Tonight I’m making balsamic fig chicken, and I know you’re all wait. What?
Another HelloFresh box came! I wish companies would stop DoingThis with TheirNames! Anyway, am excited because it turns out when I cook something it’s better than putting a frozen dinner in the microwave. Who knew?
[Narrator: Everyone knew, June. Everyfuckingone.]
The other news is this:
The shelter gave me two feral kittens to care for and man do they wish for my demise. The calico one hisses but lets me pet her, but the orange one has tweeted angrily, invented a hashtag—#FekJune—and is listening to a LOT of Depeche Mode.
Please. Enjoy my current angsty music references.
So what you do with ferals is, you hang around. I’m just hanging out in here, talking to them, and when the calico ate I petted her a bit. The orange one hasn’t had the nerve to eat in front of me, but the whole time he does I’ll talk to him.
Later today I’ll try to pet the calico again but Ima give the orange one awhile. He seems terrified.
We should name them, right? Let’s name him Hiss Histofferson and let’s name her Spitunia Clarke. Okay those names are ridic. Suggestions?
Meanwhile, I feel kind of gross today and I figure this is it. CoronaBeth, I’m coming to join you. I woke up sort of nausesated and heartburn-y. You hear about that happening all the time, first symptoms being sort of naus. And heartburn-y.
Fifteen days ago, my neighbor came to the door, which made me nervous as I no longer have a screen door, but I let her in and stood back and it wasn’t till 10 minutes later that she told me she’d been having body aches and a cough and here were my insides
as I backed away even further.
Edsel and I worked outside for the rest of the afternoon so the germs could die, and then I never entered the living room again all night.
So I figured I was in the clear, because 15 days. I guess I don’t feel that bad. YET. I don’t know. As a professional hypochondriac, pandemics are hard.
And I know someone will ask about if Eds has met them: they are decompressing, and it will take time. They’re horrified right now, which makes me feel just awful for them and all I want to do is hold them and kiss them and of course that would make things 10 times worse. But anyway for that reason they have not met Edsel.
Hey, let’s throw a dog into this scene! Why not!
But Edsel knows the drill, too. He and Milhous were lying outside the door last night, but now they’re both over it. Eds knows I’ll let him in when I can. These aren’t our first Will ferals. Iris and Lily stopped caring long ago about the whole Jodie foster scene.
I need to stop doing that. With the celebrity names in the sentences.
I guess that sums up everything and oh! I have decided to keep the leggings even though they’re expensive, as I will use them at least once if not twice a week due to trainer. I am keeping the gray t-shirt and the person who said I look like I’m wearing a baby onesie gave me the snicks. Is that how you spell onesie? Because my computer is underlining it like a schoolmarm.
I am returning the Fruit Stripe shirt because why does it have a tongue.
I think I am keeping the maxi dress just because sometimes it’s nice to throw on a dress and run out to … well, nowhere, because virus. But one day I’ll want to just run out again. And on that day I will have a dress.
Ooooo! Everybody be cool! The orange one is creeping over to the dish! Shhh! Act casual.
Damn. He left. But he’s playing a little with this sister, and that’s the first I’ve seen him do anything other than hunch and hiss.
Spitsky and Hiss.
Oh my god we need kitten names.
Roll out the ferally,