Isn’t it ironic. Doncha think?

I’m writing to you on Thursday evening because I find myself stampeding to my work as soon as I wake up now, due to busy. I’m busy busy busy busy busy. Thank heavens for Angie’s List. Remember when we all hated that commercial together?

Anyway. As a result I don’t have time to write in the a.m. sometimes and I know I will do the wake up and work tomorrow so I’m writing you now.

On Wednesday afternoon, I was thanking heavens for Angie’s List because busy. And then at 3:30 Poochie—remember Poochie?—asked if I could do a different task before end of day. “I can try, but I really really super extra have to be done at 5:00,” I told her, “because I have an appointment right after work and I have to pay if I miss.”

I realized then that it sounded like I was in therapy, and who cares if I am, but that made me self-conscious so then I let it be known to the universe and everyone on the work chat that it was, in fact, my personal trainer I had, and I am certain no one cared one iota and just wanted me to get the work done. Not to mention they must think, Why, she doesn’t need therapy. Just look at her successful love relationships, and her fine temper.

I did it, the work I mean, just under the wire, and at 4:57 I signed off. My phone had alerted me it was trash night, and every night is trash night here, what with the shenanigans and sexual hooosits going on [Narrator: There were no hooosits going on there], so I RUSHED out the door to roll the extra super heavy full trash cans out to the curb.

This house is on a hill, so the last part of the roll gets dodgy. Milhous was in his usual position of greatness atop the can, rolling down there like the King of the Hill.

You’re welcome.

When

ACK!!!!

somehow I got distracted or something, and I rolled that NINE MILLION POUND TRASH CAN right up onto my foot. Milhous slid forward but remained on his carriage.

You know that feeling when you know you’ve really fekking hurt yourself?

I hobbled into the house like a Revolutionary War hero with my fife, and I know I need to get a new joke but it works so well. I just needed a bloody strip around my forehead. Like a violent Olivia Newton John Adams.

Immediately it swelled. I texted my trainer and canceled.

So basically I was in a huge hurry because I had the trainer and I rushed outside with no shoes to roll the trash cans down because I had my trainer and then because I was in a hurry I missed my trainer.

The end.

Anyway today it hurts but I can walk on it, and the swelling is mostly gone and what I’d really like as a reward is a nice bruise to be impressive. Not that anyone sees me. But I’ll know in my heart.

Also, it’s probably terrible for you to wake up and immediately turn on the computer and start working, right? Like, you should ease into the day and not be a fireman copy editor where the alarm goes off and you slide down the grammar poll.

Do you like to watch chiropractic videos?

I realize that came out of nowhere, but in my head I was thinking that part of why I wake up and commence to working is because I don’t feel tired at night so when the alarm goes off in the morning I hit snooze like 109 times. Sometimes I watch YouTube videos of people getting adjusted when I can’t sleep, and while it makes me drowsy not one whit, it’s kind of fun to watch.

What do you do to get tired at night? Or are you already tired so it’s no problem? My grandfather? Anytime he sat in a comfortable chair he’d fall right asleep, but I think that’s because he worked different shifts and his sleep schedule was all fucked up.

Anyway tell me how you sleep. I don’t wanna get hooked on the Ambien so don’t suggest that. I’ll be one of those people who wakes up naked in the bear cage at the zoo.

HOLY CATS. There was just a huge boom. Ima go run and see what that was–sounded like on the next block.

June

78 thoughts on “Isn’t it ironic. Doncha think?

  1. My go-to is listening to audiobooks with comfortable earbuds. Find a narrator with a soothing, non-irritating voice. It’s a good way to revisit old favorites where you already know the plot.

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  2. As for sleep ihave insomnia and restless leg. So meds is my answer, which doesnt help you.

    I love watching chiropractic videos! Especially ones where people come in all hunched over and in serious pain and by the end are standing up straight.

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  3. My sleep aids: melatonin 1 to 3 mg, vitamin D (helps the melatonin), magnesium glycinate 100 to 200 mg (only this form of magnesium btw). I’ve found that vitamin brand matters so if you try melatonin and it doesn’t work for you, it could be the supplier. Before giving up on the supplement, switch to a diff brand. Country Life, Now and Solaray all good for me personally. Also no blue light (phone, TV, iPad, etc). We even swapped light bulbs to special spectrum LEDs with less blue light (mostly bc blue light gives me migraines) and that helped too.

    The final key to making me sleepy tho is rolling my bod. I can’t get to my body work guru during the pandemic so I’ve got a new routine. I have a 26” full body roller & a 5” ball (made by Triggerpoint or some such similar named company). Originally to help with the migraines (holy carp they do) and then I discovered that rolling before sleep is calming & works out muscle tension (so no aches to disrupt sleep). How to roll? Basically don’t follow the spastic advice you see on line. Just do gentle pressure and you’ll know you’re doing it right if you feel better. Obvs don’t roll spine, ribs, etc. Go for big cushy muscle groups. Then mellow out with the endorphins that will follow.

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    1. Wait. Really? This is the only migraine advice I’ve never gotten and I’ve never heard of it! I’m so going to try this! Thank you.

      >

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      1. Whaaaa! Anonymooose here – Happy I could give u new info & hope it helps. I try not to offer migraine advice bc, well, u know what that’s like. Dunno if it was blue light or roller advice u liked but….

        If blue light advice, def get rid of devil CFL bulbs, engage blue light filter settings on electronics (set to nighttime mode), buy LED bulbs that emit warm spectrum light (most emit tons blue light otherwise). There are also blue light filtering eye glasses. Useful for outside light sensitivity, shopping in CFL lit stores, watching TV (most TVs now LED) or computer use. I like Kodak Total Blue lens coating personally. An optometrist told me about this and gained my loyalty for life.

        If roller advice, then I looked & Triggerpoint is the brand. Durham, NC based! Pricey but the 26” roller (orange exterior, hollow black interior), the basic green/white/black 5” ball, & the 2.5” ball = essential.

        Place 5” ball or 26” roller on floor and then just lay or sit on it. U can spin if u wanna. Find point of tension. Apply pressure (without tensing your bod – let your body weight passively apply pressure). Shift or rock slowly (like just =think= about shifting…go that slow) & slightly for decent amount of time (90 sec??), ease off pressure, repeat and you should feel the muscle give. Don’t rush. (The video how to people rush. Don’t be a video how to person.)

        Sometimes, muscles will give and the tension will ease out like tendrils or spirals. Wacky anatomy! Also follow those tendrils & spirals. They’re seams of tension gold. It is like untangling a tangle of necklaces. Follow the trail & everything will uncoil.

        The 2.5” ball is best for shoulders, traps (effing traps!), etc. Put ball between u and a wall or doorway molding to get good angle, then lean on ball. Always go slow and start with less pressure. Since ball may leave marks on paint, I wrap it in a thin t-shirt to protect paint but keep effectiveness of ball density.

        Initially, if u really tense, you’ll prob find roller most helpful. The balls are good for getting knots/deeper segments of tension that will stand out once o/a tension less. This method has a steep learning curve bc u have anatomy, etc and u have to go slow & listen to yr bod so u help it (def stay away from spine, bone, etc), but it gets easier & takes less time with repetition.

        And holy carp, fixing the muscle tension caused by sitting all day at computer totally worth effort. It is wild how tense quads (from sitting) effs up so much (hips, pelvis…then pulls the front of your bod down, pulling on back of neck and *zing* u have migraine). Plus it totally zens u out (like a good massage).

        Sorry if me adding info was not good. Got a bit happy I could maybe help you since your writing often helps me. Hoping more info is useful and not annoying.

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  4. I bet you thought that boom was some meth lab finally exploding. I’m sorry about your foot, was Millhouse unabashed or did he worry about you?

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  5. “…somehow I got distracted or something, and I rolled that NINE MILLION POUND TRASH CAN right up onto my foot.”
    You? Distracted? No way! Hope your foot turns spectacular colors for your entertainment.
    I used to watch old shows on TV before bed (Frasier a favorite but then I’d try to stay awake to see the silly pantomimes during the end credits). I have spent the last 6 months reading comic strip books, mostly stolen from my siblings for my kids. It’s kept the real world away from bed really well. Finished old 50-cent Peanuts books from May’s Drug Store recently; when I finish Calvin and Hobbes and a few Phoebe and Her Unicorns I’ll have to rethink my life.

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  6. I usually sleep well however there are times when I am very anxious and I know that I will have a problem. That’s when I pop the ol Zzzquil and wake up wanting to murder stab my husband because he cheated on me in my dream. What gives, man! I just want a deep sleep without the nightmares.

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    1. I have had insomnia almost my whole life. I don’t know why. My problem is more staying asleep rather than falling asleep. I have tried the things on my list and most don’t help me , but my youngest grandson has had trouble for years with falling asleep. These are things that we’ve had some success with:
      1. Relaxing your body from the toes up to the top of your head.
      2. Focus on breathing (3 big cleansing breaths to start, then coaching him with slow in-and-out with hints like only thinking about your breathing, the day is over, you are safe/you are loved.
      3. When he went to summer camp and was worried he couldn’t sleep without my help, we got a small stone that we called his Abi stone (that’s my grandmother name Abi) that he could hold in his hand or put under his pillow to remind him that I was with him in his heart and we were still connected.
      4. Melatonin (really makes me fall asleep fast but doesn’t always keep me sleepy but for him it’s great).
      5. (this works very well with him) there’s a podcast (I know you dislike them) but this really works; it’s called Sleep with Me. The guy kinda has an old dude voice that’s not super smooth and he just talks. I have yet to stay awake and I honestly can’t tell you what the says past the first 5-10 minutes.
      I hope you find some help with all the comments and I’m sorry mine was so long.

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  7. I bet your foot will be impressive in a day or two.
    I have a magnificent bruise these days, behind my knee and about 6 inches up and down with a lump in the middle. I didn’t do anything. Maybe my knee is a transformer. But I do want to go to work or somewhere and show it off—as though it’s an accomplishment or a new dress.

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  8. To get to sleep I use Hydroxyzine and Forensic Files, and to stay asleep I use Lunesta. If I don’t take a sleeping pill, I wake up at least 20 times throughout the night. And I know it’s weird to fall asleep to murder, but it works for me.

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  9. If it isn’t a problem will you please delete my comment with my real name. WordPress made me sign in, even though I’m told we don’t have to it made me, and then I didn’t realize it took my real address. I know it’s all my fault, but

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  10. Rolling one of those bins over a bare foot sounds terrible. I hope you are happy with the bruise you got instead of the bruise you wanted.
    You transformer walk sounded lovely. I could use an evening stroll with the fragrance of the magnolia blossoms as big as a casserole dish and a neighbor to chat with for a bit. Love bit of post there, June.

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  11. I also too roll out of bed and get right on the computer. Logging in while rubbing the sleep out of my eyes.
    A couple months ago I tried the Orly Sleep gummies. They really worked. I am usually head bobbing in 30-45 minutes. Now my problem is willpower, I set an alarm to take them at 11:15 PM, but now I’m like, oh one more half hour, then I’ll take them. I don’t know what my problem is. Once I am asleep I can sleep forever. Like, unnaturally late. It annoys everyone.

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    1. I use the Insight Timer someone else mentioned to help me sleep. Or I just listen to youtube videos (there’s one that’s a heartbeat that I find super relaxing). But I fight it. Especially right now. I’m up most nights until 2 or 3am and sleep in a lot more than I should. I’ve decided that’s going to be my new normal instead of trying to fight it.

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  12. When menopause kicked in, so did insomnia and I tried so many different things and nothing worked. I just wanted to SLEEP. That’s not too much to ask, is it? But CBD didn’t do diddly squat for me. I don’t like OTC sleep aids like Tylenol PM because they make me feel like a groggy zombie the next day plus also too antihistamines give me disturbing nightmares. So as soon as my city legalized recreational marijuana, I hightailed it down to my local dispensary, told them I just wanted to sleep and they hooked me up with some THC oil (indica is what you want, not sativa) and that night, I slept like a teenage boy and woke up the next morning refreshed and rested.

    I refuse to have a TV in the bedroom plus I have blackout curtains and a fan and I take my sleep aid about an hour or so before bedtime and I fall right to sleep and it’s been wonderful. My current sleep aid is a gummy with THC and melatonin. And it’s Manna from Heaven.

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  13. Menopause = insomnia, just a fact of life. I tried it all, meditation, melatonin, white noise, CBD products…some helped some did nothing (looking at you CBD) one day, my sister and I were traveling and she asked if I wanted to try one of her THC gummies, yes I know this is the Mary Jane highway to hell, however, I figured what the heck and for the 1st time in years, I slept like a log. I mean…never woke up to pee or anything. I also felt fine when i woke up, not groggy or weird at all. Needless to say, I keep 5mg THC gummies in my nightstand. Because they really work!

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  14. My wonderful fan, at the foot of my bed. I love her so. I’ve even taken her on car vacations. Between the soft sound and the breeze… also found that taking my magnesium and calcium before bed seemed to help, or it was a placebo. The GABA Calm also was helpful.

    We have a great jazz station, so I tune one (of my two) bedside clock radio to that. The other one is set to NPR, so sometimes the BBC in the middle of the night is not helpful to drowse off to. I am going to try some of the phone apps as well, so I have extra stuff in my sleep hygiene tool kit.

    I can sleep with the blinds mostly open, and I have planes and buses as well. A/C unit is fine for me. I try to take my shower at night. Reading an actual book is better than a screen for me. I need to order one of those sheet blankets from the Vermont Country Store, for a light covering. Cotton sheets. Put my hair up in a ponytail.

    Thankfully, there have been no flash bombs, sirens or helicopters overhead for almost a week. I think my stress level has come down a bit. I take nothing for granted.

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  15. I have low blood sugar, to I usually fall asleep fine but will sometimes wake up ~2-3am when my blood sugar level gets too low. Then I need a snack. Holy heck, wrappers are so noisy in the middle of the night. If I do have trouble falling asleep, it’s usually because I need a snack. lol! I found these 15g protein bars that are only 110 calories, which have been a lifesaver – they’re a great snack option and keep my blood sugar level stable for a while. My youngest has the same trouble as me, poor kid. 😦

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    1. Do you use a continuous glucose sensor? Or are you waking because if symptoms? Curious diabetes educator here.

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  16. You know that feeling when you know you’ve really fekking hurt yourself?
    Yes, unfortunately. So sorry you ran over your foot and hope it is ok.

    My sister always sleeps with a small fan running as her version of white noise.

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  17. CBDMD has a CBD capsule with melatonin. It seems to be helping me sleep. I used to sleep like the dead – then I had kids. Now I hear every noise, all night long. Even with a fan going. Lu annoy. I would love to be able to nap during the day, but I think my job would frown on that.

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  18. Most of the time I can fall asleep pretty easily. But about once a week I am awake until about 4 a.m. So maddening!

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  19. Melatonin. Definitely not addictive and won’t make you do crazy shit. Also, the Calm app on the phone. They have bedtime stories (which I don’t care about, but a lot of people seem to like), and also different sounds like light rain, heavy rain, the beach, various other nature-related sounds. I like the light rain one. It soothes. There’s also other stuff on that app like soft music. I just stick to the rain though.

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  20. Funny post, not the part about hurting your foot (sucks), but everything else. Your writing always makes me feel like I’m there with you. I’ve tried many things but at the moment I take a couple of puffs of indica around 8 pm, am in bed between 10 -11, got a med marijuana card just so I could try (was easy). You have to read up and make sure the strain helps insomnia, has worked for the last year and a half. And I take one Z quill for an extra oomph, I need to sleep or I am a useless eating everything zombie.

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  21. Dear Alanis,
    Spray lavendar oil mixed with water in a spray bottle in the air and on my pillow.
    If the dog is restless she gets a squirt on her collar and that helps her.
    Any time to ease restlesses for either or both of you.
    Also , all that head/hair flipping you do while singing a wild song, has to make you a bit hyper.

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  22. I used to never have an issue with going to sleep-then my husband died. Since then, I struggle going to sleep and staying asleep (it’s been 3 1/2 years). Tylenol or Advil PM is a go to, because usually there’s something aching, but I’ve started taking Melatonin and it works pretty well. The secret is to take it around 6pm, so that by the time bedtime rolls around (usually 10-10:30), I’m tired enough to go to sleep.
    I’ve also started limiting liquids after 6pm, otherwise I’m up all night peeing. Getting old is not for sissies.

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  23. Not sleeping well has been a problem since my son was born and he’s now in high school. I find I sleep better when I don’t drink alcohol after dinner, don’t watch the news late at night, and follow a hygiene/medication/prayer routine. I usually do this the nights before I work (3 days a week) because I usually can sleep later other mornings. If I go too many nights without good sleep, I’ll make sure to take my B vitamins supplements.

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  24. I have had bouts of insomnia for over thirty years that started because of an unpredictable boy. (Time machine list: teach younger self to turn ringer off on dorm phone after ten pm.) Now I often go to bed, stare into darkness, then give up and play Scrabble on my phone until my head is doing the nodding thing.

    Similar to the “boom” is the thunder of a crazy cat on the basement stairs. Today’s thunder was much louder than usual. I go outside and see two cats doing that sleepy-blinky thing so I know the culprit is still in the basement As I go back into the house, I hear the cat flap open as she goes out to the backyard. I went down to basement to see if she was chasing a bird or some other creature that she’d brought into the house. No sign of any wild creatures. But there was a fresh cat poop on the floor. Not in any of the *five* clean litter boxes…on the freaking floor. She ran into the house, ran up and down the stairs to the first floor, and then pooped on the floor. Then (as I am cleaning it up) wanders back into the basement like, “Oh, hey…a poop, huh? I wonder who did that? So…time for dinner?”

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  25. I fall asleep watching something on TV – but then wake up and feel wide awake so I read … If I am lucky I get through 3-4 pages before I am seeing double!

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  26. I have to wait until I’m really tired before I can go to sleep, or I just can’t. I didn’t use to be this way, but one of my teens gave me PTSD from the year she was scaring the crap out of us and I would just keep moving all day and have panic attacks about her each night when my head hit the pillow. She’s fine now, but here I am, unable to sleep like a normal person. What is stupid is that I can lie down just fine in the afternoon and doze off for a nap. But nighttime? Forget it.

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  27. I am a night owl and feel at my best if I go to sleep around 2-3am and wake up around 9–10am. During my normal work time I have to get up by 5am so I’m danged tired and ready for bed no later than 8pm. Since quarantine I reverted to my night owl ways but feel I’m wasting my day if I sleep too late. So after writing a novel I will tell you that I pretty much fall asleep as soon as I lay down.

    I wanted to read recently and my kids were talking and being silly and I couldn’t concentrate. I put on my headphones with ocean wave sounds. I fell sound asleep and slept HARD. I think it was the white noise.

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  28. Last night I tried a meditation recording at bedtime because these days I’m all carbonated with anxiety and sleeping is terrible. This excellent idea went like this:
    Me: I am meditating now, so tell me you love me before I put my earbuds in, then don’t talk to me.
    Him: I…love you.
    Me: (four minutes of silence) OH MY GOD THIS IS SO ANNOYING. Listen to this music!!
    Him: Why would I want to-
    Me: Listen!
    Him: That is annoying.
    Me: I’m going to try a different meditation.
    Him: Oh God. Please be sure to tell me how you feel about it.

    I’ll spare you the suspense. It was not good.

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  29. I am more of a night owl myself, so pleasant surprise to read this now and not during my hectic morning.

    Love ‘down the grammar pole’ line.

    I am about to fall down dead tired when I actually get to bed- might be the night owl thing disagreeing with my body’s exhaustion mode. If we put a movie on the kids are always like “you’re just gonna fall asleep” so a movie is option one for me.

    I have been trying to read when I climb into bed like thst seems very grown up to me, but since I am already dog tired that is usually a game of how many paragraghs can I read before my head bobs and how many head bobs before I give up? Working out a lot each morning provides me with serious exhaustion which brings sleep on super fast. If I accidentally ate gluten- forget about it. Up for hours.

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  30. Bob Ross. Bob Ross painting videos are excellent for going to sleep. I’m not sure I’ve seen an episode to completion.
    I’ve tried melatonin but can’t tell if it works. Antihistamines do not. For me.
    I’m glad you had a lovely walk-about! We sat outside with neighbors this evening. Nice!

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    1. Antihistamines knock me out but give me really disturbing nightmares and make me feel like the Living Dead when I wake up.

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  31. So glad your foot is better. I hate those BOOMS, when we hear them our lights usually go out. I’ve never slept well and old age doesn’t help or my husband snoring. The fact that he falls asleep as soon as his head hits the pillow just adds irritation to my attempt to go to sleep. It makes me want to scream. I usually read for a little while, but often wake up during the night so I listen to the weather radio. That man’s monotone voice puts me to sleep, eventually.
    Tee

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  32. I have been a night owl all my life. When I was 13 or so, my dad got up to go to work and I was still reading at 5:30 a.m. He was not happy with me so I learned to turn my light out and go to sleep when I heard his alarm! It was the summertime so sleeping until noon worked and I’m sure my mama appreciated the peace and quiet. As an adult, I have not had a good night’s sleep since around the middle of my first pregnancy (that child is 40) and it takes me forever to get to sleep. I read until my eyes cross around one o’clock and then I can sleep.

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  33. I saw the post notification come in and told myself I’d save it until tomorrow with breakfast. Click, here I am with no willpower!

    White noise machine! I swear by it although I learned the hard way last summer that a small fan that makes noise will do in a pinch. I stupidly let the movers pack it and we ended up living in a hotel for 2.5+ months waiting for the former owners to move out of our new house. (No, it’s not heaven just because you don’t have to clean, bite me! It’s dorm living with pre schoolers that rotate every 3 days) Ahem, tangent, sorry.
    I tried the noise apps but they were too tinny. I still read before bed to tire my eyes out but the machine takes care of the background noise that restarts my brain: was that a pinecone that hit the house? Did it go in the gutter? When did we clean the gutters last? Is the ladder in the garage or shed? I wonder if they charge per foot for the gutter covers. How many feet of gutters do we have?
    Maybe I’m the only one this neurotic? I should have waited until morning to post…

    Lovely post, June, you’re pretty!

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  34. You all are killing me with the comments but I am going to try a few of them. I try not to be on a screen before I go to bed and sometimes Nyquil Sleep if I haven’t had a cocktail or a milk punch (with alcohol).

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  35. Milhous is a Viking riding on the prow( ?) of the ship… you are the crew, rowing the oars in the sea, against the wind. Hope your foot gets better soon.

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  36. I fall asleep listening to audio books, it distracts me from whatever internal dialog is going on in my head. The book can’t be too interesting or it keeps me up. The monotony of the voice when I listen to a book with text to speech usually puts me to sleep faster.

    I hope your foot heals quickly!

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  37. Transformer booms are startling! Glad that’s all it was.

    I usually take some chewable tablet with melatonin and some other natural stuff in it, and then I read in bed. Usually within 30min I can barely keep my eyes open.

    But sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and can’t go back to sleep and I don’t want to take more because I don’t want to oversleep.

    Other times, I take a Kroger brand sleep aide which helps with the staying asleep, but doesn’t make me sleepy fast enough.

    Tonight, I’ve taken both for the first time (was nervous about mixing, but I really need a good night’s rest, and in looking at ingredients, I think it’ll be ok, so here I go!). I’m already in bed and have a book ready to read. Wish me luck!

    PS—Where can I send you a little birthday fun?

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  38. I have a free app called Insight Timer on my phone. It has sleep meditations and a bunch of different things. Usually helps me fall asleep.

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  39. Sometimes I stay online until I am nodding off. Sometimes I watch TV but it has to be something that is not very exciting. Documentaries work well. I used to keep some in my DVR for that purpose. I love the movie Sense and Sensibility (The Kate Winslet/Emma Thompson version) and that is lovely to fall asleep to. It’s another DVR staple. Lastly sometimes I say Hail Marys, not the full rosary, but the meditative and repetitive qualities can be very soothing for me. That last one is my go to for MRIs and surgeries while I’m waiting for them to begin also. There is Xanax and my dose was upped a bit when my late husband’s cancer got more intense. Then there was widowhood, Covid-19, the world is crazy AND I need to move so…haven’t been able to ween the dose down. It’s not high..0.25 but three a day. Also Lexapro. Carbs will knock me out too because diabeetus. Not a good choice though

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  40. Thankfully I have no problem sleeping. I go to bed, and am asleep in just a few minutes. I usually wake up once or twice to go pee, but just go right back to sleep. I sleep 8-10 hours a night since I have retired.

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  41. Once I fall asleep, I’m fine. But sometimes it takes an hour or more because I cannot stop my damn brain going 80 mph. I have tried Alleve PM or trazadone Or Benydril or CBD oil or melatonin, none work really well. Ive started reading for an hour and that has helped to get off electronics. I had to stop watching late night news because my head explodes.

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  42. I usually fall right asleep. But if I’m worrying at something that I can’t change, I recite the states in alphabetical order forward and backwards. If that doesn’t work, do the state capitals. It engages your brain enough to distract but boring enough to put you to sleep.

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    1. Eva, do you have them written down…couldn’t we try something less mind taxing…like say, counting sheep.

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  43. I watch tic toc videos or YouTube videos of people getting wax removed from their ear because I am a sick person. I used to watch prison documentaries on Netflix when I couldn’t sleep but I’ve watched them all.

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  44. I am usually asleep in mnutes. When I am sleeping very little wakes me up. A few years ago there was a shooting in my neighborhood. Helicopters were flying everywhere looking for the shooter. At one point a copter came so close to my house that my mother thought it was going to land on the lawn. The copter’s searchlight lit up my entire room. I rolled away from the bright light and went right back to sleep! When my brother was 16 he used to roll my car out of the driveway and go for a ride! I never woke up.

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    1. During my husband’s first deployment I was fine except I got really scared once I went to bed. I started training myself to stay out of my bedroom until I was ready to actually sleep.
      I put pajamas on and wash my face and all that earlier in the night and continue to read or watch tv in the living room. Then when I was almost asleep, I would go to my room and immediately to sleep.
      That was 24 years ago and I still don’t spend much time in my room, and I still fall asleep as soon as I lie down.
      I’m pretty much asleep as soon as I walk through my bedroom door because I’ve had conversations with my husband right before falling asleep and I have no memory of them the next day.

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  45. We think it was a transformer. I walked outside and everybody else had too.

    I walked around the whole neighborhood, and the air was sweet with magnolias bigger than your head. I admired the fireflies and then I walked past a bunch of pines that were still wet from the rain earlier and it smelled so wonderful I could hardly stand it.

    Finally, I ended up on one side of the porch from my neighbor, R, while she was on the other and we visited for awhile.

    In all the transformer exploding was a lovely experience.

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  46. Well? What was the boom?????

    I can’t sleep without melatonin and also sometimes a chaser of Aleve PM.

    The worst is when you wake up and start working and then realize the 9am call wants a video chat and ACK. Not only have you not showered, you’re still in last night’s sleeping attire.

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  47. I have a little stash of CBD oil for when I can’t sleep, a little bit rubbed on my gums and I sleep really well. I also put some on the foot bone I broke when it gets achy.

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    1. Haha I cackled out loud @ bloody strip. So now I have to try and sleep in a little while, with my brain coursing with endorphins and adrenaline !

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  48. Sleep? What is that? At my advanced age of 62 I have not slept well in years. When I get desperate I take Tylenol PM as something is always hurting anyway and the other gets me sleepy enough I nod off. Lately I have been trying to just think about breathing in, out, in, out and so on. If I can keep that up long enough I do go to sleep. Most of the time another thought pops in or a to-do list or pondering the world situation or what have you. My husband is asleep in 4-5 seconds after he turns out his light. I am tempted to smother him at times.

    Hope the boom is nothing serious. Where my parents lived right after I moved out, a fertilizer company had an explosion and it literally threw them out of bed into the hallway. Amazingly, no one in the area was killed. I think their home was about 20 miles away from the plant so it was very strong.

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  49. I cannot offer any advice because ever since I started tele-working, I stay up until 1 am looking at Facebook and Instagram and force myself to get in the bed. Sleep is dodgey. Then my alarm goes off and I too, stampede to do the work. Waiting to see what all you fine people do to sleep.

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  50. I read for an hour (or two…or five) before sleeping, because it’s a good way to distract my brain from anything else. Sometimes I fall asleep, Kindle in hand, and my brain will take over the plot of the book. It’s weird and confusing, but perhaps the closest thing I have to a Stupid Human Trick.

    If I’m desperate to fall asleep, I have a soft headband with little speakers in them. I’ll throw on that and listen to the Sleep With Me podcast. It’s just this monotone dude talking about random topics – imagine the world’s most dull coworker – and it usually knocks me out within 20 minutes.

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    1. Sleep With Me podcast is such a dang treasure. First listen: this is so weird! Second listen: yep, first impression confirmed. Third listen: no going back. Never make it to the end of one. I love Scoots and his weird not-quite-laugh-out-loud-worthy rambling and creaky dulcet tones.

      I also put Frasier on a lot with a 2 hour sleep timer.

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  51. Must know what the boom was as soon as you figure it out.

    I never sleep anymore – at least not the whole way through the night. But I do find that yoga and whatever yoga breathing thing they do helps get me to sleep, even if it isn’t successful keeping me there.

    I bathe in arnica. Otherwise I would be covered in bruises. My preferred way of injuring myself is getting a pedicure and then going to the grocery store where I immediately run over my foot with the cart, ruining both my pedicure and gouging the top of my foot.

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  52. If the day is busy, and I get a bike ride, sleep is natural. Occasionally OCCASIONALLY a melatonin tab. Also early to bed and early to rise seems to work welling.

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    1. Ahhh rapture, thank goodness, I am afraid of where the world is going if it doesn’t end now.

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