Will Feral

Tonight I’m making balsamic fig chicken, and I know you’re all wait. What?

Another HelloFresh box came! I wish companies would stop DoingThis with TheirNames! Anyway, am excited because it turns out when I cook something it’s better than putting a frozen dinner in the microwave. Who knew?

[Narrator: Everyone knew, June. Everyfuckingone.]

The other news is this:

The shelter gave me two feral kittens to care for and man do they wish for my demise. The calico one hisses but lets me pet her, but the orange one has tweeted angrily, invented a hashtag—#FekJune—and is listening to a LOT of Depeche Mode.

Please. Enjoy my current angsty music references.

So what you do with ferals is, you hang around. I’m just hanging out in here, talking to them, and when the calico ate I petted her a bit. The orange one hasn’t had the nerve to eat in front of me, but the whole time he does I’ll talk to him.

Later today I’ll try to pet the calico again but Ima give the orange one awhile. He seems terrified.

We should name them, right? Let’s name him Hiss Histofferson and let’s name her Spitunia Clarke. Okay those names are ridic. Suggestions?

Meanwhile, I feel kind of gross today and I figure this is it. CoronaBeth, I’m coming to join you. I woke up sort of nausesated and heartburn-y. You hear about that happening all the time, first symptoms being sort of naus. And heartburn-y.

Right?

Fifteen days ago, my neighbor came to the door, which made me nervous as I no longer have a screen door, but I let her in and stood back and it wasn’t till 10 minutes later that she told me she’d been having body aches and a cough and here were my insides

as I backed away even further.

Edsel and I worked outside for the rest of the afternoon so the germs could die, and then I never entered the living room again all night.

So I figured I was in the clear, because 15 days. I guess I don’t feel that bad. YET. I don’t know. As a professional hypochondriac, pandemics are hard.

And I know someone will ask about if Eds has met them: they are decompressing, and it will take time. They’re horrified right now, which makes me feel just awful for them and all I want to do is hold them and kiss them and of course that would make things 10 times worse. But anyway for that reason they have not met Edsel.

Hey, let’s throw a dog into this scene! Why not!

But Edsel knows the drill, too. He and Milhous were lying outside the door last night, but now they’re both over it. Eds knows I’ll let him in when I can. These aren’t our first Will ferals. Iris and Lily stopped caring long ago about the whole Jodie foster scene.

I need to stop doing that. With the celebrity names in the sentences.

I guess that sums up everything and oh! I have decided to keep the leggings even though they’re expensive, as I will use them at least once if not twice a week due to trainer. I am keeping the gray t-shirt and the person who said I look like I’m wearing a baby onesie gave me the snicks. Is that how you spell onesie? Because my computer is underlining it like a schoolmarm.

I am returning the Fruit Stripe shirt because why does it have a tongue.

I think I am keeping the maxi dress just because sometimes it’s nice to throw on a dress and run out to … well, nowhere, because virus. But one day I’ll want to just run out again. And on that day I will have a dress.

Ooooo! Everybody be cool! The orange one is creeping over to the dish! Shhh! Act casual.

Damn. He left. But he’s playing a little with this sister, and that’s the first I’ve seen him do anything other than hunch and hiss.

Spitsky and Hiss.

Oh my god we need kitten names.

Roll out the ferally,
June

94 Comments

  1. Sweet kitties. How about Jack and Jill? Names choices are hard…I have two girl cats, Charlie (Charlotte) and Sammy (Samantha) that I adopted 18 months ago (siblings). I couldn’t figure out who was a girl/boy and wasn’t patient enough to wait to name them after the first Vet visit.

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  2. Aw, poor sweet feral babies. It’s hard to see them so scared. But we know they’ll be OK eventually thanks to you and the Edz.
    I called it a onesie and I don’t know what “gave you the snicks” means, but I hope it doesn’t mean you hate me now.

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  3. Awwwwwwww. But they are SO adorable. Although the eating photo looks more like she’s thinking “get bent.”

    How about George and Gracie? I don’t know. Lol.

    They are just too precious though.

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  4. oh yeah – I didn’t get a chance to vote but I loved that maxi dress – glad you are keeping it. The pants – pricey but sometimes it is ok – I bet they fit and feel great!
    The ferals…. o so sweet

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  5. What about Corona for the boy and Vyress for the girl. I must admit I stole that suggestion off a meme I saw on facebook when this pandemic began. It listed the most likely names people would name the children conceived during the lockdown and the one that I liked the most was Rona Vyress. Cute Kittens June. Have fun with them.

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  6. I really like the Will Feral and Hissy Elliott combo. Seems to suit them. I’m intrigued by the HelloFresh world. Can you schedule the deliveries for certain days and are you locked into a contract for so many weeks/months/years? Like how flexible is the plan?

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    1. I did Hello Fresh for awhile (as well as Blue Apron, Plated (RIP), and now Marley Spoon, which are all very similar). You are not locked in and can cancel whenever you want. You can also skip weeks if you’re going to be out of town or the recipes just don’t sound good. Scheduling deliveries depends on your area; usually they won’t deliver to your zip code 7 days a week but you will have 2-4 days to choose from and you get your box on the same day every week. You can change the day for just one week here and there if you need to, though. For example, I always get mine on Wednesday so I can cook all weekend but if I’m going out of town for the weekend sometimes I’ll have the box come Monday instead.

      I sound like an ad but really I just love a meal kit. Keeps me from getting in a rut and I like that I can cook a variety of stuff for myself (since I live alone) without much waste and a reasonable amount of leftovers.

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  7. Oh my god, they’re so cute! How long until you know what sex they are? Peaches and Herb is cute. My sister’s cat is Peaches. She was found at a gas station while traveling through Georgia. I think she’s like 18. I never find anything good.

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  8. My daughter was driving too fast last Wednesday (my guess) down an interstate in El Paso when the car in front of her drove over a small grey lump (didn’t hit, it was beneath the center of the car). Then the lump moved. She screamed to a stop, angling her car to block both lanes with flashers a-going, ran out and got the lump. Screamed to her vet with what best guess is about 4-week old kitten with broken tail but otherwise OK. It hissed at her for three days, now it just looks mad.

    Will and Grace?
    Burt and Ernie (short for Ernestine if it’s a girl!)
    Nellie and Willie (that angry one has to be Nellie Olsen – do I get points for Little House suggestions?)

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  9. My 12 yr old says Piper and Presley. But I like the combo names like Starsky and Hutch. George and Weesie. People are so clever. I did not sleep enough last night. My clever function is not up and running. Glad you liked some stuff in your stitch fix.

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  10. Seriously, I’m sorry for the contact with the unwell neighbor. I’ll worry for you. When I was a kid my mother’s friend stopped in for a surprise visit one afternoon with her 2 coughing kids. Somewhere in the conversation the friend casually mentioned that they were on their home from the doctor and the kids had whooping cough. My mother turned into a hissing pillar of salt. I’m sure it took 2 years off her life from the rage and she should have lived to be 98 instead of 96.

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    1. I bet that’s what happened to my mother! All those hissing fits she had. She always said she was going to live to be 100, but made it almost to 98.

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    2. Neighbour sent the kids over to see the new baby when my sister first came home. The kids weren’t at school because they had CHICKEN POX. OMG, Mom was livid when she realized.

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      1. When I brought my second son home from the hospital, a friend stopped by to see him. She and her two kids – preschool and toddler – were cooing at him and letting him ball his little fist around a finger. Then the mom says casually, “We just came from a chicken pox party.”
        This was just when they started using the chicken pox vaccine, and she was so pleased to have found a way to get around it. She’d taken her kids to the house of someone whose kids were sick, to get a good solid dose of the virus.
        Then they came and pawed at my baby.
        We’re no longer friends.
        And that baby will be 22 soon, so I should maybe get over it.

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  11. Great post, June. When that first picture came on my screen I actually felt my heart warm up and get mooshy. I’ve tried several of the box meals and enjoyed every one. Now I’m doing two or three Purple Carrot boxes a month instead of a weekly box of some other company because Purple Carrot is an easy way to get 3 vegan meals a week. I have eaten in several vegan restaurants and Purple Carrot beats any vegan restaurant meal I’ve had.
    Thanks for the laughs with the cat captions. I’m a sucker for animal talk. Our late great Humphrey had a way he would say, “I’m……. nerrrrrrvousssss.” that we still use in stressful situations. (High-pitched in the upper back of the throat for those of you who speak animal.)

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  12. Look at those babies! OJ (Orange Juice) and Gladys. My husband suggested the OJ, because I was yelling, “COME LOOK AT THE KITTENS JUNE GARDENS IS FOSTERING!” He’s like, “who is June Gardens?” “You know, the lady in Greensboro that writes the blog.” I’m sure before they leave to be adopted they are going to be love bugs.
    Tee

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        1. In his defense, I have a friend in real life name June, so he needs clarification, which June, but her last name is not Gardens.

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    1. How can our men still be asking who is June? I have to say, “You know, EDSEL.) Ohhhhh! Right. Eye roll and sigh from me. Mutter mutter who’s June?

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      1. Edsel will be so delighted he’s how people know me.

        Also, Milhous is lying outside the door purring loudly. I think he’s trying to be comforting.

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  13. Will ferals. I’m dead. You are great to take on the feral kittens. I had 2 hissy kittens once and they just eventually annoyed me. Whhhhy dont you looove me. I tried really hard to be calm and slowly make them love me. When they got back to the shelter one of them bit a shelter worker. Yeah, I failed a bit there, didn’t I.

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  14. If you look at the figure in the painting and visualize it as a dog with long ears, you will never be able to see it any other way. You’re welcome.

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  15. I would adopt the calico, if I weren’t so far away! And thank you, WordPress, for all of the fun password shenanigans…I haven’t had enough coffee yet.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. cbnelli, I know! I also know the authority says you don’t need a password but every once in 3 months or so it lashes me with a whip, drives me back into the wilderness 3 or 4 times, tells me I have to set up an account, or demands a secret handshake and password. So I shut down and reopen and maybe it will let me in and maybe it won’t and then an hour later it acts like nothing ever happened, Gaslighting for sure. No, not a thing, nothing happened at all. Maybe the glitch in my computer dated the girlfriend of the glitch in that computer one day or something and it hates me when its caffeine levels get low.

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  16. Hey, I made the balsamic fig chicken last week! It was pretty good, considering I don’t usually like fruit/meat combos OR balsamic vinegar. I got an EveryPlate box this week, as they are the same company, but cheaper because the recipes are a little simpler and they throw all the ingredients in one big box. However, they left out the tortillas I need for the fajita recipe, so we’ll see how it goes. If I end up contacting customer service for missing ingredients every week it won’t be worth it!

    As the owner of orange and calico cats I bet they will turn into the most needy two cats ever as soon as they’re done being horrified and realize that you give food(!) and chin skritches.

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    1. Wait. EveryPlate is the same company as HelloFresh? Was there a shortage of spaces when they were figuring out names for the company? That’s it! That’s the names for the kittehs! CrankyCat and HissyMiss. 🙂

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    1. My sister has a cat named Marmalade but I call her (the cat, not my sister) “Jelly.”

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  17. Will Feral and Hissy Elliott.

    Also if you have an Aldi’s Grocery store nearby, apparently they have beach dresses in their aisle of all things. And they’re cute. And cheap.

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      1. Jan, do you mean the Aldi as in grocery store Aldi? Or I’m so uncool I need to go back into the house.

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        1. Yep, Tee! Aldi the grocery store. There is a Facebook group called AldiNerd Community. It’s a pretty great group.
          There have been many, many posts about the dresses in the past week or so.

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  18. I love the kittens. Thank you for fostering and sharing with us. We adopted a tabby cat a year ago and we named her Tabby. I thought it was cool and ironic but everyone tells me ‘no.)
    Laurie in NB, Canada

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    1. Lovely post, Coot.
      I cant think of anything I would rather name them than Spitsky and Hiss.

      My cousin is in the hospital and she and I have been texting nonstop because when she went for xray they rolled her through the Covid area. Why god why? Granted they were behind glass but still. She is freaking out.

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  19. Hellofresh is so good. I’m to the point where I don’t really miss eating out.

    Your description of the cats made me laugh out loud! I really needed that today.

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  20. Or Bonnie and Clyde?

    I haven’t had coffee yet. My knowledge of badass duos are dependent on more caffeine

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    1. Oh, a DUO. We’re going with duos. Jerry and Dean? I have no idea their sex but aren’t calicos almost always girls and orange stripeys almost always boys? Peaches and Herb.

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      1. Peaches & Herb! Love it. Very 70s music, just your thing. I think you’re right about the sexing, though sometimes you see orange girl kitties. My friend had a beautiful calico named Peaches, and she was quite the queen.

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      2. I was thinking Cali & Tom (the most obvious and not creative names because I’m still waking up and that’s all I got right now), but I wasn’t thinking duo!

        I like Peaches & Herb. Or Sonny & Cher, like someone else mentioned.

        Oooh! Edith and Archie! From all in the family. He was a grouch!

        I know they’re going to mellow out soon. How can they not, with you there to take care of them and build their trust?

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        1. O, big fan of Edith and Archie. When my daughter was 3ish she announced that she was going to get a white cat and name it Jamespuff Jillian the third. What I like about this is everything, including originality, nickname potential, and that it works for a boy or a girl

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    2. We had a neighbor that had a dog and cat that roamed the neighborhood and they came through my yard most days. The cat was always following the dog, so I named them Bonnie and Clyde. I missed that couple when they moved.

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  21. I won’t be any help with names , I am the most unoriginal name picker ever.
    I am happy that you have fosters again, I know you’ll be able to tame them and get them ready for a good home.
    I voted no on the leggings but I think if you find one that fits really well it’s worth it. I have five pairs and none of them for right, maybe it’s time to invest a little more money.
    I hope the corona doesn’t get you and you’ll feel good again quickly. Every time I get any kind of ache or sneeze or anything I worry of this it is and the corona will get me. Fun times!

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