My former fish friend

Thursday is trash day.

That’s all. Thanks, everybody. Goodnight! God bless you! [Sonny and Cher end-of-show theme song begins.]

No.

Thursday is trash day, a thing an app reminds me of via text and thank God, because I’d forget every week otherwise. Anyway, when I bring in the trash or roll it on out there, when I roll out the barrel,

Thanks, everybody! God bless you; good night! [And the beat goes on…]

I really need to get over referencing the end of the Sonny and Cher show.

SO THURSDAY IS TRASH DAY, and no matter which way I’m rolling the barrel, Milhous likes to get on the can and ride with me across the yard. If there were another person actually here and I weren’t the unibomber with my alone time, I’d get that person to photograph it for you because it’s charming. He rides on top of the trash can and also too the recycle bin like he’s Homecoming King of this fine what-meth neighborhood.

Actually, rumor has it it’s heroin. The drug house near me. Heroin, not meth. I don’t know the difference. Hit me with your meth shot. I don’t know.

Speaking of another person living here, I spoke for awhile with my friend back in LA, Beige. Beige and her husband Robe lived walking distance from us—they were Marvin’s friends and then they became my friends as well. The very last phone call I made in LA was to Robe and Beige, as they had had our going-away party and I called from our empty house the next morning to thank them. I had an involved talk with Robe about poop euphemisms and I remember giggling endlessly at his “Chanel No. 2.”

Then we left and nothing was ever the same again.

Life is weird.

Anyway, I spoke with Beige this weekend, and I seem to be digressing a lot today, and she reminded me that when I’d have coffee in the morning, I’d just hold out my cup and Marvin, who abhorred coffee, would run over and take my cup and refill it.

We’re divorced now.

Why didn’t he bash me in the head with my cup?

I also spoke with cheery Marvin this weekend, of the coffee-retriever Marvins, who said, “Eventually, everyone will get coronavirus.” And that’s when I remembered why we’re divorced. His cheery personality.

It’s a very foggy morning here in JuneTown, and yes, I am delusional enough to call it JuneTown. The fog is low and rolling down my street and it’s very novel. Like this coronavirus. Thanks, Marvin. Have you met my anxiety, Marvin? Yeesch.

I have copy editing out my ass today, which will be interesting for trying to read it. I spent most of the afternoon yesterday copy editing so today would be less intense, but still. Out my ass.

Since I knew I had to work Sunday, and because it’s been awhile since I’ve gone anywhere—you know, like four months—I decided to go out a bit Saturday. Rub up against other people. Walk around the cough ward.

What I did was make myself a list, a treasure hunt, if you will. I wrote down whatever came into my head to go out and look for and then I drove around till I found said things.

Pandemics and life are weird.

First on my list? A purple door.

Okay, why did I set myself up for such a tall order? I found a pink door, which by the way I like. Why do people cut down all their trees and have a screamingly bright unshaded front yard? I’ve never understood that.

I really drove around all over yonder for quite awhile.

I finally found one, over here at B’s house, and then I rememebred.

Ohmygod, my old house. **I** have a purple door. And this is why I divorced myself. Also, putting this picture up for you just now, I just noted she put on a new roof! The roof used to be green, which was part of my years-long obsession about what color to paint the door.

It’s funny how quickly I detach from this house. During my year abroad, I was surprised at how much I didn’t think about it even though I still owned it. Then I moved back into it and got attached to it again, and felt sad when I moved, and now I drive past it and feel mostly detached again.

I lived there for 10 years. Minus one year abroad. And I’m all, eh. And I loved that house. I made every room just exactly how I wanted it. Of course that’s all I think about here: changing each room so it’s exactly how I want it. I also think about coronavirus. Did you know experts like Marvin say we will all get it?

Back to my treasure hunt.

I had to put gas in my car for the first time since February and heartily resented it. All I ever do is gas up this auto, I thought, my gas cap wishing me a happy Valentine’s Day.

Then I looked for a fish. Don’t even ask me what cockamamie list I made for myself. It was absurd.

Oh, I drove all over everywhere. Back in Seattle, across the street from one of my apartments was this seafood supplier, and they had a giant fish out front with this fish mouth that would move up and down. I had a balcony, and I’d stand outside after work and imagine that fish was saying, “Hel-lo Juuuune. How was your daaaaaay?”

Maybe be would have been quicker to drive to Seattle and look for my former fish friend there.

But here’s the thing. I rounded a corner and a man was fishing on a little lake. He had a big bucket with him, and I know there were fish in there. But it would have involved me pulling onto the grass and coming at him with my phone and he was a man of color and I did not for one minute want him to think I was one of those white people coming at him to call the police on him for ridiculous reasons. “Do you have a license to fish here?” I didn’t want to interrupt even one moment of his peace right then.

So here’s yer fish picture.

I also set out to find a dog, and you couldn’t find a dog Saturday if your life depended on it. Oh my god. There were no dogs anywhere, on a beautiful Saturday afternoon. I didn’t have my dog because he didn’t wanna come along. His hips are bothering him something fierce. Poor declining Eds. He’s only 9! Okay, he’ll be 10 in less than a month, but 10 isn’t that old!

I was at a red light, and this woman was turning onto my street, not that I own the street. June Street, right in the midst of JuneTown. Anyway, this giant huge sheepdog was curled around the top of her from the back seat and I laughed and right then I realized I’d seen a dog. “Just because you didn’t photograph it doesn’t mean you didn’t see it, June,” I told myself, turning off June Avenue onto the June Plaza to look at the June statue of myself.

Also too, my list had “a field of flowers,” not realizing it’s June, a month named for me, and also a month that’s hot and not that flowery here.

Mostly in June you see a lot of this. Not in me, personally, but in the month named for me.

But look! I found these! What are these? Are they heroin flowers? Cause I coulda brought them home and fit right in. I guess poppies are heroin flowers, aren’t they? Anyway, flowers in a field, which isn’t quite a field of flowers, but still.

Finally I set out to find something pandemic-related. Light, breezy, fun. Those are my monikers.

So that was my treasure hunt, and I also got up all my nerve and went to an outdoor market to get strawberries, because this time of year I’m usually living on them and ooooo! Look how cute that bird bath is up there in my COVID shot! I just noticed it.

The ADD is strong today. And I have copy editing out my ass. How will June’s day go? Let’s watch.

Distractedly,
June

44 Comments

  1. I do that with house attachment. We’ve moved 13 times in 23 years (army). I always think I’m so attached. I write my kids’ names And the years we lived there on the inside of the closets above the doors (no one ever looks there). Lots of sentimental things before we leave.

    Then if ever I go back to visit, nothing. No emotion.

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  2. I love the scavenger hunt idea. I just read this article where they found this big treasure of diamonds and rubies and crap ( like you dream about when you are a kid) in the rocky mountains. Apparently some guy hid it out there ten years ago and left this poem as a set of clues or something and they just found it. The guy wanted people to hike and get out on nature. It makes me happy to think about it.

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    1. He thought he was going to die so his original plan was to go out there with the treasure box and die. His life story was in the box. He thought at least when someone found it they would know who he was. Then he recovered and took it out there anyway.

      There is a book that has 12 puzzles like that, but more complicated. If you find the boxes that are hidden, you get a gem. Only 4 have been found. I think it’s called the secret.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Life has gotten so damn boring, hasn’t it? You Zoom with a friend, and it’s like, “Hey, what’s new?” And the answer is always, “Not a damn thing.”

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  4. Yes! We need the Milhouse video and pet pram video from Shannen Silver. I do much better with things to look forward to.

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  5. “I seem to be digressing a lot today” – You always make me laugh but this line cracked me up today!

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  6. Fun post, June!!
    In the way that some people get worked up when you say you are writing your blog in a hurry, I get worried over your driving pictures. Logically I know you pulled over, but maybe you DIDN’T and hoooo boy, I’m nervous!

    We had some neighbors make scavenger hunts in their yards. They hid little things around and put out a chalkboard with the list of things to find. So fun! They change it every week. It’s been quite the evening gathering spot. Our favorite was a collection of toy cars all facing a toy tv screen. They called it a drive-in movie! So creative!!

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  7. Oh and I meant to add…I’ve had cats who clearly love being taken for a ride.

    She’s gotta ticket to riiide…but she don’t care.

    Anyway. I finally broke down and got a pet buggy. Pet pram. Pet stroller. I feel like a right plonker but oh well.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. My Mom got a pet buggy for her two cats, but they hated it. They just howled the entire time. Mom would load them up anyway because the doctor told her she needed to exercise, and she decided misery loved company. This chubby little lady walking along the canal towpath with her buggy of howling cats…my brother and I would be sneaky and follow a ways behind, because it was so damn entertaining.

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  8. I would love to drive and gawk at things but then I worry people think I’m casing the joint.

    Maybe your car and license plate made the list of a few Glady Kravitzes. A few curtain twitchers.

    I’m feeling nutty too.

    Last time I ate out at a restaurant was Valentine’s day. Happy Valentine’s day!!

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  9. A scavenger hunt, what a good idea! Sorry you didn’t get a picture of the sheepdog, but I appreciate that you tried for us.

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  10. About a month into the lockdown, I went a bit stir-crazy and would go for long drives up and down the coast just to get the eff out of the house. I never even thought of doing a scavenger hunt. I like that idea.

    I’ve been restless and bored and needed a project so I signed up to be a volunteer with Findagrave.com and photograph people’s gravestones. It’ll give me something to do.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Hit me with your meth shot! I’m gonna sing it like that from now on. And Chanel No. 2! Well, No. 5 smells like it.

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  12. I rather enjoy the treasure hunt idea. How fun. I haven’t gotten gas since March.
    Poor Eds and his hips. Frowny face emoji.
    Thanks June of the Internet, for writing us today.

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  13. During this pandemic both of my daughters, at separate times, have said “I need to just get out and go for a drive”. Usually it’s at night when it’s more peaceful and they just need OUT OF THE HOUSE. I totally get it.
    Love the treasure hunt idea, thanks for sharing!

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  14. Ok, I’m curious or nosy, how did she get the moniker Beige?
    Also, I loved your idea of the scavenger hunt. Very creative way to spend a nice summer day. Our little town has changed so much and not in a good way at times. I long for the old days.

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  15. Since you mentioned how this is your name month, I am embarrassed to share that last week I was not terribly focused and for a minute when I read the comments I thought they were all from you. Then I realized I was reading the DATE. Duh. Good luck with all that copy coming out of your ass. I guess you will be relieved the toilet paper shortages are a thing of the past.

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  16. Loved this post. All the photos are great. I love the white house with the pink door. I get cutting all the trees away from the house, especially big ones that can fall on the house. Do you have a Red Lobster or Bay Breeze in GSO? Fish photo. Red Lobster always reminds me of those delicious cheese biscuits. Our trash pickup has just changed from Monday to Thursday, which has messed up our routine greatly. It was always easy to remember to roll the can out to the curb on Sunday not so much on Wednesday. Your house, fmr., such a lovely place, but I LOVE your mill house, the history, the old houseness, the porch, the back yard, the shed, I understand why you bought it. Milhous is one of a kind, such a fun cat.
    Tee

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    1. Back when I was dating Ned, and living at my old house with the purple door, trash day was Monday. We inevitably went out on Sunday, and Sunday night he’d drop me off at home and roll my trash cans out for me. It was very easy to remember and also because he was doing it and not me.

      My neighborhood is both charming and awful. I do like it. It has a rich history.

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  17. If the neighbor is heroin-ing instead of making meth, that’s relatively positive. Making meth = explosions. I watch a lot of crime television, so I learn these things, as you do.

    I commend you for not bugging the fisherman, he was probably really enjoying being out of the house on a beautiful day. Maybe his wife has talked nonstop during their quarantine and he doesn’t even like to fish. Wait, maybe he was using bits of her intestines for fish bait because she got so annoying chattering during the pandemic he had to off her.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Also from crime TV, supposedly people doing heroin just get very mellow and go to sleep. Anyway they rumor has it they are not the dangerous kind of drug addicts.

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      1. My grandmother used to say that. She worked in the projects (is that politically incorrect now?) and used to say back then everyone did heroin and it was peaceful. She was glad she didn’t work there during crack.

        Liked by 1 person

  18. What a fun idea! I love that you Cameroon with the treasure hunt.
    My weekend consisted of doing a Zumba class outdoors in 90 degree mugginess, followed by a peace march in 100 degree mugginess. Very much worth every drop of sweat.

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  19. what a great idea! a personal scavenger hunt! I would’ve loved that yesterday, a glorious day up here in NoVA, but alas, I had no errands to run and so … stayed home. This would be a great reader participation program — you tell us what to find, we send you pictures, you spend HOURS culling through them, and post the best. I see how my idea went horribly wrong there. I’ll see myself out……

    Liked by 3 people

  20. P.S. Can we buy you a selfie stick for your phone or a GoPro thingy that you wear on your head so the Millhause Trash Can Derby Rama can be documented??Because that is an amazing game that cat has created. Oh for heck sakes, I just now realized you named the cat after your “Mill house.”

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    1. I want you to think about this. I’m rolling a giant heavy trash can UP AND DOWN A HILL, I have a cat balancing on said trash can, and I’m supposed to hold a selfie stick with what, exactly? My extra Indian goddess hand?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Now I’m picturing the Indian goddess with selfie sticks in each hand. Milhous is one-of-a-kind with his version of Disneyland rides.

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  21. Lovely post Coot.
    What a fun day you had driving around with your treasure hunt.
    When I moved from my house in California to my little cottage. I sort detached from it. I say sort of because when I found out that my house former had been raided and the people who bought it turned it into a grow house, I cried. So I guess I wasnt THAT detached.
    Happy copy-editing.

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  22. Oooooh that was fun. Loved the photos and the hunt. I too have gone on miscellaneous drives lately. The car is my safe bubble. I’ve wandered down country roads and through the odds and ends of town. I’m the Lewis and/or Clark of 2020, using Google Maps so I can find my way home😀

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      1. And while videotaping Milhous, one of you has to sing some type of tune they usually play when royalty is procession.

        Liked by 1 person

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