I’m a rebel, Dottie. Even the dude at my local weed dispensary told me he loved my mask. Anyway, everyone asks where I got such a great mask and I tell them “Etsy.” Then yesterday, I saw some guy selling masks out of the back of his truck and they were all in cute patterns so I bought 4 of them. I feel the time has come to have a full mask wardrobe. Masks that match your outfit or your mood. They’re a Fashion Statement.

      Liked by 1 person

  24. Your web(blog), your rules.

    We had rioting in Reno, with a curfew. Geez. I haven’t had a curfew since the 70s. Really cut into my old folks’ shopping hour because it went to 7am.

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  25. I have a good friend who taught me to say “You might be right” when confronted with someone with a different opinion who refuses to see the other side of anything. Now, of course I would never respond to something racist with “You might be right” because- categorically wrong in every way. But for topics like breeders vs. shelters or left vs. right… just recognize that somewhere, on each side, there might be a grain of truth. “You might be right” it also makes them very confused and usually shuts things down!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Having worked in Human Resources for 24 years I learned there are two sides to every story and some where in the middle is the truth.

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  26. I saw a fb post that said something like ‘hey astronauts who just left our planet, smart move.’

    So much out in our world right now is just unbelieveable. Hats off to those volunteering to help clean up the mess after the destruction, and to those who are protesting peacefully.

    We bought a used car last week for our teen drivers – theirs died. I was shocked at how long the process was. We paid cash yet they wanted details about our income sources, our eating habits, and the title of tast good book we read. Ok slight exaggeration, but sitting with a mask on for HOURS while our paperwork was poured over I thanked my lucky stars that I do not have to wear a mask at a job all day (I am usually home mask free).

    Liked by 1 person

  27. I’m so happy to have a place to come to laugh and take a break from the horrible news that I am hit with every time I open my phone or any social media platform. Thank you.

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  28. For what it’s worth, one of my faviorite poems:

    The Place Where We Are Right
    – Yehuda Amichai

    From the place where we are right
    flowers will never grow
    in the Spring.

    The place where we are right
    is hard and trampled
    Like a yard.

    But doubts and loves
    dig up the world
    like a mole, a plough,
    and a whisper will be heard in the place
    where the ruined
    house once stood.

    Liked by 2 people

  29. 1. I feel the same way you do. I would have stolen my hand sanitizer, too. In my case, it’s a canister of wipes that I own but took to work. If that’s still there, I will be impressed, but otherwise I will say, that’s cool. You probably needed them.

    2. I also feel the same way you do re: George Floyd.

    3. Until you told me the Frida Kahlo shot was blurry (I mean, amazing), I didn’t even notice. I noticed that I could read what the bottle said and kept moving, but then you said it was blurry (I mean, amazing) so I had to back up and look at the picture again. Beautiful color Frida selected to sell, by the way, so good job to Jane West for selecting it.

    4. I am proud of you for being brave and driving over to the dealership.

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  30. If there was some super secret illegal speakeasy-type pedicure place, I’d totally throw money at them and have them get my feet ready for open-toe shoes. I’m not a “I get my nails done” person but I find it important that my feet to not look like I swoop from the sky and grab my dinner from the lake.

    Congrats on your successful outing! My mom died almost a month ago, and she had leased a new car a year ago. My brother and I called the dealer, and like you she has patronized this dealer for her current and past cars.He just said “bring it over.” Everything we researched said we were obligated to pay the lease or the early termination. The dealer said “I’m very sorry for your loss. I’ll get this back to Toyota.” End of story. It was a pleasant surprise for us, one less thing to worry over.

    As these protests go on, in at least two major cities in my state police are finding the worst actions are not by people there to protest, but freaking trolls who arrive to cause damage and flip the switch from peaceful to violent. What the holy hell? Are there really just people out there in their hovels thinking “as soon as a group of people try to share their feelings and beliefs and demonstrate, I’m ready to go out there and ruin it. Make sure things burn and people get hurt.” That’s a form of pure evil right there.

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    1. I’m so sorry about the loss of your mom. It’s so nice to find people with compassion and helpful, especially during these rough days.

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    2. I’m so very sorry about your mom. Two thumbs up for the car dealer. Also, your description currently applies to my feet and I’m horrified. I’ve been filing my feet like mad lately, a little at a time, using my little electric foot filer thing (I’m old and can’t remember the stupid name. Ugh).

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    3. swoop from the sky and grab dinner from the lake.
      still laughing as I look down at my own feet….

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  31. I’m in Nashville, and we are embarrassing ourselves by being douche bags in our downtown areas. I’m 100% on board with your rules, on your blog (naturally) and in my life. I feel helpless but I’m looking for avenues to help and learn and grow. I want to be a part of the positive difference made.

    Anyway, your cat fur sits nicely on your dress. Makes you more memorable.

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  32. Beautiful post, Juney. Thank you for these words. I am back in the office four days a week because management doesn’t think a pandemic is really a thing. And we’re a medical device company. Sigh…. Anyway, here’s to a peaceful week, wherever we can find it.

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  33. Rumor is that my office may not return to the building until July. We were previously contemplating this first week of June, so I am disappointed and somewhat relieved at the same time. I met with two old friends on Saturday for lunch at a restaurant which has opened. We all had our masks but they were not required to enter. But all the staff had them on. This was the first time seeing anyone other than my family since March. It felt good and odd at the same time. Because I kept thinking this is okay….then I would think but this is a lot of people in here talking and breathing…oh my mind was going non stop the whole time. Bottom line is…my Chicken Flauta do be delicious.

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  34. I’m sad about this disgusting mess in our country. Sad that in 2020, this is happening, sad that people feel their only outlet is destruction, sad for innocent business owners that are watching their lives go up in flames. But sad doesn’t fix anything so what do we do?
    Great field trip even if it did come with risk! But whose responsibility will it be to sew masks for all of the solar figurines when things go back to normal? Lovely and fair post, pretty June!

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  35. A-men. Your rule is a good one. These days, and nights.

    I’m going to my office — in downtown DC – on Wed, for the first time since 3/12. (I have an eye dr appt around the corner and desperately need new glasses; I very much appreciate that they require masks and gloves and will take my temp before admitting me.) I plan to retrieve all of my personal belongings, inc pictures, etc., bc we know we are not going back before 9/8 at the earliest.

    My office is a block from the (now darkened, apparently) White House. That’s all I gotta say about that…..

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    1. The contacts and glasses they gave me at the start of this year are definitely the wrong prescription. I musta been having a bad day or something, because even my eye doctor was all, Man, your prescription go so much stronger. They’re clearly TOO strong, as everything is a Monet. However, Ima just be blurry this year. It’s fine. Who needs to see, really.

      Liked by 1 person

  36. Excellent outing June! I totally get the more you stay inside, the more you kinda wanna stay inside because everything outside is anxious thing. Elbow knock on that one.

    Also, your blog/website/page, your rules. The end.

    Liked by 1 person

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